A Space Cowboy in the Desert
by May.Waku15
Summary: Buzz Lightyear is stranded on a strange, alien world in the clutches of Zurg. Can Buzz pass himself off for a native and, with the help of Sheriff Woody and a shepherdess named Bo Peep, save this troubled planet? Can Buzz uncover the mystery of what ever happened to Woody's missing deputy?
1. Zurg drops a different kind of bomb

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**

_**Chapter 1: Zurg drops a different kind of bomb**_

The calm at the frontline just before a great battle was very unnerving. All seemed peaceful and yet one could not distract their mind from the truth. This moment of peace was actually chaos in disguise and was just waiting to prey on them. Our hero was all too familiar with this contradicting concept of being surrounded by tranquility and yet feeling not at rest. Like all other distracting ideas however, he easily ignored the anxiety and was instead focused on the task that lay before him. After all, he was Buzz Lightyear, a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corp, Star Command and arguably the most decorated Ranger to ever dawn the uniform. No matter what, Buzz would allow nothing to get in his way or distract him from his mission.

If ever there was a time in Buzz's life to be distracted, now would be a perfectly warranted occasion. Emperor Zurg had taken some major headway in a few previous battles of strategic significance and morale was down among the ranks of Star Command. In fact, during one of those head-on battles with Zurg, even though Buzz had ultimately came out on top, his victory for the Galactic Alliance was soured and proved to be inadvertently another win for Zurg. Emperor Zurg had lost that battle with Buzz but in the process had revealed a secret to the Space Ranger Corp. that was so demoralizing that it held the potentially to cost the Galactic Alliance the war…

Buzz Lightyear was in Zurg's death grip dangling several feet off the ground. The dark Emperor was in quite a foul mood and Buzz expected nothing less. Who would not be cross upon finding the bane of their existence inside a vertical transporter shaft within their own supposedly heavily-fortified flagship? Add being found while relaying key intelligence back to Star Command and you knew you were cruising for contusions. Enraged that Buzz had managed to infiltrate his ship, Zurg tossed the Space Ranger like a ragdoll and Buzz almost slid over the edge of the transporter platform and down the endless shaft below. Running into Zurg himself, along with his armed minions, was not part of Buzz's initial plan, but still, it was the least of his worries. This distraction would cost the unfortunate Space Ranger valuable time that he needed to abandon ship before Star Command's signal went off.

Zurg had the high ground and with his enemy surrounded, he easily mistook Buzz's somewhat concerned look about being stalled for fear. The Emperor let out a maniacal laugh and said,

"Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!" Zurg's words caused a slight chill to go down the spines of every ranger within earshot of Buzz's transmission at Star Command HQ. Buzz had had no time to severe his com-link before he was completely preoccupied with the sight of scores of laser sights being pointed right at his heart. It only took half a nanosecond for Buzz's unabashed demure to return to him as he began to contemplate Zurg's words. Surrender? Buzz would let Zurg know what he thought of that suggestion! Buzz was a somewhat guarded and private man by nature and though he knew full well from the light on his opened wrist communicator that everyone at Star Command would hear, he did not care. With his demise imminent, Buzz was beyond caring who heard him give Zurg his most personal reason as to why surrender was not an option. Buzz would later wish that he had not been so uncharacteristically careless with his feelings. After all, loose lips sink ships…

"I'll never give in! You killed my father!" Buzz shouted back defiantly with what he and Star Command thought would be his last breath.

The listeners at Star Command marveled at Buzz's bravery in the face of death at the hands of Zurg. Here was a man who would have memorials erected to his memory. He would be the standard of courage for generations of children who would wonder if their courage and family loyalty were up to par to that of Buzz Lightyear. Sadly, this admiration mutated into ridicule as quickly as it took Zurg to finish his next statement.

"No, Buzz. I AM your father…" That was the last thing heard before Buzz's conversation was replace by an explosion and then dead air.

BOOM! The entire flagship shook with the force of an earsplitting blast. Apparently Zurg had caught Buzz a little too late to thwart the Space Ranger's mission completely. Buzz had already successfully completed the first half of his assignment, to overload the computers in the engine room. This was evident by the successive sound of explosions coming from that room's general direction. Under any other circumstances, Buzz would have been relieved that he had managed to give Star Command its signal to attack the distracted and damaged ship, but not this time.

"NOOOoooooo-!" was all Buzz could shout at Zurg after hearing such a wild accusation about his parentage.

Zurg righted himself after the blasts, seemingly unscathed and said,

"Search your feelings, Buzz. You know it to be true. We are so much alike. Even I went through a similar defiant period as you. However, you are getting a little old now for this goody-two-shoes teen rebellion and I tire of this farce between us. The Galactic Alliance will soon be obliterated and you need not share their fate... Not when you finally know the truth, my son. Despite being raised by weaklings, you have proven yourself to be a competent leader and a worthy adversary. Join me, Buzz… And together we will rule the galaxy as father and son!"

Everything was so surreal, in slow motion. Buzz was in shock. It took another explosion to rattle his brain back into Space Ranger mode and the mission at hand. That's right! Buzz Lightyear could not allow himself to be distracted, not when there was a mission he had yet to complete. Phase 1 was finished. Now, on to Phase 2: Escape! Zurg and his words would indeed be the least of his worries if he did not leave soon! The explosions were the signal for Star Command to attack the flagship with everything it had and whether or not he was safely away from it! Buzz decided to take advantage of chaos from the next explosion to drive past Zurg's minions, out of the shaft and into the hallway. It was a very desperate plan and ultimately unnecessary. As if sensing Buzz's intentions, Zurg ordered his gunmen to stand down and let Buzz pass.

"I will allow you to leave now as a sign of good faith." said Zurg, "I only ask that you consider my offer. I will not give you another chance to escape the fate of those lying fools who raised you. Now if you will excuse me, I have to repair the damage and ward off the attack that my own SON unleashed on my ship."

Buzz was escorted by gunmen as far as the launch bay. He waited for the inevitable double cross, the back stab, the trap, but it never came. Zurg's cronies just backed off and he was simply left to his own devices. With the touch of a button Buzz's wings extended out of the back of his spacesuit, he launched out into the vacuum of space and just flew back to his side of the battle line unharmed.

Buzz returned to Star Command HQ in a daze rather than his usual cool, collected hero self. Buzz has single handedly crippled Zurg's flagship, forced Zurg to retreat and it all seemed like unremarkable news to him compared to the bomb that Zurg had dropped about Space Ranger Lightyear's past! Zurg was Buzz Lightyear's biological father! It was pretty much unanimous anywhere in the universe that any other news was dwarfed by comparison.

No one approached him or spoke to Buzz as he walked practically on autopilot from the Star Command launch bay area, but he was nonetheless the center of attention. Indeed, a shockwave of paranoia and distrust had been sent throughout the Galactic Alliance with Buzz at the epicenter. It vaguely registered to Buzz that people were whispering all kinds of wild ideas and ugly questions about his origins. It was quite demoralizing all around for space rangers and Buzz Lightyear alike. People began to ask themselves where did Buzz's true loyalty lie? Serving nearly two decades to the cause of the Galactic Alliance was an awfully long time for Buzz to turn out to be a possible sleeper-cell… And if Buzz could not be trusted, then who could? Probably no one…


	2. Back Where Our Story Began

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**

**Chapter 2: Back Where Our Story Began**

Buzz was pretty sure that today was the worse day of his life. He had always believed that his father was a brave hero. A Space Ranger who was cut down in his prime by Zurg and Buzz's inspiration, not the most feared villain in the galaxy, himself! How in the galaxy did this bizarre twist of fate came to pass… A father and son pitted against each other from two opposite sides of a war… It was no doubt both an amazing and complicated tale fraught with intrigue of epic proportions…. But Buzz was not certain if he wanted to hear either side of that amazing story at all.

However, Buzz's current state of indecision regarding the further pursuit into the secrets of his origins was immaterial. He was certain that he would have to hear all about it during his debriefing. There was no way that Star Command did not know about this somehow. As much as Buzz disliked being in a position where the decision would be made for him to learn more about his past, he knew that he would dislike it even more if Star Command chose not address this new development. He would hate it if they decided to continue to keep him in the dark. If that were to happen, then Buzz would have to deal with an axe of troublesome question hanging over his head… Were his senior commanding officers silent because they were secretly ashamed that Buzz had to learn of the circumstances of his birth in such a cruel manner…? Or were they to continue to remain silent as they have because they were ashamed of Buzz and his origins?

Buzz never got his debriefing. There was not enough time before Zurg surprised even the most brilliant of tacticians by coming back for Round Two in the same day! Zurg's armada only consisted of a few dozen smaller warships, but in tow with an innumerable amount of impressive looking dogfighter ships. This threat almost dwarfed the shock that came when Buzz was sent straight back out to fight, right at his rightful place in the frontline of defense. Buzz could not help but be pleased despite the visible dissent of other Space Rangers as he prepared to disembark from HQ. "He is too emotionally compromised to participate in any further strategic battles concerning Zurg!" or "The threat of him switching sides now is too great!" were some of the most common arguments.

Buzz had not gone "to infinity and beyond" the call of duty of a Space Ranger for recognition or even to be liked. Any Ranger worth his metal would say the same. Buzz took the criticism in stride. He was determined that there was no hardship that he could not endure to own up to his uniform. Though it was still unsettling to our determined hero as to how quickly some of his allies went from feeling privileged to having him on their team to feeling burdened!

Buzz was glad that at least Star Command's higher-ups had sent out a clear message that they had faith in him. Offspring of Zurg or not, Buzz was a Space Ranger committed to the universal truth that peace and freedom was the right of all sentient beings in the galaxy. You could not expect Buzz Lightyear to sit idly on the sidelines while Zurg spit on that truth and Star Command acknowledged this.

Realizing the amount of trust Star Command had in him, Buzz flew off to the frontline with a stronger sense of responsibility for stopping Zurg than ever before. He knew now that he had been kept in the dark not because it was feared that Buzz would switch sides. It was for another reason, one that he was certain he would hear about when he returned. After all, he had not been forced by anyone into the role that he played today. Buzz had grown up seeing the atrocities of Zurg and had decided for himself that he would enlist in Star Command and become a Space Ranger for the Galactic Alliance. Any insight into his past provided by Zurg, the Galactic Alliance or Star Command was nothing more than just irrelevant back-story. Nothing could make Buzz falter from the path he followed now.

Zurg's warships appeared and the standoff was on. Buzz was hardly as outnumbered as he had been before inside Zurg's transporter shaft, but that did not mean he could let his guard ease up. He was focused and he was ready because he knew, one way or the other, a fight with the Evil Emperor always came down to just him and Zurg. This is why so often Buzz preferred to followed his own flight path, so to speak, working best alone… Other Rangers were usually just easy marks in eyes of Zurg, just worthless pests standing between him and the real prize. Knowing this, Buzz opted that flying solo was the best plan to avoid unnecessary casualties. However, with the stakes as high as they were now and Zurg's minions so numerous, the Space Ranger had to concede that teamwork was the best strategy. Buzz was not so cocky that he was certain he would survive the infiltration of Zurg's flagship and thus counted on others to plan and strategize for the unlikely chance of a counter attack. No one had expected an attack to come as quickly as it had now, but Buzz put his trust in his fellow space rangers to pick up the slack. He acknowledged that the ball was not in his hands right now and awaited his orders from his squadron's field officer. Buzz was ready to follow the plan to a T when he got his orders, but they were not the orders that he was expecting.

"I don't care what Star Command says..." came a scratchy, but shrill voice from Buzz's control console. There was nothing wrong with the audio signal being transmitted by the owner of that unpleasant voice. That was just its normal sound and without looking for a name or a face on your vid-screen, you would recognize him. It was "Major Pain". That was not the space ranger's real name, or even his rank, but it might as well have been. The endearing nickname given to him by his adoring cadets seemed to become more and more appropriate the longer Buzz listened to the man.

"You are a danger to this mission, Lightyear. You better not try anything funny or I won't hesitate to order you shot down along with your monstrous father." warned Major Pain. After having more than his fill of Major Pain's inappropriate ranting, Buzz opted to mute the transmission and allow his accosted pride and ears a break. He could just as easily look over and learn the details of Pain's battle strategy as they flashed across every screen in a mass conference. Buzz also took the quiet moment to remind himself that he had to take all this abuse in stride. After all, someone had to be professional about this mission and Buzz's actions would say more in his defense than defending himself against the childish name-calling of another space ranger.

Zurg's ships were of course the first to break the standoff. Judging from the immediate chaos that broke out after the first shot, one could conclude that this move was probably due more to nerves and an itchy trigger finger than actual orders to take first blood. It was no matter though, planned or no, Buzz thrived in such pandemonium and the extreme confidence he projected as he maneuvered his ship while remaining true to the initial battle strategy was infectious. Rangers started to feel that this was the day that Zurg would go crying back to his own miserable little planet for good. Even the most doubtful Rangers on the subject of Buzz's loyalties began to feel safer in his presence.

Unfortunately it had not gone unnoticed how it seemed that Buzz was more in command of the situation than his commanding officer. As the battle progressed, the tone of Major Pain's voice as he barked orders at Buzz began to sound more and more undignified and enraged. Buzz smiled as the officer's demeanor crumbled but still reminded himself again to "take it all in stride" and not sink to Pain's level. As long as Buzz followed Pain's plan to the letter and did nothing denotative of an offspring of a "monstrous father" all that man could do was bark.

As upbeat as everyone had become, it did not take long for reality to set in when Buzz's ship took a few lucky hits from Zurg dogfighters… They may have had Buzz unofficially at the helm of this attack, but it would still be no holiday stroll. Zurg's strategy was very weird. Not going for major hits or big blows at the larger vessels of Star Command like they had in past battles. Zurg just seemed to be wearing them down as if they were just stalling… Stalling for time maybe? Buzz was the first to connect the dots and the ominous warning earlier from Zurg reinforced his theory. Zurg was stalling so he could do something that would obliterate the Alliance and maybe in one huge sweep! Buzz scanned around for anything suspicious that would clue him off as to how such a feat would be accomplished and he found it. Way behind the countless smaller vessels was one good sized warship that looked as if it was designed more for defense than offense. This was indicative by how bright its force field was glowing around it compared to all other ships about the same distance away from the frontline. That space ship had to be what the delay was about!

Buzz quickly told everyone to drop what they were doing and go all out on the ship that was glowing brighter and brighter by the second. "Captain Major Pain", as Buzz nicknamed him that very moment, would hear none of it. Hoping to endear himself to Pain enough to make him listen to reason, Buzz isolated the transmission so only Pain would hear his dissention, sparing Pain's pride from taking the advice of a Zurg hell-spawn in front of his squadron. Buzz then reminded Pain that if they were going to play it by the book, then it would only be wise to use the information that Buzz had acquired from Zurg himself and change their battle strategy. In so many words, Buzz's advice was rejected,

"And did your Daddy tell you to say anything else so you could trick us all into dying pointlessly? I could think of nothing more indicative of that than attacking such a guarded vessel with that kind of force shield and no weapons. Just stick with the plan or I'll have you court-martialed, Zurg boy!" Buzz pounded his fist on his control console in frustration! That man was truly going to get them all killed and just to spite Buzz! If only he was still looked upon as Buzz Lightyear, the daring Space Ranger of Star Command and not dubbed Buzz Lightyear, son of Zurg! Anyone in their right mind would have taken his advice or would have at least listened or adapted their strategy to suit the unfolding situation! Buzz decided then to transmit back to HQ. Buzz knew it would be going over his mission leader's head, but he had to tell someone at Star Command who would listen to him! Buzz only hoped he had enough time to get this sorted out before it was too late.

Buzz wished he had been right in thinking there was still time to salvage the mission. No sooner had he motioned to make the call to Star Command, the glowing war vessel, safely nestled behind a massive wall of sentries, began to glow brighter still and opened up its hull to reveal what could only be described as a very intimidating looking, humongous laser cannon like weapon. It was already too late.


	3. The Imminent Death of Buzz Lightyear

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.

_**Chapter 3: The Imminent Death of Buzz Lightyear**_

Buzz's team leader, now "Captain Major Pain" was scrambling to get back in control of the situation that was becoming direr by the second. The laser cannon appeared to be charging up and like a nearby star, lighting up the blackness of space with its luminosity as it presumably gathered more energy. The manned dogfighters pulled back behind enemy lines while the less sophisticated, but still troublesome unmanned ships stayed behind to fight. It did not take a rocket scientist to figure out why that was happening. The Space Rangers were not panicked, but it is hard to fend off the attacks of small fry fighters ships when you knew it the back of your mind that it would amount to nothing if you could not get out of the path of that cannon. With maybe seconds to go and out of options, there was no dodging the blast of a weapon that big for his fellow Space Rangers, Buzz went for broke.

Sustaining heavy damage as he streaked into and passed the enemy's main line of defense, Buzz headed towards the most direct path of the cannon's fire! Buzz converted all of his ship's power from navigation, shields and anything else that was no longer essential to him to his primary weapon and fired everything he had at the mega weapon! Staring down the barrel of that monstrous weapon and his shots having no visible affect, Buzz knew that this would probably be the end of him. However, there was no backing out, the positioning of the weapon was just too perfect and Buzz feared that Zurg's boisterous words about taking out the Galactic Alliance in one blast was anything but embellishment of the truth. Buzz could not let that weapon fire with Star Command HQ and, only a few light-years beyond it, key planets to the Galactic Alliance in its direct line of sight! Even if it meant using his own ship as an explosive device, he was going to take out that weapon!

The inside of Buzz's cockpit was brighter than day and blinding his view as his ship began to enter the chamber of the cannon, but he kept firing. Soon he could no longer see at all! He closed his eyes. It was not like he needed to see to hit something at point blank anyway. When his shut eyelids, aided by the protective tinting of the glass on his windshield and spacesuit could no longer provide refuge from the light's intensity, he figured that his number was finally up. Just as our hero began hoping that at least the other light at the end of the tunnel that he was waiting for would be dimmer than the one he was currently in front of, everything went black!

Surprised that his eyelids were once again effectively serving their initial purpose, he chanced a peak and hoped he had not completely burned out his retinas. What Buzz saw was what his mind could only interrupt, from a quick glance, to be a wormhole opening up right in front of him! The reason why he only got a glance at this phenomenon was because that was all the time he had before his heavily damaged ship's life-support system protocol kicked in and immediately began to fill the cockpit and his suit with a smoky gas. The spaceship detected the unstable anomaly and was initiating hypersleep!

Inducing hypersleep was not an unexpected reaction on the ship's part. Inside certain spatial anomalies, unless most of your upper brain functions were in a state of hibernation, neurological damage was usually imminent. You could not be sure if it was a good or a bad call on the ship's part so much as you could be sure that the effort seemed pointless. As sleep began to overtake Buzz's senses, he hoped that his damaged ship would hold together and not make the effort of inducing hypersleep pointless. Moreover, if he were lucky enough to get out of this anomaly, he hoped that his ship was not mistaken in its calculations that he would be better off unconscious. He would be in trouble if, moments from now and while he was deep in hibernation, this wormhole were spit him out into an environment just as hostile as the one he had just left. He doubted the ship's autopilot could help in while he was so vulnerable. Buzz would much rather meet his doom head-on, like he intended before, than helplessly trade one form of sleep for another more permanent one.

Buzz's space ship faired well enough as it travelled for a good while though the anomaly and exited out the other side. The place where Buzz came out was safe compared to a battle field or the barrel of an overgrown laser gun, yet the situation for the slumbering Space Ranger was much bleaker than before. If our hero had awakened now, he would have been in the depths of despair. There was nothing around him, nothing as far as the naked eye could see, save for stars, for maybe light-years! With no visibly working instruments to judge the passage of time, Buzz's crippled ship floated through space aided by damaged thrusters and perhaps solar wind from a very distant star.

Buzz remaining asleep was fortunate. It was beginning to look like his life-support would give out before his ship did. He would be spared the stress as his dark conclusion drew closer. However, it is always darkest before the dawn and hopefully, our hero's fate would be no different.


	4. A Spaceship and a Shooting Star

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**

_**Chapter 4: A Spaceship and a Shooting Star**_

The alarms that would have indicated to the pilot that a celestial body was nearby were damaged and silent, but thankfully, not the functions that would make the ship move towards it. After a long while and distance, but far from light-years, the space ship passed a moon and beyond it a planet that lacked an erratic revolution as journeyed around its distant star. This was a good indicator that the environment on the planet's surface was one that the Space Ranger could acclimate himself to with little trouble! Even if the air was bad, Buzz's hopefully undamaged spacesuit would have the ability to generate breathable oxygen for a significantly longer period of time compared to the spaceship. So long as it had an atmosphere with a source of oxygen it could filter, he would be fine.

As the ship closed in on the lonely planet, the sun began to rise up from behind it. It was a beautiful sight and hopefully a good omen as the spaceship made its descent towards the more dark side of the planet. Night landings were not tricky for a state-of-the-art Star Command spaceship navigational system even on its most buggy and glitch ridden of days. However, it was a whole other story completely for the same spacecraft when the only thing holding it together was a few of resilient bolts and a whole lot of hope.

Somehow in spite of how much the metal frame around the still dormant Buzz Lightyear rattled and shook as it began to enter the planet's atmosphere, the ship held together. This was The-Little-Spaceship-That-Could and it was going to land! The ship streaked across the sky with all the semblance of a comet and that was exactly what two onlookers below on the surface of this alien planet thought as they saw it pass.

In a fairly grassy, small, grazing field, there was a cozy, tiny cottage with a pretty garden. On the outskirts of this picturesque scene of a little house on the Prairie sat Sheriff Woody atop his faithful steed, Bullseye. He had been absentmindedly stargazing when he witnessed one of those "stars" come painfully close to him as it zipped across the sky.

"A shooting star?" asked a feminine and hopeful sounding voice nearer to the ground than Woody from his right. Woody continued to watch the sky and did not answer. The female voice continued, but sounded more worried than she had before,

"You don't reckon it's another one, do you, Woody?" The Sheriff looked towards the direction of the anxious voice and finally said,

"I hope I won't find that to be the case, Bo. I'm not about to put out the welcome mat for any more uninvited 'visitors'. We can barely 'accommodate' the ones we have now."

"Then are you planning to go out there and investigate?" inquired the woman.

The owner of the feminine voice was Bo Peep, a shepherdess as was apparent by the long, hooked blue staff she carried. She wore a pink bonnet and a dress with layer after layer of delicate, frilly petticoats. It was unarguable that she was quite a contrast to the rough and tumble cowboy that she now stood beside. Sheriff Woody was handsome enough, but his female companion was extremely beautiful. She was tall like him and her striking, facial features seemed almost painted on, but the similarities stopped there. While his hair and eyes were an amber-brown, her curly hair was quite flaxen and her eyes as blue as the sky on a clear day.

Bo Peep's most noteworthy feature that made her stand apart from most, including the Sheriff, was her complexion. It was so very clear you would swear that her skin was crafted from the finest porcelain. Bo was a woman who looked like she belonged at the center of everyone's attention. She belonged in the circle of the social elite in some big, glistening city to match her shiny, flawless skin. Or at the very least, lamented Woody, Bo's attention should belong to some gentleman who could do a better job protecting the town she lived in than him.

What was a fine lady like Bo Peep even doing sticking around with Woody in this dilapidated, one-horse town? If Woody did not know Bo as well as he did, her reasoning would have been beyond him. If anyone in town dared to ask her, Bo Peep would always huff her indignation and quite adamantly state that the town suited her just fine, as did the company of the good Sheriff and that they should mind their own business. Woody could not help but smile as he recalled these memories. He smiled at Bo Peep's loyalty to their home and at her love for him. It made him love her all the more. Now, if only he could love her without the constant fear of helplessly losing her…

Woody came back to reality! He realized that he had, like so many times before, gotten lost in thought while staring at Bo's lovely visage and there was no time for such things. There was no place for daydreaming when times were so tough. Woody did not feel too horrible for the wanderings of his mind though. Not losing sight of what you are fighting for is anything but detrimental to any situation. However, Bo was still waiting for his reply and it was not polite to keep the lady waiting. Time to cowboy up and get down to business. Was he going to investigate the "shooting star"?

"What else can I do, Bo?" answered Woody, "I'm the sheriff and if we're gonna get attacked from the sides, I want to see it coming."

"Then I had best be heading back towards town. I'll be more use to you keeping an eye on things there. But remember, don't be too long. My flock can mind themselves while I mind yours, but they can't hold out forever." said Bo Peep sternly but ended in a little joke to lighten the mood. It worked but did not last long as he replied, first bemused and then cautiously,

"I promise I'll be back as soon as I can, Miss Peep. Until then, keep your head down. Those varmints do tend to kick up whenever I'm away." Woody then tipped his hat to the lovely lady and with a hushed "yah!" galloped off on Bullseye in the direction he reckoned that the "shooting star" might have gone if it was now a "fallen star". Bo Peep watched him ride until she could see him no more and whispered,

"Please be careful, Woody… We can't afford to lose you too. You are the only hope left for this town."


	5. A Warm Welcome in a Very Hot Place

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**

_**Chapter 5: A Warm Welcome in a Very Hot Place**_

Though our space hero had slept completely through the entire terrifying event, Buzz's shooting star of a ship had indeed become a fallen star ship by crashing. However, his spaceship did not hit ground. Rather it was now suspended high above the ground and embedded quite snuggly between two craggy sandstone rock formations. This might have been why the majority of the vessel was still intact despite its rocky landing. Sandstone is certainly not the hardest of rocks in the universe to crash into when protected by a failing force field. The most glaringly obvious part that was missing from the spaceship was one of the wings. It had been torn clean off when the ship wedged itself into the stone. Needless to say, this was far from cosmetic damage and it would take weeks to repair and that estimate relied heavily upon whether or not the ship's wing was salvageable at all.

Once a Space Ranger had crash landed, basic program protocol for a Star Command spaceship was to asset if the environment was hospitable and then to quickly release the airlock of the cockpit hatch. This protocol was so Space Rangers could safely clear their ships and not become trapped inside or worse. The opening of the hatch was delayed longer than usual as the ship forced itself to comply with its programming. If the ship had delayed a bit more, it might have actually been helpful to Buzz's situation, but he was not that lucky. The glitch ridden spaceship had completely botched his hypersleep inducement, but it could at least open a hatch in a somewhat timely manner. So Buzz, still too groggy to move at all, was unceremoniously dropped face first out of ship and fell to the ground several meters below the scuttled ship.

Minutes passed it seemed and once Buzz was aware enough to know that he needed to right himself, he attempted to lift up from the ground. Sluggishly Buzz tried to lift his head, but try as he might, he just could not manage to lift even his hand very high. His strength seemed all but gone and the soreness that he felt from both sudden impacts was not helping his case. Buzz would not be beaten though and was able to summon the last of his strength from wherever it was hiding for one last attempted to lift up his head. However he found that he did not need to summon all his strength to lift his head. The motivation to act came when his ears were greeted by the unfriendly sound of clicking metal right above his head. Buzz was not rewarded for his efforts, for he now found himself staring down the barrels of an archaic weapon. The owner of this primitive weapon, known as a shotgun, was Sheriff Woody Pride.

"Give me two good reasons, 'cause I have two barrel, as to why I shouldn't shoot you right now." demanded the Sheriff.

When a space ranger encounters an alien life form, the alien need only say a few words of their language before the Universal Language Translator Implants in the space ranger's ears recalibrate their hearing and speech to match that of the alien. With such technology available, language barriers were a thing of the past. Buzz was particularly fortunate that such implants were standard issue since how he was about to answer the alien would be crucial to his survival.

'Two good reasons… not to shoot me…?' thought Buzz. Buzz understood the question but was struggling to move his lips to answer.

Buzz was not terrorized as he attempted to respond to the alien's hostile greeting. It was not unusual to him. After all, Buzz himself often adopted the shoot-first-ask-questions-later method rather that utilizing diplomacy. He did however feel a sense of urgency to comply with the tall alien's demands and was frustrated at how long it was taking him to do a task as simple as speaking. The only words that Buzz Lightyear could muster in his drowsiness were,

"Space… Ranger…"


	6. Is a Space Ranger just a Ranger?

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**

_**Chapter 6: Is a Space Ranger just a Ranger with "Space" attached to it?**_

"Space Ranger". Sheriff Woody thought that that was an interesting response. He was a ranger? Woody did not know too many rangers, but the ones that he had met in passing were good, honest, lawful folk. If he took a leap of faith, he reckoned the same notion could apply to space folk as well. It would be a very big leap of faith, but he could use a bit more faith as of late, so why not?

"Well, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, if you are a Ranger…" said Woody as he tried to help the seemingly inebriated man to his feet, but said warningly, "But no funny business, you hear? I have a sidearm too and a horse that is awful fond of stomping on folks who get a little too rowdy." Buzz had no idea what this man had against comedians or what exactly was a "horse", but the spaceman was so out of it, he just nodded his agreement to whatever his terms and let the man help him up.

The gentle rocking sensation and the soft, rhythmic "clip-clop" sounds coming from the ground were so soothing. At least it was compared loud sounds of explosions, twisting metal and cries of havoc that Buzz Lightyear had heard over his control console during his last battle. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he had to wake up, Buzz felt so at ease that he was quite tempted to go back to sleep. Then all of a sudden, it hit him. "Clip-clop"? Buzz vaguely recalled that hoofed creatures made that sound with their feet as they moved around. So why would he be hearing such a creature so near to him if he was flying from inside a tiny cockpit in space? Had he left his cockpit recently? No explanation came. That disturbed Buzz greatly. Buzz tried to remember, but he had no recollection of what had transpired within the last few moments, minutes, hours… As if there was a huge gape of time that he just could not account for… He hoped that he had not been abducted by some bizarre group of aliens again. Time loss was a common symptom when abducted by aliens with scientifically amoral aliens… But he knew that was not the actual case… But what had happened? He tried to think harder…

The last thing that he remembered was trying to stop Zurg. Yes, Zurg's armada and the laser cannon! He flew into the cannon as it was about to fire! By all accounts, he should be dead. His shields were heavily damaged, his laser fire seemed to have no affect at all on the weapon and yet, here he was, feeling secure enough to go back to sleep…

Sleep? There was time for sleep when he was truly dead and he definitely was not! Yes, he knew that now because he remembered that he did not die, but rather was sucked into some kind of wormhole! He was put into hypersleep to prevent himself from sustaining neurological damage and had since gotten out of that wormhole or whatever it was. But where was he now? He thought harder, his mind a little less foggy now and he recalled falling from quite a height and then… Being held a gunpoint! Had he been somehow been abducted or taken prisoner after all?

Buzz's head shot up with a snap from the slumped over position that he now realized he had been in! He had successful shaken off the remnants of his hack job hypersleep sickness, but not quickly enough to save himself from falling off of Sheriff Woody's horse with his sudden, uncoordinated action. Thankfully it had not been lost on Woody that his backseat passenger had been stirring and coming around again for a few minutes. As the disoriented spaceman fell, Woody grabbed Buzz's arm and pulled him back up on the horse. It became clear however that this kindly gesture was more for Woody's own safety than for that of Buzz,

"Hey! I thought I told you no funny business! You're not going to double cross me now are you?" Buzz remembered this man now. Though it had been at gunpoint, the man had offered to help him. Not telling jokes might have been one of the man's terms for the offer, but he could not recall exactly. All Buzz knew was when you do not know what is going on, you could use all the help you could get. He needed to be on friendly terms with this person again and quickly! He tried to explain his actions as fast and as best as he could,

"No, no! I'm sorry! I just… I don't remember what happened entirely. It's a side effect from coming out of my hypersleep sometimes!" Then Buzz realized that he had no idea where his spaceship was or him for that matter!

"Where's my spaceship?" he asked urgently. Buzz looked around but it was still just a bit too dark tell since visibility was limited by moonlight and stars. Buzz did not have a moment to contemplate or even ask about the moon and stars before Woody answered Buzz earlier question.

"You mean that bucket of bolts I found you crumpled beside? Don't worry, it's not like it's going anywhere, that's for sure. It's struck in real good and up high in some rocks." This was unacceptable. Buzz could not just leave a highly advanced piece of Star Command property lying around and unguarded. All of his supplies were with the ship as well.

"We have to go back!" insisted Buzz. Woody was floored,

"Do you have a screw loose?" The insult was completely lost on the Space Ranger for instead of being offended, he did a quick pat down of his suit. Buzz searched for the source of what he thought was a concerned inquiry by the terrestrial. Aided by the dim glowing of his spacesuit in the poor lighting of the night and finding nothing amiss from a cursory glance, Buzz replied,

"I thank you for the concern, but my spacesuit seems intact and I really need to return to-" Woody cut him off and continued as if Buzz had not spoken,

"We've been riding for at least an hour and the sun's just about to come up! We can't just turn back now. Soon the sun will be too strong for us to be out here in the middle of the desert without any water!"

"Desert?" exclaimed Buzz completely derailed from his current train of thought. He's spacesuit of course had a climate control function, so he would not notice the significant temperature changes that came with dessert dwelling. With the sun just starting to peak above the horizon, Buzz could at least visually confirm that he was in an arid location.

Instead of potentially floating forever in whatever vastness of space the wormhole could lead him to… Somehow Buzz had been fortunate enough that his damaged spaceship was able find and "safely" land on an alien planet. Besides being extremely confused and potentially marooned, he has not done badly at all. So long as he could eventually get back to his ship and his hospitable alien captor did not try to point a primitive weapon at him again, things were looking up.


	7. Plans and Protocol

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**

**_Chapter 7: Plans and Protocol_**

Realizing how very long it had taken him to assess what had happened during his unscheduled hibernation, Buzz wondered if he really had sustain brain damage whilst traveling through that worm hole. Anyway, Buzz sincerely hoped hibernation sickness was to blame and not his own incompetence. He would be in a great deal of trouble if he could not even function in a Star Command Academy textbook scenario like the one he was currently failing in now. Buzz was on a stuck on a strange, alien planet and he had to wake up, start acting like the Space Ranger he was and improve his situation.

Buzz's prayers were answered when basic protocol finally kicked in. It practically blurted out of its own volition,

"I am Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger. I come in peace." Buzz finished as he raised his hand and divided his fingers evenly with his thumb sticking out to make the standard, friendly, Space Ranger greeting.

"Peace, huh?" repeated a skeptical cowboy as they continued to ride along, "Well that's a nice change of pace. Normally you space folks come in any manner but 'peace'." Now it was Buzz's turn to repeat Woody's words,

"Any manner but'?" he asked.

"Yeah, we never even knew you space folks were up there until recently, but you wasted no time coming down here and giving us no end of trouble… Scaring our livestock with your flying contraptions and pushing us around with your 'lay-zar' guns like you own the place."

"You mean," Buzz clarified, "your planet's people can't travel in…in space?"

"You and I are having enough trouble getting through this desert and you're asking me about the stars?" Woody queried with annoyance.  
>"But…" paused Buzz as he processed this implausible development, "That's against the Prime Directive. No species capable of Interstellar travel is to interact with any other species that has yet to do the same. Err, that is to say… No one from space should be present on your planet." Woody laughed,<p>

"You're here aren't you? But as long as you are here, mind telling that rule to your fellow Space Folk, that Evil Doctor Porkchop? He was quite brazen the way he came down here and started causing trouble. Luckily for the rest of my world, his wrath has been mostly confined to this town on account of his ship being busted from our planet's "bad air". But I reckon it will only be a matter of time before he fixes his flying doohickey and when he does…. It won't be just this town that will be in for a world of hurt…" Woody paused for a moment, but then grumbled,

"I'd like to hogtie that pig, then go into space and return the favor to his boss that he's doing all this for! 'All for the glory of, Emperor Zurg'!" Woody finished in a voice that suggested he was imitating someone else.

"ZURG?" shouted Buzz in outrage and disbelief. Well, not so much disbelief… If there is a race of innocent people to exploit, you could be sure that Zurg would be there. Buzz just could not believe that Zurg's terror was present even on this planet who knows how many light-years away from the known galaxy. Was there no place untouched or safe from Zurg? Not even Buzz's own DNA was… Buzz forced such thoughts from his mind and bitterly refused to let them back in. None of that mattered right now! All that mattered was that he was a trained, elite Space Ranger and he had to focus on his cause, to defend the innocents of the galaxy from Zurg's malevolent rule! Buzz puffed out his chest and said with a resolve that always inspired hope where there was none,

"I won't allow any of that to happen to your planet! Prime Directive aside, wherever there is Zurg's oppression, I will be there to stop it!"

"Because you're a 'Space Ran-jar', huh?" mocked Woody.

"Yes," declared Buzz, not picking up on the Sheriff's sarcasm again, "It is my duty."

It had been a long time since Woody could remember hearing such foolish, but brave words. Maybe he had been right in giving this stranger the benefit of the doubt. If this man was half as competent as he boasted, this **chance** meeting could be the **miracle** he had been **praying** for, but then again maybe not. After all, one seemingly friendly man from space hardly qualified as reinforcements. "Chance", "miracles", "prayers",…? Yep, forming an alliance with this fellow lawman would certainly require another leap of faith. So what it came right down to was, did Woody have enough faith to believe that defending justice, the innocent and peace was a "universal" enough idea for a strange spaceman to stand up with him against such impossible odds? Woody shoulders slumped and he sighed, he knew full well the answer. The sheriff sat up straight again in his saddle and resigned himself to his final decision.

"Well, then I reckon we could use your help. I'm the Sheriff around these parts and except for my girlfriend, Miss Bo Peep and Bullseye here," Woody patted the side of his horse's neck, "We've been pretty much alone in our fight… What with everyone for miles around turning polecat after my deputy-" Woody did not finish his sentence. Appearing to be physical pained by his own speech, the cowboy barely even finished the last word he uttered. Buzz's translator just barely picked up the syllables and compensated for sudden, incomplete sentence.

'Deputy'…?' thought Buzz, wanting to ask more. Buzz did not need a translator to tell that he should not pry into the fate of the sheriff's fellow law officer. Dealing with Zurg's deadly forces for so long, he was all too familiar with the tone of voice and body language that the sheriff was using. It told Buzz… The man before him had suffered the great loss of a comrade.

As Buzz watched the sheriff, he became thankful that he had crashed on this alien planet. Technologically outclassed, how many citizens of this planet had suffered at the hand of Buzz's enemies? Probably many, and many more to come if Buzz had not happened along. All of that was going to change now. Buzz knew that he was ridiculously outnumbered by the enemy and began strategizing, thinking of anything that would give him an edge over Zurg's cronies. Everything he needed to have an edge was being left back in the desert and they could not go back due to extreme climate conditions. There must be something that he could do to remedy that… Wait. Why would the climate be a problem in his spacesuit?

"Oh, what was I thinking? I can fly back to my ship and retrieve anything that might help us counter Porkchop. Keep heading along and I will catch up with you later." said Buzz to the sheriff as he hoped off the back of Bullseye and jumped up to fly. Woody however stopped him dead in his tracks. With lightning speed, Woody had removed the lasso on the side of his saddle and roped the now grounded space ranger. Either Woody had had practice in the past at roping flying targets like Buzz, or he was just that good at being a cowboy. Both scenarios happened to apply to Woody.

"No, I can't have you risking Porkchop's spies seeing you in the desert. It's bad enough that you're still glowing like a firefly out here. Do you have to fly like one too? We'll wait until nightfall if it means I can keep an ace up my sleeve for once."

"What are we going to do in the meantime?"

"Well, I've always been a believer in hiding in plain sight…" said Woody but then began to curl his lip as he looked over Buzz, "But until we can get you out of that space getup and into garbs more of the local taste, we need to avoid town and townsfolk. We'll head back to my place on the outskirts of town. I must have another hat and set of spurs lying around the house somewhere…"

"'Spurs'…?" repeated Buzz quizzically. Even translated, Buzz had no idea what those were, let alone where to wear them on you body… And Woody expected him to blend in with the populace?

"I don't know if this plan is going to work." said Buzz hesitantly.  
>Woody tried to remain optimistic for the cause,<p>

"Nonsense! So long as we dump all of your bulky space clothing off and you don't have the body of a pig under that frock, there should be no problem passing you off as a native." Buzz did not know whether to be assured or insulted by that comment and by the tone of the sheriff's voice… The next comment Woody made clued Buzz off though. Insulted.  
>"Although,…" continued Woody, "We may have to roll up your pant legs a bit. No offense to you space folk, but you aren't exactly the tallest people to walk this Earth." It was definitely meant to be an insult. However, Buzz was not really offended entirely. After all, height was relative from planet to planet as was evident when he compared himself with the lean and lanky lawman. The man was at least a good three head-sizes taller than Buzz and yet Buzz was considered tall and of an average height for a male on his planet. Regardless, Buzz hoped against hope that Woody was unusually tall for his species… Less, all the native clothing on the planet would not prevent an alien like Buzz Lightyear from sticking out like spacesuit wing with a faulty release button. Wanting to rid his mind of thoughts of failure, Buzz changed the subject.<p>

"Well then, let's head towards your home, Sheriff… What did you say your name was again?" finished Buzz, suddenly remembering that he could not recall his new ally's name. Had he really been that out of it from hyper-sleep?

"I didn't say." Woody said bluntly. Buzz was relieved. Woody continued,

"Sheriff Woody Pride. You can call me 'Woody'… Unless the situation calls for a title." Woody eyed the Space Ranger sternly. They were allies but not yet friends. Buzz wanted to display the same no-nonsense demure as the sheriff. He usually always did, but he was out of sorts today and laughed in spite of himself,

"Well, unless the situation calls for otherwise, you can just call me 'Buzz'."

"Now that won't do either." said Woody.

"What won't do?" asked Buzz. Woody rolled his eyes.  
>"Don't worry about it. For now, let's concentrate on getting you home and out of sight." deflected Woody. After that, the rest of the ride back to Woody's house was pretty much quiet. That is, save for Woody inaudibly grumbling under his breath things like,<p>

"Space folk! What's wrong with names like 'Pete' or 'Tex'?"


	8. Home on the Range

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**_****_

_**Chapter 8: Home on the Range**_

Buzz did not know which life-forms on this alien world were considered sentient and which ones were not. This was apparent after he put his sore legs back on the ground, thanked Bullseye for the ride and then tried to strike up a conversation with him. Woody did not mind the one-sided conversation as he led his horse to the pen inside the small stable that stood just before his house. After all, Woody did not care what anyone said, as far as he was concerned, Bullseye was just as capable and thoughtful as any person. Sometimes Woody swore that the horse had more sense than most people.

What Woody did mind about Buzz's eccentric behavior was when he began to slightly hamper the sheriff's efforts to feed Bullseye. Buzz kept trying to shake hands with Bullseye after making that same strange "v" like hand gesture from earlier. Bullseye, being a horse, of course could not mirror the hand gesture, but he complied with a raised hove. With all of this going on, it was kind of hard for Woody to get a feed bag on the horse. Giving up on the feed bag, he just gave him more hay and some apples. However, Woody soon forgot how annoyed he was when Bullseye laid one of his big, wet, signature licks right across the fishbowl that encased the space ranger's head. It was a slobbery mess and needless to say Buzz was a bit put off by the gesture. Woody laughed more as Buzz attempted to clean it off the mess without offending Bullseye with his disgusted grimace.

"I hope you don't go thinking that all horses are accustomed to shaking hands. Bullseye here is special." said Woody with pride that suited his surname. Woody then began to scratch Bullseye's behind the ear. The horse in turn began rapidly thumping one of his hooves while wagging his tail in pleasure, just like a dog and Woody laughed. After a bit, Woody's laughter ebbed, he went on to explain.

"Not only is Bullseye as sharp as a tack, he seems to like to switch back and forth from acting like a horse and a dog. This morning, I reckon by that kiss he gave you, it suits him more to act like a dog. But I reckon you don't know what a dog is either." Woody "reckoned" right.

Woody and Buzz left Bullseye to rest in his pen and headed up the left path to the house. It was a lovely sight, but Buzz being the space ranger in dangerous territory that he was, barely noticed. Instead of taking in the rustic beauty that was a house in the open West, Buzz immediately began to scan the parameter with both his eyes and equipment for anything suspicious. Finding nothing of immediate concern, Buzz went on to familiarize himself with the smaller details of his environment in hopes of using them to the best of his advantage.

The land on which Woody's dwelling sat was relatively flat with negligible depression in the topography and a few trees speckled here and there. Save for the stable, there were no other structures around for a good distance. The property was indeed large. It made the house look much smaller than it actually was despite it being a two story structure with a large, covered, raised platform on the ground level. The entire building was made of mostly wood and some stone and Buzz noted to himself that it would be a bad place to be caught up in a fight since the walls would only serve to obscure them from the sight of enemies and not much more. In a laser fire fight, the structure screamed flammable. The only other slight advantage Buzz noticed was that it had that second story. It would be a good lookout point as well as a perch for sniping since the surrounding area was so flat. All and all though, there was no major tactical advantage. Buzz hoped that they would not be staying in such a vulnerable place for very long.

As if to emphasize that this structure was not built with fending off enemies in mind…. Sitting upon the raised, covered platform that was probably used for nothing more than protection from the sun and the elements, were wooden chairs and oblong containers filled with beautiful and colorful vegetation. These items appeared to Buzz to serve no other purpose other than for recreation and decoration, respectfully. Woody confirmed Buzz's theory when he made reference to the lovely flowers on the "porch" and that they were the result of his girlfriend saying that the house needed some color.

Woody led Buzz up the steps to the porch and as Buzz stepped on it, he marveled slightly as to how sturdy the structure seemed despite how it creaked. Having spent most, if not all of his life walking on concrete, titanium, steal, and other metal alloyed flooring, Buzz was accustomed to the unyielding feeling of heavy metal boots clanging on metal, not the muffled give of flimsy wood.

Distracted by what was going on beneath his feet, Buzz knocked into one of the chairs on the porch. In a kneejerk, instinctual reaction, he nearly shot the seat with his laser when it rocked with a creaking sound even louder than the porch. Calming down, Buzz hoped that he had not broken the wobbly chair and was about to apologize when Woody briefly put his hand on Buzz's shoulder. It was a quick, reassuring gesture. Woody then pushed the chair a little bit and at a gentler pace and it began to rock back and forth like a metronome.

"It's called a rocking chair. You sit in it and it rocks. It's nice. You should try it sometime. But not right now, come on inside." trailed back Woody's voice as he walked inside the house. Buzz quickly followed the cowboy through the open doorway.


	9. If you want to be a cowboy, the first

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**

_**Chapter 9: If you want to be a cowboy, the first thing you got to do is dress like one**_

Once inside the house, Buzz repeated the same procedure as he did outside the house. This time however, he settled for just using his eyes to survey his surroundings. Having had scanned the house from outside, he already knew the layout. The first room that he entered was also the largest room in the house and from there you could either take the stairs to the second level or go to the room at the back of the house through another door across the large room. The one thing that his scanners could not tell him was the functions of the rooms and the objects within them. He wad completely on his own in that department.

Many of the items in the first room were a mystery to Buzz and he could not decipher what purpose they served in everyday life on the planet. Even close examinations gave him little hint. Thankfully, one group of objects in the room helped him to at least get a feel for one aspect of life... Technology! Before he learned that the natives had projectile-firing weapons, but that did not always suggest a technologically advanced society. Now he could cautiously guess that this planet was not yet of a computer age. Right now, they had only advanced enough that they had developed a very primitive form of photography. Paper, monochrome-colored photographs were framed and encased behind glass everywhere.

Photographs adorned the walls and a shelf over what Buzz assumed was a primitive heating and ventilation structure known as a fireplace and chimney. Buzz walked over to the mantle over the fireplace, the photographs contained images of Woody, along with various other people, posing and the photographer had taken the photographs in such a way that on did not grow bored quickly while looking at them. Anyone would be proud to show off these appealing works of art, and yet, more than a few photograph frames on the mantle were turned facedown. Even some of the hanging picture frames were turned to face the wall. Buzz thought it was an oddity but not a pressing enough issue to ask for an explanation. Soon, Buzz had a more pressing matter to address than facedown picture frames. That pressing matter was trying not to destroy anything inside the house with his bulky suit!

"Close that door! Bullseye was raised in a barn and even he has sense enough to do that!" Woody called from the second level of the house. Buzz jumped at the sudden outburst and began to back out of the room with the intent of shutting the front door. Buzz felt like a fool! It was thoughtless of him to neglect the door and thus leaving them more vulnerable to attack! Had Buzz realized that all Woody had meant by closing the door was to keep the house warm and the bugs out, Buzz might have been more cautious as he moved. Alas, in the space ranger's mind it was possibly a life or death scenario and he had to act quickly. Consequently, as Buzz quickly backed away from the mantle, he almost knocked over another chair along with a small table! The house, like the porch, was filled with breakable wooden furniture and with the walls being far narrower than what he was accustomed to in space, he had to take pains to avoid hitting anything. He got safely out of the room and slammed the door shut, but the hazardous effort of it all… It made Buzz wonder if there was not something to this plan of changing his wardrobe. In such an environment as this, his spacesuit was probably too clunky to adequately complete the mission set before him. Maybe being dressed a little less high-tech would not kill him….. Then Buzz began to think better of that idea when he thought about taking off his helmet on an uncharted alien world. A world where he already had it confirmed by a native that its atmosphere was inhospitable for Zurg's ships. Just imagine what the air quality might do to him if it could cripple such a ship!

Buzz quickly checked his suit's sensor for a reading on the quality of the air around him. Strangely, the sensor found nothing out of the ordinary that would not be favorable for him to breathe in. That was more encouraging, but what if his air-quality sensor was malfunctioning due to crash combined with the air's unseen and unfavorable characteristics? His suit was just as sophisticated as any of Zurg's ship and yet that ship went down. Given that notion, Buzz could not sensibly trust the readings of his own instruments.

Woody, noticing that Buzz still had not joined him on the second floor, came down the stairs again and thumbed back towards where he came,

"My wardrobe's up there, Buzz. Come on! The workday does start early around here. If we don't get you changed soon, we won't have time for breakfast before we have to head out again." Buzz looked up at Woody, then down at his spacesuit and back to Woody again,

"I'm beginning to think that that might be a bad idea." confessed Buzz.

"What is? Breakfast? I'm not that bad a cook." asked Woody.

"No, taking off my spacesuit." clarified Buzz.

"You'll be a sitting duck in town otherwise." Woody protested.

"Regardless of what form of poultry that I will be mistaken for, it's too risky. I can't be sure if the air is safe to breathe. It might kill me if I take off my suit." explained Buzz. Woody joined Buzz back on the first floor,

"Don't be ridiculous." said Woody, "Look, I'm breathing the air right now and there is nothing wrong with me." Woody overemphasized his next breath for effect.

"Yes, but you are accustomed to this air and environment. I am not from this planet, so it remains to be seen whether or not the air will have any negative affects on me if I remover my helmet. I mean, my eyeballs could be sucked from their sockets." Buzz pointed at his eyes for emphasis. Such an absurd concept was so hilarious to Woody that he began to laugh and pounded his hand on Buzz's shoulder, unable to contain himself,

"Sometimes you space folk say the funniest things!" Woody did not realize that he was pounding on the general area of release button on Buzz's domed helmet. As a consequence, Buzz's helmet suddenly did what Woody would later describe as "that whoosh thing"! Not even a moment afterward, Woody witnessed the proud space ranger be reduced to a sputtering heap as he collapsed to the ground. He looked like a fish out of water gasping for air in its death agony! Woody stood there slightly paralyzed. Woody did not know what to do! Perhaps there was some merit to what the spaceman had told him about the air not being good for him. Woody wanted to fix what he had done, but he was unsure what he had done to cause the helmet to open in the first place!

It took a couple more moments of Buzz gasping, contorting his arms and fingers and even clasping on one of Woody's leg before Buzz calmed down. Then the spaceman looked up, took a few quizzical sniffs and quite dumbfounded, stated,

"The air isn't toxic…" The air seemed fine to breathe. It certainly had yet to be determined if Buzz would contract any diseases or worse from direct exposure to this alien world, but it was far too late to worry about that now and he had a job to do. At least, Buzz comforted himself, he would not suffocate to death and the odds of beating his entrenched enemy would be better before he passed away. Woody breathed a sigh of relief that the space ranger was not going to die on the floor of his home.

"Sorry about the scare." apologized Woody, "But what I was trying to tell you was that what you were saying was silly because Porkchop and his space folks have been walking around here for nearly a year without any breathing problems. If you are anything like them, then you should be fine too. That's why that picture you painted me about your eyes was just so laughable." After hearing this, Buzz literally breathed a little easier for the first time since he found himself stranded on this strange world. Buzzed then got up and brushed himself off, trying to reclaim his dignity. With a sigh, he said

"That's one problem out of the way. So what are you going to have me wear?"

"Well, you'll need a hat to protect you from the sun… A shirt, coat, and thick canvas pants to protect your legs while you're riding." checked off Woody. Then noticing how Buzz already walked somewhat stiffly from the ride home,

"But be forewarned, you're going have real bad saddle-sore no matter what pants you wear until you get used to it." mused Woody. Remembering the ride in, Buzz did not want to think about the pain in his legs getting worse and desired to change the subject. Unfortunately, Woody was not finished with the subject as he led Buzz upstairs,

"Speaking of saddles… I don't want to put any more stress on Bullseye if we can help it. He's already been a great sport hauling your unconscious carcass through the desert all night. You'll have to ride on another horse."

"But I saw no other horse in Bullseye's dwelling…" said Buzz as he proceeded to follow him up the thirteen steps of the staircase. Woody waved off that concern,

"We'll get another. I'll ask Ol' Stinky Pete since he's on the way to town." finished Woody as the two men reached the second floor.

The second floor spanned the entire length of the first level of the house except for that back room which tapered off slightly from the rest. The first thing Buzz encountered was a tiny hallway that was the common access point for the three doors which all led to separate bedrooms. The hall had a small mirror on wall between the two nearest doors on the right and it was really the only noticeable detail when you first reached the top of the stairs.

If you craned your neck to the far left, you would see the other bedroom door and well used wooden pegs poking out from a plank running the length of the wall leading to the third bedroom. Hanging on the furthest peg from where Buzz stood was a scarlet, felt cowboy hat. Buzz would not have known it as he glanced at the dusty and forgotten piece of headwear, but once it had been well taken care of and quite rightly so. No one in the area had ever had the privilege of owning such a uniquely colored telescope-crown hat as the one hanging on that peg. Everything about the bright red hat was charming right down to its simple white, whip-stitched brim. Such lovely craftsmanship… Any cowpoke in their right mind would want to show off such a masterpiece as much as they could. And yet, it was just sitting there collecting dust. If Buzz had known all of the above, he would have asked more about the history behind the hat.

Regardless of Buzz having no knowledge of what made exceptional hats or even what made this particular hat exceptional, he still somehow thought it a shame that the interestingly colored hat should hang in disuse. But still, it was just a hat to him. He simply wrote it off to be in its current state either because no one wanted to use it anymore or it was reserved for special occasions. Both thoughts were logical, especially since there had been nothing to celebrate around Woody's town in a while. With any luck, if the latter was the reason for the hat's disuse, Buzz soon change that and the hat would be dawned by its owner again. Buzz then briefly wondered who the owner was. It could not be Woody. The hat did not seem to be in his style and it was far too small for him. Maybe, in more ways than one, Woody had outgrown the headgear and had since switched to his current hat? If that was the case, would Buzz be made to wear it as it was the only other hat that Woody owned? He hoped not. As charming a hat as it was, subconsciously, he felt he would look sort silly in it and more importantly, it was far too big for him to wear without trouble. The last thing he needed was for a huge hat to fall over his eyes and cost him a chance to defend himself in his inevitable clash with Prime Directive breaking ruffians occupying the planet.

Buzz did not get to dwell on all the questions brought on by the red hat for too long. Presently, Woody opened the rightmost door of the two nearest bedrooms to the stairs and stepped inside. Buzz quickly followed. Inside, there was a small closest in the room and Buzz watched as Woody quickly rummaged through a strange assortment of garments. The first article of clothing that was handed to Buzz was a cowboy hat. The hat was your typical felt cowboy. It's most remarkable characteristics was how, unlike Woody's leather hat, the brim dipped in front and was smoky, dark grey in color. Surprisingly, the hat actually looked to be the right size to fit Buzz's head. Buzz was quite pleased to have avoided the argument that he would have started if Woody had tried to make him wear a hat that was too big for him, like the red one in the hall. Buzz simply would not have agreed to do it. Woody's next comment echoed the thoughts that Buzz had been having,

"I was a bit worried. It was always a bit too snug on me. But it looks like it should fit you right nicely. So go on ahead and try it on." Buzz rested the hat on his head, but Woody immediately protested,

"Take off that silly, purple sock over your head first! Don't wear any space stuff." Buzz grabbed the purple cap from the top of his head and pulled it off. Part of Buzz was a little glad to see the insulated fabric go, with his helmet retracted, he no longer has the luxury of climate control and it was getting hot and stuffy in Woody's house as the sun rose. Still, another part of him would have rather kept it on. Without his hair securely held in place, he felt slightly more at risk. Now, every puff of air could cause his hair to obstruct his vision in a fight. Why? Well, despite his name, he was not the buzz cut type. His hair was shorter in the back and a bit longer with straight, almost spiky bangs towards the front. His bangs sort of stood on ends and were divided far apart on either side of his forehead by a widow's peak. To describe it in short, his hairline bared a striking resemblance to the outline of his space cap.

Woody breathed a sigh of relief when the "sock" came off to reveal that Buzz's hair color was the exact same dark, dirty brown color as his eyebrows.

"Thank goodness your hair is a normal color! I was worried what we would do if your hair was blue or some other crazy color like some of Porkchop's thugs. No hat would hide that and we don't have time to shave it or dye it at a barbershop. Not that I reckon you'd be keen on any of those alternates."

"No, I would not." said Buzz absentmindedly as he fiddled with the hat on his head, trying to get it to sit comfortably. Maybe if he could tilt the hat just right, he might not feel quite so naked without his cap. Woody interrupted Buzz's ministrations when he tossed the rest of Buzz's new wardrobe at him in a big heap. Woody then headed out of the room to give Buzz some privacy, but not before saying,

"You see how I dress and you've seen some pictures around the house… So I hope you space folk are smart enough to figure out that you put on your Levi's one leg at a time, your chaps go over them and that the sleeves on shirts are for your arms. And I pray that you don't have any extra limbs under that getup of yours. I'll be outside waiting for you. And don't forget to hide your space clothes under the loose floorboards." With that, Woody closed the door behind him. Buzz was able to sum up how well he had understood Woody's instructions in one word,

"'Chaps'…?"

Somehow, Buzz had managed to dress with little problem, thanks in part to his nearly photographic memory and using Woody and the photographs as an example. He did not know the functions of everything he was putting on, but they were on correctly. Though thrown together, everything matched well and even complimented his cowboy hat. He wore a white shirt that was not really visible due to the stylish vest he wore. The vest was very different from Woody's since it was a button-down, solid colored vest and had a small pocket on the left breast. Like Woody, over his vest and around his neck Buzz had tied a purple bandana. The bandana was a bit darker but it was very reminiscent of his space cap and he was pleased with it.

Dressing the lower half of his body required the most amount of effort for Buzz. Luckily, the chaps were short enough to fit, but Buzz had to take the liberty of cutting the legs shorter on his jeans. There was just no way he could roll them up and still get his boots to fit. Buzz and Woody's shoe size was about the same so he had no problem getting on the boots. He had to be cautious though, what with sharp things attached to the heel areas of the shoes. He would later learn that these were the "spurs" that Woody had mentioned earlier. The only thing noteworthy about Buzz's belt and buckle were that they did their job and kept his pants up. Over his outfit he wore a dark leather coat with fringes on the arms that he liked, though he could see no purpose to them. Overall, the coat was too long and Buzz imagined that the bottom of the coat would get ragged and chewed up from it dragging so near to the ground, but it could not really be helped. Buzz was no tailor and he was running a big enough risk enough cutting up the jeans. Such an alteration on the coat would probably make the thing unravel faster than if he simply let it drag.

When Buzz had scanned the house earlier, he had noted that this the particular room's structural integrity, regarding the floorboard, was lacking. Woody confirmed this when he had instructed Buzz to hide his spacesuit under the floorboards of the small bedroom. Once dressed, he found these loose boards and reluctantly hid his suit under them. It was certainly not easy trading in clothing that made him a one man army for ones that reduced him to an easy mark. Even though he knew that Woody would probably be cross, he attached a couple of devices that would be useful in a pinch to his forearms. Buzz saw no harm in this, he had plenty of room under his coat sleeves and no one, not even Woody would see. Buzz put the floorboards back in their original place and, to be doubly safe, covered the boards with a rug on the floor and put another one of those flimsy rocking chairs that was in the room on top of it.

Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear turned cowboy then went down downstairs to find Woody. He had not made two steps out the bedroom door before he stumbled and nearly fell down the stairs. This klutz attack was thanks to the dragging fabric of his new disguise. Buzz grabbed the banister with the death hold of man about to be sucked out an airlock into the vacuum of space and thus avoided breaking his neck. Buzz then caught his breath and made a mental note that he needed to be more careful until he knew exactly how his new clothing limited his movement compared to his spacesuit. He stood up straight and holding onto the banister, made the rest of his way down the stair without incident. Buzz awkwardly crossed the threshold out onto the porch and hoped that somehow he would be able to convince enemies and the population alike that he was of this planet.


	10. No Luck in the Naming Department

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**_**  
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**Chapter 10: No Luck in the Naming Department**

Buzz found Woody outside the house, just like he said. The sheriff was sitting on a stump just a couple yards in front of the house and preoccupied with a small hearth that he had constructed. Poking away at the wood on the fire, Woody did not look up when he heard the front door close, but he did gesture with his free hand for Buzz to join him. The Space Ranger sat down on a small, fallen log next to a tree stump where Woody was sitting. Woody then looked up at Buzz. Buzz was half expecting Woody to tell him he did something wrong when he changed into his borrowed cowboy garbs, but thankfully, Woody said nothing of that nature. In fact, at first, he said nothing at all, but then after a moment of intense scrutiny, he nodded his approval. He then put his fire poker in the dirt and said,

"I've been figuring, maybe we should go along with this whole ranger thing of yours after all."

"I thought I was supposed to blend in, now you want me to be a Space Ranger?" asked Buzz confused. Woody waved his hand to emphasize that there was a misunderstanding,

"No, no, no. You see, Porkchop wouldn't be threatened if he thought you were just another hick lawman like me. You'd be a minor annoyance, at best. The pig already reckons that no one is powerful enough to stop him from subduing the good folk of this town and eating up all of our resources… If you were a lawman like me, it would give you an excuse to be with me all day. No one would bat an eye if I told them you were just a helpful ranger passing through. So that'll be your story when we get to town. It won't be too hard for you to play the part of a ranger, right Mr. Space Ranger? I mean, all you have to do is omit 'space' from everything you say and we'll be in the clear!" When it was clear that Buzz understood, Woody brought his attention back to the fire and started fiddling with the objects hanging near or over the flame again. Silence reigned.

"What are you doing?" asked Buzz eventually. Woody frowned,

"Well, I don't know how much shut eye you space folk need, but folks around here need a cup of Arbuckle's or two and food if they hope to stay alert after skipping a good night's sleep. I could fire up the stove in the kitchen in the back of the house, but what with Porkchop taking all the good kindling, this is just easier." Buzz felt a really guilty as he looked upon this physically and psychologically, tired man. Under what he felt was his watch, he had allowed Zurg to oppress Woody's planet completely undetected and then made the poor man stay up all night carrying him out of a arid wasteland. Buzz swore that if he got out of this mess, he would work ten times as hard to be vigilant of Zurg's activities. It was his duty as a Space Ranger and also his responsibility since Zurg was…. Anguish was plainly visible on Buzz's face, he had not forgotten what he had learned about his origins, but he had managed to keep it in the back of his mind until now.

Woody, mistaking Buzz's expression of utter misery being brought about from the sheriff's hostile little reminder, wanted to amend his last statement.

"Hey, don't worry about it. It's okay." consoled Woody, "I'd stay up for week if it meant finally having an insider like you to help me take down Porkchop. Now how about some breakfast?" finished Woody, effectively changing the subject and graciously, though inadvertently pulling Buzz out of the bad place that his mind had brought him. What was breakfast like on this alien world? That could be diverting discovery in itself. With any luck, Buzz would not discover new and uncomfortable levels of indigestion.

The **two **cowboys ate their breakfast quickly and Buzz was grateful for that since he did not want to savor the meal. Woody had given him toast which looked a great deal like tack rations and was just as bland. Then he handed him an opened can from the fire and instructed him to eat right out of it with a spoon. The food inside the can was called "beans". Woody also apologized for "not having any **bacon** to offer with the beans for the obvious reasons". Unfortunately the obvious reasons were not so obvious to Buzz. However, Buzz pretty much got the gist that for whatever reason, aside from wanting to take all the populace's resources, Porkchop just did not like bacon and beans. Buzz wanted to know exactly why Porkchop would take such a big interest in hampering one particular eating habit of a planet's inhabitants. So Buzz inquired,

"What is 'bacon' and why would Porkchop not want it served with beans?" Woody did not answer. The sheriff simply gaped at the "cowboy" in disbelief as the man kept dropping globs of beans off his spoon. Each attempt Buzz made to lift the utensil to his mouth was met with an unappealing slopping sound and it seemed to expedite the speed of which a sneaky suspicion was coming forth from the back of Woody's mind. Woody had his misgivings confirmed when Buzz, trying not to get greasy beans on his chaps, somehow managed to swat down on his spurs. Buzz jumped up and let out a yelp and Woody put his face in his palms,

"Passing you off as a ranger might not be as easy as I thought…." he groaned. Buzz, understanding how dire the situation was and recognizing how important it was to instill in Woody confidence in his ability to pull off this covert operation, regained his composure. Ignoring his stinging bottom, Buzz sat back down on the log. He then smiled and said in an upbeat tone that mimicked Woody's speech patterns and inflections,

"Don't you worry none, partner. I'll have 'em all convinced I'm just another plain ol' ranger if my name isn't Buzz Lightyear." Buzz's speech was not flawless, but quite impressive for a first attempt using a great deal of guess work. Buzz's superior effort was lost on Woody the moment Buzz soured the statement with his "space" name. Woody remembered that he still had to do something about name. That was only thing left to complete Buzz's cover.

"I reckon we need to give you a name that's not quick to give away that you are not from 'round these parts. And by "these parts", I mean this planet. 'Buzz Lightyear', I've never heard that name before. Who names their kid after the sound bugs make? And what the heck's a 'lightyear'? I mean, you might as well be called 'Seven Ways From Sundown Jones', no one will buy it!" Buzzed held up his hand, signaling that he had got the point,

"All right then, give me a name 'from 'round these parts'." said Buzz, still keeping up the bad cowboy talk act.

"So long as you don't talk much, you can talk normal like, Buzz. Being the tall… or in your case, **short**, silent type would not be out of the ordinary for rangers." Sigh… Another short crack, Buzz had a feeling that this was going to be an ongoing trend on this planet.

Despite Buzz's excellent intuition, he did not realize the true reason why Woody made the distracting statement at all. Woody did want to make it a point that the less Buzz spoke, the better, but mostly because when it came to thinking up names, Woody always came up short. In other words, the distracting comment was just that, a distraction while Woody tried to think of a better name for Buzz. Woody was so poor at naming things that he did not even protest when the townsfolk renamed the town "Woody's Round Up". It was a silly namesake, but for the life of him Woody could never come up with any name better.

Sadly, there was no getting out of having to rename Buzz, so the sheriff thought long and as hard as he could. Nothing came and he began to look all around as casually as he could for inspiration. He found it on his own can of beans he was holding "Nesbit's Best Beans".

"Nesbit." Woody finally said.

"Huh?" replied Buzz, not recognizing the word as a name.

"Yeah, We'll call you 'B. Nesbit.' 'B' for 'Buzz' and Nesbit will be your last name. We'll keep it simple. Plenty of folks go by just their first initial for one reason or another. Usually 'cause they had the misfortune of being given an stupid first name." The "stupid first name comment flew right over Buzz's head. After all, how could anyone think the name "Buzz" sounded stupid? If Buzz had indeed avoided the misfortune of being given a dumb name at birth, there was no escaping it now. Woody had truly given him a dumb alias, but not knowing any better, Buzz could find no argument in it.

"All right, Woody. From now on, call me Ranger B. Nesbit." said Buzz. Woody was pleased Buzz's reaction and with himself for delivering despite his naming handicap.

"Wonderful!" Woody cheered and gave a happy slap on Buzz's shoulder. The act was somewhat reminiscent of the suffocating-death-scare the sheriff has inflicted upon him earlier and it made the spaceman wince rather than happy. Buzz quickly stifled the involuntary hissing sound he made and got up. He had had enough of breakfast.

"Thanks for the meal, Sheriff. Are we ready to head out?" he asked. Woody hastily drank up the remaining contents of his pot containing the dark brown liquid called "Arbuckle's" and poured water on the fire.

"Now we are." quickly said Woody as he grabbed his shotgun and headed towards Bullseye's stable.

"In that case, TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" declared Buzz following close behind. Woody paused and rubbed the back of his neck in concern,

"Hey, how 'bout instead saying something like, 'Then, let's get this wagon train a' movin'!'?"

"'Wagon train'?" repeated Buzz confused. Woody sighed. Woody was sighing a lot lately,

"I sure hope this plan works…."


	11. Mounted Space Ranger

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.**_**  
><strong>_

**Chapter 11: Mounted Space Ranger**

The added weight of the newly dubbed "Ranger B. Nesbit" was much more manageable for Bullseye now that the spaceman was no longer wrapped in heavy metal. The ride over to Ol' Stinky Pete's home went very quick and Bullseye even had a bit of a spring in his step in jubilation of having a lighter load. Woody explained that Pete was a prospector, a miner by trade and always looking for that next big gold deposit or vein somewhere out in the wilderness. However, Pete did dabble in animal husbandry when business was slow and business, according to Pete, had been very slow lately. Given these circumstances it was very likely that Pete would have an extra horse to lend or buy. They just had to hope that they would be lucky.

"I'll be hurting for cash either way… But Pete should give us a good deal. I just hope you won't mind riding a donkey if it comes down to that." said Woody to B jokingly.

"Why would I mind? What's so bad about riding a donkey instead of a horse?" asked Buzz with interest.

"Uh... Nothing at all!" dodged Woody, "Sometimes I even wish that ol' Bullseye here were a donkey." Woody playfully slapped Bullseye on the back, but Bullseye whipped his head around to look at his rider and neighed indignantly. Bullseye knew why Woody had made that comment, it was a cover-up. If Buzz knew how silly he would look riding on the back of a dumpy donkey compared to a magnificent horse like him, Bullseye was certain that the spaceman would protest. Nevertheless, the very idea of being considered undesirable compared to a donkey was still a terrible insult to any horse! So it was not surprising that Woody's words earned him the evil eye from his faithful steed. Woody returned the horse's glare with an equally stern look for possibly ruining his recovery from his slip of the tongue. Luckily for both parties, Buzz, who was just as good at picking up on the emotional cues of horses as he was with anyone else, instantly believed Woody's embellishment of donkeys. The spaceman pursued no further explanation. No harm, no foul and the horse and rider were friends again.

Woody and Buzz got to Pete's stable and both dismounted. Woody petted Bullseye's head and thanked him again for his troubles. Woody then told Bullseye to keep an eye on "B" while he went off to see if Pete was home. That said, Woody turned to Buzz and said,

"Ol' Pete does like to talk, so sit tight. Hopefully I'll be back as soon as I can and with something for you to ride." Buzz was a bit disappointed with himself as Woody left. Obviously he had yet to impress the sheriff enough with his skills and abilities. Why else would Woody still be trying to keep his incognito contact with other terrestrials, even allies, to a minimum? Deep down Buzz knew it was just to keep his presence a secret for as long as possible, but it still rubbed him the wrong way. Space Rangers were protectors AND explorers of the galaxy after all. It was in his nature to want to learn from and interact with new people and cultures. Sadly, until Woody was completely confident in him, anthropologic studies were going to have to wait. "B" turned to Bullseye, sighed and said,

"I don't **reckon** what else I can do to convince Woody that I'm up for this job, Bullseye." Bullseye looked at Buzz silently for a moment, but then his ears perked up and he got an idea. He trotted happily around Buzz so that Buzz was at a perfect angle to get back on Bullseye's back. He moved his neck to signal that he wanted Buzz to hop on and whinnied. At first, Buzz wondered why the poor beast of burden wanted him back on his undoubtedly exhausted back, but then it hit him,

"You want to teach me how to ride, don't you?" he ventured. Bullseye reared up delighted that Buzz understood his intentions so quickly, but slightly startled Buzz as a consequence. Once the horse had both front and back legs on the ground again and the spaceman was certain it was safe, Buzz grabbed the saddle horn, anchored his left boot in a stirrup and with great force, hopped on. He nearly fell off the other side of the saddle! Woody had helped Buzz up the last two times and so he over estimated how much oomph needed to be applied. Once balanced on the saddle, his next task was to get his other boot in the other stirrup and that was a great deal harder to do than you would think. It was like threading a swaying needle and the pointed toe of his boot kept missing! A couple minutes later and with a smaller amount of swearing than any cowboy would have thought possible, none, he finally did it! It was not a really a victory though. Woody could do it seamlessly and if Buzz were to convince anyone that he was a cowboy, he would have to do it as effortlessly too. Buzz leaned forward to get Bullseye's attention,

"Bullseye, you think I could try that again?" Bullseye nodded eagerly and Buzz hopped off to try again. Well, after he managed to wrench his left foot out of confines of its stirrup, he tried it again. It was quite a spectacle and Bullseye was more than a good sport for not laughing at Buzz's struggle. Mercifully, Buzz had always been a quick study when it came to gymnastics, and so his next try was different. His left leg went in the stirrup and before you knew it, he was mounted and that pesky right stirrup was occupied with his other boot. Both rider and horse were quite pleased with themselves. In fact, Bullseye began to prance around with pride and because of it, nearly caused Buzz to fall off with a small yelp. Realizing his fault, Bullseye immediately stopped. The horse then hung his head and clicked one of his shoed hooves apologetically. Buzz laughed,

"That's all right, Bullseye," consoled Buzz with a pat on Bullseye's neck, "I was ready to leap for joy too. But let's continue the lesson a bit slower, hmm? How about you show me how to steer first?" Vindicated, Bullseye's spirits returned and he nodded eagerly. With an elegant swoop, he whipped his head around so that his reins flew up towards Buzz. Buzz, in turn, caught the leather straps with both hands. The space ranger smiled with a determined look on his face,

"All right. Time to **cowboy** up."


	12. Buttercup

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

****Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings. ****

****Thank you to readers for expressing interest in my story, it certainly makes me want to work even harder to get the chapters out to you knowing you want to read more. Thanks to my beta reader for looking for typos, you help me confidently publish my chapters faster.**_**  
><strong>_**

**Chapter 12: Buttercup**

In the yard at the front of Stinky Pete's stables, Bullseye and Buzz Lightyear, A.K.A. Ranger B. Nesbit, rode slowly around in a small circle. As the spaceman-turned-cowboy did so, he learned how to signal to Bullseye which direction to go with just a pull of the reins. Buzz was really getting quite good at stirring and was even thinking about asking Bullseye to start going a bit faster! However, their lesson was cut short when they heard what sounded like another horse coming from around the other end of the stables. Not knowing if it was Woody or someone else, Buzz immediately dismounted and thankfully this time did not get his foot stuck in a stirrup on the way down. The secret that Ranger B was a novice rider was safe though, it was only Sheriff Woody and what could only be Buzz's new horse.

Upon hearing that a friend of Sheriff Woody was in a bind and that it would only be temporary, Pete had lent Woody a mount and asked for nothing in return. Woody was euphoric, you could not beat a free horse! However, the term, "you get what you paid for" kept haunting Woody's thoughts when he saw the only animal that Pete had available on such short notice for him to borrow. Woody told himself that was in no position to look any gift horse in the mouth and had to keep reminding himself of this the more he stared at the "horse" that Stinky Pete had lent him.

Yes, it was no donkey, but Woody wondered if anyone else would agree that the animal fit the description of "horse". He was not so certain he was thoroughly convinced himself, especially if he used Bullseye as an example of what one should look like. One thing that the sheriff was certain about, he would definitely have to sell the idea to Buzz. Buzz was no idiot and the differences between Bullseye and this new steed were so glaring obvious…

The borrowed horse was quite stumpy compared to Bullseye, but then again, Ranger B. Nesbit was sort of stumpy in statue compared to Woody. From a rider's standpoint, maybe that was more like an advantage. The most worrisome aspect of the horse was a slight deformity right smack in the middle of its forehead! It was a** huge** bone spurt emerging from under the skin and it looked like a twisted horn! The horse might as well have been dubbed a unicorn! Woody thought that he might have to lend Buzz a sidearm or two for anyone to take the spaceman seriously while he rode such a "mythical" horse. Most sensible people usually thought twice about cracking jokes at a cowboy's horse who was packing heat. Other than that, Woody could not complain, the horse looked as healthy as any white horse with yellowed hooves and a matching mane could be.

As Woody neared Buzz with the lent horse, he faked the look of a man who was completely satisfied with a transaction that had just taken place. He then passed the reins over to Buzz and said without letting the spaceman get a word in edgewise,

"Here's your horse, B. A fine, manly horse, don't you reckon? He's not a mule or a donkey, but he will still do right nicely. He's name is 'Buttercup'!" The horse did not look like Bullseye at all, but the look on Woody's face was that of a man so sure of himself that Buzz had no choice but to agree. Buzz patted the horse on the side of its neck, mimicking Woody's behavior from earlier and then said in an equally sure, manly voice,

"'Buttercup'. Yes, that sounds like a very manly name." Buzz had no idea if that was true or not, but what reason would Sheriff Woody have to lie to him? Woody looked uneasy. It was because he was not entirely convinced that he had fooled Buzz. Buzz mistook this look as Woody still having apprehensions about Buzz's skill levels in riding. Well, Buzz would show him! Buzz then hopped on the saddle on his horse flawlessly! However, Buzz accidently started on the wrong foot and as a consequence, he somehow ended up sitting in his saddle backwards! With a more agreeable distance between himself and the ground, Buzz got down quickly and corrected the error. Sadly, it was not fast enough to spare him from Woody's face finding itself in at least one of his palms again.

"I'm really starting to have second thoughts about this plan…." he groaned.

Buzz had another crash course in riding and that was what it literally was, a crash course. Bullseye's lesson made Buzz a competent stirrer, but that began to deteriorate once Buttercup began to trot and any skill was completely gone at a full gallop! Buzz fell off his horse more than once. He took so many dirt baths and his coat ends got so chewed up, faster than even Buzz could have predicted, that Buzz worried that he looked as much the stumbling novice as he felt. Woody assured the spaceman that the dust made him look more authentic. Being rough around the edges was how hard riding, long-distance travelling cowboys were supposed look. Buzz hoped the sheriff was right as he looked down at the sorry state he was in… Less, he had a feeling that before the trip into town was over that he was going to look a little too authentic!

Buzz fell off and nearly fell off of Buttercup a couple more times, but somehow he managed to survive the ride into town. This was a big accomplishment since Woody purposely took as long a route as he could to get to town in hopes that Buzz's riding would be passable by the end of it. This plan worked in the most part, but not quite enough to convince anyone that Buzz grew up galloping around on horseback. Luckily, since it was not unusual to ride very slowly in town and Woody could afford no slip ups in the public, Buzz was finally permitted to go at his own pace. At his own speed, Buzz actually looked just as authentic riding a horse through town as he looked "authentically" dirty. Now having a minute think about something other than gravity and saddle sore, Buzz casually brushed off any excess "authenticity" on his person. Woody then called on his attention,

"Well, B. Welcome to the Town of Woody's Round Up." said Woody half expecting Buzz to laugh at the namesake. Instead, Buzz was impressed by the name. Buzz had saved galaxies from danger, but no one ever named one after him! Woody must have been quite the hero around here. But to whom was Woody a hero? As Buzz looked around the town, it was quite a disturbing sight…. It was almost noon, but the streets were completely deserted! Everything looked abandoned, forsaken or neglected. The buildings looked like they were in desperate need of fresh coat of paint, the fences needed a whitewash and the windows on the builds were filthy!

"In its heyday, this here town was the nicest place you could hope to find this side of the Pecos. Not much to look at now though." noted Woody sadly. Buzz was flabbergasted, it really was a dump and it was hard to believe that the place was ever anything but a dump. Buzz thought that maybe he spied an eye or two peeking out from behind the blinds of a couple of dusty second floor windows, but so fast were these fearful glances, he could not believe his own eyes. If not for the lively music and bustle that they started to hear as they neared the center of town, Buzz would have believed that he was passing through a proverbial ghost town. At least, he would have had that word in his vocabulary.

Woody then pointed towards the source of the music and racket they were hearing.

"I need to stop in the Saloon before we do anything else." Buzz had no idea what a "saloon" was but made a mental note that the building was called that.

"Then, I'll join you." said Buzz.

"Okey-dokey, but I got to warn you, the toughest of Porkchop's varmints come to this watering hole. You got to keep your head down." cautioned Woody. Buzz was able to hide from Woody that he did not know what a "saloon' was, but being required to "keep his head down" inside the building confused him and it showed. Woody picked up on this,

"And when I say "keep your head down", what I mean is just don't try to attract any attention. Blend into the background and don't look at anyone funny, particularly if they're bigger than you. Leave that to me. You don't know the Code of the West, so just watch and learn." warned Woody. Buzz got excited at this. A code of honor? Following codes of honor was one of Buzz's strong points! He would blend in with the populace yet!

"To the Saloon and beyond!" cheered Buzz. Woody shushed him,

"What did I just finish saying?" In a huff, Woody dismounted and led Bullseye to a water trough outside the Saloon. Bullseye did not need to be tied to the stand in front of trough, but he did it anyway so that Buzz could follow his lead. Bullseye did not have wandering hooves and would not stray far from Woody and leave him in the lurch. However, Buttercup had already shown on the way into town that he seemed to have no such compunction about Buzz's wellbeing. When presented with the situation of no longer having a rider on his back, Buttercup did not stop running. Psychologically, Buzz still felt winded from chasing Buttercup every time he fell off the saddle and was glad to have the assurance that he would not be making anymore undignified dashes with the horse's reins properly tethered. Woody could see that Buzz's relationship with Buttercup was starting off rocky at best and it worried him. There was something very important about the relationship between a rider and his horse that Buzz needed to understand. Woody then stroked Bullseye's mane as the horse bent down to take a long drink from the trough. Buzz would have to be anything but a detail oriented space ranger not to be able to tell how much the tough sheriff care for his horse.

"Remember, B. Before your own needs, no matter how tired you are, always see that your horse is taken care of first. That's part of the Code of the West." said Woody. It was quite a noble rule, to see to your riding companion's needs before your own, especially when Buzz considered how tired the horse had made him that morning and Buzz liked it. Wanting to emulate Woody's honorable guidelines to life on this planet, Buzz petted Buttercup mane. Maybe if Buzz tried to look out for Buttercup's wellbeing over his own, someday the horse would return happily the favor.

"Nice horsey." Buzz said in a soothing voice. Woody smiled and turned his attention back to Bullseye,

"Now I won't be long, Bullseye." explained Woody to his horse, "But try to teach Buttercup the ropes while I'm gone if you can, okay? I can't expect them to be the best of friends in a day, but we can't have him running off on Buzz all the time." Always eager to please, Bullseye sloppily nodded from his trough that he would. Satisfied, Woody headed towards the Saloon entranceway. Buzz followed, but feeling like he should say something to his horse before taking leave, called back,

"Rest up and listen to Bullseye while we're gone, okay, Buttercup?" That was as much as Buzz dared to speak before going inside. He did not know a saloon from a lagoon and until he got his bearings, Buzz was not about to blow the first undercover operation in town by saying something stupid.


	13. Show Stoppers

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings. **

**Thank you to readers for expressing interest in my story, it certainly makes me want to work even harder to get the chapters out to you knowing you want to read more. Thanks to my beta reader for looking for typos, you help me confidently publish my chapters faster.**

**Chapter 13: Show Stoppers  
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Woody went through the front door. Well, actually it was just two small planks of wood on squeaky hinges. Buzz was at a loss as to what purpose they served since they failed to cover the doorway completely. No keeping the elements out with doors like those. It was fortunate that Woody blocked others from seeing Buzz as he examined and walked through the swing doors. Buzz had not counted on the planks swinging back as quickly as they had. As a result, he was struck by them once in the face on the way into the saloon and then struck again in the rear once through! Buzz stumbled a bit, but recovered nicely. He acted like he had stepped in something and lost his balance while examining the underside of his boot. Buzz then looked up, half expecting Woody to be grimacing and the natives to be suspicious. There was no chance of that though, not by a long shot. Even if Woody had not been blocking Buzz from sight, his little folly still would have gone unnoticed. For now, every eye in the room was fixed on the sheriff.

Buzz found himself transfixed. The pace that Woody walked, the way he carried himself, even the atmosphere that he emitted had changed. Woody was a completely different person. Nowhere was there a trace of the semi-easygoing yet nervous cowboy from before. Woody was that authoritative man that Buzz had met out in the desert, if not more so, and the sheriff was the roughest, toughest cowboy in the room! Woody's presence commanded respect and there was not a person in the place who did not notice how quiet the room had become.

It did not take Buzz long to figure out why Woody made a complete personality change. A lawman had to be seen as a force to be reckoned with in a saloon. The reason being was that a "saloon", or at least this particular saloon, was a shady bar where lawbreaking troublemakers gathered. If there was ever any doubt in Buzz's mind that he was in error for equating a saloon for a watering hole of ill repute, those doubts vanished when he took notice of the extraterrestrials that the saloon had attracted. The aliens' species varied in the bar, but they all had one thing in common that made them stand out even more than they did from the tall and/or lanky native population of riffraff… They were all from Zurg friendly planets and Zurg friendly parts of the galaxy! If any of these aliens saw him, they would recognize him in a minute and all would be for naught! Buzz paused, unsure of what to do.

Woody took in everything as he made his way through the room. Before he stepped in, most of the alien varmints and their multiple eyes had been preoccupied with blinding themselves with drink or bullying the local ruffians into playing unwinnable games of chance. You could literally smell the sweat off the brows of all the unwilling, native hooligans as they were slowly cheated out of their ill-gotten gains in the many poker games going at the tables scattered throughout the establishment. Had Woody turned around, he may have wondered if it was Buzz's sweat that he had smelled. He did not turn around though. Woody merely paused for a moment and waited. It was a subtle hint that he did not want Buzz to hang too far behind, but Buzz did not know how to comply without compromising himself! Thinking quickly, Buzz took advantage of a dodgy action that he noticed being taken by many in the room as result of Woody's presence and he pulled down his hat and lifted his bandana over his nose. Identity as safely concealed as possible, he stepped into clear and well lit view and followed Woody to the bar counter area. Like the proper man he was, Sheriff Woody greeted the bartender and then ordered two mugs of coffee for him and his companion. Apparently the amount of coffee that Woody had consumed early that morning had not been sufficient.

Woody thanked the man behind the counter as he received his two mugs. The sheriff then turned around and handed one of the mugs to bandana-faced Buzz with only a slight raise of the brow to indicate that the new look struck him a bit funny. Now Buzz was in an even more awkward situation. Buzz reluctantly accepted the murky liquid filled vessel, but how would he drink it with his face covered? Heck, did he even want to drink it? Through the bandana, even he could tell that it smelled great, but it did not look very appetizing. Woody was becoming an expert compensating for Buzz's odd behavior,

"Yeah, I know. It ain't Arbuckle's, but this here establishment's coffee is the best in town." said Woody with a grin. Woody then leaned back and rested his back and elbows against counter. With a nod of his head, Woody invited Buzz to do the same. Despite Woody's hassle-free stance, Buzz could tell that Woody was on high alert. Buzz did his best to do the same, but it was hard to act relaxed with everyone in the room watching them. Woody addressed this concern quickly. He smiled brazenly to the crowd of onlookers and acted perplexed from their behavior,

"Go about your business folks. No sense stopping the show just for me." Buzz marveled, Woody had not been kidding. Buzz could see now that it was not just the patrons, but even the live entertainment on the stage in the adjacent corner had stopped when Woody walked in. Everyone in the saloon sort of complied with Woody's request. The bar came back to life with music and chatter, but every now and again you would catch someone watching Woody, his presence was not forgotten. Woody leaned over towards Buzz and said,

"I take it you noticed some of these patrons are newcomers like you?" Buzz nodded casually.

"Here's what you might not know…" Woody then, instead of pointing with his fingers, tilted his head towards a poker table occupied by villains both home grown and extraterrestrial.

"Those varmints from my world playing with those space fellers, well I recognize them. They're some of the nastiest varmints in the West, always giving me trouble. Yet look how docile they are even when "losing" so terribly to the space folk they're sitting with. They're scared to death of them and for good reason. Sure, Porkchops' space folk mostly come into town to take our supplies, throw their weight around and maybe play some card games… But if you get one of those tin-horns mad or just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, they take you away. And the ones that you do hear from again… They ain't who they were before." Buzz gazed down at his brown reflection in his coffee mug,

"Aren't who they were before…?" repeated Buzz to himself, not quite sure what Woody meant by that. He would have asked Woody to clarify, but he got cut off. The show, and the reason that Woody had come into the saloon, had just started.

Quite unexpectedly, a beautiful, young woman came out from behind the shabby curtain on stage. She had a similar affect on the saloon's patrons as Woody had, but for a very different reason. She was a show stopper because of her beauty. She wore a pretty, but unusual dress. The dress was unusual since Buzz had never seen anything like it before. Her long dress was pink with gold trim and became very ruffled as it passed her waist towards the floor. The top half of the dress looked similar to a low-cut, tank top shirt, if you put ribbon on the front of it and gave it a second pair of shoulders straps that looked as though they had unintentionally fallen to her bust line. As a contrast to the low cut of the dress, she wore very long, shinny gloves that helped to keep your attention on her wonderfully chiseled, richly painted face. A thin, shinny ribbon that matched her gloves was tied around her elegant, long neck to complete the effect.

Protruding out from a flowery ornament on the side of Bo Peep's head was something that was even more striking than her foreign frock… It was a single, but very large and colorful feather! Buzz wondered briefly to himself what kind bird had given up some of its plumage for her to wear it. He wondered even longer about how big the bird must have been to produce such an enormous feather. If they got out of this Porkchop mess, Buzz thought it might be fascinating to study the flora and fauna of the planet. Anyway, the larger than life feather was lovely and even lovelier was contrast it provided to the performer's hair. It made you appreciate the lady's hair color all the more than relying on the effect of gold trim all over her dress alone. It really accentuated the different shades of gold and yellow in her hair.

Her hair and pale pink dress almost glowed as they caught whatever dim light the room had to offer. She looked like a depiction of some sort of omnipotent being and it was no wonder that she took people's breath away. Obviously having the room's attention, she nodded to the man beside the stage platform who was sitting at a box like musical instrument with black and white keys and then she began to sing. Woody smiled.

"That's my sweetheart, Miss Bo Peep," whispered Woody to Buzz while all the room was distracted by Miss Peep's siren call.

"Nobody knows this, but Miss Peep sings and works here so she can spy on Porkchop's men and learn more about his hideout. She hasn't had much luck so far. They're pretty closed mouth, even when their lips are loosened. But I credit what she has gathered as the reason why I'm still here today to fight. Porkchop hasn't put a price on my head yet, but that doesn't stop his men from getting ideas once they've had a few bottles of whiskey in them."

"So we're here to get a status report from Miss Peep?" ventured Buzz. Woody took another sip of his coffee and nodded. Buzz was amazed. It was no wonder the sheriff and Miss Peep were a pair! Their personalities really complimented each other, in that they were both unbelievably gutsy!

"So she spies on this entire bar full of enemies that have her technologically outclassed without any backup?" marveled Buzz. Woody looked slightly ill after hearing Buzz describe the desperateness of the town saviors' situation so bluntly. Woody chuckled once but it was not because he found something amusing,

"Bo would say that she had the advantage since they're in her backyard." said Woody trying to keep an even voice. Buzz regretted his words… It was obvious that the sheriff harbored tremendous guilt for needing his loved one to do something so dangerous and do it alone. Buzz did not need to remind the weary cowboy of it. Woody said nothing else after that and Buzz took that as a cue to quietly kick back and enjoy Bo Peep's lovely song. 


	14. Bar Fights and Texas Rangers

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings. **

**Thank you to readers for expressing interest in my story, it certainly makes me want to work even harder to get the chapters out to you knowing you want to read more. Thanks to my beta reader for looking for typos, you help me confidently publish my chapters faster.**

**Chapter14: Bar Fights and Texas Rangers**

The calm atmosphere that Bo Peep's singing had created in the saloon suddenly snapped back like a rubber band into a troublesome one. Some of the "space varmints" had gotten up towards the end of Bo Peep's song and started harassing her. Some of the more brazen ones even tried grabbing at her legs. The largest, burliest one pushed ahead of the crowd and spoke to Bo Peep in his native tongue as he playfully grabbed at her skirt. It was not Buzz's native language but, with his Universal Translator, he understood every dirty, angry word that came out of the alien's gin saturated mouth.

Buzz was a bit grateful that the poor woman on stage could not understand the filth coming out of the beast's mouth. If she did understand, surely it would have turned her face as pink as her dress. Still, the fact that there was no chance of Miss Peep understanding what the alien was saying was not helping the situation. Bo Peep tried to gently shoo the alien away so she could finish her song, but that only made her admirer angrier for being ignored! The alien then began to climb up onto the small stage and Buzz could not stay faded in the background anymore after that. Buzz was about sprint across the room to help, but he was spared the trouble and spared surprisingly fast at that!

Before Bo Peep's stage crasher could even get a steady foot on the platform, Woody was already standing next to him. Woody now had both parties' attention. Maintaining a calm bravado and not taking his eyes from the alien, Woody asked most courteously to the woman on stage,

"Miss Peep, is this gentleman here bothering you?" Bo Peep had the same calm about her as Woody, though she sounded a hint annoyed at the sheriff for intervening,  
>"No, not at all, Sheriff. He's just a very enthusiastic fan." She explained. Woody replied,<p>

"I beg your pardon, my mistake. So then are you through singing, Miss Peep? I'd be honored if you'd join me for a bite to eat since it's going on lunchtime." Woody then turned to Bo's "fan" who judging from the smell, had been there all morning, no doubt sleeping off whatever he had been doing the previous night in the saloon.

"And speaking of time. Ain't it high time for you space folks to be heading back home? Out all night, Porkchop must be missing you by now." said Woody who was faking helpful concern quite nicely considering how peeved he must have been. Some of the saloon's aliens must have read that feeling off of the sheriff. Many looked like they wanted to leave right after Woody said that. Others looked like they wanted to stay, at least until they saw how things played out between one of their own and the sheriff. Bo's assaulter did not back down though. The brawny alien came right up into the sheriff space and glared down at him. In Woody's own language, in a very condescending tone and with a slimy sounding accent, the alien bellowed,

"I reckon I am smart enough to figure on my own what time I should be heading anywhere without the help of a dirt dwellers like you!" Woody was completely unmoved by the loud outburst,

"Never doubted it for a minute... Now, if you'd pardon me, I believe Miss Peep was about to honor me with an answer." The alien would not be so easily dismissed,

"Go hide back under the buffalo chip you crawled out from. I was trying to get better acquainted with Miss Bo." laughed the malodorous brute as he suddenly made another grab for Bo Peep's dress. Bo Peep dodged the move. It was nothing for Bo Peep to evade such an inebriated bum's assault. The brute's reaction time was so hindered that she was even able to make her dodge look like a curtsy.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I am afraid that will have to wait for some other time, good sir. You see, the sheriff and I were just leaving." Bo Peep then reached for Woody to help her down off the stage. The alien was more than offended that Bo Peep was rejecting him for the walking twig sheriff who did not even have enough sense to fear someone stronger than him. The alien lunged at Bo Peep with maybe more than just lewd intent,

"No! You're staying with me, you little-!" would have been the only words that he said to Bo Peep that could be repeated in civilized conversation. Too bad for him, he did not get a chance to utter them. CRACK! Woody saw red and delivered a devastating upper cut right to the brute's jaw. The next thing you knew, the alien was on the floor! While his enemy was still struggling to get back up, Woody placed one foot on the alien's back, grabbed both of his arms and yanked back hard! The alien howled in pain and Woody gave all of Bo Peep's tormentors a grave look,

"Now, are you and all your friends gonna leave all peaceful like? Or do I have to get rough and teach you boys the proper way to treat a lady?" invited Woody. Perhaps one of them had developed a backbone since last they crossed paths with him. Apparently, some of the aliens were indeed no longer invertebrates. The braver of the alien patrons still remaining in the saloon were beginning to circle around the sheriff. Woody wasted no time. He cuffed his first opponent's hands behind his back and then focused on the oncoming threat.

Now it was Buzz's turn to question the soundness of his alliance with Woody! Even a fool could notice the huge tactical DIS-advantage of the situation! The alien that was twice the sheriff's strength was neutralized, but he had tons of friends with him! He would have done better not to goad them on… maybe.

One alien took a swing at Woody, or rather, swings! Woody tried to dodge the multi-armed attacker, but you could only expect so much. A high, but lucky right cross grazed the side of Woody's head and knocked Woody's hat clean off. That was a particularly large mistake on the alien's part, the Code of the West was pretty clear…. Defend yourself when you have to, but even more close to heart, never try on, or in this case touch, another man's hat! Quite unexpectedly, Woody yanked up the cuffed alien and slammed him into the crowd of aliens! Woody then punched any attackers who had the misfortune of stumbling too close to his fists in the confusion.

In the chaos, Woody had no idea what half of the aliens were crying out in their bizarre languages. However, as the fight began to go more in Woody's favor, the sheriff was pretty sure their yelps translated to cries to their mothers! Buzz stood there amazed and understood why Woody had been so confident to say that he did not need Buzz's help to handle people in the bar. It was a crude, untrained way that Woody fought. It was almost brawling, but it did the trick! In a fist fight, Woody stood a chance to win the whole planet back, but sadly this was not entirely a fist fight. No, it would soon become a laser gun fight and all Woody brought were fists and a pea-shooter in comparison to his attackers. An alien pulled a laser gun on Woody from behind and had a clear shot with the sheriff distracted! The situation was about to go from bad to terminal!

Buzz had been told to stay back until he learned the ropes. As far as Buzz was concerned, unless he intervened now, that prerequisite would be impossible to attain. He would never learn anything more if Woody were injured or worse! The space ranger was not about to lose the only native insider who could help him stop the evil alien invaders on this planet. On a personal note, Buzz was determined and refused to lose literally his only friend in the world!

The angels determined that Sheriff Woody Pride was not meant to die as well! One of them up on stage even personally intervened! Bo Peep saw the coward about to shoot Woody in the back and she was going to do something about it! She grabbed a metal vessel on the very end of the stage and hurled it from her high perch at Woody's shooter with all the strength she had! All those years of pulling on the sheriff's neck and sheep legs with her staff paid off! The force of the impact made a dent in the metal and all the putrid, slimy contents of the vessel poured out all over the alien gunman. Buzz did not recognize the fluid as water, it was far too thick. More important than what was covering the glazed alien was the fact that he was not getting up again anytime soon.

Woody gave a gracious nod to his guardian angel and then paid her a loving smile when she threw him a spare rope for the curtains on stage. Quickly, he made a large lasso and with a twist and a snap of his wrist, roped together the remaining of the aliens still standing. With them unable to move, Woody began taking rope from anyone who had it and bound the many arms of the semi-conscious aliens left on the floor.

Woody's victory was an impressive feat, but also a close call. Maybe half or all of those cowardly aliens who had stayed to fight would have left the saloon peacefully had Woody not provoked them… But it seemed like Woody just wanted to make them pay for bothering Miss Peep. Buzz then reasoned that something as nonsensical as provoking an enemy who had you outnumbered must have been part of some elaborate plan that Woody had yet to reveal. At any rate, Buzz truly hoped that this theory was correct. If not, Buzz would have no choice but to accept another theory that he dreaded. An alarming hypothesis that was becoming more and more apparent ever since he first met the cowboy… Woody did not act or think rationally when it came to situations directly involving his loved ones. Though it was an honorable quality that Woody would do anything to make others think twice about bother his innocent friends, it was also something that could be exploited with terrible consequences.

Buzz looked around at all the dazed, confused and pummeled aliens on floor. He then looked at Woody and the bruise that he was now sporting on the side of his face. Buzz shook his head in disapproval,

'If you keep pulling stunts like that cowboy, you're going to get us all killed.' thought Buzz ominously.

With his enemies all tied up, Sheriff Woody retrieved his fallen hat and brushed himself off. Bo Peep and Buzz soon gathered around him.

"Nothing like a good round up." smiled Woody. Buzz was glad for Woody's sake that he had somehow managed to follow his instructions to a letter and had not been needed in the fight. Buzz was also angry that the fight had even occurred at all and even more so at how conflicted he felt. Even though his assistance had not been needed, he had still done nothing to help.

"Sorry I wasn't of any help, Sheriff." apologized Buzz but in a somewhat miffed tone. Buzz had done an amazing job speaking his mind with as few words as possible. Onlookers had no reason and no clues that Buzz was not a native by his speech and Woody got the true meaning behind the spaceman's peeved words. Woody smiled reassuringly,

"It's all right. Don't let it bother you. I deal with sidewinders like these in the saloon all the time with no problem." Woody then turned to Bo Peep and kissed her gloved hand,

"However, this time I do owe the lovely Miss Peep here a debt of gratitude for stopping that gunman." Credit was always given where due from the sheriff.

"I guess I'm finally being taken seriously enough for these varmints to feel the need to use excessive force on me. I wish I could say it was nice to, at long last, get some recognition around here… But these thieves robbed me of even that." said Woody a bit glumly. Bo Peep then put her hand on Woody's arm, looking as if she were consoling him, but Woody knew better as he saw her eyes hint towards the back where the dressing rooms were. Woody turned to Buzz,

"Say, B… Would you do me a kindness and take these varmints that I rounded up to the jailhouse further up the road and around the corner for me?" Buzz would have been buoyant after hearing that he was to be entrusted with transporting the prisoners alone, but he was too curious as to what good could come of it. He understood from that it would be unusual for Woody to get into fights with the shameless aliens… But surely arresting the aliens would gain nothing for them but extra attention that they did not need if Buzz was to blend into the population. So why invite more trouble? Buzz then replied,

"Certainly, Sheriff Pride. But why would you-?" Buzz was quickly interrupted mid-question. Sheriff Woody Pride asking a newcomer for help did not go unnoticed by the other native lowlifes and patrons in the saloon and one of them spoke up.

"Say, Sheriff. Who is this **tall**, dark stranger? Are there so few brave men out there now that you've taking to hiring short outlaws to replace your old deputy?" the sleazy lawbreaker mocked. Woody would have otherwise had a laugh at his short statured ally's expense, but the latter question soured his mood.

"He's NOT my deputy!" Woody practically snarled, but remembered where he was in time to quash the bulk of his wrath. Thanks to the effort, no one suspected that Woody was more than just annoyed from having to answer dumb questions. Once Woody had completely regained his composure, he proceeded to explain,

"His name is B. Nesbit and he's a ranger from….." Woody paused for a second. For the life of him, he could not think of a place to say that Buzz was from. Woody tried not to panic and taxed his brain to think of a name! He feared it was impossible! Where in the world would it be believable enough for a strange man to be from? This space ranger who crashed down from space like a falling, lone star! Then it hit him! It was not a good idea, but it was the only one Woody had,

"Texas! He's a Texas Ranger! And he's just taken it upon himself to help me clean up this town a bit! You know, before he moves on." Woody explained. A native outlaw laughed,

"A Texas Ranger? You could have fooled me with that bandana he's wearing! But then again, if I had a name like that and was as short as him, I'd hide my face too!"

"I'd hold your tongue if I were you. They just don't make anyone a ranger in Texas, you know. This here feller is one tough hombre to earn the title. So mind your own beeswax!" warned Woody. Buzz stood at attention and tried to look as intimidating as he could, just in case anyone was still skeptical. Buzz had no idea what a "Texas" Ranger was, but he hoped his performance and piercing stare from behind his covered profile would make such a ranger proud. Buzz apparently was a convincing enough "Texas" Ranger, judging by the reaction in the room. Everyone in the saloon who had been eavesdropping or snatching a peek at the stranger suddenly found anything else in the place more interesting then meeting the gaze of B. Nesbit.

With one challenge over and another one still unaddressed, Buzz went straight to work. After lowering the brim of his hat again and properly securing his bandana so it would not risk slipping down, Buzz made sure all the alien prisoners' arms were neatly tied behind their backs. Woody was quick to "show" Buzz how to unload or disarm any native weapon or a laser that the aliens may have been carrying. Buzz, pretending to be a quick study, then skillfully finished the job and tossed the guns in a burlap sack that Woody had found lying around. Buzz then connected all the aliens together by several joining ropes and led them all outside. Woody followed outside and was impressed to see that Buzz had already tied the line of cranky aliens to Bullseye and Buttercup to help lead them swiftly and efficiently down the road. Woody then handed Buzz his burlap sack and the "skeleton key" for the jailhouse. Buzz thought it strange that the key bared no resemblance to an exoskeleton or an endoskeleton at all, but accepted both items without question.

"Thanks, B. Start heading to the jailhouse. Once you turn the block, it's the big building with the big star on it. Not that I needed to tell you that." Woody jokingly elbowed Buzz and in doing so, perfectly disguised the hint he dropped about what terrestrial jailhouses looked like. Woody continued,

"You can lock 'em up yourself if I don't catch up in time. I shouldn't be long though. I just need to talk to Miss Peep a bit. You know, to make sure she's not too shaken from the whole ordeal." Buzz gratefully took all the hints and was off with his chain or rather "rope" gang staggering behind him.


	15. A Terrible Gentleman

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings when they come up.**

**Thanks again folks for expressing your interest in my story. I really appreciate it. Again, thank you to my beta reader!**

**Chapter 15: A Terrible Gentleman**

Bo Peep was not present when Woody came back inside the saloon. She had already gone to her dressing room towards the rear of the building. It was not like she needed to wait up for him. The sheriff had met Miss Peep in her dressing room many times before. He needed no guide. When Woody did catch up, Bo Peep was waiting for him at her dressing room door. She peered about the dusty corridor to make sure neither one of them was followed. Satisfied, she hastily let him in before locking the door behind her. Finally safe from prying eyes and ears, she gave Woody a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was not a very romantic scene though, for she lightly slapped him on the other side of the face immediately after. She would have even gone as far to do the same on the other side of his face, but she knew it was still too sore from the fight for such chastising.

"You did not have to do any of that, you know. I would have had it all under control like I normally do. They still don't know I understand their language and I know how to use that to my advantage." stated Bo Peep. Bo Peep was a highly intelligent woman and it never ceased to amaze Woody. It was true. In just a few short weeks of singing at the saloon, she had managed to figure out the bulk of the aliens' speak. It was no wonder that, before all this mess, she had been deemed the best school teacher that the town had ever seen. Woody smiled at the woman in his arms,

"I'm sorry, Bo. I know you can handle yourself…" Woody's apology for interfering was genuine, but his outrage would not let him dismiss his actions as completely unjustified. Woody said in an outrage, but his anger was not directed at Bo Peep, rather it was at the predicament they were in.

"But doggone it, Bo! I just can't stand seeing those saddle bums disrespecting you! They're just begging me to punch the stuffing out of them! You're a brilliant lady and you ought to be treated like one! I'd sooner hand in my badge and turn outlaw than sit around and let them get away with that!" growled Woody. Bo Peep smiled at this outpour of emotion as she played with the yellow bandana around Woody's neck. She chuckled,

"An outlaw, huh?" inquired Bo Peep. Woody blushed at how bemused she sounded from hearing that particular heated statement,

"Well," he hedged, "Being an outlaw in a town overrunning with outlaws right now seems to be a much easier act to follow than a sheriff in the same town." Bo Peep drew circles on his arm with her fingers and then said somewhat breathy,

"Oh, I don't know about that… I have a sheriff in this town that I find pretty easy to follow anywhere compared to some of the outlaws I've encountered." Bo Peep then gave Woody one of her stunning smiles to close her argument and it really did bring the matter to a close. As was the case with most people, when Bo Peep smiled at you with those brilliant eyes of hers, you just could not find it in your heart to argue with her. Woody gazed into those dazzling eyes until he realized that he was in danger of becoming lost in them. It being neither the time nor the place to get lost in worlds far better than his present one, reluctantly Woody found his way back. Once more he was in the dressing room in the back of the saloon of the most troubled town in the West. Shaking off the last remnants of the blissful fairyland he had been inhabiting, Woody cleared his throat a couple of time and asked,

"So,… What did you find out, Bo? Anything new?" Woody was in his sheriff mindset again and all business now. Bo Peep beamed, that was her lawman and the hero that she knew and loved.

"As usual, nothing to report as far as the whereabouts of Porkchop's hideout… It's somewhere west of here beyond all those canyons, but we already know that." replied Bo Peep, a bit annoyed. Bo Peep did not dwell on her fruitless night for long. She was far more interested in having her thoughts on his night confirmed,

"Apparently your night was more eventful than mine, wasn't it? It's not every day that you cross paths with a friend with all those space people around. You'll have to properly introduce me later, I've never met him. And though he may have **fallen** from grace, none of the patrons seem to have heard of your 'Lone Star' Ranger." she said very cryptically. Bo Peep was pretty certain that no one could hear them, but with this bit of invaluable intelligence, she took no chances. Woody nodded knowingly about everything to Bo Peep and breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe his lousy lie about the Texas space ranger was not so lousy after all. No one but Bo Peep saw completely through his falsehood and given the collective intelligence of the "advanced" enemies he had just finished roughing up, they would most likely remain ignorant of Buzz. Regretfully, any relief felt from this good news brought by Bo Peep would be short lived. She still had one bit of bad news to report that she had saved for last,

"I wish it wasn't so… But I've had it affirmed by more than one of Porkchop's men. And it sounds like Porkchop won't be playing nice about acquiring new laborers for much longer. They're just going to start taking whoever they want right off the street and in large numbers." reported Bo Peep regrettably. Woody sighed deeply as he took in that foreboding report.

"Figured it was only a matter of time before it came to that…." trailed off Woody as he stepped away from Bo Peep and rubbed the back of his neck. Half talking to himself, Woody said,

"We might have to pick up the pace too then… We're running out of time. And we sort of have professional help now… It's not like another week will make us much more prepared than another day or…"

"Woody," Bo Peep broke in, "I know we have our personal reasons for wanting to stop Porkchop from taking any more people…. But I don't think our Jessie would want us to put everything on the line in a desperate-!"

"Please, Bo. I don't want to talk about this right now. I have to get back to the jailhouse and-" Bo Peep cut him off,

"Then when will we talk about it, Woody? Be reasonable. I'm scared you might do something crazy. Sometimes I don't know what you're thinking anymore and you've been so distant, even in private… Your judgment has been so clouded ever since she was taken from us and I don't want to lose you too!" pleaded Bo Peep.

Sheriff Woody knew that he caused Bo Peep anxiety whenever he found himself at the center of an alien bar brawl. Dealing with such danger external forces was obligatory in his line of work and it could hardly be helped. However, he had not been aware that there were other sources from which he was inflicting pain upon Bo Peep, himself. Over the past year, he had not always confided in her all of his fears, his apprehensions and plans. He did not want to trouble her with knowing how upset and at a loss at times he truly felt. She had enough doubts and fears without being burdened with his. This withdrawn attitude that Woody had adopted, sadly, had had the opposite effect. Bo Peep only felt more frustrated, concerned for the wellbeing of his mind and sometimes, she felt so very lonely with him. Woody felt terrible for causing her additional pain. He never wanted to withhold anything from her again.

He gently took one of her hands and she only fought his touch for a moment out of stubbornness before finally relaxing and looking him in the eye,

"Bo, I won't do anything crazy. And if I do, you'll be the first to know." promised Woody, "Besides, you know me far too well. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize all that we've worked for." Bo Peep chuckled, but not really out of humor,

"Really? Flying off the handle and taking on a dozen multi-limbed space people, all for the sake of my honor… That's pretty crazy and jeopardizing." Woody grinned sheepishly hoping to lighten the mood,

"Only a couple of them had more than two arms…" Joking aside,

"But I promise you, Bo. It won't be long now. We're finally going to get out of this mess! I've been failing everyone up until now, but with the help we got now… I just know we'll get out on top! We had plans, we all had plans before those aliens and it will be a cold day in Death Valley before I let our plans slip through my fingers any longer." solemnly vowed Woody as he pulled out a chain from under his bandana to reveal a simple, gold band looped around it. Bo Peep laughed and removed her left glove to reveal a similar engagement band on her ring finger. Still laughing, she then walked behind a large screen. Woody immediately turned his back to her with great urgency and stared at the wall. Soon after you could hear the ruffling of many petticoats and the splashing of water over Bo Peep's giggling,

"Yes," she mused, "We had plans and dreams. And I am just as eager as you to see them realized. But still, I know we have help from "Texas" now, but we have to tread lightly, less we risk losing it all. With that at stake, I can hold out for as long as I have to." Bo Peep paused for a minute,

"Still," carefully choosing her words to express her inner most frustrations, "I just wish that you weren't such a gentleman. You don't make waiting easy for me, you know." Bo Peep could not see Woody's expression. She was still behind her screen and Woody's eyes and consequently, his face, were still glued to the opposite facing wall. If she could see him, she might have scoffed at Woody for the huge smile plastered across his face at her words. Woody laughed impishly and replied,

"Yeah, I know. I'm a **terrible** gentleman, aren't I?"

"The worse!" laughed Bo Peep as she emerged from behind the screen dressed in her usual attire. Her face was washed of all its make-up so that the natural beauty of her face was restored. Around her neck, her engagement ring was now safely tied and hidden on a ribbon. The ribbon was long and it hung way beneath the neckline of the far less revealing scoop-neck collar of her shepherdess dress. Bo Peep looked phenomenal in her make-up and dance hall dresses, but she did not really look like herself when she wore them.

"Ah, there's the Bo Peep that I know and love!" Woody marveled.

"So should I buy you that lunch or are you heading back to your house to see if your sheep are lost again?" Woody asked with playful interest. Bo Peep yawned. She was very tired and looked even more so without all her stage makeup on. She had made it into town to sing at the saloon very late the previous night so she could keep an eye on things for Woody while he was chasing fallen stars out in the desert. Bo Peep would have gone home from the saloon once dawn broke, but since the aliens were being particularly talkative that night and into the early morning, she was afraid she would miss something vital. Besides, she reckoned Woody was probably getting no sleep investigating and most likely neither would she from worry until he returned… So why bother going home to bed?

No one thought it strange that she did not want to leave before the wealthy aliens along with their sometimes generous tips were gone. After all, the local economy was in shambles and everyone was hurting financially. Even the saloon owner did not discourage her from working late since she brought in such a huge crowd to his failing establishment. Thankfully, mingling with patrons in between acts and restless cat naps paid off. She knew Woody's secret investigation was most likely still a secret and she knew now it was more than just a rumor that Porkchop would be kidnapping larger numbers of people soon. Bo Peep yawned again and said sleepily,

"Actually,… I think I will just head home and get some shut eye. Beside,… My sheep always come home wagging their tails behind them. It's only my sheriff who still doesn't do that." she finished suggestively. Woody blushed feverishly and cleared his throat once more,

"Well, I best be getting back to the jailhouse now…" he thumbed in the appropriate direction as he sputtered.

"'Course, if I go get Bullseye, I could always escort you to your gate. I'm sure B wouldn't mind if I took a few more minutes to-" Bo Peep put her pointer finger over Woody's lips to shush him. She smiled warmly,

"Just go. I'll be all right seeing myself home." Woody smiled back. She always knew when to save him from making a babbling fool of himself. He was the luckiest cowboy in town, nay, the world to have her watching his back. He leaned in towards her and almost in reverence, took one of her hands in his. He saw Bo close her eyes, her lips part and he was tempted to kiss her in the way she was expecting at such a close proximity. However, her captive hand in his suddenly gave him another, more rascally idea. He slowly brought her fingers to his lips and tenderly kissed the dainty hand.

Bo had indeed closed her eyes in anticipation of Woody's kiss as he began to gravitate towards her face. Surprised was she when she realized it was her hand and not her lips that would be the recipient of her cowboy's kisses. She certainly had not been anticipating that and could not even think to express her indignation before Woody courteously tipped his hat and with a playful, but gallant, "ma'am" excused himself from the room. Bo Peep stood there flustered and a bit disappointed at Woody for saying goodbye in a way so much more chastely than normal. Equally as playfully, but still irritated more than anything else, she called back to him,

"You're a terrible, **terrible** gentleman!" Woody laughed like the guilty man that he was the whole way out of the saloon.


	16. Bad at the Waiting Game

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert******

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings when they come up. **

**Thanks beta reader! You're a real alpha!**

**Chapter 16: Bad at the Waiting Game**

Woody emerged from the dimly lit saloon and into the strong afternoon sunlight. The beating rays forced Woody to squint his eyes and made the search for Buzz that more difficult. Nowhere was Buzz to be found! Woody hoped it was a good sign and that the space ranger had already turned the block with his caravan of spacemen! Woody raced to the jailhouse as fast as the dignity of his station would allow without giving away the severity of his alarm! To Woody's relief, Buzz had indeed made it all the way to the jailhouse and did so without incident. Of course, once Buzz got there, there was an "incident". The space ranger could not figure out how to get into the building! He had managed to get the key in the lock, but could not determine the next step to open the heavy door. Buzz was in the mists of pushing and feeling around the edges of the door when Woody was finally beside him. Ever vigilant, Buzz caught Woody's approach from the corner of his peripheral vision and whispered to him,

"Sheriff, is there a force field or an airlock that needs to be deactivated before entry? I put the key in a slot that it fit into, but the door won't budge!" he said urgently. Woody fought the urge to slap his own forehead again. Woody had no idea what an airlock or a force field was, but how hard could it be to open a door? Noting that the aliens were watching, Woody shouted,

"Stand back, B! Sorry about that! I should have mentioned to you that the door has been sticking lately! This is how you get it open!" Woody made a big show of jiggling the door on its hinges, but then secretly pointed Buzz's attention towards the lock. Woody then turned the key and the well oiled hinges effortlessly swung the door open. Turning the key had been the step that Buzz had been missing! Buzz was expecting to get an earful from Woody, but he saved himself from the brunt of Woody's ire when he adeptly applied this newfound knowledge to its utmost potential. With this knowledge, he showed Woody just how skilled space rangers were at putting away bad guys!

Buzz handed Woody back the burlap sack of confiscated weapons he had been entrusted with from earlier and went right to work! Woody was impressed as he observed. The discipline of Buzz's movements as he processed the prisoners, it was almost a science. In half the time it usually took Woody, Buzz had led all the alien prisoners into the jailhouse, marched them pass the Sheriff's office, led them through the heavy door into the cell block in the back of the building and began to assign them cells! Woody could plainly see that his assistance was unnecessary and soon quitted the cell area. Looking over his shoulder that was not preoccupied with carrying a sack full of firepower, Woody called back,

"I'll be in my office."

Back in his oil lamp lit office, Woody silently hung up his guns, locked up the confiscated weapons and then sat at his desk. You could tell the desk was Woody's thanks to its nameplate with "Sheriff Woody Pride" appropriately painted on it in beautiful gold letters. Exhausted in general, Woody kicked back in his chair and he was plainly in the custom of doing this. In one, effortless swoop, his long legs were securely propped up on his desk. You could tell he was in the custom of doing this since, despite the poor lighting and the many trinkets on the desktop, nothing had been toppled over by his clunky boots. Not even that lovely nameplate sitting at the edge of his desk was in danger of teetering over. Woody then tipped his hat over his face and as customary, used his folded arms and the wall behind him to make a convenient pillow for his head to rest. A few minutes later, Woody could hear foot steps approaching and the sound of the cellblock door shutting. Woody assumed that Buzz must have finished his task and had come to inquire about their next move. Woody awaited Buzz's questions, but it did not come. Moments of silence passed under Woody's hat and finally Woody peaked out from under it and said,

"Uh… You can talk all you want now, Buzz." encouraged Woody, figuring that Buzz needed the encouragement after being told to clam up so much today.

"Just so long as you don't shout," continued Woody, "They won't hear us through those thick walls or that big, heavy door." Encouragement given, Woody went back to examining the insides of his eyelids. Buzz felt very glad. Obviously he must have been out from under the microscope if Woody felt comfortable enough to use Buzz's real name. Now convinced that this was a safe place, Buzz let out a sigh and pulled down his bandana,

"Good. So would you mind providing me a justification for incarcerating all these aliens when we are trying to keep a low profile? Won't they be missed by their superiors?" asked the incognito spacer ranger. Just because Buzz was taking a break from being Ranger B. Nesbit, did not mean he was any less focused on the mission.

"Exactly. And that's what we're waiting for." answered Woody. Buzz was floored,

"This is the plan? Aren't you the least bit worried that Porkchop will just send more flunkies with a similar disregard for authority to retrieve the ones we just locked up?" he questioned. Buzz knew that Woody was going somewhere with this, he could not imagine where, but he was only willing to give him the benefit of the doubt for so long. Woody brought his feet down and sat at his desk properly,

"I'm not worried about that. I'm actually banking on it. You see, Porkchop has enough trouble keeping his own space folk in line without worrying about the trouble that local outlaws cause. He gets all his provisions from extorting we townsfolk and with resources so low, he can't afford to have interruptions in the supply chain. That's where I come in. He can't always be focused on catching and converting local bandits to his side, so he relies on me to keep their trouble to a minimal. With this in mind, my defiance in keeping some of Porkchop's more rambunctious spacemen cooped up in jail … Well, it's just a minor inconvenience. In other words, I'm a necessary evil. So Porkchop just puts up with it and sends his thug, One-Eyed Bart, down here to bail out his men." explained Woody.

"If it's so pointless… And holding our detainees accomplishes nothing but inconveniencing Porkchop's Cyclops lackey with having to come out here and fetch them… Why bother doing it at all?" pressed Buzz.

"Because every time one of those sidewinders comes out of the canyons and gullies to spring their buddies, it gives me another chance to find Porkchop's hideout." clarified Woody. Buzz called a timeout,

"Wait, wait. You don't even know where Porkchop's stronghold is AND you want to go snooping around in it? I should have brought my spacesuit if your plan was that dangerous from the beginning." Woody was a bit insulted for being accused of being a poor planner.

"I'm playing it by ear now. I had no way of knowing that I would be arresting so many aliens today. I hadn't even planned on us scouting for Porkchop's place so soon. However, this is too good an opportunity to pass up. And especially now that I hear Porkchop is going to be in need of more slave labor." Woody paused and then leaned over his desk a bit towards Buzz. He then, as if he were revealing a secret, said in a low and sly voice,

"Besides, you're not completely unprepared, now are you, Mister Texas Ranger? You have a bunch of space doohickeys hidden under your coat, am I right? The only thing that sticks out like a sore thumb more than you at the saloon, are those obvious lumps under your sleeves. But even if they weren't, I'd know you had 'em on you. You space folk just feel out of sorts without them." Buzz involuntary reached the spots on his arms with devices strapped to them and felt a tinge of embarrassment for turning out to be the typical, predictable example of his demographic. Even barebones technology was something he would just rather not go without. Buzz's silence was all the confirmation that Woody needed to know that his ability to read people and spot concealed weapons a mile away had not gone to pot just yet. Woody leaned back in his chair and smiled,

"Excellent. Then we should have no trouble finding Porkchop's lair tonight. Thank goodness! I tell you, it might be easier to find El Dorado than that pig's hiding spot. Almost a year now into this mess and I still haven't found it. I'm just as amazed by it as you are and ten times as frustrated. I've tried following Porkchops goons on their way back from town, but they're too darn quick in their floating wagons! Poor Bullseye, try as he might, just can't run fast enough for us to see which paths they're take in the canyons. And since those wagons float, they don't really have tracks to follow either." Woody ended in lamentation. Buzz then pointed at one of the "obvious lumps" poking out from the sleeve of his jacket,

"Well, that much is easily addressed." said Buzz, "So long as we don't fall too far behind in the canyons, I should be able to track their hover units with this device."

"Then the only thing left to do is play the Waiting Game until One-Eyed Bart comes and leads us right to their hideout. Once we know where they are, we can regroup back here in my office with Miss Peep and any other townsfolk still brave enough to help and come up with some sort of attack strategy." With the plan thoroughly outlined, Woody excused himself back under his hat and resumed his examination of the insides of his eyelids. Buzz then became a reluctant participant in the Waiting Game.

Buzz stood at attention for quite a bit of time waiting for "One-Eyed Bart" to turn up at the Sheriff's Office. Once Woody expressed a desire for Buzz to "knock it off with the soldier act", it was making him uneasy, Buzz settled for just leaning up against the brick wall opposite of Woody's desk. A get deal of time passed that way and Bart did not show his face.

The planetary hour tracking instrument mounted on the wall only emphasized the agonizingly slow passage of time with its consecutive, muffled ticks. Buzz was glad that the Sheriff at least did not seem concerned at all by the possibility of a no show. As it got later, Woody could not help but notice that the "Texas Ranger" across room from him was starting to develop as many ticks as the clock on the wall. Woody then decided he had best do something about it.

"You space folk have a likeness to city folk, you know that? You live in a fast pace society and you don't know how to wait." Woody commented. Buzz, not wanting to be pegged for an edgy law enforcer responded,

"I can be patient when I need to be. It's just-"

"Goes against the grain to just sit around and do nothing when trouble's a' brewing all around you?" asked Woody, turning Buzz's sentence into another question.

"In so many words…" answered Buzz.

"That's understandable. But we need something to occupy your mind while were waiting. Shame, I'd have you interrogate the prisoners if there weren't such a big risk of you giving away that you were not of this world."

"It's just as well. We should keep their contact with me to a minimum. Less one of those varmints would most likely recognize me."

"'Varmints', huh?" mused Woody. Buzz starting to use local vocabulary more naturally and it pleased him.

"You're starting to blend in right nicely," complimented Woody, "But I don't see why they would recognize you in particular out of, no doubt, heaps of space rangers." Woody's quizzical look then reminded Buzz of something very crucial that he completely forgot to mention to Woody! Trying not to sound like he was arrogant, because he was not, Buzz awkwardly replied,

"Well, I'm not exactly what you would call an 'obscure space ranger'…"  
>"Oh?" queried Woody with a raised eyebrow. Buzz knew that Woody was not going to be thrilled about this,<p>

"Yeah, I've been told that I'm pretty a famous space ranger throughout the entire galaxy and up until very recently, I've sort of…. Had-the-biggest-target-on-my-head-out-of-any-of-Emperor-Zurg's-greatest-enemies." explained Buzz, finishing up the last part of his bad news very quickly. Woody sunk back into his chair and was silent for a moment with a look of disbelief across his face.

"I'm hiding the space equivalent of Davie Crockett right under the noses of Zurg filth…" Woody stated, but to no one in particular. The situation was getting more and more complicated. Woody looked like he was thinking over all of the problems that this new tidbit of information could bring about, but his worrisome expression soon turned to jubilance,

"Well I'm willing to bet that you did not get that reputation from sitting around and twiddling your thumbs while whistling Dixie! You must be more trouble than an army of space rangers to Zurg! I had my doubts before, but now I know this plan is really going to work!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sheriff." said Buzz sardonically. Woody laughed from behind his desk as he rummaged through one of his drawers,

"Sorry, buddy. But it's hard to take a guy seriously who sits on spurs and tries to shake hands with horses. At least now I understand why you covered up your face back in the saloon. I thought it was strange to get such a sudden bout of shyness. You can't be too careful when you're a celebrity, now can you?" Finding what he was looking for in the drawer, Woody tossed Buzz a small, rectangular box made out of heavy paper,

"Here! If you can't sit idle and you can't interrogate, use that to amuse yourself." Buzz caught the box and flipped it over a couple of times in his palm to examine it. There were two crude illustrations of what looked like maybe royalty. The royals had no legs, just an identical, but reversed version of themselves where the legs should have been. It was quite bizarre.

"What is it?" he asked as he opened flap at the top of the box. Inside the box were about 52 rectangular pieces papers. Their shape reminded Buzz of keycards. The cards had a similar weight to the box and the cards themselves were similar to each other. The cards had all different illustrations on one side, but were identical on the other. Buzz recognized a similar pattern from earlier that day and was able to infer that these cards were the same as the ones used by the natives in the saloon. Buzz's inference was confirmed by Woody,

"It's a deck of playing cards. You use them to play card games. The folks in the saloon were playing with them, if you recall seeing." reminded Woody.

"I do recall," answered Buzz, "But I don't know how to play any card games. And don't those games require a couple of other players?" Buzz did have a point. The games that were being played at the saloon had at least two participants. Woody nodded,

"Very observant, Buzz. But not always the case. There are a number of games you can play by yourself... But I think for a beginner, it'd be best to suggest that you put your hat on the floor and start flipping the cards into it." reasoned Woody.

"That doesn't sound too difficult a game to learn. Still, I fail to see the amusement in it." confessed Buzz.

"It is fun and challenging. Not to mention it teaches you to be patient. Come on, give it a go." encouraged Woody. Buzz put his hat on the floor right in front of where he was standing. He then began dropping cards into the hat. Woody watched Buzz do this for a couple of seconds and rolled his eyes,

"Well don't just put it right in front of you. Put the hat a good distance away from you and toss the cards from a chair you're sitting in." Buzz did as he instructed. He went across the room from where he had been standing and put the hat on the floor in front of Woody's desk. Buzz sat on a chair that was near the wall that he had been leaning on and started to attempt to toss cards into the hat. Satisfied that Buzz was properly preoccupied, Woody closed his eyes and put his legs up on his desk again.

Buzz was pleased that he was actually enjoying the simple card game that Woody had taught him. Woody was right, the game was much harder than it looked, but Buzz liked a challenge. With the aid of his excellent hand-eye coordination and after a long trial and error stage, the space ranger began to get quite skilled at the sport. Success at the game was all in the wrist and he had not realized how little he had trained that part of his body.

Once Buzz noticed that, on top of having fun playing the card game, it was improving his depth perception and reflexes, he thought the game might be worth showing the cadets back at Star Command. What cadet would not be fond of a game that allowed you to relaxing and improving motor functions at the same time? It did Buzz a world of good to think beyond his current situation. It was quite demoralizing otherwise to dwell on nothing but the idea of being stranded on an alien world incapable of interstellar travel and being completely outnumbered by a formidable enemy. Somehow he would get out of this mess and when he returned to Star Command, cadets would hang on his every word! He would recount to them how he came across and mastered a useful card game and all while infiltrating undetected into an archaic alien society and foiling another fiendish plot against liberty! After all, it was all in a day's work for Buzz Lightyear….Spawn of Zurg….

'Oh, yeah…' he thought. He was no longer the legendary space ranger that cadets flocked to anymore. Not since his blood association to Zurg was unveiled.

Buzz hung his head, he had done an excellent job up until this point disassociating his usual thoughts about Zurg from the new and disturbing ones that had recently been revealed to him, but not anymore. Buzz's mind was plagued with questions as he allowed the conundrum of his parentage to slip back from his subconscious. Now that he was the Son of Zurg, how would those same cadets that he had just been imagining behave around him this time when he returned? Would they care to hear his latest tale from this fantastical adventure and narrow escapes? Forget that! Horror came over Buzz's countenance. Would those cadets even still be there to hear or shun him when he returned? Buzz had been too distracted with the present situation to allow his mind to consider whether or not he had even been successful in stopping that death cannon that threatened to wipe them all off the star charts! Was he the only one who survived of all the space rangers of Star Command? He honestly did not know. Suddenly thinking pass his current situation seemed like it was the last thing that he wanted to do. He was not sure if he could do it without his mental health being affected.

Buzz knew now that he had gotten too skilled at his card game to find refuge in it anymore. If he had time to let his mind wander to such unpleasant places, it obviously was not difficult enough. He thought maybe it might be easier to distract himself if he were to increase the difficulty. He could put the hat or move his chair further off. He certainly could do that by utilizing the lengthier dimension of the narrow, rectangular office. Buzz looked around for a good place to move his chair to when, further towards the back of the office, he took notice of a dusty desk and chair that was already at the perfect distance for him to sit. He would have the maximum distance to toss if he took up office there, so to speak. Buzz left his hat at Woody's desk and went to use the chair behind the other desk.

Sadly, Buzz would think better of his plan the moment that the resting sheriff heard the creak of the dusty desk's chair legs being dragged across the floor. Woody's back went ridged! The cowboy jumped up and shouted at Buzz,

"**Don't you dare sit in that chair!"** Normally, Buzz would have blurted out an apology for not asking permission before sitting in the vacant chair, but he was just too unnerved by how suddenly Woody had gone from a normal temperament to blind rage! Sure, the man had lost his head a bit in the saloon when their alien detainees hassled with his girlfriend… Okay, that was an understatement, but this was not a slow burning anger turning into rage that you might have seen coming. This was something completely different and Buzz just silently gaped. Woody was not too blinded by his rage to see the shocked expression on Buzz's face and he instantly calmed down. Woody looked at Buzz like he wanted to apologize for his outburst, maybe even provide explanation, but then, frustrated with maybe himself, he just sat back down in his old position and without a word, covered his face again with his hat. You could have heard a pin drop in the room for a long time afterwards.


	17. Bazooka Jane

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert******

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings when they come up. **

**Okay! This is what many of you have been waiting for! Enjoy~!**

**P.S. Thanks beta reader! You're a real alpha!**

**Chapter 17: Bazooka Jane**

**"Don't you dare sit in that chair!" **Sheriff Woody Pride's words were still ringing in Buzz's ears as he quickly retreated from the chair that he had intended to sit upon. Woody was livid and Buzz was only too eager to appease him. For the life of him though, the space ranger could not imagine why it was such a scornful offense to sit in that vacant chair. Buzz could only conclude that, once again, he was lacking some bit of knowledge necessary in order to avoid cultural confrontations within Woody's society. But then again... Perhaps not.

Woody's reaction regarding the desk had more similarities than not to how he had behaved when Bo Peep was threatened. Yet, as far as Buzz knew, neither Bo Peep nor any other loved one of the cowboy would be endangered by his sitting there. None of them were even present! The only thing that would have been in the slightest bit of danger was Buzz's jeans, in danger of getting dirtier. Had Buzz been permitted to sit on the chair, his "Levi's" would have gotten coated with dust. Indeed, the dust had accumulated to almost a cakey consistency on the desk and chair from disuse and poor house keeping. This was a strange contrast to all the other surfaces throughout the Sheriff's office which were pretty much immaculate and free from dust. Then it hit Buzz, perhaps it was not a person at all that Woody had sprung to protect, but rather the memory of one.

Buzz began to seriously wonder if Woody's behavior was somehow linked to the question that had been hanging in the air like an **axe**. The question that everyone wanted to avoid, less suffer the "slicing sting" that was Woody's ire… That question was, "What ever happened to Sheriff Woody's deputy?" Given the circumstances, Buzz could wager a guess as to the fate of the last deputy. He would need more evidence before he was ready to assume the worse though. The deputy's absence might not be due to an untimely death. Desertion was unlikely since Woody did not seem the type to keep cowards for company. Capture was the only logical explanation for why Woody was so defensive about not needing another deputy. In Woody's mind, he still had a deputy! So no one had better sit in his partner's chair because, someday, the deputy would return for it. Buzz was satisfied with that theory, if only because he wanted to trust in Woody. He wanted to believe that Woody was not the type of person who would endanger innocent people or allies in some mentally unbalanced attempt to satisfy a personal vendetta and a desire for vengeance. Until circumstance forced him to think otherwise, Buzz would give the lawman the benefit of the doubt.

Buzz headed back to the chair that he tried to switch out for the one belonging to the missing deputy. In passing, he happened to notice that a few of the dusty picture frames on the forbidden desk were face down. It was not a very significant or unusual occurrence on an unkempt desk to find things in disorder… But when Buzz suddenly noticed this phenomenon, the same as the one he had first discovered at Woody's residence, was reoccurring throughout the cleaner parts of the office, it became more of a big deal. Most of the hanging frames were turned towards the wall and even Woody's desk had a facedown frame or two as well. Even the elongated, metal plate that sat on the deputy's desk, no doubt serving the same purpose as the upright plate on the sheriff's desk, was turned over. Buzz had more than a hunch now that if he were to right any of the overturned objects in the room or back at Woody's house… he would see something connected to the missing deputy. Still too unwilling to press Woody to disclose information that he was so obviously emotionally unwilling to give, Buzz held his peace and did not act on this hunch.

Once settled in his old chair, Buzz began to flip cards into his hat again. He settled on increasing the difficulty level of the game by just moving his hat off to the side and at an angle that was the least convenient for his throwing arm. Had his "throwing arm" not been covered up by the sleeves of his jacket, Buzz would have noticed that one of the sensors strapped to his arm was blinking rapidly. Unfortunately, since he did not see this, the only warning of danger that he or Woody received was the sound of the horses whinnying with fright from outside! The ground started to violently shake as if a train were had passing through! Woody and Buzz sprang to their feet as the building around them began to creak in a most unnerving manner from the stress of the shaking. The cause for alarm however was gone just as quickly as it came and all was peaceful again. Nevertheless, Buzz was still concerned and baffled by the whole incident.

When Buzz scanned the area around Woody's home earlier that morning, he checked everything. Topography, seismology and everything of significance about the landscape was taken into account by his sensors. There had been nothing to indict that this part of the planet was subject to large tremors and yet, he had just experienced one. Granted, the town was a few kilometers off from Woody's house, but not nearly far enough to make this much of a difference in the geological activity of the area. Was this undeniable evidence that his crash-landing had rendered his spacesuit equipment just as useless as his demolished spaceship? Out of a slim hope that he could still rely on his space suit's instruments to help him stop Porkchop, Buzz asked in a feverish hurry,

"Sheriff, is this a seismically active part of the planet?" Now it was Woody's turn to blink with a confused look on his face,

"Seis-what?" he asked. Buzz tried again,

"Is this area prone to earthquakes?" he asked. Apparently Buzz's "dumbing it down" did the trick, this time Woody answered,

"No, it's not. Well, up until very recently. It doesn't happen too often, but often enough for me to have suggested that you flip cards to pass the time rather than just build houses with them." Buzz looked down at the remainder of the deck of flimsy cards in his hand. It was a marvel that somehow Buzz had managed to hold on to them despite how shaken up he had been and he in turn marveled,

"You can build houses with these things?" Woody was not even going to honor that ridiculous question with an answer. The sheriff turned his gaze away and noticed the clock on the wall. It was now much later in the evening than Woody had thought. This was a bad sign since One-Eyed Bart was in the habit of coming either early in the evening to bail prisoners or not at all. Irritated that his plans might be delayed a day, he unpleasantly muttered to himself under his breath. It was something about making "mashed potatoes", whatever that meant, and then, once he was more collected, looked back at the space ranger,

"It seems that Bart might not come tonight after all." Woody confessed. The lanky cowboy then started heading for the door. Buzz began to get up from his chair to join the sheriff, but Woody raised his hand and slowly shook his head for him not to follow.

"I have to see to my other responsibilities that I've been neglecting this evening. Can't be having Porkchop's men or the aftermath of a quake wreaking havoc on the townsfolk while we're sitting here twiddling our thumbs. But we still can't miss Bart if he shows up either. So I reckon I'm going to have to ask you to stay and watch the prisoners for me. You don't mind, do you Buzz? It wasn't one of the bigger shakes. I doubt there'll be much damage, so I should be back soon... Once I finish my regular rounds." explained Woody.

Understanding the importance of one going to check on the wellbeing of the populace and one remaining to keep watch at the jailhouse, Buzz consented. He would stay. However, this assentation was made not without great difficulty. The whole time, Buzz was fighting the urge not to let the man go out on his own. Out there, Woody could be easily outnumber or overtaken by enemies. It was a very risky mission. Splitting up in a hostile territory was a task that required a certain degree of level headedness and calm rationality… However, as Buzz reflected on Woody's behavior throughout the day, the term "loose laser cannon" often came to mind. Would he be up to the task? If Woody was indeed as emotionally compromised as Buzz now feared… The space ranger could not be certain if Woody would fair as well in another alien scuffle as he did last time. Just one injustice to the memory of his fallen ally may be all that was necessary to set him well-nigh crazy! Still, Buzz mustered up a reassuring grin and a nod that he had the assignment given to him covered. Woody, "reassured" that all would be fine in his absence, closed the heavy jailhouse door behind him with surprising silence and was gone.

With Woody gone, Buzz went back to being the card tossing machine that he had been before. He was amused enough by the game, especially after increasing the difficulty when he switched his dominant hand for the other. An hour or so passed like this before Buzz began to wonder if it had been wise to ignore his gut feeling and let Woody venture through the town without him. The town was not so large that it would have taken Woody this long to "finish his regular rounds". Something irregular might have happened during his rounds. Buzz then resolved to leave the sheriff's office and go out to see for himself what was keeping Woody from returning. Buzz had promised to keep an eye on the prisoners, but Buzz reasoned that they would be fine by themselves for a little bit. After all, bars made good babysitters for criminals.

Buzz opened the front door of the jailhouse and it made a loud groan from the effort. He was almost out the door when he realized that he had forgotten his hat. Remembering how very recognizable he was to his enemies without it, Buzz quickly doubled back for his headgear. Quite absentmindedly, he left the heavy door slightly ajar since he did not want to have to pry it open again. Buzz picked up his hat and brushed off the bottom, or rather the top, of the cowboy hat which had been sitting on the floor.

"Going somewhere?" asked a sweet, but gravelly sounding voice from behind him. Buzz was startled by the voice and his back went ridged. He had forgotten that he had left the jailhouse door open a crack and for some strange reason, had not even heard the noisy door open! The owner of the voice could not have squeezed through the tiny crack he left! How did they open the door enough to gain entrance without first making a great deal of noise? Fearing that he would be found out as a result of his careless, Buzz pulled his bandana back up over his nose and speedily flipped his hat onto his head to help conceal his identity from the stranger. In his haste, it completely slipped Buzz's mind that the hat was still filled with playing cards! Hard, rectangular papers immediately cascaded down over his face, back and shoulders! From the darkened doorway, the owner of the unfamiliar voice tittered at Buzz's folly.

"And here I thought Texas Rangers didn't scare easily. You're about as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." bemused the voice that was now distinctly a feminine one. Buzz knew not what a cat was or what was considered to be an above average tail-length for one such creature, but the mocking comment still hit home for him all the same. He assumed that being overly cautious around rocking chairs was considered deplorable on this planet. It was not so silly an assumption. Especially since Woody's look of irritation from Buzz acting so foolishly uneasy around his porch furniture was still so fresh in Buzz's mind. Had it not been for the bandana covering up most of Buzz's face, the stranger would have seen just how red Buzz's cheeks were from the thought of his naivety earlier that morning. Buzz would soon find that donning his cowboy hat so quickly and recklessly was well worth the embarrassing price. Without the additional cover of that distracting hat, still spewing out an occasional card or two, Buzz's distressed eyes would have made an even bigger fool out of him than his traitorously flushed cheeks.

Completely unprepared was Buzz when the terrestrial woman stepped out of the shadowy doorway and came into the smoky lamp light of the Sheriff's office. His breath hitched in his throat and his eyes widened as they were besieged by more beauty than they had ever beheld before! Buzz blinked a couple of times, but try as he might, he just could not regain control over his saucepan eyes fast enough for his liking. Despite the added trouble they were causing him though, Buzz could not find it in his heart to curse his mutinous peepers. As far as Buzz was concerned, at least on a subconscious level, no one's eyes could have behaved differently under the circumstances that he now found himself.

Buzz's heart skipped a beat and then went into fierce palpitations at first sight of his unexpected guest. It was a perfectly natural reaction when caught off guard. So when the startling moment had passed and Buzz found that his accelerated heart rate, along with his shortness of breath, had not return to normal, he was quite mystified. Had he taken ill? Maybe these strange feelings really could be accredited the planet's air quality after all. Maybe he was right to be concerned that the planet's atmosphere could have fatal effects on extraterrestrials.

Buzz would be wrong to accredit his present state of discomfort to atmospheric conditions of the planet. But indeed, presently, something was off about the atmosphere of the room. There was now some unknown element in the room that might have had nothing and everything to do with the appearance of this stranger and the Buzz was in its power. Buzz knew this for a fact because on top of his odd symptoms, he was utterly transfixed to his spot. The truth was simply that Buzz had never been so completely astonished by the beauty of another person before. The effects of such a sighting were as alien to him as he was to this planet. He did not know what to make of it or how to act in such a scenario. Oft times, when you do not know how to act, you are prone to inaction.

Figuring out his next course of action was perplexing. It was not nearly as perplexing as a brand new emotion that immediately followed after Buzz's initial feeling of awe towards the beautiful stranger. He could not grasp or identify this amazing emotion, as it just barely bobbed out from the opaque, murky depths of his subconscious, but it was strongly there. Throughout the course of life, very few people have encountered this emotion and even fewer people have recognized it when they crossed its path. Buzz's heart recognized it and it desperately wanted Buzz to acknowledge it too. How could he not recognize this subliminal yet heralding awareness, this thrilling yet frightening feeling that comes when you finally meet that certain someone and know that the course of your life will forever be changed? He needed to know that, from now on, his life would not and simply could not, go back to the way it was before. Whether it was to his benefit or detriment, somehow this woman who stood before him would become an integral part of his life.

Buzz was quite frustrated with both himself and his subconscious and his somersaulting heart at this point. Looking for deeper meaning behind his emotions concerning the stranger was getting him nowhere fast. For now, he would abandon the irksome task of chasing after the abstract thoughts and fleeting sensations within his mind. Instead he would try to use his mind logically to determine what made this individual so remarkable to have any affect on him at all.

The woman was quite tall. This was evident by how Buzz had to correct his sights upwards to look her square in the eye when she first came into clear view. A lesser man's heart would have pounded from sheer intimidation upon noticing the height difference between himself and this visitor of unknown intent. However, Buzz was anything but a lesser man. True, Buzz was the slighter of the two in height, the woman being a bit over one head size taller than him, but it was not discouraging to him in the least. Heck, you were even rewarded for looking up at her. Right away your gaze would be met by the most brilliant, intelligent, emerald eyes you ever saw. That alone was well worth the effort of craning your neck at any angle. Buzz ruled height out for the cause of his fluttering heart and completely forgot about what he was trying to "logically determine" after staring up into those lofty eyes. After that, the rest of his scrutinizes were simply for purpose of fully appreciating her fine features.

As a strong contrast to the woman's green orbs that were so captivating to Buzz, out from under her dark hat, flowed ruby colored locks. This scarlet hair was tied back into a braided ponytail with a dark purple, almost black, ribbon. Buzz was very much intrigued by her unique coloring and wanted to compliment it. Sadly though, the more Buzz stood there growing fond of her, the more he grew too bashful to speak to her. Buzz surprised himself by this sudden partiality and shyness towards a perfect stranger. If anything, regardless of how much he just plain liked her, he should still be feeling the usual, strong urge of caution until he learned more about her. Something more than fondness urged Buzz to throw caution to the wind… Buzz only wished that he knew what it was.

Any chance of Buzz grasping or even naming this suddenly omnipresent emotion, which was greater than fondness, was soon lost. Regretfully, Buzz's train of thought was derailed when the woman felt inclined to speak again. She had quite grown impatient from being made to wait so long for a reply from the awestruck "Texas Ranger" and would wait no longer. The woman had very youthful, rosy cheeks and charming features as she spoke. Hers was a most endearing countenance that even her gloomily colored clothing and stern expression she now bore could not offset. This alone might have been why Buzz was caught so off guard by her next comment,

"They say everything's bigger in Texas… But I reckon you're about as tall as you are talkative." she mocked without malice, but still trying to get a stir out of him. It is one thing to know that you are the shortest man in the room, but another thing entirely to have it rubbed in your face all day as an unpardonable shortcoming. As mentioned earlier, every space ranger knew that height was relative from planet to planet. You could be a giant on one world and a speck on another. It was sort of pointless to pride or distinguish yourself based on your physical statute. So under any other circumstance, Buzz would have regarded such an insult from this stranger like he had been doing all day, irrelevant teasing, and never give it a second thought. However, the stress of being the town joke all day, coupled with a bewildering desire not to appear deplorable in any way in the eyes of his surprise guest… Buzz could not help himself and was driven to counter with,

"I'll have you know that I am considered quite tall where I come from." The moment Buzz said this, the space ranger wished he had not. He had to fight back a wince as though he had just shot himself in the foot literally instead of just figuratively! The beautiful stranger slowly approached him,  
>"Yes, where exactly are you from, Mister Texas Ranger?" she inquired with a suspicious, yet smug tone.<p>

"I'm from Texas, of course." guarded Buzz, not exactly sure what she was getting at, but fearing the worse. Who was this woman? Had she found out his secret? And if she had, was it cause for alarm? Woody had said that Porkchop had supporters from this planet... Was she friend or foe? He wondered all this as she casually passed him to venture further inside the Sheriff's Office. Both had their gazes locked on those of the other party. She looked him up and down,

"Of course you are..." she assured him of her agreement with his last statement. It did not sound sincere. She gave him the once over again as if **once** was not sufficient to sum him up. Tilting his head in such a manner as to call back on her wandering eyes' attention, Buzz said,

"I assume you came here for a reason, Miss...?" Buzz trailed off hoping that she would do him the courtesy of filling in the blank. She had not yet disclosed her name.

"All in good time." she reassured him, allowing her eyes to go back to studying him. Buzz was beginning to think that he would have to be more persistent if he was going to get any useful information out of her, but then she became more talkative,

"I had come here to talk with the sheriff, but I find him out with only the mysterious 'Texas Ranger' to look after things. I'd say I was disappointed to come all this way for nothing..." she smiled as Buzz appeared more nervous under her gaze,

"But somehow, I'm not." she finished slyly or maybe it was...amorously? Buzz gulped. He felt sort of like prey being stalked by some magnificent creature that you could not run away from fast enough. He cleared his throat in hopes of disrupting the odd tension that was building in the room. Trying not to appear as nervous as he was, he redirected the conversation toward her,

"Um, so…," he said stupidly without thinking, "Do you come around the jailhouse often?" Buzz blushed and mentally kicked himself when he realized that he just asked a question that could be misinterpreted in so many ways! Then again, maybe he was over reacting. Perhaps the question had not the same connotations in her native tongue as they did in his language. That being the case, the poor choice of words would be lost in translation. Buzz hoped for the best outcome, the last thing he wanted was to offend her by inferring that she had a dubious history of lawlessness and prison time. Sadly, Buzz's blasted translating chip was too good at its function. The woman gave him an incredulous look and then said with amusement,

"You gotta work on your pick-up lines, cowboy. I reckon that's the corniest one I've heard yet." Buzz was a perfect shade of scarlet now! Such an interpretation had not even entered his mind as a possibility! The very thought of this stranger, who Buzz found so stunningly beautiful, thinking that he had such inclinations so soon into their acquaintance… It was simply mortifying to a man as ill-equipped in such matters as he! He had always been preoccupied with his first love, Star Command, to ever truly venture into the heart of another. Buzz was at a loss of how to correct this error. The emotions he was feeling felt strangely paralleled to the helpless feeling of a child who has just let a big secret slip out. It was one thing to think you may have fervent feelings towards someone, but another terrifying thing completely when the object of those feelings thinks you have them too! The stranger took notice of his inner turmoil and mercifully sought to put an end to it. She condescended to give him a reassuring smile and brought him out of his fretful state forthwith,

"Relax, partner. Don't make such a fuss over little ol' me. I was only having some fun with you." she smiled. Buzz looked visibly calmer and she was glad, but she could not let him off that easily. She waved her hand over the discarded cards on the floor, bringing the forgotten scraps of paper back to his attention,

"But next time, you ought to be careful not to show me all your cards when you're playing poker." she finished coyly. The woman then laughed, quite amused by the irony of her little joke. Buzz did not laugh. He did not understand exactly what was so funny. He knew nothing of the innuendos used on this planet. However, he found that he had to laugh in spite of himself. He had to laugh if only for the sheer hilarity of his own confusion. Then again, how could he feel disinclined to join in on the mirth when invited by such bell-like laughter as that of his new companion? Once again, Buzz was finding it difficult not to like her.

When the zany moment had passed, the woman inquired into the absence of sheriff. Presented with the same question that he had been so set on answering for himself, Buzz gave a bit of a start. He had not completely forgotten about Woody, but for the last few minutes, the lawman had somewhat taken the backseat in Buzz's mind. He reprimanded himself for this. Here he was indulging in amusing conversation while Woody might possibly be meeting foul play! Buzz did not want to alarm his guest or let such a rumor to spread and frighten the townsfolk, if he could help it, so he hatched a plan. He would act as if nothing was amiss. She would not think anything of it if he asked her to wait outside for the sheriff to come. After all, he was just leaving and could not be expected to lock her inside the office with so many alien brutes locked up only a hairsbreadth away. Buzz straightened up into his matter-of-factly self,

"The sheriff just stepped out for a moment, Ma'am. He should be back momentarily but-"

"I hope he won't be..." she winked, "I reckon two's plenty company, don't you?" That was all the more it took to render the beet red Buzz Lightyear speechless. His plans of excusing himself from the jailhouse died right then and there.

Seeing that it was unlikely that the ranger would recover from her own innuendo anytime soon, she took the liberty of taking a seat. She went around the dusty desk that Buzz was now avoiding like a plague, pulled the chair out and kicked back like she owned the place. Buzz was going to warn her that it would be best not to sit there, but then she picked up the conversation again. With a raise of one of her elegantly shaped eyebrows, she queried,

"So, you got a name, Texas Ranger? I didn't catch it despite all the buzz-"

"My name's not Buzz!" he unthinkingly blurted out at the sound of his own name.

"—in town…" she completed slowly with a hint of confusion and then suspicion. She looked up into his eye searchingly. After a moment of silence, the woman's perplexed expression was replaces with a smug, almost knowing smile. If Buzz had known more about the behavior of both long and average tail length cats, he would have thought his guest smiled like one that unexpectedly got to swallow the canary.

Anyone who was a diehard fan of the great Buzz Lightyear would have blamed Buzz's Universal Translator before blaming his nerves for causing such a catastrophic slip of the tongue. However, those who saw him as a normal person who was susceptible to moments of insecurity and nervousness, just like anyone else, would have judged differently. The space ranger was just particularly ill at ease around this lovely alien female. The female brought her legs back down to the floor so now she was sitting in the chair properly,

"So then are you going to tell me your name already? Or are you keeping that one under wraps along with your pretty face?" she entreated with a touch of humor in her voice. Buzz unconsciously brought his hands to his bandana at her comment. If you had asked him the reason behind this involuntary action, he would have only said to make sure that his bandana was still in place and that his identity was still concealed. He had to be certain that her comment on his visage was made in only jest and was not based on an eyewitness' opinion. The real reason for this added protection was because he suddenly felt like one piece of cloth was not enough to keep him safe from her. She was getting under his skin and unbeknown to him, so unbelievably closer to his seemingly unobtainable and reclusive heart. Now that that lonely organ in his chest had some concept of kindredship, it secretly burned to know if there was any sincerity behind her lighthearted words. After all, who does not desire to know that they are admired by the one who they admire? If her feelings towards him turned out to be genuine, maybe that unwittingly guarded heart would let it be touched. Disappointingly, such hopes were surely impossible. Buzz could feel that his face was indeed properly covered. There was no way for her to tell if he were handsome under his bandana. Though a bit wounded to find out that she must have been joking about his looks, he managed to answer her question without sounding too doleful,

"My name is B. Nesbit."

"B. Nesbit…." she repeated as if trying to see how she liked the sound of it on her tongue, "Hmm… No, I like 'Buzz' better. It suits you since you've been causing so much of a fuss and buzz around here. Don't you think we should call you 'Buzz'?" she concluded. It was too much to hope that her deciding on that name was a pure coincidence… She must have seen through his cowboy masquerade and was hinting he should quit embarrassing himself by keeping up the Texas Ranger act. Until Buzz was certain however, he would persist in his endeavor to salvage his possibly blown cover. Buzz replied,

"I'd rather be called my real name-" the woman shot up from her dusty chair and cut off his sentence with a loud slam of her palm on the desk top! Although, the look of indignation and frustration she gave him would have been sufficient to stop him midsentence. Then in one heated, forceful sentence, she proved Buzz's earlier apprehensions valid,

"Your name is 'B. Nesbit' about as much as it is Mrs. Nesbit! I wasn't born yesterday! It's easy to tell, considering the **out-of-this-world** company that I'm accustom to keeping, that you're not from 'round these parts. If you're from Texas, then those men in your cells are from Cincinnati! And don't act like you don't get my meaning." she finished with a warning. Buzz understood her meaning exactly and was quite alarmed to see that she had indeed found him out. He did not sway though. Buzz replied to her politely and earnestly,

"Ma'am, I can assure you that my being from Texas is as sure a thing as how cross the sheriff is going to be when he comes back and sees you sitting at that desk." Buzz thought he gave a convincing performance and was particularly pleased at the last part of his statement. It offset the conversation perfectly. Surely now she would have to make a comment on the sheriff's eccentricities or argue her right to stay put. Instead, he was met with a strange question. It was strange because of the tone she asked it in, almost knowingly,

"You reckon so?" she passively challenged with an incline of her head toward the front door. As if by her cue, the door opened up and the sheriff came into the office. Without looking into the room, Woody quickly closed the door. He then breathlessly went to one of the windows peeked through the curtains. Not taking his eyes from the street, Woody excitedly called for Buzz's attention from over his shoulder,

"B! I just got word that one of Porkchop's large, floating wagons was spotted coming into town! It won't be long now before-"

"You ought to call him Buzz," suggested Buzz's red-haired lady caller, "It sounds a might more dashin'. And 'B.' is too obvious anyway." Woody's head whirled around when he heard the woman's voice. Unbeknown to Buzz, the sheriff's face had gone pale enough when he heard the voice, but when Woody saw where the woman was sitting, he turned so pale that he looked as though he had seen a ghost. Thanks to this odd, new coloring, Woody obviously could not hide how flustered he was from this turn of events. However, he soon took on a semblance of a recovery from the shock. He tried not to stutter,

"I… So you're doing One-Eyed Bart's work now? That's new." said Woody indifferently. Taking on an air of pity, the woman replied sarcastically,

"Well, you see, I came here to spring your inmates as a favor to ol' Bart. He hardly gets to go out with the Misses anymore and such a lovely night as this is just made for lovers… How could I resist if Bart asked me to give him the night off with his wife? Such a cute couple they make… Buzz and I, we make a cute couple too. Don't we, Buzz?" she finished with an impish wink at Buzz. Surprisingly, her teasing insinuations went completely over Buzz's head. Buzz was far too stunned by the unending limits of his naivety and stupidity to hear her! For quite a bit of time now, he had had been friendlily conversing with the enemy! Chitchatting with the very person he had been so impatiently awaiting to come and bail his alien prisoners out! Would he ever learn to not be such a gullible fool? He had long suspected that she was probably more troublemaker than troubled townsfolk, but subconsciously, he had hoped against hope that her mischief was nothing more than mischief. How unbelievably crestfallen was Buzz to have confirmation that this genuinely lighthearted person was actually a villainous, terrestrial underling of Porkchop. After being tricked so many times by foes who wore a convincing mask of virtue, Buzz began to wonder in dismay if he would ever become hardened enough to be immune to these horrid shocks whenever they presented themselves.

Buzz was not yet accustomed to the feelings of disappointment that the mysterious cowgirl could inflict upon an unsuspecting soul, but Woody was more than used to it. Gathering his wits much faster than his alien counterpart, Woody tried to act natural in the hopes dismissing suspicions of treachery towards Porkchop. Woody repeated the same story of "B. Nesbit" he had told at the saloon earlier that day. The effort of this retelling was meant to establish that Buzz's presence in the town was a temporary one and a non-threat to Porkchop. It was mostly wasted breath on the sheriff's part. The cowgirl listened little and what little attention she did pay to Woody's story, judging by the look of her countenance, she regarded it to have all the truth that could be accredited to a story about moon-leaping cows. Nevertheless, for the sake of a semblance of normalcy, Woody even went as far as to properly introduce Buzz to their guest,

"B… This is one of Doctor Porkchop's most esteemed associates,… Jessie—"

"The name is **Jane**. Bazooka **Jane**." the woman stated warningly over Woody's voice with extreme emphasis on the name "Jane". Adopting a much more pleasant demeanor, she then directed her attention to Buzz,

"Think of me as an ambassador of sorts to these mundane locals. I represent Porkchop."


	18. The Lost Princess of the Prairie

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert******

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings when they come up. ****Thanks beta! **

**P.S. Apparently, I have fanart by my beta now! 0.o; Do a google search of Son-Neko and deviantart, she comes right up.**

**Chapter 18: The Lost Princess of the Prairie**

"Bazooka Jane?" asked Buzz perplexed. That was a name he doubted that anyone native to the planet could have been given upon birth.

"That's right, Bazooka Jane..." she smiled warmly at Buzz, making his heart involuntarily skip yet another beat.

"I reckon I like the sound of my name best when you say it, Buzz." concluded Jane. Buzz had no idea what to say to that. He had no idea what to think or do when it involved her and he was beginning to wonder if he ever would. He concluded then that it was best to say nothing and not harm his situation any further than he already unwittingly had. Woody had had every intention in conducting his behavior in a way that was not detrimental to the situation at hand as well…. But sadly, Woody found that he could not follow through with that intention after hearing the cowgirl's self introduction to Buzz. Woody pleaded with her,

"Jessie, PLEASE listen to me! You're my deputy and a little sister to me! You don't have to do this! Whatever Porkchop has said or done-" Jane saw red that had nothing to do with her hair draped over her shoulder! With amazing prowess and skill, the skill being that she disturbed nothing on the desk with the movement, she hopped over the desk top! Before you knew it, Jane was right up in Woody's face!

"No, you listen! I won't tell you this again! Your Jessie is gone and I ain't her, no matter how much you beg or delude yourself otherwise! I am Bazooka Jane and you are just gonna have to get used to minding this pathetic town without her. So stop looking to me!" exclaimed Jane. If Buzz was lost as to what was going on before, he was lost beyond all hope now! This woman was the sheriff's absent deputy?

As Buzz observed Woody and Bazooka Jane's argumentative interaction with each other, he knew that this was not a simple case of betrayal. Buzz began to run scenarios in his mind as to how a minion of Porkchop, "Bazooka Jane", and Woody's missing deputy, "Jessie" could be one and the same person. Whether she was dead or alive, Woody had not yet come to terms with the deputy's absence, of that much Buzz was certain. However, in the distraught cowboy's defense, Buzz could tell that Woody was not so unbalanced as to allow his own grief-stricken mind to fool him into believing that Jane was his missing deputy if she was not. That acknowledged, there could the only be one conclusion that could be drawn, somehow Jane had to be Jessie.

If there was no mistake that Jane was in fact Jessie, then there was no mistake that her current behavior was extremely bizarre. If she was a traitor, then she had a great deal of tenacity to terry this long amongst her former allies. It was a very dangerous thing to do if you worked for Zurg. For her sake, as strange as it seemed, Buzz hoped she was doing it because it was her assignment. If not for that reason, then because she was trusted enough by Zurg's pig that she had no fear of scrutiny or penalties for such suspicious actions. Zurg was so very particular about monitoring the conduct of those who switched over to his side and his spies… Many at Star Command often wondered if Zurg could offer anything to turncoats to compensate for a lifetime of living under a microscope. How comforting could worldly gains be when you knew that one false step could bring about your untimely end? So, if fear of Zurg labeling her as a double agent was not in the equation, what was her reason for disassociating her past with Woody so adamantly? Rather than covering them up, it was common practice for Zurg scum to boast their successful betrayals.

Zurg scum. The thought of Jane being just another piece of "Zurg scum" did not sit well with Buzz. Had Jane been able to read his mind, he would have felt the urge to immediately apologize to her for considering the association. Somehow, despite it all, he could not dismiss the clever terrestrial for just another wicked soul who could be bought and willingly follow Zurg. She had too much class about her and too gentle of a countenance when not provoked to be counted among that tyrant's ranks. Still, you could never be certain of anything when it came to people involved with Zurg. Buzz was going to have to insist that Woody tell him the whole story regarding Jessie before he would allow this mission to go any further. With all the unexpected surprises and narrow escapes today, this alliance between Woody and Buzz no longer had the luxury of respecting each other's past and their secrets.

Her frustration spent, Bazooka Jane was eager to leave at least Woody's company,

"Well, it's always a pleasure talking with you, Sheriff. But I reckon I shouldn't dillydally any longer. I have a job to do and we don't want Porkchop to come and fetch me himself if I take too long returning with your prisoners. So how about letting them out already?" At first, Woody was slow to comply. He seemed unsure as to whether or not he wanted that threat to be realized. Then he thought of how vulnerable his celebrity secret weapon would be in plain sight of her space pig boss and reconsidered provoking her. At any rate, when finally Woody obeyed, he was still not moving fast enough for Jane's taste. After one blink of an eye, she had already pulled the key out of its hidden spot in Woody's desk drawer and was making her way towards the cell area before Buzz could process the strangeness of it all. This woman walked around not like she owned the place, but like she literally owned the place! It was evident that she had worked there before and with unrestricted access. Yet, as far as Buzz could tell, judging from all that had just transpired, Jane almost never came to the jailhouse.

In the time that Buzz finished his analysis of Jane's odd familiarity with the ins and outs of the jailhouse, Jane had her moaning comrades filing out of the building and did it just as quickly as Buzz had led them in! Her doing this all without Woody's help was all the more convincing he needed to believe that Jessie and Jane were one in the same. Jane startled him from his thoughts when she yelled out the door in a very authoritarian voice for her allies to go immediately to the transporter at the other end of town and wait for her. Apparently she was going to stay a bit longer and Buzz was not sure how to feel about that. He would rather have her safely away from all the influence of Porkchop, but he was dying to question Woody about the taboo topics concerning Jane. Once Jane knew that she was alone again with the two lawmen, she said,

"Now before I leave, I have a message from the good doctor. You can lock up all the locals you'd like to keep the peace in this town. But he wanted me to stress and word it just this way… If you keep causing trouble with our folks, he will really start to cause trouble for **yours**." Woody felt and looked as though he was going to be sick to his stomach. Buzz had not unraveled enough of this mystery yet to understand the hidden meaning behind these words, but the literal meaning was enough to cause concern. Satisfied with the surmounting terror on Woody's face that he had yet to gain mastery over, Jane turned to leave. She paused at the door, looked back at Buzz and said flirtatiously,

"Don't get me wrong... I wouldn't mind making trips down here to bail out my associates so long you keep guarding the jailhouse. Heck, I'd get myself arrest a few times if you'd eventually let me see that handsome face of yours under that bandana... Sadly though, the good doctor isn't as patient as I am and he does like to have his way. Bye, **Ranger Buzz**." Woody had already taxed Jane of all the patience that she claimed to have. He knew that in such a state of irritation, most likely any effort to obtain further information from Jane would be unrewarded, but he had to try! Regardless of the futility of it, Jane's choice of words in her adieu to Buzz emboldened Woody to ask with great urgency,

"Jane!" Woody called after her, though it pained him tremendously to call her by that name, "Before you go… Tell me. What are you going to tell Porkchop about Mr. Nesbit, here?" Slightly irked at hearing the false name of Buzz yet again, but pleased to hear her own name willingly being used by the sheriff, she actually stopped and looked back at Woody. She studied his expression for quite a number of moments. She then looked at the bandana clad "Texas Ranger" and finally said,

"As far as **Mrs.** Nesbit is concerned, I reckon there's no reason why Porkchop needs to know about my encounters with shy, though **cunningly** dressed spacemen who may or not be named "Buzz"…. I do reckon that I'll at least have to tell him there's a cute, new ranger in town though." Then she was gone. Moments later, Buzz finally managed to get his own wits about him. The lady's absence made such efforts easier than when she had been present in the room. Buzz let out a nervous sigh of relief for somehow surviving his encounter with Jane. If he were incapacitated by the mere presence of a person like that on a daily basis, he would have no disputes with being demoted back to a cadet and shipped back to the Academy at the earliest convenience. However, it was not an everyday thing in the least. He was unprepared simply because he had never in his life met a person like Bazooka Jane before. She was tricky and forceful, yet not entirely as malicious an enemy as she let on, almost fair and good-natured. He was both amazed and intrigued by her and the emotions that she stirred up within him. He had desired nothing more than to get away from her and yet get nearer to her all at the same time. How did such an enemy of so many contradictions come to be? He turned to Woody,

"Sheriff, I think it is about time that you leveled with me. If we are going to stand any chance of foiling a Zurg plot, we can't afford anymore surprises like this." Woody hung his head and his shoulders slumped,

"I reckon we can't…" He walked over to Jessie's desk and picked up the dusty, facedown picture frame that laid on it. He looked into the photo and invited Buzz to come over to join him. The people in the photo were all children in front of some building. The photograph had become yellowed with age, but Buzz recognized two of the children as Woody and the girl who then was called "Jessie". While all the other children were smiling and standing in clean rows, Jessie was using Woody's head as an armrest! Young Woody was being a good sport about it, but he was obviously annoyed by the additional weight on his head. Above the children's heads, there was a sign hanging from the porch roof. Buzz could not read the alien writing on the sign, but Woody soon provided an explanation.

"Jessie and I go way back. We were both orphans. We met and grew up in the same orphanage. All the kids in this photograph and I were good friends… But Jessie, she was different. To me she was my little sister and I looked after her accordingly. We've been a team and inseparable ever since... But that was then and it's been like this for so long now." finished Woody as he directed Buzz's gaze with a wave of his palm at all the other overturned frames in the office.

"I have to do that to any picture with Jessie in it. Jane gets upset when she sees them and she smashes them. I don't want any more of my cherished mementoes of Jessie destroyed so what can't be turn over like these pictures, I hide from view. The ones here and the ones at my house are some of the few left in this town. She absolutely hates anything that reminds her of her life before that wretched night in the canyons."

"Canyons?" asked Buzz. Woody nodded as he put down the picture frame. It had become too painful to look at it.

"We headed out there one night to find out where Porkchop had been taking all the outlaws and unfortunate passersby that he had been picking up. We wanted to know what he was doing with them. Especially the ones who came back to town acting strange." Woody explained how the canyons were like a labyrinth. Jessie and he had been exploring those paths and caves since childhood and there were still plenty of twists and turns that they did not know about. As a consequence, they lost the spacemen that they were following. To cover more ground, Jessie suggested that they split up and regroup later. Woody agreed but would later regard it as the biggest mistake of his life. Jessie missed the rendezvous time. He searched for her, but all that turned up was her hat.

"I searched all night and she was nowhere to be found. Fearing the worst, I went back to get any brave soul left in town to form a larger search party..." explained Woody. It was sad for Buzz to listen to this story. Even if Woody could have gotten help from the townsfolk, in a fight where it was guns verses ray guns, he knew that Woody would not have stood a chance. Woody's rescue story did not even get that far though, upon returning to town, no one was willing to help him. Apparently he had greatly underestimated just how much people had come to fear Porkchop. Woody was not deterred though,

"Bullseye and I were about ready to head back out to the canyons, with or without anybody's help... But then, she came back… with Porkchop." finished Woody solemnly.

Woody described how his relief to see Jessie alive and well had been short lived at best. The Jessie who Porkchop brought back to town was completely altered. She was nothing like the yodeling cowgirl whose benevolence towards all arid wildlife and townsfolk alike had earned her the title of "Princess of the Prairie" amongst her "faithful subjects". This new Jessie appeared to have renounced both her "royal title" and given name. She had turned her back on her own planet in favor of leading a troublemaking posse of Porkchop's bandits and doing much of his dirty work! She pulled pranks around town for kicks. She stole from and fought with anyone foolish enough to raise her ire and in return she earned the ire of her once "faithful subjects".

As far as Woody knew, fighting, pranks and stealing were the extent of her disturbing behavior. He had yet to receive any confirmed reports of Porkchop and his men killing anyone. That was hardly reassuring though. So few people came back to town once taken by Porkchop and no one knew what happened to the rest. He just had to pray that murder was still the one crime that Jessie was not guilty of. Woody shook his head at the thought of Jessie being a murderess,

"Townsfolk won't say it to my face, but Ms. Peep tells me most reckon that Porkchop just bought her off. I'll never buy it though. I don't know what kind of hold Porkchop has on Jessie, but she can't be doing this willingly. Jessie doesn't have a mean bone in her body and would sooner sit on a cactus than abandon her friends for her own self gain! Sure, we had our "sibling disagreements" as Ms. Peep jokingly put it... Mainly over how many critters I'd let accompany us indoors and the selection of her repertoire, but we had an unbreakable bond of kinship!" Woody realized how elevated his emotions were getting, along with his volume, and restrained himself. He leaned his tired weight over his desktop. He may have been crying, but Buzz could not tell since the Sheriff's back was to him. All was silent for a moment, but Woody then said in a solemn voice,

"Oh, what I wouldn't give now to have the old Jessie back, driving me crazy with all the critters she'd bring home and waking everyone up with that incisive yodeling of hers first thing in the morning… Whatever that pig did to her… It was the most unnatural kind of witchcraft in the universe to take our sweet hearted Jessie away from us."

Buzz wanted to say some word of comfort to the haggard sheriff somehow. The problem was that he was not certain how. Where Buzz came from, turncoats were not uncommon. Jessie might very well be a traitor no matter how much Woody wished otherwise. He did not want to instill in him false hope. However, Buzz felt that it would be hypocritical of him not to consider Jessie's track record before condemning her. Buzz certainly would have benefited if many of his space ranger allies had been so considerate before passing judgment on him. But unlike her, Buzz had yet to do any actual misdeeds to suggest treachery. Well, other than being the child of Zurg and he could hardly help that. Maybe her crimes were somehow unavoidable as well. Perhaps there was a perfectly good reason behind it, if he were but only to ask. Nobody is perfect. And, deep down, Jane seemed just too amiable to have truly malicious intent behind her actions…

Wait a second! Was he just trying to justify the ill deeds of a criminal? What was wrong with him? Buzz wanted to scream, he was so vexed! He told himself that it must have all been out of sympathy for poor Woody. What other reason could there be for him to go against all sense and logic to find innocence in a woman where none may lie? It was the only reasonable explanation for Buzz's aberrant behavior and hesitation. Still, as his mind began to deviate further and further away from the realm of reasonability… He began to wonder if there was some other motive behind his good intentioned, but ill-guided thoughts. Perhaps he too was under a similar influence of 'witchcraft" as was Jessie. …Witchcraft? No, not witchcraft, but rather, scientific innovation in the hands of wicked people! Buzz had an epiphany and with a tone of enthusiasm that was almost inappropriate, given the profound horror of it, relayed to Woody,

"That's it! Woody, from what you told me, I don't think Jessie is at fault either! She has all the symptoms of someone having their brain waves manipulated! The use of such a base tactic as **mind control** is not uncommon among villains where I'm from."

""Mind control"?" repeated Woody perplexed. Despite living in a world where men presently had no choice but to accept the fact that aliens sometimes dropped from flying tugboats in the sky, somehow, to Woody, such an idea still belonged to the realm of fantasy.

"Yes," reassured Buzz, "Such illegal technology exists in the universe. You can compel a person to do unspeakable things simply by wiping clean, altering or replacing their memories. It is a major concern, so we take pains to defend ourselves from it. But on a planet where technology is really in comparative infancy to Zurg's technology, no such precautions can exist. Anyone on the wrong end of a mind control ray would be susceptible- "

"Including Jessie!" Woody broke in and in just as eager a manner as Buzz, now that hope had been restored to him! The overjoyed cowboy grabbed Buzz by the shoulders and looked as though he would hug him, he was so happy by the news,

"I knew I wasn't a fool for saying it! That there was no way that Jessie Pride could ever turn her back on her own people! Porkchop just made her do it by controlling her thoughts! And that's explains why she doesn't recognize or remember me either! It all makes perfect sense now. Her memories were just wiped away like you said! And it can be fixed, right?" With his hands still resting on the shoulders of his ally, Woody waited for Buzz to confirm all that he said. Buzz however was silent,

"It depends…" Buzz finally said and quite reluctantly.

"What's there to it? We just have you use your space-knowhow to take out the thoughts Porkchop put in her head and then put her old memories back in." explained Woody as if it were the most obvious solution. Buzz had to be a simpleton not to see how easy a fix this problem was! If his people could figure out how to fly in the sky, anything after that must be child's play. It was not that easy though, and as much as he wanted to keep Woody hopeful, he was not going to tell Woody any lies or half truths. He sighed, this was not going to be easy…

"Sometimes the effects can be permanent." Buzz owned. Buzz of course received the most undesired response, a gasp of horror! Buzz tried to calm the sheriff down.

"That's not always the case though! Judging from your description of the conditions that Porkchop is living in and by Jessie's erratic behavior when coming in contact with objects from her past… I'd say the job was done poorly at best. I doubt that they had the sophisticated equipment needed for her condition to be more permanent." The lengthy explanation served its purpose. Woody's thoughts seemed to somewhat more collected now. His expression of panicked horror was replaced with raw indignation and anger,

"Porkchop is a real piece of work. When my sister **found** his hideout and I have no doubt that she did… Using that mind doohickey you described, Porkchop in turn **found** in my sister, not only an exceptionally cunning lackey, but also, to my constant chagrin, a perfectly unwitting hostage… A life in his cloven hooves, that he never lets me forget the way he parades her around town, that he could have snuffed out in a moment. All I have to do is just anger him enough." Woody's fists were really clenched at his sides now,

"Did you hear what she said before? She was completely unaware that it was her own life that Porkchop was threatening in that message she gave me! Porkchop 'will really start to cause trouble for yours' if I go too far! Well now he's gone too far! We're gonna break into Porkchop's hideout, take him down, unscrambled Jessie's brains and have her back here before breakfast tomorrow! I swear!" resolved Woody so firmly that even Buzz could not doubt that it would be so. Then Buzz remembered,

"Hold your horses!" said Buzz, mimicking a popular idiom he picked up at the saloon, "We still need to develop a good strategy before we even think about attacking Porkchop's hideout. And don't we have to find Porkchop's hideout first?" Woody gave a start at this question and probably could have kicked himself for letting it slip his mind. After all, why else had he bothered locking up those filthy space sidewinders when he had already taught them a fine enough lesson?

"Great horny toads! I plum near forgot! We gotta catch up with those space sidewinders!" he exclaimed in a breathless accent that suggested that good diction was now one of Woody's least concerns. Talking to himself all the while, Woody then began to rush about the room in search of things that would aid in their pursuit.

"I don't know how it could have slipped my mind!" Woody chastised himself, "It ain't like I don't have a good reminder wafting in the air. Damn space polecats! The place always reeks for days after space folk have been here." The space ranger shot a look Woody's way bordering on resentment. Buzz was no criminal, but he was still included in the insult by virtue of his extraterrestrial origins.

"I'm deeply hurt." Buzz retorted sarcastically on the idea that space people could not help it to be anything other than malodorous. Buzz neither needed nor expected an apology for such a trifling slip of the tongue though. He was not innocent of the crime himself lately. Buzz's indifferent sentiments left him in a position where he was quite surprised when he did receive an apology from Woody, though a rambling one. Woody quickly ran for the door, turned back for his hat, which he had left by his desk, ran back towards the door and said in hast,

"Present company excluded. Come on, let's go!" And with that they both were off into the night.


	19. Ex Post Facto

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert******

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings when they come up. ****Thanks beta! **

**Chapter 19: Ex Post Facto**

Buzz and Woody quickly mounted their horses outside the jailhouse. Their lengthy wait for their expected, yet unexpected guest turned out to be all in their favor. The stallions were now quite fresh after such a long rest and boy did they need to be. They were possibly in for a long night of hard riding and the horses had to be at their best. Once Buzz was properly saddled on Buttercup and Woody was certain that the space ranger would not fall off again, the sheriff thrust his shotgun into Buzz's arms.

"Even if we're not hankering for a fight tonight… We don't know what sort of trouble we could be heading for. I'd prefer it if you were armed." Buzz, somewhat put off by the idea of toting such a barbaric weapon around, nudged it back into Woody's grasp and politely said,

"That's all right. I have my own weapons." Buzz preferred having the option to stun his attackers rather than just put holes through them. However, it seemed that Buzz completely misunderstood Woody's meaning,

"Look, this little ragtag team of ours is an amusing novelty to Jessie. That much was obvious. So I'm banking on her not ratting us out just yet… It'd spoil her fun," quickly explained Woody, "But if we're spotted around Porkchop's hideout… And you start returning lay-zar fire for lay-zar fire, it won't matter if she stays mum. We'll still lose the advantage of being underestimated. And even if you don't use your space guns, Porkchop's no idiot… Pretty soon he'll get to wondering what any self-respecting, right-minded Texas Ranger meant in coming to a gunfight without a gun. He'll reckon we're up to something big, take no chances, bring out the big lay-zar guns and pow! There goes any chance we have of getting out alive." concluded Woody while pantomiming both the shot fired and the recoil of the enormous laser gun that would spell their demise. Woody then pulled a small gun from his holster and holding onto the barrel, held out the handle end for Buzz to grab,

"I'm fine with holding onto the shotgun, but at least carry my Colt on you to keep up appearances." entreated Woody. Buzz could see no way around refusing the weapon after Woody making such an argument. Reluctantly, he extended his hand out and took the gun.

"Don't worry," reassured Woody with a wink, "When I do carry that one on me, I never needed it for anything but target practice. Don't see why it can't keep going that way." Buzz nodded and looked for somewhere to put the gun. Noticing he too had such a leather pouch on his belt as Woody, Buzz secured the gun in it and looked to Woody for their next move.

The pair's next move was moving slowly through town as not to attract any unwanted attention. This agreeable pace for a novice rider like Buzz did not last for long though. No sooner had they cleared the edge of town, Woody was off like a shot! Poor Buzz. Between trying to stay balanced on his saddle, monitoring the screen on his tracking device and trying to keep his sleeve from rolling back down over said screen, he could barely keep up. It was unavoidable though, they had no visual of any hovercrafts and Buzz was not certain how long it would be before the enemy was too far out of range of his instruments to track. Nevertheless, Buzz knew that it could not be long before Woody voiced his displeasure at his slug's pace. Planning to beat Woody to the punch, Buzz called ahead to the faster rider,

"My instruments are limited when separated from my suit's power supply. I have to monitor the hovercraft's movement carefully. Otherwise we run the risk of them putting too much distance between us and getting out of my scanners' range." It was a perfectly decent explanation in Buzz's mind, but it just sounded like a wasted effort to Woody,

"Just concentrate on riding for now, B! That's where the real risk of putting too much distance between us and them lies. We already know where they're headed! It's once we get to the canyons that we'll need that doohickey of yours!" said Woody. Again, not being able to argue with such logic, Buzz did as Woody advised and it made all the difference. When Buzz just focused on riding, he found that he was not nearly as incompetent on a horse as he still feared. With a bit more effort, Buzz was soon matching Woody's stride and his riding form was excellent. Woody grinned,

"You've come a long way from this morning, Ranger. And the odds certainly were against you."

"I'll be ready to take on Zurg's minions no matter how much the odds are against me. You can depend on that!" answered Buzz with confidence. Woody wished that he felt half as confident as Buzz sounded, but he did not. Ever since Jessie's unexpected visit at the jailhouse, Woody found himself doubting his ability to adapt to whatever horrible pinch Porkchop put him in next. The more Woody thought of the many countless ways that Porkchop could use Jessie against him, the more uncertain the sheriff became. It troubled Woody greatly to be for want of self-confidence, but he would keep these doubts to himself. Thankfully, no sooner had Woody decided this, he remembered that he and Buzz had agreed to no longer hold back secrets. No matter how great or minute, Woody now felt that he owed it to Buzz to inform him of any misgivings he may harbor. Woody rallied up his strength and then replied very graciously and honestly to Buzz's assurances,

"Thanks, B. I'm really glad to have you here. I want to tell you that I can take on anything that Porkchop can throw at me too. But that would be a lie. Fighting Porkchop is one thing, but I don't know if I can fight my little sister, if it comes to that." Buzz was glad to see that Woody had meant it when he agreed to hold nothing in reserve from him.

"You won't have to. If it does come to that, I will confront Jessie." said Buzz, with an expression of all sympathy and seriousness. He understood the magnitude of what it was that he was promising. Nonetheless, he had to hold back a blush at the thought of possibly being in the close confines of combat with such a beauty as Bazooka Jane. Realizing where his mind had meandered, Buzz reproached himself for being so pitifully base! He could not believe it! In the past, Buzz had fought hand-to-hand or spared with many women who could be described as beautiful and his thoughts had never gone there! …So why now? And in a situation where such nonsense was completely inexcusable!

When Buzz had started this crazy Son of Zurg misadventure, his preconceptions of his own identity as a space ranger had been flip-flopped about more than his blasted spaceship! There seemed to be no end to Buzz's fall from being the ideal model of the ultimate space ranger. And ever since he landed on this planet, the plaguing, plummeting sensation and feelings of deficiency had only magnified! Buzz had to turn this horrible trend around! He was Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger. He had wings and he did not do plummeting into despair or falling from grace! He would prove it by swiftly removing the evil alien influence on this planet, whisking with equal sped back to Star Command and prove to all that he was still the same champion of right as he was before! He had to do it! Buzz would never acknowledge it, but he was beginning to fear that if he was not able to accomplish this, he might lose what little was left of how he perceived himself… But there was something that he still feared more. If he did manage to get out of this mess and escape from this strange world and it own peculiar brand of soul searching influences … Would he be a stronger and better Buzz Lightyear for it or would he be weaker for leaving these mysteries about himself unsolved?

Buzz had ceased berating himself for his irregular thoughts, but Woody had not ceased with his own self-reprisals after hearing Buzz's offer to fight Jessie in his stead.

"No, Jessie is my deputy and my responsibility. I'm the one who has to face her… Because if anyone is going to put a stop to Jessie, it just has to be family." said Woody with resolve but still looked pained to say it. This sobering statement of the sheriff's about obligations to one's fellow lawmen which, by sheer chance, also encompassed duty to one's family hit Buzz funny. This coincidental grouping caused him to look at both his present situation and past ones in a way that he had never thought of before.

"You know," Buzz said slowly as it dawned on him, "I'm only realizing this now but, out in space, space ranger teams are like a family. Sometimes we're all we've got against the impossible. We look out for one another and can accomplish so much more than when we act alone. I never truly understood this and it got me in trouble. Trouble that I could have easily avoided… If only I had always used the resources that my team members had to contribute instead of using them only when it was unavoidably necessary. But now that we're a team, I won't make the same mistake and neither will you. You know the territory, I know the enemy. And as a **team**, we're going to use that to give us a huge edge neither of us would have had acting alone. No one tonight is going to have to "put a stop" to Jessie because **we** are a **family**. We're going to come out of this on top!" This speech greatly reminded Woody of a conversation he had earlier that day with a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed saloon spy. His spirits rose and he smiled,

"That's right. We all had hopes and dreams before all this. And it'll be a cold day in Death Valley before I let Porkchop keep Jessie from Bo and my wedding!" …Woody's family reunited, unhindered by Porkchop…

"That'd be quite a sight to see." mused Buzz.

"Well, of course it will. How could it not? Bo will look lovely in her gown, Jessie will actually wear a dress for once since she'll be Maid of Honor and you'll be my Best Man." said Woody very matter-of-factly. Without giving Buzz a moment to react, Woody leaned in towards Bullseye's ear and laughed,

"No offense for picking Buzz over you for Best Man, Bullseye. But you're not exactly a man, now are you? If there were a "Best Horse", I'd pick you in heartbeat. You're still "Best Horse" everyday regardless though." Bullseye was not offended in the least and seeing this Woody turned back to Buzz,

"I know you're probably itching to get back to space, but you'll be there, right B? It wouldn't be a proper family gathering if one of its members were absent."

"It'd be an honor, Sheriff." replied Buzz respectfully, quite moved by being so sincerely thought of as family.

"Best Man" at the Sheriff's own wedding! Buzz did not know what a wedding on this planet entailed, but a term like "Best Man" sounded like too important a role to just give away to a stranger from outer space.

'It looks as though I've been accepted into your culture.' thought Buzz happily.

Even when in hot pursuit of an enemy, Buzz, being an explorer of alien cultures, could not help but allow his mind to wander and wonder about this ceremony that Woody had welcomed him to attend. What was customary and expected of participants in a wedding party on this alien planet? The most logical and linear path for any anthropologically inclined space ranger at this point would have been to ask a native. Or at the very least, draw an educated conclusion based on evidence that they had observed. However, once Buzz's thoughts began to deviate what it would be like to see a certain captivating rose-haired Amazon he had just met in such a romantic backdrop, all hope of logical thought processes were lost. He gave a loose reign to his fancies and rode into the land of daydreams. He only had Bo Peep's stage dress as a model to work with of women's fashion on this planet, but it mattered not. In want of more fanciful detail to enrich the experience of his daydream, Buzz's mind did what was natural. It compensated for what knowledge he was lacking in this planet's clothing with images of the loveliest of finery from countless alien worlds. It painted a very inaccurate, but nonetheless beautiful picture in Buzz's mind. Though as nice as the fantasy was, he found that he still yearned to see the real thing. It was then that Buzz thought, regardless of whatever power that this world had in revealing the his true character, maybe its strange sway could not be so terrible as to make him want to immediately leave the planet after defeating Porkchop. At least, not before witnessing the full fruits of his labor that only peace time could bring. Thinking of that lovely picture his mind painted again, he could not help but say to himself,

"That would be quite a sight indeed…"

Once within the walls of the canyons, "like a charm", as Woody put it, Buzz's tracking device led them through twists and turns that even Woody was surprised to know existed. Buzz, obviously taking Woody's above mentioned simile literally, tried to explain to the cowboy that magic and talismans had nothing to do with his successfulness. Rather it was science that allowed him to navigate through the maze of rock. Buzz was about to go into further detail on how his device was detecting particles emitted into the air from their enemies' hovercrafts as a guide, but then they turned the corner. The space ranger stopped dead in his tracks at the shocking turn of events of so quickly spotting Porkchop's hideout!

Carved enormously wide and deep into the rock about a couple kilometers away and right below them was a **huge** compound! They had a perfect view from their lofty, narrow ledge. The compound had many barricades and a small shanty-looking town of poorly constructed wooden building with dimly lit windows near its outer edge. Greatly separated from the pitiful town was an impressive looking metallic facility. Seemingly too impressive a facility, Buzz noted, for a band of alien castaways. Beyond that structure, though difficult to make out in the dark shadows of the pit compound, was a rather sophisticated, though oddly shaped spaceship secured on a sturdy and reinforced platform. Either Porkchop was unbelievably crafty when it came to exploiting the natural resources of a technologically inferior society, or there was something more going on than just a stranded space pig's desperate attempt to get home. Whichever it was, Buzz did not like the looks of it.

Woody was not so technologically primitive that he could not tell when a fort was too guarded to be broken into when he saw one. He knew that this job required a great deal more premeditation than they had done at present. At length Woody said,

"I reckon you'll be wanting us to turn around now?" The surprise of finding Porkchop situated so incredibly well was wearing off, but not so much so that Buzz heard Woody's simple inquiry. Buzz instead began systematically scanning for any details about the compound that he could not see with the naked eye. Midway he marveled,

"Amazing! The place is a virtual citadel against ground attacks. There's only one way in or out of the compound on the surface. The main building is heavily fortified and it tunnels down for miles beneath the surface! I can't believe it!" Woody was not as impressed,

"I can believe. Remember when I mentioned that business had been slow for Stinky Pete? It was on account of Porkchop's varmints going around chasing all the miners away from their livelihood. I reckoned Porkchop wanted to make the best of his crash landing and gather all the gold he could get before going back into space. Old prospectors like Pete would get in the way, but younger outlaws under mind control would be ideal for such grueling work. It would explain all the kidnappings. You'd also need to do a whole lot of blasting to get that deep. So it's no wonder we've been having so many quakes as of late."

"No," said Buzz as he observed his instruments, "I think there's something far more sinister going on here than Porkchop just mitigating his loses…" Buzz did not have time to explore or even explain this theory to Woody before the cowboy said in an urgent whisper,

"Did you hear that?" Buzz quickly readjusted a sensor and its indicator light began to blink rabidly,

"Didn't hear it," answered Buzz, "But I'm picking it up now!" He quickly analyzed the data he was being given,

"One person… Maybe more than one since I'm picking up what looks like two life forms close together. They might be on horse given the speed and that I'm not picking up on any hovercrafts." relayed Buzz. In an irritated hurry Woody said back,

"If they're on horseback, it's probably one of Porkchop's loyalists from this world on scout patrol! I've yet to see an alien 'stoop so low' as to ride a horse… Again, present company excluded." Woody added at the end. Whether it was one turncoat rider or fifty armed aliens roughing it, this was bad. They both could clearly hear the unknown threat approaching from just around the last turn they had taken and there was nowhere to hide! Buzz and Woody exchanged looks. Their eyes communicated to each other that they needed to act and act quickly, less their enemy might have time to call in for help. Simultaneously, Buzz and Woody brought their horses as close to the wall of the narrow ledge as possible. This measure was taken by the lawmen so they would be as invisible as possible when Porkchop's scout turned the corner. Since being invisible was impossible though, the most they could hope for was the move putting them at the least convenient shooting angle. Woody grumbled,

"I thought things were running too smooth. Things just never run smooth anymore."

"My apologies, Sheriff." said Buzz in a whisper, "I never thought to scan for enemies on horseback. I-" Woody waved his hand to shush him up and quickly hissed,

"No, it's my fault! I'm the one who made you put the blasted thing away in the first place!" Woody still sounded cross at Buzz, but it was only himself with whom he was angry. Woody could have sworn that nobody was following them and he was certain that they were alone in the canyons. Obviously, he had been in error. As Woody lifted his shotgun from his saddle, he contemplated how his carelessness had brought them to this situation. If he was forced to fire, and most likely he would be, the sound of the shot would bounce off every wall in the place and they would give away their presence. The element of surprise would be lost and soon afterwards, probably their lives as well. The inevitability of this outcome was a horrible feeling. Far worse than that foreboding sense was the one at present that was choking Woody's conscious as the unknown threat began to turn the corner. Woody, in a few short moments might not only be killing another living being, but another of his own planet. A person, though outlaw, who he had sworn to protect not only from the misdeeds of others but also from themselves. Would he, could he fail to do this? This was serious and he could not do it halfheartedly. It was all or nothing. Resolved,

"I was hoping we wouldn't have to kill anyone tonight." he muttered as he brought the gun up to fire. Buzz, realizing Woody's intensions, grabbed the sheriff by the shoulder to get his attention and spoke quickly,

"Not if I can help it! Hop off your saddle! Stand directly in their path with your gun ready so they won't notice me. Only make them think that you'll fire and my gun's stun setting will do the rest." Woody had no knowledge of things like a "stun setting", but eagerly complied when offered an alternative other than killing. He knew from experience that "space doohickeys" could perform all sorts of seemingly impossible wonders. So why should space people not also have guns that could stop outlaws without killing them? Poised as if to fire, Woody stood ready for the mysterious guest and Buzz's far more mysterious gun to reveal whatever surprises they had in store for him…

The moon was bright and the unknown rider was extremely close, but the shadows of the canyon wall they stood by were cancelling out these favorable conditions. It was exceedingly difficult for Woody to distinguish anything other than that the person rounding the corner was indeed on horseback. This lack of visual detail was of no great consequence though. You need only to point a shotgun in the general direction of a target to be all but guaranteed to hit it from the range at which Woody stood. Woody was overjoyed that he would not have to resort to such a ghastly thing, but checked his exuberance. Following Buzz's instructions, Woody then mustered up the most intimidating, but still low given the threat of echoing, voice that he could and said,

"Reach for the sky-!" The stranger froze at the sheriff's words. "Ready" to fire, Woody then said a variation of a line that still made Buzz a bit uneasy from the memory of it,

"Give me two good reason not to shoot, 'cause I've got two barrels."

"Woody, it's me." answered a low, but plainly feminine voice. Woody thought he would collapse! He was relieved that he would not have to shoot anyone when he recognized the voice. The more overpowering than that was the sudden sickening feeling of having had pointed a gun, even if it was a bluff, at none other than…

"Bo!" exclaimed Woody in a hush, "What are you doing here? We might have shot you!" His gun lowered, Bo Peep and her horse then emerged from her shadier spot. Buzz followed suit with his "stun gun" strapped to his wrist when he recognized the woman. However, her appearance was very different from the last time Buzz had seen her. Gone were her many petticoats and pink frills. Even her curly golden locks were gone, safely hidden under a smoky gray cowboy hat that strangely resembled Buzz's hat. In fact, she looked as though she had gone into Woody's closet and picked out an outfit for herself with the explicit intent of flawlessly copying Buzz's newly acquired taste in cowboy apparel. It gave Woody a bad feeling but bigger worries were soon brought to mind,

"In short, I came to stop you two from riding willy-nilly into a trap." said Bo Peep uncharacteristically blunt. There was hardly any time for courtesies when delivering such an important message. Bo Peep needed to get the direness of the situation recognized and fast! Visibly having both the cowboys' attention, Bo Peep relayed her intelligence,

"I happened to overhear it at the saloon tonight. Some space folk were laughing in their native tongue about Porkchop deciding to make an example out of you two local lawmen. I tried to warn you, but you had already left town when I got to the jailhouse. Porkchop's men have been instructed to ambush you after leaving an easy trail for you to follow to their hideout…"

"'Easy trail?'" interjected Woody indignantly! He put his face in his palm and then looked to Buzz,

"Should have known no space doohickey could substitute a good cowboy's intuition and knowhow." he groaned. Buzz ignored the insult. At the moment, he was far more interested in Bo Peep continuing her explanation than safeguarding his ego.

"It gets worse," continued Bo Peep, "Even if you turn back now, it won't do you any good. Just in case you 'lose your nerve' and don't try to get into his hideout, Porkchop's lackeys in town have explicit orders to shoot you upon return!" Buzz and Woody exchanged looks of horror! Even with this bit of intelligence, both of them knew that they did not stand a chance in a fight as they were now. Their whole plan depended on them having a chance to return to Woody's home! Once there, they would take the knowledge they learned about Porkchop's hideout and determine the best way to utilize the advantages of having Buzz and his technology on their side. Only then would they return to attack! Even their pathetic backup plan had depended on them having at least the element of surprise. What were they to do now that they had no choice but to fight a well entrenched enemy who was expecting them?

"Whether we head back or go forward, we're being led to the slaughter..." said Woody, stating the obvious in his state of disbelief.

"Not necessarily." contradicted Bo Peep as she reached into a bag attached to her saddle and pulled out something that was padded by several layers of cloth. She made haste to free whatever it was from its fabric confines. As parts of the mysterious thing began to peak out from the cloth, Buzz was naturally curious about the item. However, he asked nothing about it. He did not need to ask. To Buzz, it was almost as if she had read his mind, but it was only Bo Peep's well-honed skills from being a school teacher that made her notice he was holding back a question,

"It's a spyglass, if you'll forgive the pun." smiled the saloon spy as she finished unwrapping the last layer. Then, she extended the cylinder instrument to its fill length and looked through it.

"Good thing the moon is so bright tonight…" said Bo Peep to herself. After a moment of looking down and off towards their distant enemies, Bo Peep gave a visible start,

"Goodness! If this is a trap, either those space folk are heavily armed, or Porkchop thinks even less of you two "local lawmen" than I imagined. I recognize those watchmen down there from the saloon. Not a very burly bunch compared to the other kinds of spacemen I've met. I doubt they could even throw their own shadows let alone you and me, Woody."

"'**You** and me?'" Woody repeated in surprise, his earlier worries were realized.

"Yes, they're waiting for, that is, they're expecting only you and some unknown lawman from Texas… So, that's what we ought to give them." answered Bo Peep as if it were the most commonsensical course of action.

"Bo, are you proposing," expostulated Woody, "That we use you as a decoy to catch those varmints off guard? …Shoot 'em from behind?" Bo Peep motioned towards Buzz,

"Preferably with him positioned as a sniper, if he's a better shot than I am. They won't be expecting that. He'll have a clear enough shot from right above this ledge." said Bo matter-of-factly and not missing a beat. Buzz and Woody gaped. Given the circumstances, it was the perfect plan to take the comparative lax in security at the entrance and turn it to their advantage. Sneaking behind enemy lines and having a slim chance at defeating Porkchop was far superior to dying in a trap set up by a swine!

Death could be cheated for a bit by adopting Bo Peep's strategy of approaching the entrance way of the hideout, but Woody was still reluctant to agree to it. No one in their right mind would want to put a loved one in harm's way, if they could avoid it. Now that he knew Porkchop's true intentions, maybe Buzz and he could contrive a plan that did not require Bo Peep to be right in the line of sight of space guns. Maybe there was still as chance to spare her from his seemingly inevitable fate. Woody opened his mouth to object to the plan, but Bo Peep silenced him.

"Woody," she said, "You and I have been through thick and thin. Whatever happens tonight, I'd rather be with you than sitting around with my sheep wondering if you will ever come home again." she finished in such a determined tone and with so meaningful a look that Woody knew that no amount of persuasion could convince her to deviate from the path she had chosen. He sighed in defeat,

"Then I reckon we'd best have you two "Texas Rangers" swap horses to make the switch more convincing." suggested Woody. Bo Peep smiled playfully,

"You read my mind, Sheriff. I knew there was a reason I liked you other than good looks." Woody could not help but smile in spite of himself as he approached one side of Bo Peep's horse. He then reached up and put his hands on either side of Bo Peep's waist to help her alight from her saddle. She needed no help dismounting. She particularly did not need it now that she was wearing Levi's and her many petticoats were no longer a hindrance to her mobility, but it was Woody's favorite excuse to hold her close. Bo Peep did not protest the gesture. Being in such close proximity to Woody had its benefits for her as well. She could engage in one of her favorite activities, making the tough and proud sheriff color like a schoolboy! She immediately stole a kiss from Woody.

Now, Bo Peep was not in the habit of stealing kisses, for there is no need to steal what is already yours. Also, the extra effort needed for stealing was not necessary to get the same blush out of Woody. The sheriff's cheeks often colored from just the very sight of her. When Bo Peep did feel the sudden inclination to steal a kiss however, the ones that she usually pilfered were quick pecks on the cheek or perhaps the nose. The window of opportunity was small and she would take whatever she could snatch on a rare occasion when Woody was off his guard. However, this particular kiss was nothing like any of the others she had ever stolen before. Not missing her mark, this kiss was clean on the mouth and deep, far deeper than any that Woody's distracted mind could recall to date! When they finally broke apart, Woody's head was spinning and he was quite flush indeed. Judging from what was visible in the pale moonlight, Bo Peep's cheeks were just as colored as his. Breathlessly she said,

"Kiss me like that more often and less like you did in the saloon... And maybe, just maybe, I might stop dragging you lawmen along with me on my risky ventures. Sound like a good bargain?" she finished with playfully, but meaningful sarcasm. Woody grinned sheepishly and asked with a more entreating tone of satirical wit,

"Is it too late, if I do that now, for you to head back to town and give up on carrying out this 'risky venture'?"

"Sorry, Sheriff. Ex post facto." she smiled back. Woody gave a comedic groan,

"Ugh, serves me right for courting a school teaching shepherdess who dabbles in law." The multitalented lady giggled,

"People have always told me I belong in the court of some great fairytale castle. But honestly, I find the reality of a courtroom far more interesting." Buzz was not familiar with any legal term called "ex post facto". However, he was familiar with the layman's term of "third wheel" and he was feeling more and more like one by the second. Woody must have picked up on Buzz's awkwardness, for a moment later he turned Bo Peep towards Buzz. As if he suspected that the canyon walls had ears, Woody said in a whisper at the appropriate parts,

"Bo, I don't reckon that you and "Ranger Nesbit… Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger… have ever been properly introduced… Miss Bo Peep, Ranger B. Nesbit. Ranger Nesbit, Miss Bo Peep."

"Pleasure meeting you." smiled Bo Peep courteously. Atop his horse, Buzz smiled down at Bo Peep. Emulating a gentlemanly cowboy so perfectly it would have made any Texan proud, he graciously nodded his hat to the lady and simply said,

"Ma'am." Buzz then nimbly got down from his horse and courteously handed Bo Peep Buttercup's reigns. Bo Peep in turn gave him the leather straps in her hands. Quite pleased by his simple but elegant "hello" and his whole manner, the lady gave him another one of her elfin smiles and said,

"Careful, Mister Nesbit. A lawman like you is liable to steal a few girls' hearts that way. What would poor Sheriff Woody do if he had to throw his only other ally in prison?" Even in this dim lighting, Buzz's blush was visible and Bo Peep laughed angelically.

Poor Buzz. In all truth, pilfered or no, Buzz would not know what to do with a girl's heart if he suddenly found himself in possession of one. This embarrassing truth certainly made him color, but Buzz was certain that his cheeks tinted more for another ridiculous reason. In Buzz's mind, he knew that such an occurrence was not likely to ever happen. And yet, his silly mind still fretted like it was possible or even definite. Worrying about the improbable was unproductive, distracting and a waste of reasoning faculties!

Unbeknownst to Buzz, heart theft was indeed probable on this planet. Why, he himself was in danger of falling victim to such a crime. It was a strange situation to be in for Buzz. He was always the hunter of villains and nobody's prey. Yet lately regarding his heart, he had felt the fear of being hunted. And regardless of what Miss Peep may think of his prowess, a man as clumsy as he in the ways of the heart was no predator. Buzz's subconscious was terribly worried by this. If he tried stealing a heart with his skills and his luck, he would most likely accidently ensnare every heart but the one he valued and wished to capture most. It would be a terrible and sad blunder indeed. Then again, maybe such bad hunting had its good points too. If he were to be arrested for inadvertently stealing many a lady's heart … Maybe that would be an excellent opportunity to inadvertently capture another lady's heart who also seemed at present to be destined for some jail time.


	20. So We Meet Again

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. **

**Thank you all for waiting so patiently for me to publish my latest chapter. Sorry if I scared any of you. I know it can be an unfortunate trend around at times… But know that I do intent to finish this story as quickly as I can. Thanks for all your comments. They really give me a charge to work faster. Thanks Beta too! **

**Chapter 20: So We Meet Again **

All was going as planned as Buzz laid low to the ground. Buzz had managed to get up to the gigantic, almost plateau-like area above the ledge where his band of allies had unexpectedly met up. Buzz was quite pleased with how right Bo Peep had been about the place being at an excellent sniping angle. He was also pleased as to how quickly he had been able to scale the rocky slope leading up to his present perch and get into position. Credit for this effortless accomplishment was again owed to Bo Peep, thanks to her nimble, and apparently, very manly horse! Well, at least Woody told him the horse was very manly. Apparently on this planet, according to Woody, only the manliest of horses had pink bows in their long, silky manes. This salty colored horse was decked out in oodles of bows, so Buzz assumed it must have been an extremely manly stallion. Being such a trifle though, given the situation, Buzz had briefly wondered why Woody had made such a point to tell him this at all. Buzz honestly did not care if he was riding the most unmanly horse on the planet, so long as it could help him accomplish his goals. Unable to draw a satisfactory conclusion for Woody's behavior, Buzz chalked it up for some sort of cultural formality and paid it no further mind afterwards.

Buzz watched as his friends soundlessly rode along the dried canyon floor. Equally as silent, the space ranger waited for the inevitable ambush as Woody and Decoy Buzz drew closer to the guards at that compound's entrance. In another moment, Buzz would be shooting his laser, still on stun mode, at the sentries. After that, his next move would all depend on what Woody and Bo Peep saw past the entranceway.

Being as appropriately paranoid as a space ranger should, Buzz expressed to Woody and Bo Peep that his sensors had detected the basic layout of the base, but he had no idea whether or not all his information was completely reliable. Without his suit to properly power his devices, there stood a chance for dampening fields to hide from him extra guard posts or weapons. They would not know for sure what was hidden behind the rocky walls surrounding the base until they actually cleared them. Therefore, they would need a signal to let Buzz know how to act next. Bo Peep, who had also brought her shepherd's staff and a Winchester rifle along with her spy glass, suggested she could give the okay sign with a wave of the hooked stick. It was long and very hard to miss or misinterpret compared to just waving an arm. Not to mention, it was also far less conspicuous a signal than firing off a gun in the middle of the night. The idea was concluded as sound and the plan was put in motion. Depending on how Bo Peep waved the staff, it would indicated to Buzz to either follow down after his allies or to shoot any reinforcements that were approaching from blind spots within the compound. The plan was perfect in its simplicity. How simple it would be to carry out though, would prove to depend greatly on some factors that were very difficult to control.

Suddenly a mass of clouds came over the canyon and extinguished the essential moonlight like a blown out match! The entire area which was already too shadowy was cast into utter darkness. Friend, foe, none were visible let alone distinguishable on the canyon floor! Buzz shot up from the ground in a near panic! What was he to do? His friends were truly in real danger and he could not help them! He cursed himself for not having the foresight to carry any night-vision equipment along with his other trinkets! Trinkets? Yes, that was what his space hardware had been rendered to now. They were a bunch of knickknacks that were useless without a target and all the more useless at this distance away from his friends. He would not be able to get down fast enough to help Woody and Bo and he certainly could not fire down into the canyon without running the risk of friendly fire. All he could do was wait and hope that the clouds would relinquish its shadowy grip on the precious moonlight.

Buzz's keen eyes, devices and skills as a marksman may have been rendered useless by the lack of light, but his ears were still as sharp as ever! Presently he heard someone coming behind him. He almost doubted his ears. The individual had been so quiet that he had not heard them until they were practically on top of him! With the exception of one individual from earlier that evening, sneaking up on a space ranger of his caliber was not a feat that was easily accomplished. Buzz heard the now familiar sound of a metal barrel of a gun being drawn from a leather holster and that was all the more proof he needed to convince him that he was not hearing things! He had to neutralize this threat as soon as possible! The clouds could clear at any moment and not a moment could be lost when Bo Peep and Woody were counting on him for backup! Buzz spun around and sprang towards the sound of his attacker with the intent of disarming them before their gun was completely free of its tanned confines.

Buzz was in possession of his assailant's gun as a result of his lightning quick pounce. That much was an **assured** bet. His attacker was surprised to find that their gun had been so swiftly wrenched from their hand. However, their surprise only lasted for as long as it took them to counter with amazing speed! Before Buzz knew the assailant's confiscated weapon was knocked from his own grasp and send spiraling down from the large "plateau"! Losing the gun was no loss to Buzz. He had never had any intention of using it since he had his "stun gun". Nevertheless, the unexpected loss of the weapon that had been so tightly held in his hand spelt trouble for Buzz. He could see now that if he did not strike first and fast, it was no longer a safe wager that Buzz could agilely deliver himself from danger. Who would get in the first punch seemed to be anyone's guess.

Buzz Lightyear suddenly saw stars across his vision. A spaceman like Buzz might have been comforted to be among the stars again if he had not come to see them before his eyes at such a heavy price… His assailant had dealt him the first blow in the form of a mean uppercut! Boy was Buzz dizzy, the style of the blow reminded Buzz greatly of the one he had seen Woody execute earlier that day in the bar. Having had observed this local move before, he faintly wondered why he had not been able to be watchful for it.

It must be admitted, though Buzz Lightyear would never own up to it, that he had a bit of a glass jaw. Even an old prospector like Stinky Pete stood a chance at getting in a good swing in a fist fight with this space ranger. Buzz getting a punch square in the face was not a rarity. This punch he received was different though. Buzz had not been off guard, which often aided his attackers and for once he had consciously taken pains to avoid leaving himself wide open! Yet, he still had been taken off guard and had obviously left a wide opening… With only a momentary delay, the Texas Ranger masquerader's wobbly mind ascertained what this turn of events meant. Buzz may have disarmed his opponent and leveled the playing field, but in skill and agility, he had met his match!

Unable to do little else, Buzz grappled with his now obviously taller enemy. This struggle went on for several more moments but neither party seemed to be able to get the advantage over the other. So distracted were they with parrying each other's near flawless strikes that not even two words were exchanged between them. The warrior in Buzz was exhilarated by this unexpected opportunity to finally fight hand-to-hand with an equal opponent, but the responsible ranger in him checked it. As much has he valued a fair fight and seeing one to the end, this spar had gone on too long and he had more lives than just his own to worry about tonight. He determined that as soon as he could get one of his arms free, he would reach for his stun gun and end the fight.

That was not the outcome of the fight at all though and no one on the planet could have guessed it either. It was impossible to tell who was at fault, but at one point, one of the fighters, or maybe both, zigged when should have zagged and threw each other off balance! Buzz's attacker began to fall backwards while Buzz tried to keep his footing. To prevent falling, the attacker grabbed the lapels of Buzz's coat. Sadly, this move resulted in nothing but causing them both to go crashing to the ground! Only moments to spare, Buzz threw out both of his arms on either side of his attacker's head to cushion his landing! Buzz's hasty action served its purpose, effectively preventing a hard collision with both his opponent and the ground. Nonetheless, Buzz was still unable to save himself from another collision course that his attacker had unwittingly set him on!

Despite the struggle, Buzz's bandana remained tightly tied over the lower half of his face. His mouth was still completely covered by the purple cloth, but it did not make the fact any less shocking to Buzz that his clothed lips were now clumsily pressed against those of his attacker! Too poorly timed to have aided in the prevention of this embarrassing landing, the clouds suddenly relented and the luminosity of the moon lit up the face of Buzz's attacker. If their accident was indeed truly unavoidable, Buzz immediately realized that, in spite of the awkwardness, this bandana obstructed kiss had been the best possible outcome. Without the bandana, Buzz surely would have dropped dead from shock of finding his lips touching none other than those belonging to Bazooka Jane!

Woody and Bo Peep were practically right on top of the sentries at the entryway of Porkchop's secret base when the moonlight had suddenly vanished! With equal abruptness, the canyon floor had gone from being an advantageous field of rocks and alcoves capable of obscuring them from enemy view to a treacherous pit of inky blackness. They could not advance under such condition without risking detection or injury to themselves and their horses. The pair thus stopped their steeds dead in their tracks. They would have to wait in this nerve-wracking state of vulnerability either until the moonlight was restored or their eyes adjusted to the pitch. They could only hope in the meantime that if they were having so much trouble seeing even an inch in front of themselves in this chasm, their enemy were not fairing much better.

This hope that the darkness of the night would immobilize the aliens as much as it did Woody and Bo Peep was ill-founded. Aliens that could travel through the blackness of space could just as easily travel through the blackness of a canyon. Woody and Bo Peep were blind, witless, sitting ducks as dozens of keen eyed aliens, aided by night vision technology and some not, began to surround them from seemingly out of nowhere!

The weakling alien guards posted at the entrance had not been the sign of an overconfident overlord pig. It was indeed a trap like Bo Peep had suggested, or rather, part of a trap. A lure to distract Woody and Bo Peep from the real trap! Woody only realized this when Bullseye and the horse's keener sense of smell clued him off. As the aliens approached, the stallion began to violently neigh and rear up on his hind legs. When the horse's feet had come back down again, Woody and Bo Peep clearly heard the cries of aliens whose bodies and feet were unfortunate enough to be in the way of Bullseye's stomping path!

Sadly, this warning from Bullseye was still not soon enough to give Woody much of an edge. Before Woody even had time to react, his horse's reigns were seized and many hands dragged him down from his saddle! Bo Peep did not need to be the cleverest woman in town to know she would be next after hearing Woody struggling with their unseen attackers. She slung her rifle over shoulder and, not forgetting her wooden shepherd's staff, jumped off of Buttercup! Buttercup did not need to be the smartest creature in the canyon either to know that whatever noisy misfortunes were befalling Bullseye would soon befall him as well if he stayed. So, despite the darkness, he high-tailed it back in the direction from which they originally came! It would be an annoyance for Bo Peep later on their return trip being down one horse, but she paid it no mind. She did not need a horse to fight and besides, she would not be making a return trip later if she did not concentrate on winning this fight now! Bo Peep tightly grasped her staff and joined in the fray!

Now one might have wondered from earlier, with no sheep to herd, why would Bo Peep have bothered to bring her staff along in the first place? Well, it became quite apparent to her enemies in a matter of moments. She was very dangerous with it! After years of flocking sheep, warding off predators and "getting Woody's attention" with that stick, Bo Peep had become quite a fighter with her staff. It did not matter how dark it was, all she needed was for her enemy to touch or tap one part of her staff and she knew exactly where they were standing! She skillfully jabbed, struck, poked, pulled and tripped anyone foolish enough to approach her in her supposed helpless state of blindness.

Even with all the grunts of pain and yelling around her, Bo Peep's ears could still distinguish Woody's pained voice and it distressed her. Despite having her own alien problems at hand, she was too eager to get to Woody. She could not see how to do it though. If she rushed towards the sound of him with her staff flaying wildly, she might strike Woody by accident and put them in a situation that was even worse. In this darkness, shooting her way to get to him was obviously out of the question as well. Though her opponents who were currently receiving a beating would have argued against it, Bo Peep was horribly helpless.

Mercifully, the moonlight returned and relieved Bo Peep's sense of hearing from alone enduring the straining signs of Woody's struggles. Now her sense of sight could share in the burden. Bo Peep was enormously thankful to see that, despite the terrible sounds she had heard, her love was not in as bad a situation as she had initially feared. He was not sporting any obvious injuries and short of looking a little fatigue and for want of a moment to straighten his shirt that had been ruffled from grappling with several opponents at once, he appeared to be aptly holding his own. Several aliens were already lying still on the ground and it seemed that the restoration of the moonlight was increasing the success rate of Woody's fists in repeating such incapacitating blows.

Once Woody was beginning to feel not so preoccupied between blows to hazard a confident boyish grin Bo Peep's way, his chipper mood was soon corrected. Suddenly, the very same alien who had accosted Bo Peep earlier at the saloon came up from behind Woody! Judging by his countenance, the alien looked like he had come to settle the score! Whether Woody at that moment had a bit too much confidence in himself or in Buzz that the enemy would soon be neutralized, that is anyone's guess… But for that brief moment, the result of this confidence was that Woody was fatally off his guard and did not see the behemoth approaching behind him. When Bo Peep saw the immense brute lunge at Woody, she tried to yell a warning, but it was already too late by the time the words left her lips. It was just like the conclusion of the last scuffle between Woody and that smelly brute. The only difference being that there was a role reverse and it was much more violent! The alien had Woody on the ground, was digging his foot between Woody's shoulders and yanking Woody's arms behind his back! The alien pulled so hard, it seems he would snap Woody's arms off before releasing him. In intense pain, Woody was able to yank his left arm from the alien's grasp, but was not swift enough to save his right arm from falling victim to just short of his attacker's original intention. The poor, captive limb was wrench from its socket and dislocated from its shoulder!

Woody could not hold in the agonizing scream that came from his lips! This was the most sudden and intense physical pain that Woody had ever been in. The sound of his pain pierced through the night and resonated off of every wall in the canyon! Bo Peep had fought her way so that she was within feet from Woody but, after that terrible sound, she felt like she was miles away from being able to help him. She had to bridge the distance between them and now!

With renewed fervor, Bo Peep crashed down her staff on her remaining attackers. Her staff was made of solid oak, but it splinted like pine when she struck the head of the last poor sap that stood between her and her sheriff! Irritated, she discarded the now useless stick and swung around her Winchester from her shoulder and stood by her injured love. She menaced the aliens with her gun, just daring them to come one step closer to Woody. Being completely surrounded, keeping her enemies from advancing towards her was very hard to do. She did her best though, having already come to the terrible conclusion that, for whatever reason, Buzz Lightyear would not be coming to their aid tonight. As the circle of aliens around them began to grow tighter, Bo Peep woefully wondered how long it would be before these aliens brought her and Woody to their own terrible conclusion…

His shotgun long gone and his right arm not cooperating, Woody reached his left arm across his waist to free his handgun from the holster to help Bo Peep. Even distracted by the pain of his hanging limb, Woody could see easily the futility of the effort of arming himself. However, so long as he had one working arm, a weapon and was still breathing, he would keep fighting. Woody and Bo Peep were gravely silent in their standoff with the aliens. Only Bullseye could still be heard, neighing and bucking to get free from his captors, and free the horse managed to get! Bullseye kicked or plowed a few surprised aliens out of the way and rushed to Woody's side. Growling and arch backed like a dog, Bullseye was determined to defend his companions, whatever the outcome. The aliens surrounded the trio even tighter. Just when it seemed like the tension in the atmosphere could not be any greater, just when it seemed that Woody and Bo Peep would be reduced to firing on these unarmed aliens, a jovial voice rang out from a corner even the harvest moon-like light could not reach,

"All right, gentlemen. I think they've had enough playtime." Other lackeys, armed terrestrials with terrestrial weapons then came out of seemingly nowhere and pointed their guns at the trio from all sides. Bullseye was ready to charge and kick again at this point, but Woody stayed his steed with his good arm. After a couple of moments of violent gesturing and poking of weapons by the planet traitors, Woody and Bo Peep relinquished their guns. Woody did not want to make it too obvious that losing his weapon was not the least bit disconcerting to him. He, Bo Peep and Bullseye had lost their part of the battle, but Woody still believed that Buzz would win them the war. No doubt a cautious fighter like Buzz was just waiting for the right moment to strike from above. Any instant now, the space ranger's wonder "lay-zar" weapon would stop all the villains in one shot. All the villains, including…

"Porkchop,… All this commotion over meeting little ol' me and friends?" smiled Woody innocently, returning merriment for merriment when he recognized the voice. Purposely baiting his enemy to draw him out into Buzz's line of sight and perhaps to stall for time for Buzz if something was indeed keeping him, Woody continued,

"It never ceases to amaze me how shy you are around me unless you have at least a score of friends accompany you. Careful or folks might start to get the notion that you're a yellowbellied instead of a potbellied pig." That did it. The "yellowbellied" pig, along with another familiar alien to Woody, stepped out from the concealment of armed cronies and shadows to meet the sheriff who was so pleasantly chatting while providing good counsel.

Porkchop was of a species of alien that bared an uncanny resemblance to that of a pig from Woody's world. Other than his massive size, coolly sinister expression, wicked mind and speech, and the bowler hat upon his pink head, Porkchop really did not possess any other remarkable qualities from a common pig.

"'Shyness?' 'Yellowbellied'?" repeated Porkchop unperturbed, "Oh, hardly, Sheriff. I just prefer to be in the company of likeminded people. 'Majority rules' which gives me the convenience of choosing when and under what circumstances friendly gatherings like these end. You'll excuse me of course for taking such childish liberties, but everyone does enjoy the power to choose. And please do not think me rude, my nocturnal lawman… But if it were left up to you and yours, I fear we might be out here all night. We need our rest. Unlike you Sheriff, some of us have towns to police in the morning." Though Porkchop was prattling on like Woody had initially been counting on, this last mocking comment cut deep and Woody's pride could not help but to be injured. Woody tried to recover his composure. Instead of dwelling on past shortcomings, he tried to preoccupy his mind with his vexation with Buzz. That space ranger sure was taking his dear sweet time incapacitating Porkchop's posse and Woody's intellect was suffering for it.

Porkchop was all the more congenial for seeing his words affect the sheriff who seemed so complacent but moments ago. However, the pig's aforementioned companion, One-Eyed Bart, did not look any less angry or any more pleased despite his comrade's victory in this verbal spar. Nevertheless, Woody kept his eye on the placid Porkchop and paid little mind to Bart's fierce countenance. Bart, who was only similar to Porkchop in that he too looked like an overgrown versions of something native to Woody's planet, was normally just angry and Woody would be more worried if Bart was not.

The tuberous alien and his species were well known for their ill-moods and tempers from dealing with the monotonous problem of their physiology, detachable and therefore losable limbs and features. Simply considering how disgruntled someone could be after constantly dropping and retrieving personal items all day, made Bart's mood almost understandable and thus ignorable… But tonight there was another factor that, had Woody known about it, would have made him more wary of Bart.

"I had to cut my romantic evening with the Misses short tonight because of you." sneered One-Eyed Bart. Bart then pulled out his revolver. Bart usually preferred space weaponry, but apparently the grizzly novelty of dispensing hot bullets to his victims at pointblank had yet to wear out its charm. With a laser gun, a victim could entertain hope to the end that the weapon being fired at them was only on stun, but with this planet's weapons, you knew immediately just how grave the situation was when a gun was pulled on you. The starchy fiend pointed the revolver at Woody's head, pulled back the hammer and put his finger on the trigger. Bullseye neighed furiously and Bo Peep had to stifle a horror gasp, anticipating what was to come! However, Bart did not pull the trigger. He merely held the gun to Woody's face, looked over his shoulder to Porkchop and complained,

"Can we just shoot 'em now? Jane gave me the Misses the night off and we planned to spend it doing something a little more exciting than an ambush. Just a quaint little train robbery, but I think we'll still end up having a real **blast**in the end, if you get my meaning." Bart ended with a snicker. To think, this talking space spud was equating being unexpectedly obligated to shoot a man in cold blood to being forced to put in overtime at the office! Woody was beyond indignant now! If it were not for the presence of Bullseye and Bo Peep and still not wanting to make Buzz's part in this plan any more difficult, Woody would have behaved quite different. He would have spitefully asked to be shot already rather than to be made to tolerate the company of such degenerates for another moment. It was a good thing that Woody kept his sentiments in check for the sake of his friends, it was Porkchop's turn to be irritable and indignant and he would not be upstaged,

"No, we're not shooting them now." said Porkchop icily and then with fire, "And since when has Jane had that kind of authority? Throw them in the brig back at base!" Bart nervously withdrew his weapon from Woody's face and bellowed a hurried order for the men to comply. They herded Woody and his friends along the last stretch of canyon floor before the mouth of the compound.

The pace they were moved at was painful for Woody with his dangling limb. Being in physical pain only made the mental pain of wondering what was keeping Buzz worse. They were moving far out of range from Buzz's post. Even with Buzz's wonder weapons, Woody doubted Buzz could still help them from where he was positioned now... And if Buzz could no longer help, how was Woody to get Bullseye and Bo Peep out of this mess? They were surrounded, horribly outnumbered by armed brutes and he was disarmed in more ways than one! The only good point in his no longer having a gun to point at his enemies was he now had a free hand to hold up his arm. This relieved his shoulder's ligaments from the unnatural weight of his limp limb and made running with the injury nominally more comfortable. But what did he care for his own comfort when his friends were undoubtedly in for a world of hurt? Not one whit!

Porkchop could see that Woody's mind was not at ease anymore and it pleased the pig. He could still see defiance in Bo Peep's eyes though. He could also see love and concern towards her sheriff. It irked Porkchop for there to be any glimmer of hope in the eyes of a subdued enemy and he meant to correct it forthright. Porkchop was convinced that she did not possess such a strong character. No such person with such imperturbable qualities truly existed in the universe in the face of his and Zurg's might. Bo Peep must just not know yet what her own part in this ambush had been for her to still look so self-assured. Not speaking to Bo Peep directly, Porkchop said to Woody,

"I was so grateful when your bilingual barmaid **finally** caught up with you, Sheriff, and convinced you to come down here. I was beginning to fear that she would not convey to you the intelligence we let slip at the saloon. That would have been such a pity if you and your Texas Ranger had just gone home after finding the base. My men back in town would have had all the joy of your capture, or at least your demise." Bo Peep and Woody's head shot up and their eyes widened! How long had Porkchop known about Bo Peep understanding their languages? Bo Peep wanted to kick herself for her naive folly! She truly believed that her language capacities were a secret and that she was keeping what was left of her loved ones out of harm's way with it! But tonight and maybe since the beginning, she unwittingly lead Woody and her friends to their doom! Now seeing Bo Peep, along with the sheriff, on the verge of despair, Porkchop's cup was almost full. However, he wanted it to flow over. Porkchop's turned to speak to Bart, but his eyes stayed glued on Woody. The pig did not want to miss a single expression on Woody's face.

"Oh and speaking of Texas Rangers and Bazooka Jane… Bart, if you and One-Eyed Betty had your hearts set on a **blast**, never fear. Jane will at least be able to accommodate you with that. In fact, she's about to go out with a bang, along with that stumpy Texas Ranger who switched places with Woody's bar spy." That said, the swine, with a smug smile turned and signaled to one of his men. He was swiftly brought out what looked like maybe a tablet of paper. It was not paper though, rather it was metal and maybe glass. Right in the middle of this weird device's glossy surface was a large, red button. Woody and Bo Peep looked apprehensive. They had no idea what the red circle under the glass was, but they were certain it was bad. It was very bad and they were certain that they would receive no warning in what way that button was malicious. Talking to himself, a confused Woody, or whoever would listen, Porkchop mused,

"That **micro-detonator** I planted on Bazooka Jane packs enough of a punch to take out over a dozen structures the size of Miss Peep's school house… But I think that we're plenty a distance away to safely enjoy the show." The pig pressed down on the digital button and within a minute, Woody fully realized with horror why Porkchop had been so eager to remove himself from the passageway leading to the hidden compound!

For a brief moment, neither Bazooka Jane nor Buzz Lightyear budged from their indirect kiss. Both were apparently too surprised to do anything. Despite the incapacitating effects of recognizing each other, it truly was fortunate that the moon had reappeared at that second. Had not the unexpected sight of Buzz frozen Jane's fist, the space ranger would have been sporting a new shiner on his left eye. In this proper lighting, it was quite obvious that Jane's arm had been poised to strike her opponent for his oafish insolence.

After finally remembering where he was and what he was doing, Buzz scrambled back and away from Jane! His hand flew to his mouth and suppressed his cry of surprise. However, stifling himself was more of a convenient side effect that came along with the real reason his hand was drawn to his bandana covered mouth… To touch his veiled lips as if somehow feeling them would prove or disprove to his doubting mind that this impossible occurrence had actually happened! While Buzz was still in the mists of disbelief, Bazooka Jane got up from the ground and dusting off her coat,

"So we meet again, Buzz Lightyear. Do you greet all of your new acquaintances that way? Or am I just special?" smiled Jane sounding ever unabashedly confident despite the fact that only a moment ago she had looked just as dumbfounded as Buzz. At any rate she had evidently recovered from the shock a bit faster than Buzz to be able to make teasing jokes.

Such an ill-timed yet well-timed jesting as Jane's should have done a phenomenal job jostling Buzz out of the mystified trance that he was now stuck in. However, this time, it did not, for she had called him not just "Buzz", but "Buzz **Lightyear**"! He knew at the very least that he had not revealed his face and more important surname despite his stuttering bungling in front of Jane early that evening. Yet, she confidently identified him now! There was no mistake that she knew exactly who he was! If she knew, and she was just a pawn in a much bigger game of chest for this planet, what did the full magnitude of that mean? Did this knowledge go all the way to the top of this Zurg plot? Was he already so hopelessly compromised that all attempts to do any good for this enslaved planet was ultimately futile? Was Porkchop just playing before picking off this lone space ranger, trapped behind enemy lines and with no hope of reinforcements?

It was a good thing that Jane had ended her teasing with inquiries pertaining to his friends. Once Buzz recalled the sobering fact that he still had some "new acquaintances" in the canyon in unknowingly grave peril other than Jane, his focus came back like a laser and stopped caring that he was probably only prolonging his own demise! Buzz pointed his hand behind him to the rocky bottom below,

"Jane," implored Buzz, "Woody and Miss Peep are going to be in trouble if we keep **toying** around up here! We have to help them!" Jane crossed her arms and looked unmoved by Buzz's urgent plea and yet, something he said had made her momentarily lose her cool. What was the emotion that had escaped across her face… Hurt…? Just as soon as the odd look in Jane's eye was present, it was already gone. She shook her head, but Buzz was not sure if she did it to shake off whatever was bothering her, or just to emphasize that she had no intention of cooperating with him. The sarcastic inflections in her voice cleverly lead one to suspect the latter of the two though,

"Well then,… That's a real predicament you got there, **space****toy**… On account of the **only** thing that I **have** **to****do** tonight, is keep you from interfering with Porkchop's playtime down there. And even Porkchop, in all **his****generosity,** doesn't know how well he's paying me to do just that, so I'm obliged to follow through with his orders."

Suddenly Buzz heard a blood curdling scream echo from down below! It was Sheriff Woody! Buzz moved instinctually towards the sound to help, but suddenly his way was blocked by Jane. Boy was she fast! The two stared each other down, it was a standoff. Buzz slowly shook his head in vexation, what was he to do? Jane was obviously an apt fighter and knowing the tricks a space ranger had up his sleeves, she would not succumb easily to sleight of hand and stun guns. Fighting her further would undoubtedly attract unwanted attention and cost him time that was already reserved to aid Woody and Bo Peep! In her right mind, Jessie, not Jane, would not hurry the destruction of her brother and friends by delaying Buzz, she would be a savior to them and an invaluable ally to Buzz with her prowess and ingenuity. If only she could see who her real friends were, if only her mind was free!

"Jane, don't you see?" Buzz practically shouted at her in frustration, "Porkchop is just using you!" Buzz's next heated words never came as he found himself thrown into disturbed confusion. Jane started laughing.

"You think I don't know that?" she said once her chuckling fit began to ebb, "I trust that fat pig about as far as I can throw him."

"Then why'?" Jane interrupted Buzz,

"Like I said, space toy. He doesn't even realize how well he pays me. More than enough to bribe out of the worldlier of my otherworldly allies what I need to protect myself while working for the good doctor." Jane then pulls out a tiny device from her chest pocket. It looked like it had been crudely modified, but Buzz recognized what it was immediately. It was a small, but long-range, bug transmitter, often used for spying. Buzz began to ask,

"What are you going to do with…?" Jane did not answer, she just switched it on and just in time to hear from the person she had bugged,

"That **micro-detonator** I planted on Bazooka Jane packs enough of a punch to take out over a dozen structures the size of Miss Peep's school house…" said Porkchop's voice, clear as a bell despite the misleading appearance of Jane's device. Jane and Buzz's eyes met with horror!


	21. If I had both my arms

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. Thanks to my Beta Reader and thanks to all for waiting so patiently.

**Chapter****21:****If****I****had****both****my****arms****…**

BOOM! It was the biggest explosion that Woody had ever seen! One second the spot where Woody knew that Buzz and Jessie were perched was there and the next moment it was pulverized! Woody stood there staring in disbelief, stretching out his hand as if somehow the useless action could pull his friends back and away from their terrible fate. As reality began to sink in though, so did Woody. Slowly he brought himself to the ground as his legs began to give out from under him.

"Jessie! Buzz…" his said in quite anguish. Porkchop was right next to Woody and even with the crumbling sound of unsettled rock in the distance and the explosion of cheers from his men, his keen pig ears picked up the last name Woody uttered. A panic overtook Porkchop!

"What did you say?" shouted Porkchop, demanding confirmation! Woody did not answer and Porkchop pressed further, he had to know! Porkchop had to know if he had just blown up the one space ranger whom Zurg had ordered to be captured alive at all cost and under pain of death! Blast Jane! No pun intended. If it were still possible, Jane would be dead for this if she had known and said nothing to Porkchop! Porkchop was fuming! And now the witch's wretched brother was being just as deadly silent on the matter as she had been!

"Did you say Buzz? As in 'Buzz Lightyear'?" Porkchop violently hissed at Woody, not wanting anyone else to hear of his maybe fatal blunder. Woody ignored Porkchop. For a few moments, Woody was the stillest living thing in the canyon. This was not a hard thing to accomplish though. Not with all the outlaws around him still whooping and hollering from the earlier spectacle. The outlaws only continued this manner for as long as it took Woody's grieving mind to register what they were doing. The miserable wretches were cheering! Laughing at the loss of his friends' lives! And right in the middle of all this jubilation, only a hair's breadth away from him, was cause of it all, Porkchop. Porkchop had taken away his friends and now the pig was actually demanding more of him? A rage overtook Woody! Not giving a hoot about the pain his dislocated shoulder would be subjugated to from the violent movement, Woody sprang from the ground! With equal speed, guards assembled around Porkchop and the outlaws who were supposed to have been restraining Woody hurried to mitigate their mistake.

More than aware of the threat, with his good arm, Woody began to beat and punch with all the speed and unpredictability of a cyclone! He had to get to Porkchop! He had to make Porkchop feel his pain and if a few lackeys got clobbered in the process, all the better!

Woody knew he could never make a heartless foe like Porkchop feel the same pain he felt at the loss of his friends, but he could damn well try for the next greatest equivalent… Physical pain! Maybe it was just the adrenaline giving Woody strength and blocking his screaming nerves from reaching his brain but, at the moment, it seemed that One-Armed Woody was more than capable of seeing his vengeful desire realized. Woody was a force to be reckoned with as he kneed, kicked and even head butted wherever his deadweight right arm needed someone to pick up the slack.

In spite of his innumerable opponents and his weakened state, Woody kept up his futile fight quite valiantly for longer than imaginable. Still, it was not too long before Porkchop's men finally wised up. Well, once One-Eyed Bart gingerly instructed them to quit fighting like a bunch of idiots and subdue the one, crazy, one-armed cowboy before he shot them. Woody soon found his good arm pinned behind his back by many hands. Woody was then shoved down to his knees before Porkchop's hooves. Woody sneered at the pig,

"If I had both my arms…" Woody began to threaten. Porkchop interrupted, deciding that the sheriff obviously needed to be demoralized a bit more before he would be willing to talk.

"Well, the fact of the matter," said Porkchop, "is that you don't. You never could stop me even with two arms. Heck, you can't even stop me from doing this-!" The good doctor then knocked the cowboy hat from Woody's head. Bo Peep's jovial fan from the saloon then picked it up and paraded around in it. Unfortunately for Porkchop, this act was not as demoralizing to Woody as it was enraging. Woody knew that his strength had all but giving out, but that did not stop him though from trying one last effort to bloody up Porkchop's snout. He tried to jump on Porkchop and well near did it before being pulled back into his original kneeling position again!

Even Porkchop had to acknowledge that Woody's move had been uncalculated and way too close for comfort. Porkchop did not like how uncomfortable he was finding himself in this situation. He felt not in complete control and he naturally sought an end to it. The pig gave another signal, but this time to a local with a rifle who immediately approached Woody. Woody was beyond caring about his own wellbeing at this point, but Bo Peep was terrified for him. Woody's heart beat steady as the gunman neared him but Bo Peep's heart leapt into her throat! Had Porkchop's patience finally been tried to such a degree that Woody was going to be killed immediately after all? The gunman lifted his weapon as if to fire. Woody only stared down the planet traitor, intending by proxy to stare down Death. Stare down the same Death that took away his sister.

"Tell me who that so called 'Texas Ranger' who died up there was!" commanded Porkchop quietly from a close distance, but still safely behind his men. Whether it gave the pig pain or pleasure at the news, he would not answer. A great ranger like Buzz would do better to die in ambiguity than have it be known that he was killed by such a cheap shot. Despite all that was taken from him, the cowboy still had his pride and dignity and intended to hold onto it and Buzz's until the very end. Still, Woody had to say something to Porkchop.

"He was someone who thankfully proved I shouldn't believe that all outsiders are sidewinders." stated Woody. Furious, with Woody's lack of cooperation, he gave the signal to shoot, but at another person, Bo Peep! Bullseye moved to block Bo Peep from the gunner's sight, but was held back.

"Hopefully, you haven't forgotten that you still have another lady you could lose tonight." said Porkchop. Woody turned to look at Bo Peep. She stood bravely. She mirrored the very same stubbornness in the face of Death as he had. Of course Woody had not forgotten her. His grief-stricken mind just could not go there. Simply could not handle the idea of Porkchop harming her to get to him after what he had already done. Now though, Woody was forced to decide whether or not Buzz would want Bo Peep to die just to preserve his memory. The answer was obviously no. But why cooperate anyway? Woody knew after seeing Jessie and Buzz's deaths that death was inevitable for the rest of their band… So what difference did it make to delay it? But when it came to Bo Peep, it did make a difference to Woody. It always made a difference.

"Was it him?" jeered Porkchop. Woody nodded "yes". As a reward for his cooperation, Woody then received a hard jab from the butt end of his supposed executor's rifle right into his dislocated shoulder! Unlike before, the pain was just too great for Woody to simply scream it off until it subsided. Woody began to slump towards the ground and whatever pained cries he might have employed were instead supplied by Bo Peep and Bullseye. Woody's body, nerves and mind were unable to cope with the messages shooting from his nerve endings. The world began to spin and grow dark. Woody's eyes then rolled into the back of his head and he knew no more as he slipped into unconsciousness.

There was not a moment to waste! Buzzed rushed up to Jane! Already making the assessment that Jane was far too cautious, or at least too paranoid, around Porkchop to allow any foreign objects to just sit in her pockets unnoticed, Buzzed ripped open the lining of her dark coat! He had done it so methodically and so fast that Jane did not even have time to protest the forward act or his proximity. She only had time to blanch and then color, a response that was, thankfully for both parties, completely lost to the "spaceman on a mission".

After running his hands quickly, but carefully along the torn hem of Jessie's lining, he gave a murmured cry that sounded like a combination of both success and dread. He had found exactly what he was looking for, a long, flexible, metal-like strip. It was a micro-detonator all right, he recognized that make. This type was designed to be as flexible as any fabric and to be sewn into clothing accordingly. A victim could be completely in the dark about wearing this explosive up until detonation. Mentally, Buzz recanted his thoughts of Jane being too paranoid. If anything she had not been paranoid enough around Porkchop. But then again, is it really still considered paranoia her so called "allies" were out to get her?

Buzz inspected the explosive strip more closely. Wearing a coat with a micro-detonator of regular length, there was little to no chance of surviving. Buzz could not imagine the odds now though. He had never seen a strip this abnormally long! Then Buzz recalled a way to gauge its power. Porkchop had said it had enough oomph in it to take out several school buildings! This was a terrifying concept to anyone on the planet, but to Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, it equated to something far worse. For Buzz, small "school houses" were the size of massive space stations! Massive space stations! AND Porkchop just claimed that the same explosive that Buzz was now holding could take out a dozen of them? This was bad! This was very, very bad!

Buzz momentarily fiddled with the explosive that gave literal meaning to the term "overkill" to see if he could disarm it. He did not have to try long before knew he lacked the sophisticated tools to do anything. Not to mention, for all he knew, he lacked the time to do anything as well! All that Buzz did know for certain was that the bomb he was holding was going to go off and somehow, he and Jane had to be nowhere near it. Stumped, Buzz was more than open to any ideas on how to get some distance from them and the bomb.

"Jane," Buzz said urgently but surprisingly without a trace of panic in his tone, "This thing could go off at any moment and I can't stop it. We need to put an impossible length of distance between us if we're going to have any hope of living. Any ideas?" Jane tried to think. Somehow that did not seem to be so hard a thing to accomplish, but she could not remember why.

Suddenly Jane clutched her head as thoughts fluttered towards the front of her conscious mind. She felt like she was tapping into distant memories, memories that were not her own… Jane was confused and pained as she recalled a brave but frightened, young woman wandering in the dark. A dark place that was not too far from where she and Buzz stood now. In the pitch black, the woman's only source of light was from a dark lantern in her hand. The strange woman was searching for something, trying her best to navigate through a black maze of underground tunnels. The lantern's light was more than sufficient, but for some reason she seemed to keep its slide down more often than not. It make her task more treacherous and terrifying. However, self-induced, poor lighting conditions had nothing to do with the reason why her search was going so poorly… She had a terrible feat of tight, closed places and it was all she could do not to run back unsuccessful to the…. sheriff? Jane's mind pushed away that thought and moved on to what was important about this memory. Thankfully, the woman's fear caused her to take a moment to breathe and calm down. She sat down, trying her best not to hyperventilate all the more when she saw before her a pit. A deep, dark, extraordinarily wide and seemingly bottomless pit! It was beyond her to guess how deep the hole was in this darkness, but had she gone but a few steps further, she would have found out. Or at least that was what the person she thought she was trailing said to as he pulled a bulky gun on her. Then pain surged through Jane's head, but she was unsure if it was her own pain she was feeling or the memory of the woman's pain. Before she could sort it out though, the awful vision was gone as instantly as it came. It was worth enduring the confusing moment of discomfort, because when the ordeal was all over, as if by magic, Jane did in fact know the solution to her and Buzz's dilemma!

"Right below us," responded Jane with an equal tone of urgency to Buzz, "There's an underground pit. Supposedly it goes down forever!" Buzz immediately understood,

"Perfect!" answered Buzz as he set his laser from stun to kill. He then pointed the laser to the ground and with an unbelievably powerful shot, made a deep hole at his feet. Buzz then hurled the strip down into the hole with enough force to throw out his arm and said,

"Okay. We'll have to let gravity do the rest for us. But in the meantime, RUN!"

"Don't need to tell me twice!" said Jane as the two began to make tracks towards Buzz's borrowed horse!

Gravity must have done its trick with the micro-detonator. Instead of being blown sky high after the earsplitting blast, Buzz and Jane were only knocked off their feet. After the shockwave of explosive energy came up towards the surface rock, Buzz began realize the obvious consequences to blowing the foundation out from under his feet. Starting from the area of the hole he blasted and out like a ripple, the rock began to cave in on itself and down into the pit Jane had said was below. Buzz and Jane sat up and looked behind them as they heard rock crumbling and pulverizing. Jane observed the ground as it disappeared downward,

"Well that sinks the duck!" she shouted to no one in particular. Buzz and Jane then scrambled to their feet and dashed for the horse and the outer rim of the collapsing circle. Buzz was used to running on unstable terrain, but Jane, even with all her agility, was still a novice at such things and stumbled repeatedly. Buzz grabbed her hand to help steady her, but it seemed more to slow down the both of them than anything else. Fearing that Jane would be swallowed up before she finally found her footing, with one fast sweeping motion, he gathered her in his arms and dashed to the edge of the "plateau".

Before Jane could register that she was no longer running under her own power, it was no longer a concern for her pride, they had reached the retreating horse and swifter getaway from danger. Jane could not see the winning smile Buzz's mouth was flashing her, but she did see the part that reached his eyes and it was more than sufficient. Then, nodding to her and looking to the horse so she would understand what he was planning, tossed her up onto the horse's back. Feeling strangely more energized and optimistic, Jane and her acrobatic skills made short work of what she understood was required of her. She slung herself over the horse's saddle and held out her hand for Buzz as she tried to get the spooked horse into a gallop. Buzz ran along side the accelerating horse. Buzz somehow knew that Jane would not double-cross him, but nonetheless, a gratefully look dawned his face at the sight of her reaching back for him. He held out his hand for hers. Buzz was but inches away from grabbing hold when all of a sudden he felt that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach of someone unexpectedly free falling! The ground underneath Buzz had given way and Buzz was plunging into the pit bellow.

Buzz was plummeting fast! He did not know the standard gravity at which objects freefell on this planet, but during his brief stay he could safely concluded that it would still produce the same bone-crushing results in about the same amount of time as it did on more familiar planets. With this in mind, Buzz hoped that he could think faster than the standard of gravity. He did not have any antigravity belts, jetpacks or even a parachute on his person. What did he have? He looked at the laser on his wrist. It had been the rescuer of Jane and literally the sinker of himself, but it was useless to him now. He had depleted its remaining power cells blasting that hole into the underground pit, the depths of which he was now was exploring. It was of little consequence that he could no longer fire it though. It was not like shooting any more holes through the canyon would do him any good now. Wait! Shooting holes? He could not blast any holes, but something as low tech as shooting holes was something that he could do! He remember that his laser pack had a spring loaded grappling hook in it! He had never been reduced to using it with all the other weapons he had in his arsenal, but he was more than willing to use it now!

He quickly looked up for an ideal place to shoot, he quite literally only had one shot! The hook only had enough power to fire once and he was likely to hit bottom shortly. He could still see the outline of Jane and the horse on the new ledge above. She had dismounted and seemed to be trying in vain to see into the shadowy hole. Quite by chance and fortunate for Jane since she had not thought of the chance of her ground falling out from underneath her too, it seemed that Jane had steered the horse onto rock that had been shielded from the brunt of the blast. It was in no danger of going anywhere anytime soon and Buzz hoped that would remain the case. He did not want to even think of her sharing this same terrifying experience with him. He was also in no mood to feel that plummeting sensation in his gut twice. This was going to work and the ledge he was aiming for above him was not going to crumble!

Buzz's aim was as true as ever and Jane got the surprise of her life when she saw the hook come back from out of the blackened pit and lodge itself but steps way from her boots. She had rushed to the edge with the lasso from the horse's saddle to save Buzz, but she was glad to see it had been a useless effort. Useless in that he did not need her help and not useless because, like Buzz's laser, without a visible target, aiming for a target was impossible. It was a good thing that Jane still had yet to discard the lasso though as Buzz's dread was realized. The rock around the hook began to give way and with a violent jerk, tore itself out with the weight of the space ranger below. It seemed to all happen in half a second, one moment Buzz had come to a sudden stop and the next he was freefalling again! This time, a bit of the cowboy spirit must have rubbed off on Buzz because rather than any other useless effort, Buzz just held onto his hat for dear life.

Half a second was all Jane needed to save the day though. The instant that hook popped into the air, Jane had a lasso looped around it! Jane knew that the man, quite literally at the end of his rope, was not as light as he looked and braced as best she could for when the rope went taut! Her arms were jerked painfully, but she did not let go. Struggling to keep herself from falling over the edge as she pulled the rope up, she yelled down over the ledge,

"Hey, space toy! Don't be rude and keep a lady waiting!" Buzz had had trouble processing that he had stopped again. He had been too busy wishing he could get a set of wings before the dying part of his vertical trip to think of the possibility of rescue. At the sound of Jane's encouragement though, he managed to pry his hands from his hat and hit the button to reel in his grappling hook line. Within moments, he was up at the ledge. A relieved smile was painted across Jane's face as she offered her hand for him to grab onto. Without hesitation, Buzz reached and was successful this time in seizing the bandit's outstretched limb. Other space rangers might have advised against him being too quick to, quite literally, put his life in her hands. Jane was technically still his enemy and her loyalties and motives were an unknown to Buzz... However, Buzz reasoned that she would not have gone through all the effort to help haul a huge chunk of space debris like him back up only to let him fall again. In truth though, he could not resist complying when Jane smiled at him so genuinely like that. Thankfully, Buzz was right and with one last yank of Jane's arm, Buzz was on the ledge and safely beside an extremely tuckered out Bazooka Jane.

"Well, I see you at least had enough sense to hold onto your hat. After all, what's a cowboy without his hat?" joked Jane between gasps. Buzz and Jane had a good laugh and then Jane smiled,

"It's too bad we're on opposite sides. We'd make a really good team."

"'Opposite sides'?" repeated Buzz in disbelief, "You mean you're still going back to Porkchop, even after he tried to kill you?"

"Oh, no no. I'm not workin' for Porkchop anymore. But who says I have to join your band of goody-goodies either? No thanks." Buzz looked utterly crestfallen. Buzz had so hoped that if they somehow survived the blast, finally seeing her so called "allies" for what they really were, Jane would want to help him. Sadly, it appeared that there was no chance of that. In a matter of moments, the confident expression that he wore, born from thinking he had obtained the advantage of a new friend and ally, became a look of disappointment. This pathetic turn of his countenance however was not lost on Bazooka Jane. Whether or not his expression influenced what Jane said next will never be known, but all the same, she surprised Buzz when she amended,

"But right now, I reckon we have a common enemy. And any enemy of my enemy is someone I'm okay fighting along side. Just don't count on me sticking around afterwards. I'm still an outlaw." she finished warningly though it sounded more defensively. After all, Bazooka Jane could not have this goody-goody space ranger thinking she was going soft. She then gave him her toughest look to emphasis her resolve to go back to being a bandit when all was said and done. As disappointing as it was to hear that Jane had no intension of reforming, Buzz was just so happy that his luck was finally changing! Her sneers may as well have been smiles since they had no effect on his mood. He beamed at her,

"Great! I am thankful for your help! So I guess the proper term for this situation is a 'truce'."

"Yes, a truce." she agreed with a smile.

"And truces have terms." followed up Buzz gravely. Buzz was happy to have Bazooka Jane on board, but he was still a cautious space ranger. He wanted to know all the conditions under which their alliance could endure.

"You took the words right out of my mouth." said Jane mirroring his seriousness. Unfortunately, the seriousness of the moment was sort of lost due to Buzz's confused expression that followed. His translator must have been acting glitchy or something again. How could anyone "take words out" of someone else's mouth? He certainly did not have such a capability. Weary of the pause in the conversation, Jane helped kick it along,

"First, let's hear your terms." smiled Jane. Buzz had not anticipated being made to set his own terms before first hearing those of Jane. He had to think fast to compensate for the unexpected deadline. Knowing nothing of Jane's motives or intentions beyond evening a score with Porkchop, his terms would have to be quite general. This was because, depending on what Jane would demand after him, his terms might need room for interpretation.

"Well," he started, "I know you don't like Sheriff Woody and your primary reason for allying yourself with me is to get back at Porkchop… But when we break into his base, I want you to help me save the sheriff before we do anything else. Once we have more allies to help, stopping Porkchop will be easier." He threw in that bit of logic in the end, just in case she objected. Shockingly Buzz's pains were taken in vain, she apparently had no objections,

"Fair enough. Anything else?" she asked very nonchalantly. There was another term as Buzz's brain began to recall all the disadvantages to him barreling into Porkchop's base as he was now.

"Yes, before we can do even that, we have to go back towards town to retrieve my spacesuit and spaceship. My devices need a recharge and I need better armor if I am to be of any real help. I mean, you saw how well I faired fighting you dressed in these garbs. So imagine if Porkchop's men are even half as good as you in a fight?" Jane smiled at this compliment. It was obvious that Buzz had not meant it as such. He had merely stated a fact to prove a point. Jane was not about to let him get away with the slip up though. It was becoming her favorite hobby to watch him squirm. She smiled shamefully at Buzz,

"Quit trying to butter me up, Buzz, you know it will get you nowhere." Buzz started to stutter incoherently and Jane took advantage of it to continue her fun,

"It's a shame about that suit term of yours," Jane said jokingly with a touch of sadness, "I almost want to make a counter term for it. But I guess I have to pick my battles, though I do reckon you look fine as you are now. But, then again… I've only seen privileged to see blurred archive images of you in the suit… Maybe you look cuter in it up close and in real life. All right, I agree to your terms." As Jane got up and walked away back towards the horse, Buzz was still blushing and stunned. How could he not when Jane had so clearly given the reason why she did not mind the side trip? He always seemed to be rendered a dunce around this compelling bandit and it was really starting to worry him. Shamefully remembering that he was a highly trained space ranger and not a dunce, Buzz recalled to Jane that there was something still unresolved about their alliance.

"Wait, Bazooka Jane. What about your terms? Obviously you want immunity for your past crimes, that's a given. But what else do you want?" asked Buzz. Jane saddled up, looked at Buzz,

"I'd reckoned my first term was just as obvious." smirked Jane. Buzz thought maybe he really was a dunce, because he was completely clueless. Jane observed this and said,

"I'll save the first term for last then. You see, if all goes as planned, soon I'll be out of steady work. I'm gonna to need to start a new gang of bandits if I'm to make a living. And I want you to join me. Just imagine it! A pair like us, we'd be unstoppable!" grinned Jane as she pumped her fists as if boxing an invisible opponent. Then she was momentarily lost in a world of mischievous adventure and fun. Oh, what trouble the two of them could stir up! The excitement and possibilities of having this polished and able spaceman in bandits' clothing riding around the planet as her "partner in crime"… It was so real to her at that moment, it was practically tangible! Buzz himself must have been feeling inklings of it too, because at that same instant he knew he had to put a stop to it. Buzz lifted his hand to stop Jane from daydreaming any further and simply shook his head slowly in the negative. He shifted his gaze slightly from Jane. Strangely, he did not want to meet her lovely green eyes before he said what he must. Somehow, he felt like he was rejecting something far dearer than a mere partnership. With firm, honest conviction Buzz answered,

"I am afraid that I cannot comply. I am a space ranger. I fight for justice and to defend the helpless of the universe. I cannot run off to become a bandit, Jane. It's simply not in me. I'm sorry, but if those are your conditions….As much as I want to have you fight by my side… I will just have to go it alone." Jane did not seem phased by this. In fact, she seemed truly, genuinely, pleased…?

"I've been disappointed if you were so easily won over, space toy. But then I reckon you'll have to at least agree to my first term if you won't join my posse. I agreed to all of your terms and fair's fair." Buzz waited to hear her first term and hoped it would be more reasonable. What would he do if he could not comply to this term either?

"You stole something from me. Me, a master thief in her own element! AND you did so sloppily too. I've got a professional image to maintain, you know? So once we fetch your spacesuit, it's only fair that I steal it back from you when you're nearly in your own element." Jane stated very matter-of-factly, but it was way too cryptic for Buzz to follow. Buzz asked with a perplexed look on his face,

"Why do we have to wait until I have my spacesuit back? Don't tell me you want one of my suit's weapons as compensation for the gun I took from you earlier?" Jane tittered to herself and simply shook her head at Buzz,

"All that technology and you still don't understand anything, do you, **bandana****boy**?" Realization dawned on Buzz and twice in one tonight, the space ranger found his hand involuntarily fly to his cloth concealed lips. He colored and was silent. Jane, taking that as the best answer in the affirmative that she would hope to muster from this shy space ranger, extended her hand and helped him onto the saddle. Jane then firmly tapped the sides of Bo Peep's horse with her boots and they were off!


	22. The Denial of Bazooka Jane

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

Thanks for hanging in there. I had my first real bout with writer's block with this chapter. The middle of it was just not coming to me. I hope you enjoy it. Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration.

**Chapter 22: The Denial of Bazooka Jane**

A terrible case of saddle sore seemed inevitable from Buzz's awkward seat behind Jane. Bo Peep's horse was strong enough, but Jane seemed cautious not to overexert the animal while it was burden with the weight of an additional rider. Her slower pace consequently, dragged out the duration of the journey through the canyons almost beyond comfort for Buzz and his bowing legs. Luckily however, fortune chose to smile upon Buzz again. They rounded a bend and discovered, like them, wandering around the craggy floor of the canyon was none other than….

"Buttercup!" called out Buzz as he hopped down from behind Jane. He ran to the horse to grab its reigns, but it reared a bit and Buzz had to step back to avoid being trotted upon. The horse was more than a bit spooked! Buzz tried to quickly calm the animal, but he was no horse whisperer. He was persistent though and tried to make himself as unimposing and as visible in the moonlight as possible. Buzz's efforts were not in vain. Once Buttercup clearly saw Buzz's familiar face and relaxed demure, the horse quickly began to master himself. Buzz then caught the horse's reigns, saddled up and went to join Jane. Jane was impressed with how well the spaceman had handled this rather ali en situation of soothing a frightened steed. Instead of smiling in approval though, she smiled at him with a look of challenge. She could see that he could fight, he obviously could ride, but could he race?

Buzz's eyes reflected nothing in reply to Jane's sporting challenge. Eyes can easily speak volumes, but Buzz was more of a man of action than of boisterous words in any form. This was particularly true when the reputation of this space ranger's natural athleticism was on the line. He gave Buttercup the signal and dashed off like a shot! With a strong "yah", Jane grinned and sped after him. Even with a head start, Jane was confident that this race would be no contest!

As a precautionary measure, the duo skirted town and its rowdy alien population, which was still giddy from the explosive festivities earlier that night. It was not every day that Porkchop's men got to revel in such a horrendous undoing as the one that the arrogant humanoids, Ranger Nesbit and their own Bazooka Jane, had suffered. It was something worth celebrating to excess. Jane and Buzz turning up very much alive in the thick of such a row would only make the brutes excessively cross and their own situation excessively difficult.

As good an idea as this detour was, it cost the pair more time and so Buzz and Jane needed to make better time. The speed in which Buzz and Jessie rode in order to compensate for the longer distance was so quick that Woody's house was soon in sight! They had completed their trip in a little over an hour!

There had been very little chitchat between them before Buzz had found Buttercup and even less once their trip turned into hard gallop. This was mainly because Buzz had been concentrating on not falling off his mount as he attempted to keep up with Bazooka Jane. She had not been cocky in believing herself more than capable of gaining the lead in their race. And unfortunately for Buzz, even though Jane could plainly see that Buzz was struggling to keep up, she was not the sort to coddle a novice rider anymore than Sheriff Woody. In fact, Woody had gone easy on him in comparison. Then again, maybe this "getting right back on the horse" method of riding instructing was best. After the intensive equestrian courses he had taken with Woody and an hour of reinforcement at breakneck speeds with Jane, Buzz was feeling more confident in his ability to ride. Still, as Buzz looked ahead at Jane on her mount, he wondered if he could ever be as good at this whole cowboy thing as her. Even after an hour at a full gallop, her riding form was perfect. They both looked like they had been through the ringer with their tattered clothing and hole-ridden hats from exploding craggy projectiles… And yet, compared to him, she seemed tireless. She was smart, resourceful and an accomplished fighter. He would have surely been space dust by now if not for her quick thinking and amazing skill. Involuntarily Buzz let slip,

"You know, you were really something back there. It's no wonder Woody made you his deputy." Jane rolled her eyes,

"Oh, spare me, Space Ranger! And we were having such a nice ride too... You're not still buying into all those sob stories from the sheriff, are you? That guy's delusional. I am Bazooka Jane and I always have been." Buzz was amazed. How could she say that? Even her own name was a contradiction to that statement! Bazookas were a technology far too advanced to even yet exist on the planet! Not wanting to lose to a statement born of a cruel mind wipe and mind control, without considering the consequences, Buzz countered by simply stating the obvious.

"Well if you are so certain of who you are, then why are you so afraid of learning anything about or even mentioning the name of Jessie Pride?" remarked Buzz quizzically. Bazooka Jane's hand moved up like lightning! Buzz did not even have time to blink before he found himself staring at the business end of a gun, nay, a blaster! Jane had kept it hidden up her coat sleeve! Though they were still yards away from the house, Buzz immediately stopped his horse at sight of this threat. Not the threat of the blaster so much as the threat in her eyes promising trouble if he did not stop. This move pacified Jane somewhat but she was still seething with anger underneath the surface. Her wrath seemed in danger of coming out in the form of a laser blast right between the eyes even as he cautiously, but swiftly obeyed her signal to dismount. Jane quickly alighted after Buzz, but never lowered her gun for a moment. The two of them stood very still for a long moment and Jane said not a word. Buzz began to wonder if he should ask what was to happen next, but then Jane found her voice. Seeming to have only just become master again of her own temper, she spoke very slowly and deliberately,

"Now you listen to me and you listen good. You will call me 'Bazooka Jane' unless I say otherwise." Buzz nodded to her just as slowly as she spoke. Bazooka Jane was his ally against a common enemy, but he should not have forgotten that diplomacy can easily crumble. Particularly when you say the wrong thing or overstep your boundaries… And though Buzz would not have understood the reference, he had just crossed the Rubicon. Jane, satisfied with Buzz's grave reaction, withdrew her blaster from his face and Buzz breathed easy for a moment. Jane then gestured towards the house,

"Now get in that house and get what you need while I make sure no one followed us. I'll be in right after you." she said as she surveyed the dark, star lit area. Buzz did as she said and marched. Marching with his back turned to the woman who, but moments earlier, had been threatening to shoot him…. Anyone else would have gone crazy with anticipation walking all the way to the house, but Buzz had no fear. He still trusted Jane. She had had plenty of chances to kill him on the ride over and plenty more before that and she had not taken them. After all, she obviously had that weapon during their scuffle earlier, an advantage that would have immediately ended their fight, and yet she had not used her gun. Instead she had chosen to fight the spaceman fairly, fists for fists. Just like he would have and just like him, even this self-proclaimed "lawless" bandit had her own moral code.

Following another moral code recently instilled in him, the Code of the West, Buzz led Buttercup alongside him as he marched and guided the horse to a fruiting tree on the way to the house. Underneath the tree was what Buzz now recognized as a trough. Well, it was more of a large barrel, but it still held water. Buzz let the horse remain there. Once Buzz had his spacesuit back, he would not need to bring Buttercup along for transportation. He reasoned if he was to leave Buttercup behind, it was better for the horse to be out in the open with water than potentially become trapped in his stable and starve. Buzz was the greatest space ranger who ever lived, but even he could not be certain if he would ever be back from his dangerous mission to let Buttercup out again. Buzz hated the thought of the poor beast of burden slowly dying as a direct result of his failure to return. He had to take precautions.

Buttercup seemed satisfied enough with his makeshift accommodations and remained under the tree. The horse gratefully began to drink and munched on fallen bit of fruit or two. Buzz smiled at the horse's reaction and continued on into the house. Woody certainly would have been proud of Buzz. His horse's needs had been addressed and now Buzz could see to his own.

As soon as Buzz was out of sight and not before, Bazooka Jane started hyperventilating as fear overtook her. What was the matter with her? Had she been withholding some sort of terrible truth from Buzz? Were they surrounded by countless, murderous villains? Had Jane been trying to put on a brave face because she knew that only one of them stood a chance to escape? That was hardly the case at all. Jane already knew that there was nobody following them and had been keeping an eye out the whole way back to the sheriff's house. If anything, the only unusual thing she noticed on their trip was that more and more, she truly was enjoying the company of that adorably neurotic spaceman. Buzz was not just fun to tease, but fun to have around. Despite this revelation though, now she just needed a moment away from him. She needed a moment to digest the humiliating truth that Buzz had just blindsided her with. Jane was **terrified** of Jessie Pride, the mysterious girl who was somehow linked to her past. A girl who Jane did not know and did not want to know because subconsciously, she suspected that if she did come to know Jessie… Somehow Jane would lose herself, cease to exist, die.

Jane quickly went from despair to anger and it was all directed at her own self. Was her confidence in herself and her identity really so fragile? What was she doing cowering like some child in the dark? She was Bazooka Jane, clever as a fox and the greatest bandit in the West! She was one of a kind and here to stay! No one and nothing would ever change that! She looked to the two-story house in front of her. Sheriff Woody and his lost sister had lived in that house and inside would most likely be a cornucopia of things that would challenge the legitimacy of Jane's very existence! Going in there would be asking for trouble, but she would do it anyway! She would prove to Buzz and herself that she was no coward to be afraid of some missing prairie princess! Bazooka Jane then crossed the span of the yard, let her horse follow after Buttercup, defiantly marched up the steps of Woody's front porch and went straight into the house. 

Buzz took off his cowboy hat when he entered Woody's empty house. After turning on a flashlight on his wrist to guide him through the darkened house, he made his way up the stairs to the second floor. Buzz ran his hands over the native headgear as he climbed the stairs. The moon had been a better light source by far compared to his flashlight, but he did not need strong light to tell that his hat was a perfect wreck now. As tattered and raggedy as the hat had been rendered, Buzz was still a bit sad knowing he would have to part with it. In the state it was in now, it would probably fit within the confines of his domed helmet easily. He could still wear it if he wanted, but Buzz knew it just was not practical. He mused at himself for liking the hat so much even to bother with thinking of some way to continue to wear it.

How was it that, in just a little over a day, he had become so accustomed and comfortable with the ways of this planet? He was really starting to feel more like a space cowboy rather than a space ranger misplaced in a desert. But right now, the desert he was misplaced in did not need a spaceman with delusions of native acclimations, it needed a space ranger! The world needed a protector who had the skills and the knowhow to defend it from a terrible alien threat. Letting go of the remnants of his newfound feelings of nostalgia, Buzz discarded his hat and strode into the rightmost room at the top of the stairs.

To anyone else, the room that Buzz stepped into was an ordinary looking room. Only Buzz and Woody knew the truth, the room was extraordinary place of metamorphosis. Not just because it contained enough garments to disguise a space ranger… For in this room, lying just beneath a rug and some loose floorboards, hid the means of Buzz shedding his limited protecting capacities as a cowboy and truly becoming the defender that this planet so desperately needed.

While Buzz was pulling on floor planks, Bazooka Jane was pulling on the porch door. She passed through the door all the while trying to not feel as intimidated as she knew she was to be in Woody and Jessie's house. The feeling that she was tempting death by entering the house had not left her from earlier and the place being as quiet, dark and scary as a catacomb was certainly not helping her to shake this feeling any faster. Jane had never been fond of the dark. She was tough as nails though and whenever a place was a little too dark for her comfort, she would just suck it up and deal with it. Since her flashing vision on top of that ledge with Buzz though, she was beginning to feel terrified of the dark almost beyond coping. She longed for light to be in the dark house and somehow, instinctually, she moved for the exact spot where there was an oil lamp in Woody's large sitting area. Jane was grateful when she felt the lamp on the small table and went for a matchbox tucked away in the small drawer underneath the table top. Jane pulled a match out of the little box and struck it with joy. It was only a small beckon of hope as it burned on the stick, but soon it would force the darkness to retreat back to the farthest corners of the room. She would then have some much needed space between the darkness and the dread it brought to her troubled mind.

Jane removed the glass chimney from the oil lamp and was about to light the wick when she suddenly paused in greater fear! How did she even know where to find this lamp and the matches? She had never been in this house before... Yet, she knew her way around and had found these items so easily! Would this trend of unsettling discoveries continue and become worse if she were actually able to see everything inside this blackened house? She found herself reconsidering whether or not it would be better to stay completely in the dark about this matter, both literally and figuratively… Or risk the consequence of shining a light on this growing, foreboding subject. She stood there a long moment, staring at the wick and the match that was burning closer and closer to her fingers. She was so very afraid of the consequences, but as she began to feel the heat of the flame singeing her fingers, she remembered her resolve. She was going to face and take whatever surprises that this house could throw at her. From where she stood right now, the stupid match in her hand was a bigger threat to a bandit like her than seeing a silly, old, lit house! The consequences she feared could be hung! Jane then lit the wick.

Unfortunately for Jane's infantile resolve, her bold move was not rewarded with even a moment's reprieve from her fear of darkness… Not before something far scarier presented itself to Jane and put her resolve fully to the test. Sitting next to the bright lamp on the small table, Jane could plainly see a facedown photograph frame. A picture frame just begging, daring her to be tenacious enough to turn it back over again.

Buzz was in his spacesuit in a matter of minutes. Space Rangers knew that they did not always have the luxury of taking their time to get properly suited up and so they trained to suit themselves with maximum efficiency and speed. He looked himself over in the mirror to be certain that he had everything on properly. He had no adequate lighting in the room to inspect himself, but thankfully Buzz did not need any. His suit, capable of glowing in the dark, provided sufficient lighting and Buzz was grateful for it. Buzz was more familiar with what daily life on this planet entailed compared to almost twenty-four hours ago, but he still had no idea how to light an oil lamp.

Seeing no immediate problems with his suit, Buzz took a moment to look over his profile. His face was free from its bandana and on full display. He had not seen his chin in many hours and no surprise, as always, not even a sufficient five o'clock shadow obscured his identity. When it came to growing facial hair, he was always an underachiever. Not that it really matter whether or not he had a bandana or beard to hide his identity anymore. The spacesuit would give him away as a space ranger immediately. No matter who he was, so long as he wore the uniform, it was safe to say that he would be shot on sight by Porkchop's associates. Well maybe not all of them. There was still the matter of Bazooka Jane.

What would Bazooka Jane do when she saw him face to face and he was no longer "bandana boy"? She had expressed an unsettlingly keen interest in finding out what he looked like without any disguises. Heck, it was one of her only terms in their alliance! Well, the only part of said terms that he was willing to think about at the moment anyway. But now, he could no longer avoid thinking about the details of her demands and what they entailed. The beautiful bandit had been perfectly clear that once they had reached the house and he was in space ranger garbs again, she would be expecting her terms to be met. She would steal back from him what he had stolen from her. Buzz swallowed nervously, unless his Universal Translator had failed him yet again, and boy did he hope that was the case… There was only one thing that he could have possibly stolen from Jane during that scuffle.

Buzz looked back towards the stairs. Light was coming from the ground floor. Bazooka Jane was waiting for him. Buzz sighed. He supposed how his next encounter with Jane would play out depended a great deal upon what she thought of him once she finally got a good look at him. She said she had never seen a clear image of him. Undoubtedly after hearing so many stories about him, she must have built up some high expectations regarding him. She probably pictured him to be some sort of dashing, romantic character and if that were the case, she would be disappointed. After all, Buzz never really thought of himself as a looker and knew he was no romantic. Once the truth about him was literally unveiled, would she still want to "steal back" what he had accidently stolen from her or would she change her mind? One of these possibilities would occur, but he doubted he would fare well no matter which won out. The significance of both outcomes terrified him.

Buzz was heading towards the stairs now. As he entered the upstairs hall, his spacesuit, which was the source of so much trepidation, mercifully became the source of a much needed distraction. It provided the additional illumination needed to light the hall up enough to bring his attention again to a beautiful treasure within that space. The same lovely, red hat he had seen hanging on a peg on the wall when Buzz had first come to the house with Woody. Buzz knew now whose hat it had to be. It belonged to Jessie Pride, Bazooka Jane. It could be no other person's possession. The color complimented her coloring perfectly and it felt like it was glowing with her very essence. Buzz was certain that if Jane could only remember its existence, surely the elegantly shaped hat would be crowning her lovely head right now. Buzz shook his head in disapproval as he looked upon the hat. Jane had such a wonderful hat and it was just sitting around collecting dust while she was walking about with a hat on that now resembled a craterous moon. It was a shame and he wanted to correct it. Forgetting his own troubles, he took the hat off its peg and headed downstairs hoping to help Jane at least with her apparel related troubles.

The room downstairs was indeed lit, but very poorly. Buzz reached the bottom of the stairs and could finally see Bazooka Jane. Like a man awaits a firing squad, he waited to hear her teases about his wardrobe change, but her taunts did not come. As Buzz got closer to Jane, he could tell that something was very wrong. At her feet was a broken picture frame. A photograph clearly of Woody and his entire extended family! Remembering Woody's words from earlier, Buzz at first thought the trashed frame was just the latest in a long line of Jessie photograph to fall victim to the confused wrath of the brainwashed Bazooka Jane. After a couple of moments of close observation though, it became obvious that there was something different about this time. The frame was indeed broken, but not smashed in a way that suggested it being done intentionally. Rather, its glass was cracked from simply being dropped to the floor. Dropped to the floor because holding onto the frame had just not been a possibility for the holder, she was too busy clutching her head. Bazooka Jane looked pained, anguished and vulnerable. Buzz was fearful for her. What had reduced her to this state?

"Jane…?" asked Buzz as he approached the bandit, afraid that he might upset her further if he rushed up to her. Jane looked up towards Buzz's direction and though he was right in her line of sight, she did not seem to see him. In fact, she did not appear at all to have looked in his direction out of recognition of him or even the name he called out. It was just a kneejerk reaction on her part to an unfamiliar sound, not really expecting to discover its source. Buzz's kneejerk reaction when he got a good look at her face would have been to gasp, but he suppressed it. Jane's expression was so distorted from her regular smug, devil-may-care expression. Instead, she immediately reminded Buzz of the face of a child, though aged several years and now visibly terrified, that he had seen in a grainy photograph but hours earlier in Woody's office. Observing this woman, Buzz could not help but play on this improbable hunch.

"Jessie?" questioned Buzz, calling the name that he had associated with this new countenance. She looked like someone who had suddenly and violently awoken from a bad dream. Her eyes were alert but unfocused and still quite unable to process her surroundings properly. Had she felt any relief upon discovering that she had escaped the sinister influence of her nightmarish episode, it certainly had yet to defuse across her face. The remnants of the terrible ordeal were still too fresh in her conscience mind to allow any other emotions outside the family of fear to dominant her expression.

Suddenly her frightened, disoriented eyes came out of the confusing mist they were trapped in and fixed on Buzz. She focused her mind as best she could on him. Hesitantly, yet not, she reached out to touch his arm with the one hand she was willing to pull away from its task of cradling her splitting head. She had to be certain that amidst the innumerable and impossible visions still racing through her waking mind, he was not just another phantom image… She had to be certain he was real. To her relief, her hand met with the undeniable sensation of touch and so she gripped his arm tight. Convinced that she was talking to a real person she urgently said what was in the forefront of her mind, her last memory and invaluable piece of intelligence she could recall before the terrible dreaming,

"I've got to stop Porkchop! I've got to find Sheriff Woody! We're all in danger! Woody has no idea how much! He can't even imagine…" Jessie let go of her grip on Buzz's arm as she was overwhelmed with a spasm of pain. Her headache becoming too much, her knees buckled underneath her and she dropped to the floor. Buzz instantly placed a hand on either side of her shoulders, steadying her to keep her from hitting her head on the floor. In such a woozy state… Buzz really did not want to ask anything of her other than for her to concentrate on regaining her bearings. But, if he was indeed talking to the freed mind of Jessie Pride, he needed answers while her mixed-up mind wiped head was still capable of giving them. It was obvious that Bazooka Jane did not have access to the same memories as Jessie and if she were to revert back to Jane, such information on Porkchop could be lost. The fate of the world was literally in the balance!

Buzz was about to begin his interview, but was caught off guard as Jessie rallied expression started to betray the real depth of her fear. Buzz could wager a guess why. Her memories were at this moment trying to sort themselves out. With Jessie being from a planet that had no technological equivalent for her to draw back upon to explain how two completely disjointed sets of memories could exist in one mind… It must have been beyond frightening for Jessie. Who knew where Jessie's last memories of freedom ended and her memories of Bazooka Jane began? She could be reliving all her most horrid, hope-crushing memories with all of her pleasant ones cruelly shut off from her. If that was indeed happening inside her mind now though, before questioning her, Buzz would do his best reassure her that things would sort themselves out and she had friend she could trust. Buzz then firmly addressing her first concern,

"We'll find our friend, Woody. We'll save him and I'll do everything in my power to help you. I promise you that, Jessie." vowed Buzz with a desperate edge in his voice towards the end that seemed denote that his thoughts had gone off the original topic of Woody's wellbeing. Composing himself, he continued,

"You said, 'more danger than he can imagine'? What do you mean by that? Is there something else going on?" Buzz had long since feared that something more nefarious was going on at Porkchop's compound other than housing a bunch of stranded lowlifes while they robbed a planet of all its riches and repaired their ship. Now, with any luck Jessie would willingly tell him what he needed to know in order to keep those fears from being realized.

Buzz's earlier words of encouragement accomplished their desired effect. Buzz was pretty sure she had no idea who he was, and yet Jessie smiled at him genuinely. He knew that Jessie believed him when he said he wanted Woody safe. Jessie began to rally up her courage again and Buzz had no doubt that she was going to tell him whatever she could to help their friends. Or so he thought…

Just as soon as this agreeable, trusting expression appeared on Jessie's face, it faded away into a perplexed stare and soon after a look of agonized frustration. What was she saying and doing just now? She was having trouble recalling. All she knew at the moment was there was a strange man with her in her house. A strange man not so much because he was a stranger as it was that he was wearing a fish bowl over his head like some sort of crazy person. Most people would be very alarmed by suddenly finding themselves with such a person in their home, but in truth, she was not threatened by him at all. In spite all the peculiarities about him, she seemed to feel that she could trust him. After all, did he not just say he would help her? Yes, she remembered now! He had offered to help her and to do so, he needed her help, but with what? Once again, she could not remember…

The red haired woman knew it was not the stranger, but there was something about the whole situation that she was in right now that was frightening her… But she was forgetting what. Yes, she was forgetting more and more what it was that was frightening her and maybe that was the scariest part about it. She needed to focus on something to get her mind off of this dreadful feeling. Naturally she looked to what was right in front of her. It was a man with the most lovely, but troubled blue eyes that she had ever seen. Who was he? Obviously the urgent and expectant look on his face meant he was waiting for her to say something, to give an answer. With the feeling of equal urgency, she wanted to comply. She felt it deep down inside that she needed and wanted to answer this brave and selfless man. She did not even know how she knew any of that, but she did. This man could save worlds and all he needed in return was for her to answer a simple question. Yet for the life of her, she could not do it. Who was she to be so pathetically useless? In fact, who was she? She could not remember. Truly that was pathetic.

Jane's head suddenly shot up in outrage at the last thought that had gone through her mind. She was not useless! Who said she was? Jane had an unsettling idea of who the person who thought it might have been. However, she pushed it aside along with any other unpleasant thoughts of being suddenly rendered pathetic and useless. She was not useless or pathetic. She was Bazooka Jane, the toughest in the West! It did not matter how strong or weak she might have been in the past. Jane was strong here and now and she would suffer no disrespect from anyone! She was who she was here and now, and nothing would ever change that! Strangely, this simple notion was quite calming for Jane. She had never felt so at peace with herself and that was what helped Buzz from getting into trouble,

"Jessie?" He had called her by that other woman's name. Normally that would put her in a rage, if only out of principle and maintaining her image. Somehow though, with this spaceman and her new revelation, she could let it pass.

"The name's Jane, Buzz." she patiently corrected him with a friendly smile. Buzz was not sure anymore if he had imagined Jessie's personality coming through before, but he was pretty sure with whom he was talking with now. Well, pretty sure, her not being upset about his name slip up like she had last time threw him a bit. Maybe her head pain subsided and now she was in a good mood? And if that was the case… Seeing that this might be the one time Buzz could do it without having a gun pulled on him for his efforts, he presented Jane with Jessie's beautiful, red hat.

"I thought maybe, you'd like another hat since the one you're wearing now has seen better days." explained Buzz. Jane looked carefully at the lovely hat. She knew who it had belonged to and was glad that it brought back no flashes or negative feelings. It did not mock or question her existence. It was just somebody else's hat. There in lied the problem though, if Buzz wanted her to wear it. She gingerly handed back the hat to Buzz and got up. She was pleased to find that her dizziness subsided and the effort of standing was not in vain. She could stand under her own power again. She smiled at Buzz, marking how sweet he looked with just a hint of disappointment on his face. It was not anything spiteful, it was just a fact and she even felt a slight pang of guilt for turning down his kindly gesture. Nevertheless, as she could stand on her own two feet, she could stand by some principles that even a bandit like herself still upheld,

"'Never try on another man's hat.'", she quoted to him with the warmest and most natural smile Buzz had ever seen on her. Buzz could not help but smile in spite of himself,

"That's the Code of the West?" he asked. She nodded with both a hint of pleasure and annoyance. This straight arrow spaceman was turning out to be a straight arrow cowboy and though she knew that she ought to want to put a stop to it. After all, the more goody-goody he became the smaller her prospects were of acquiring him for her band of thieves… But she just did not see the point in wanting to fix something that was obviously not broken.

Jane was growing uncomfortable with all the new places that her mind had wandered within the last span of an hour. Under the warm gaze of Buzz Lightyear, this squirmy feeling was magnified almost beyond her ability to keep it hidden. It was then that Jane decided she had to deflect some of the attention in this _tête__-à-__tête_ away from herself. She began to pace around Buzz like she had back in the jailhouse. This appraising mannerism was more than enough to distract Buzz when he had no idea what her intensions were last time. Now with the possibility of a kiss in the mix, Buzz was quite thoroughly diverted.

"As I suspected… You do look good in that spacesuit." said Jane mostly to herself. Buzz of course had no intelligible response to that and so Jane continues,

"Might be hard to get anywhere near your face with that fishbowl over your head though. Care to remove your chapeau?" she asked sarcastically but sweetly. This gave Buzz an idea and thus had a rare moment where he was able to give just as good as he received from Bazooka Jane and her teasing wit. Buzz grinned and said in mock seriousness,

"Negative. Our agreement was that you would even your score with me once I was in my spacesuit. You never said anything about me having to take it off again." Jane looked a bit annoyed at being foiled at her own game, but then she ran her finger along the base of his "fishbowl" where the glass met metal. Buzz had an overwhelming feeling that the Pride siblings were equally skilled at causing his helmet to fly open when he least desired it to so and he was of course correct in his notion. Unlike Woody, however, who had opened Buzz's helmet completely by accident, Bazooka Jane knew what she was doing. Dexterously she pressed the purple button at the side of his helmet. The glass, along with his confidence in holding his own in this battle of wits retreated to some unseen place behind Buzz. Buzz was and felt completely exposed now and Jane smiled in victory as she gazed into Buzz's eyes,

"There, that's much better." she said. In no battle yet, no matter how defenseless or outgunned he had been by another opponent, had Buzz ever closed his eyes and just waited for the end to come, but he was very tempted this time. Jane had him completely trapped and powerless in her gaze. Jane's face slowly drew near him and just before she was to bridge the gap between their lips, she pulled back and bounced over to the front door and opened it. Buzz, still recovering from not having been kissed by a woman who was as complicated as she was stunning, stood like a statue. After a few moments, Jane gestured for him to go out the door. After a few more moments and he failed to budge any faster, she said,

"Well, come on. Don't just stand there. I don't want to take all night to complete my end of the bargain."

"But I thought… You didn't. What?" stuttered Buzz who was still trying to process what had just happened, or rather had not just happened. Jane gave him a quizzical lopsided smile,

"It ain't exactly stealing if you're just given what you ask for. And where's the sport in it if the person you're stealing from sees it coming?" That was all the explanation that Bazooka Jane gave to him about the matter before she quit the house. Buzz, too confused to know what to think of this development, simply opted to let it be and followed after Jane. 


	23. ¿Se Habla Español?

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Thanks for hanging in there with me! I appreciate your comments tremendously. They really encourage me to write that much faster! There's actually a YoukaiYume reference in this one, let me know if you spot it. Apologizes ahead of time if I slaughter any languages other than English in this chapter. As always, thanks Beta!**

**Chapter 23: **_**¿**__**Se Habla Español**__**?**_

On the porch outside Sheriff Woody's house, Jane tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Buzz Lightyear to join her. Outwardly, she had all the appearance of someone emotionally disconnected to the task that lay before her. Rescuing Woody and his captured companions to Bazooka Jane was just another job. In truth though, after the brief memory lapse she experienced inside the house, she had this feeling of dread and overwhelming concern for Woody and company's safety. She desperately wanted relief from this feeling and knew she would only get it after Woody was out of Porchchop's clutches.

This sense of urgency bothered Jane to the core and she knew exactly why. It was not a desire that she, Bazooka Jane, would ever have. Someone else's feelings were having a direct influence over her and her present actions. Jane had made up her mind that she would remain true to herself no matter what she learned about hers or anyone else's past, and she was already failing. If she allowed her opinions to be swayed and her actions altered regarding one mater, then what was to stop the rest from wavering as well?

It was a scary, slippery slope of self-identity that she was walking. It was a path beyond dangerous and threatened to lead to a place of no return if she made too many missteps. Even knowing this, Jane still could not ignore what her heart was now telling her to do… She had to hurry to her friends' aid. No! Not her friends, if she had to stay firm on any matter, it was that Woody and his companions were Buzz's friends. She could cope with that and she could rush to Woody's assistance if she could just hold on to that belief. The matter settled again, she felt beyond frustrated when the nagging feeling in the back of her head still did not diminish in the least. Jane stopped her foot! What was taking Buzz? She was going to go stir-crazy if he left her out here alone with her crazy head a moment longer!

"Your friends won't rescue themselves, space toy!" called Bazooka Jane in a most agitated tone.

"They're your friends too, Jane." protested Buzz as he came into view from the doorway, "You just don't know it yet." That was the last thing that Jane wanted to hear him say at the moment,

"Sure, Buzz." she replied annoyed, "When all this is over, we'll all bury the hatchet, sit around the campfire, sing songs and make friends. Now can we get back to Porkchop's already?" Exasperated, Buzz slumped back against the wall of the house. That of course was not what he had meant at all about Woody and her being friends and she knew it. However, to Buzz's disadvantage, she also knew that they did not have time to argue. Being efficient and to the point, Buzz moved on to answer her question regarding their departure.

"Negative. Before we go anywhere near Porkchop, we still have to go back out into the desert and salvage anything that might be helpful to us from my spaceship." said Buzz.

"Is that all? Well, no need for that. I already have the whole thing stowed away back at Porkchop's hideout." answered Jane in a very flatly and matter-of-factly tone.

"Wait, what?" exclaimed Buzz!

"Oh come on, space toy. Did you really think that you could crash-land on this planet without somebody noticing? Just be glad it was me, or rather Stinky Pete, and not Porkchop." Jane went on to explain how she was always in need of spare parts for both her projects and for her own protection against Porkchop. Thus Stinky Pete, being strangely willing to deal with Jane, was often bribed for information and tips about where to find good scrap metal. By luck the previous night, Pete had seen Buzz's "shooting star" and told her about it in a passing fancy. Jane, suspecting it was more than just a bit of falling space rock from its description, got its relative coordinates from Pete and paid him to keep his mouth shut on the matter. Pete could not see any harm in withholding the information from anyone. Why a shooting star was worth the trouble of keeping a secret was beyond him though. Pete's logic was sound enough to Jane. The whole thing might very well have amount to nothing more than her being a bit poorer, but it turned out to be worth the time and price. She found exactly what she was hoping for, a crashed spaceship and suddenly she found herself in possession of plenty of parts. The only problem after that was getting it back to the compound without anyone noticing.

"So I gave Bart the night off." and then said almost apologetically, "So long as I eventually picked up your jailbirds that night, I could sneak the whole ship back to my hidey-hole at the compound with no trouble." Buzz raised an eyebrow at her. So that was why he and Woody had been made to wait so irregularly long at that jailhouse "stakeout". She had taken a detour along the way.

"What was that you told me about making gentlefolk wait?" asked Buzz at a sideward glance as he leaned off his wall. Jane then gave him a look that suggested something that Buzz thought maybe a bit too good to be true… If she had known that she had been keeping him waiting, perhaps she would have been a bit quicker in completing her savaging activities that night. But before Buzz could revel in this bit of knowledge, her expression turned unreadable and Buzz could not be certain if he imagined the whole thing.

"Anyway," continued Jane calmly like Buzz had said nothing, "I reckon I succeeded in sneaking in the ship, but I maybe I gave away something. Probably why Porkchop tried to blow me up tonight. He must have suspected I was up to something..." Then Jane could not contain herself for a moment longer and all her giddy mirth sprang towards the surface.

"But I was just so excited when I found an empty Star Command ship! How can you hold all that in? The idea of one of you space rangers sneaking around somewhere on this planet…. That's just a recipe for all kinds of fun and mischief for Porkchop!" She inspected her tattered clothing and then looked Buzz up and down, glowing almost as much as him in his glowing space uniform,

"And boy was I ever right! I don't reckon I've ever had this much excitement before I met you, Buzz." Jane had said this last part as a statement of fact rather than as flattery, but she was still pleased that she got a blush out of Buzz all the same. Buzz cleared his throat, wary of how Jane was treating this whole predicament, like just another game she was playing. Such an attitude, in Buzz's experience, always led to tragedy and he wanted to avoid it. So as much as he knew it would sour her fun, he had to be sure Jane understood the severity of the situation.

"Maybe a little too much excitement for my taste." confessed Buzz, "If things keep going the way they have been tonight, neither one of us are likely to survive." It was only there on Jane's face for maybe a moment, but Buzz could have sworn he had wounded something just a little deeper than Jane's adventurous spirit. Whether he had imagined the sudden break in her carefree demeanor, he was not sure. However, he was pretty sure that he was sounding more pessimistic about their situation than precautionary. That had not been his desire at all. Harboring such negativity before undergoing a difficult mission could contribute to disaster just as easily as treating the situation like some sort of sporting event. In hopes of lightening the mood and to boost morale, Buzz banked on the amusing novelty Jane would find in hearing him throw in a local expression in addition to his previous statement,

"But if we **play our cards right** tonight… Well, better than I was earlier in the sheriff's office at any rate," making reference to his card and hat trick from earlier, "We'll be fine." Jane indeed laughed at the memory of Buzz's playing card spewing hat and Buzz joined her in it. Buzz continued once his laughter died down a bit,

"Yep, we'll beat Porkchop and things will start going back to normal like it was before all us 'spacefolk' started stirring up trouble." Jane smiled and nodded, but not really as an indication of agreement or disagreement,

"A planet without Porkchop pushing his weight around is fine by me. Don't need his help to stir up trouble in town. But it'd be mighty dull around here without some out-of-town folk to keep us unlawful folk on our toes. Don't you reckon, Ranger Nesbit?" mused Jane as she pointed a finger at Buzz. Buzz briefly wondered why she chose to use his alias at that point. She had expressed such distaste for that lie earlier that night. Why now try to uphold the ruse that, when all of this was over, he still had connections to this planet? Perhaps the answer was in the question. Then Buzz got to wondering just how serious was Jane when she said she wanted him to be a part of her future crime sprees? He had thought that demand was more her trying to get under his skin than anything else. Just a meaningless joke, a tease or a trick. After all, she had not adamantly insisted on that demand being met when he turned it down. She did not seem overly disappointed about it either. Then again, maybe her reaction and not her demand was the real trick. He had to know which. He opened his mouth to ask,

"Jane, you know when all this is over… I'll have to return to-"

Buzz would not get the chance to diverge further into Jane's feelings about his eventual return to space. Jane had seen to that when she unexpectedly crossed the space between them. His helmet still retracted, there was nothing to stop Jane as she suddenly put her arms around his neck. Before he could say anything about this sudden breach of his own personal space, Jane hopped into his arms. All his previous thoughts were forgotten.

With a startled start, Buzz readjusted his stance but only just avoided them both being thrown off balance. Buzz looked about half expecting the ground to crumble below them like it had last time Jane had let him carry her. No such threat could be found.

"Jane! What in the universe are-?" Buzz was soon saved the trouble of trying to get his stuttering tongue to verbalize the rest of the inquiry. Without warning, Jane pressed the release button for his wings. His wings fully extended and flashing, Jane said,

"Quit flapping your mouth and start flapping your wings, space toy. Fastest way to Porkchop's is to fly. So get flying!" Buzz was more than surprised to again see how familiar Jane was with the basic mechanics of his suit. He had felt vulnerable before when Jane had popped open his dome, but now, he truly felt like he had no buffer of any kind between himself and Jane she could not bypass.

Despite his uneasiness so near Jane, Buzz was still in his right mind enough to hear the logic in her words. Begrudgingly he had to admit, she was right about flying. Flying with her as a passenger would be a hundred times faster than on horseback and Porkchop would not be expecting an aerial approach. At the moment though, Buzz did not have any Star Command approved means of carrying a passenger such a distance and that did not settle well with him. Even more unsettling than that, Jane, so familiar with the workings of his spacesuit, probably knew of this and did not care. He knew he was wasting his breath, but he still felt he had to verbalize his objections on some level,

"I'd warn you about the danger, Jane. About how difficult it is to hold on to something in flight as opposed to when riding a horse. I'd tell you about how you have friends who care about you and would not want you to take this risk… But somehow, I get the feeling that you already know much more than you let on about flight risks and you'd just ignore the dangers." She smiled as she loosened her grip around Buzz's neck and tapped on the button for his helmet. It flew back into place and Jane playfully tapped her finger on the glass in front of his nose,

"There's no danger, space toy. I trust you. You'll just have to hold on to me good and tight, is all. Now move out!" she finished in a hurried, loud tone, reminiscent of a "yah"! The order was so swift and confident that Buzz felt strangely incapable of ignoring the urge to hop to it! So with a sprint and a kick start off the porch, Buzz held onto his passenger "good and tight" and launched himself into the sky.

Space Ranger and outlaw were approaching Porkchop's hideout. Bazooka Jane tapped on Buzz's space helmet to get his attention. She pointed ahead and downwards towards some makeshift-looking watchtowers,

"Fly low. Our sensors are not sophisticated enough to detect low flying aircraft... Not that we'd be looking for them anyway, but stay on the safe side and fly low." said Jane. Buzz analyzed his trajectory and determined that given the timeframe and Jane's desired elevation, it was impossible to make a gradual descend without overshooting the compound by a great deal. He would have to dive. Normally, Buzz would have thought nothing of fancy flying, but now he was holding a passenger incapable of flight in his arms. He had to go about this very cautiously and maybe that still would not be enough to keep Jane safe. Neither one of them would be safe for long if he kept fretting about it though. Porkchop would detect him and probably send a missile right into his flight path. He sighed, it had to be done.

"Hang on really tight then." replied Buzz, giving Jane fair warning and time to brace herself before he dramatically dropped elevation. Cowboys and girls alike do not like losing their hats to the winds, so Jane pulled down the brim of her hat as low as she could and tried to get a better grip on her newly space-suited partner.

"'Hang on really tight?' That's hard for me to do with that fish bowl over your head... I reckon you'd better hold me tighter." suggested Jane with a grin. Her grin got even wider when she noticed in the pale green glow of Buzz's spacesuit that he was blushing. Buzz had already planned on hanging on to Jane before she had suggested it. After all, he had no desire to drop his only ally who was not currently captured... Nevertheless, Buzz could not help but color at the suggestion again. What happened and did not happen between them at Woody's house was still so fresh in his mind not to be affected by an invitation to hold her closer. What really tinted his cheeks red though was his certainty that this torrent of emotions he was feeling must be one-sided. The proximity between them back at the house was just as nonexistent as it was now. Yet as he held her closer and descended faster, he did not see her cheeks flush like his in the least.

Buzz had no choice but to conclude that Jane was indeed not affected by him the same way that he was affected by her. And deep down inside, it grieved him that her heart seemed so aloof. She might not be the kind to wear her heart on her sleeve like him, but still… A little encouragement for such a fledgling heart when faced with such a lofty challenge would have been immensely appreciated. Heck, discouragement, though disappointing, would be just as welcomed at this point. A space ranger is never intimidated by a challenge, but they needed some indication that a challenge did in fact exist. Then again, maybe Jane was just as affected by him and he only needed to give her time and be patient. Once he got to know Bazooka Jane better, maybe he would discover that she did have, though maybe less prominent, just as many indicators as him.

Then a sobering thought hit him that brought things back into perspective! It was an impossible and inappropriate idea for him to get to know Bazooka Jane better. He did not have the right or even the luxury of time to do so. The people of such a technologically underdeveloped planet such as the one he was currently flying across should not even know that he exists. And especially not be familiar with him on such a personal level as he was hoping to become acquainted with Jane! Moreover, how could he even think of such a thing when Jane did not even know who she was? The woman he held in his arms was not Bazooka Jane, but rather Jessie Pride, a hapless victim of a botched mind control experiment made by a madman. Nothing she said to Buzz or did was what she would do if she were in her right mind. Until her mind and thoughts could be restored, it was Buzz's duty to protect a person in such a state as hers from her actions, those of others and including his own. He was not supposed to have any desire to see how things would play out between them while she was displaying what he could only assume were characteristics that were in no way akin to Jessie Pride's true behavior. Buzz was ashamed of himself for losing sight of this. Poor Jessie and her lost freewill… He decided then and there that on his honor, for the sake of his friend, Woody, and Buzz's own fondness of Jane, he would stop at nothing to restore to Jessie her true self.

Buzz's downward zip was executed flawlessly and he was now gliding only a dozen feet from the ground. As silently and as gentle as an autumn breeze, the duo flew over the rock, barricades and fences surrounding the compound. Jane then pointed at a shabby looking building among many others. From the looks of it, the structures were tenements for both thugs and forced laborers.

"Land behind that building down there! It's usually real quiet around this hour. We won't be spotted." Buzz did a quick backwards flip and then dropped downwards, slowing his descend with a few short burst of upward motion from his jetpacks along the way. Buzz and Jessie then landed in the alley behind the building as quietly as a feather hitting the ground. Jane, needing no cue, hopped out of Buzz's arms,

"Impressive." she said back to him, quite pleased with the landing. She half expected some corny, canned Star Command line as a reply, but instead she saw a vigilant space ranger scouting and scanning enemy territory. There was a definite art form and finesse about the way he moved and did what he was trained to do… Jane enjoyed watching it.

"Very impressive." she smiled. She would have preferred to watch him work in his element for a little while longer, but she knew all good things had to come to an end and she had a job to do. After searching to make sure that the coast was clear, Buzz whispered into his wrist communicator,

"Buzz Lightyear Mission Log: With the aid of Bazooka Jane, former associate of Doctor Porkchop, we have infiltrated Zurg territory undetected. Assumed dead after a micro detonator explosion, the element of surprise should give us an edge in taking down Porkchop. However, our first priority is to find and rescue the captured local sheriff, Woody Pride and his two companions: Miss Bo Peep and Bullseye." Buzz closed his communicator.

Infiltrating Zurg outposts or starships or planets undetected was not the galaxy's most impressive feat, but remaining undetected certainly would be a challenge. It was to their advantage that it was so dark and misty in the alleyway, but that was about it. The buildings surrounding them were makeshift, misshapen, two or three story structures. That meant that every wooden plank or metal beam that made up the walls of this shanty town had the potential of moving away and revealing a hidey-hole occupied by a gunner or a sniper.

As the minutes pressed on and no one took a shot at them, it appeared that maybe that worse-case scenario had less of a chance at happening. The place was indeed just quiet and sleepy as Jane described. In fact, negating the soft, muffled sound of laundry flapping on clotheslines strung across the alleys, it was way too quiet. Buzz was gravely suspicious of a trap, but could neither see nor detect anything that would give him indication of that. Reluctantly, Buzz turned to the dark alley behind him to give Bazooka Jane the all-clear. Then suddenly he found his body encircled by a lasso for the second time that day! Buzz was lurched back onto his rear towards whoever had roped him. For half a second, he feared the worse for Woody's little sister and tried to call out to her to run away! However, he feared that only as long as it took him to recognize the touch of the hands that were tethering his arms behind his back! It was then that he realized that he had been betrayed! Buzz struggled in his bonds, but only managed to get back into a standing position.

"Jane! What are you doing...?" demanded Buzz to the woman at the other end of his rope. Jane slowly came into the misty moonlight, but she did not say anything. She just smiled and tightened her grip on the rope. She pressed the release button on his helmet and the glass that separated them was gone again. Their faces were but inches away from each other now. Only inches and as much as it angered him to admit under such circumstances, his face blushed madly from anticipation at her nearness. He could not help it.

For all the good it would do him and his tinted cheeks, he wished he still had the glass between them. The further the distance he could put between himself and this woman, who was not Jessie, the better. The better the chances he had at escaping with his tumultuous heart and sanity intact. Jane finally broke her silence, but not Buzz's agitated mood,

"Noticing that you're having a much harder time breaking free than last time? Even with the suit on? Well, this rope's from space, you know. I borrowed it specifically for you. So no capitalizing on the inferiority of this mud ball planet's technology this time, space toy. " mused Bazooka Jane. So it truly was a trap, a premeditated trap! Buzz never suspected a thing!

"I thought we had a deal…" said Buzz in a low, embarrassed, but still outraged voice.  
>"Sorry, Space Cowboy. But you're on my turf now." said Jane very flirtatiously, "Deal's off." Then stronger hands than Jane's flanked Buzz on either side and held him in place, preventing him from any form of escape! The hands belong to two very tall and brawny aliens. Then Buzz realized it was more than a trap, it was an ambush.<p>

"So much for the Code of the West, huh?" scoffed Buzz. Buzz could laugh at how easily he had been played by her. To further rub salt in the wound, Buzz's ears were assaulted by the sound of laughter coming from all around him. Moments later dozens of aliens, terrestrials and the giant pig who was Evil Doctor Porkchop came into view. For so many people to go unnoticed by Buzz's sensors, Jane must have brought him straight into a dampening zone!

"It's about time Jane, I was beginning to think that I had finally gotten the drop on you with that bomb… And came back with our emperor's missing, wayward offspring as well. Zurg will be most pleased when we bring Buzz back to him alive and as a much more **agreeable** son! But still, didn't I tell you-"

"If I 'somehow miraculously survived my encounter with the sheriff's silly ranger pal', I should come back to the compound right away, right? Well, I reckoned you were being literal minded after that surprise explosion. You wanted us to go out with a bang… So I wanted to follow your orders exactly. And what better way could I do that than by taking this ranger out for a night on the town before bringing him back?" interrupted Jane with a voice dripping with sarcasms. Buzz's feelings of betrayal from Jane were dwarfed from his feeling of disgust from Porkchop. He could not believe his ears! Porkchop did not even hide the fact that he did not care if Jane lived or died. And yet she still took ordered from him? It was unforgivable what this pig had done and was continuing to do to Jessie Pride! No way would he be taken prisoner by the likes of him!

Buzz slammed his chest into one of burly aliens restraining him and by consequence, throwing the other off balance! The force of the blow rendered the exact result Buzz had hoped for. It triggered the wing release button on his suit and the wings burst out from Buzz's jetpack with more than enough power to reduce the "space rope" around his body to shreds! His arms and hands were free!

"Did you really think you Zurg scum could hold me?" mocked Buzz at his assaulters. Jane had not been paying any attention to this display of brute strength mixed with ingenuity, she was too preoccupied. In her arms, she was fiddling with the controls of a large, clunky and unusual looking ray-gun. Once keeping Buzz pinned down was no longer her problem, she had pulled the gun out from one of the many hiding place that Buzz earlier suspected were littered about the shanty town. Jane pointed the bizarre weapon at Buzz and just as Buzz's wings broke him free, she replied,

"No, space toy. I reckoned we could only hold you long enough for me to do THIS!" **BLAST!** Buzz was suddenly enveloped in a surge of energy and light as the ray-gun made a direct hit! A tremendous wave of vertigo overtook Buzz. He was brought to his knees and fell prostrate on the ground. A stun gun? Buzz was not certain. Heck, he was not even certain which way was up, he was so woozy! The only thing that was certain to him was that, in such a dizzied, weakened state, if anyone decided to point anything other than a stun gun at him, he would be dead. His nauseous moment continued to pass, but no one fired at him. Perhaps Porkchop was actually serious when he deemed that Buzz would be of more value to him alive than dead.

"You planted a mind control ray-gun here ahead of time?" exclaimed Porkchop gleefully, "And here I was worried about dragging him back to the lab! Jane, you're a loose laser cannon and an ungrateful brat… but my goodness, are you ever the meticulous planner!"

'So that's it.' thought Buzz hazily to himself. That was what Porkchop meant when he said "agreeable son". He had just been hit with a portable mind control ray. Buzz was to be made into a mind wiped puppet of Zurg, just like Bazooka Jane. There would be one major difference though. Since Zurg's scientists were well versed in the mechanics of the brains of Buzz's species, Buzz would be a far more cooperative and permanent servant of Zurg than Jane. He could not believe he had been so foolish! The people of this planet's minds may be difficult to keep programmed, but so long as they were obedient at the most appropriate moments, what difference did consistency make? All things that Jane had said and done with him, some of her actions could have been Jessie's mind rebelling against her programming, but the fundamentals, the majority of Jane's actions were all still products of Porkchop's influence! It was a crushing blow to both his pride and his heart… Most likely any interest she might have feigned in him was all staged.

Buzz was then hit by something else that was surprisingly more disoriented than that cursed weapon he had just been shot at point blank with. If that had been a mind control ray-gun, why did Buzz still have conscious thought and self awareness? Usually the immediate effects of falling victim of such a device were… immediate. You would enter into a catatonic like state, and if you did not lose consciousness first, you then suffered memory loss. Yet, as Buzz looked up at his captors, he was perfectly aware of himself, his surroundings and the fact that Porkchop and Jane seemed to be waiting in anticipation for him to do something. With effort, Buzz managed to right himself and stood to face his attackers on his two wobbly legs. Yes, they were his attackers, not his masters and he still knew that. If that was a mind control ray-gun, then what had happened? Was the ray on the blink? Buzz opened his mouth to demand an explanation. However, what came out of his mouth would only cause more confusion for Buzz and soon, more for everyone else present.

"¿Que… me hiciste….?" rasped Buzz. No one said anything back to Buzz, but he hardly felt ignored. Such a thing was impossible when you had about four dozen or so of One-Eyed Bart and Betty's band of outlaws all pointing their weapons at your head. He did feel that his inquiry was being extremely undermined by Bart's piggish boss though, and that was something that Buzz would not take lying down. But then again, maybe he would if he could not find his footing again soon. Buzz felt himself slipping to the ground again and had to right himself once more,

"¡¿Que me hiciste?" " demanded Buzz more forcefully and loudly as he endeavored to walk towards them. He was getting better with every passing second after that but his motor functions were still noticeably lagging behind his speech. He gauged this by seeing what caused more of a stir, speech or walking. Speech was winning out by far. No one paid him much heed as he staggered about, but everyone's eyes were on Buzz now that he was speaking so clearly. Or rather, not speaking clearly at all!


	24. Spanish Buzz

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. Thanks to my Beta reader! Hope you all enjoy it!**

**Chapter 24: Spanish Buzz**

"¡Oye! ¡¿Que me hiciste?" repeated Buzz loudly and exasperatedly for the last time to the stunned pack of villains and lowlifes.  
>"He's spouting gibberish!" exclaimed Porkchop!<p>

"¿Qué?" Buzz was confused. He thought he had said his question to Porkchop both loudly and clearly enough. Buzz did not get a chance to press further before a sudden wave of panic overtook the black bowler wearing swine. Porkchop turned to the cowgirl still holding the ray gun and started shouting at her. His happy disposition from obtaining Buzz Lightyear was gone as quickly as it came,

"Bazooka Jane, you better not have fried his neurons! Zurg'll be livid and I'm not going to be the one he turns into bacon for it!"

"Ah, quit your belly aching, Ham hock! Ain't you the one who almost blew him to Tallahassee just a couple hours ago?" dismissed Jane as she swung the heavy weapon over her shoulder, "And I do my best with what you give me to work with in this dust bowl dump of base of yours. The ray probably just scrambled his standard issue Universal Translator Implants which would explain the middle ear problem he seems to be having and why it sounds like he's speaking Spanish."  
>"Spanish?" repeated Porkchop.<br>"¿Español?" followed Buzz, equally confused by Jane's explanation. Jane ignored Buzz's "gibberish" and focused solely on her boss with a look of annoyance at the endlessness of his ignorance on her face,

"Yeah, plenty of folks speak it around here and heaps more south of the border. He probably heard it in passing and now his translator's stuck in Spanish mode. Too bad none of us understand him since you won't wear a translator and you won't give me one either!" argued Bazooka Jane.

"There is no reason why I should have to accommodate for others' languages. And why should I waste such expensive equipment on the likes of you, Jane?" shouted Porkchop indignantly.

As a shouting match developed between the two villains over budgeting, it was all starting to make sense to Buzz! He at least could understand their speech as clear as anything, but his damaged Translator was sending out his speech in another language. They did not answer him earlier because they did not know what he was saying!

The fight was getting really heated when Porkchop cut off Bazooka Jane,

"Enough! This is idiotic, you insubordinate, little dirt-dweller! I am your Master and you will obey me! Now tell me if the mind control ray worked or not before I decide that you have completely outgrown your usefulness!" Bazooka Jane rolled her eyes. She hated being asked stupid, obvious questions all the time…

"Of course it worked! Buzz will still obey commands. I'm willing to bet that it's just his speech that is in a mess and that he can understand everything we say. Right, Buzz….?" she finished slyly as she looked towards the multilingual space ranger. Buzz then realized he had one more advantage, thanks to his current predicament, which could potentially be his ticket out of here. They thought that Buzz was actually under mind control! He had better milk that one for all it's worth! Perhaps this reconnaissance mission turned rescue operation turned double-cross could still be salvaged with him coming out on top. All the Space Ranger would have to do is play along for a while, they would let their guard down and he could save his newfound friends and stop Porkchop! Buzz immediately stood at attention like a cadet awaiting his orders.

Bazooka Jane hated being talked down to even more than being asked stupid questions from her boss. So upon seeing Buzz do exactly as she predicted, she decided to really stir the pot,

"And the way I calibrated that ray gun… Buzz will only listen to what I tell him to do." she finished smugly with a distinct emphasis on her last "I". Without missing a beat, Jane raised up her hands towards Buzz in a very showman like manner and with a projected voice said,

"Observe! Buzz Lightyear, hop on one leg!" Buzz complied and made it obvious that he understood what Jane said.

"Okay, now would you be so kind as to act like a chicken?" asked Jane.

"¿Un pollo?" he repeated quizzically. Buzz was in trouble, he had no idea what a chicken was! Jane laughed,

"Yeah, I didn't expect you to know that one! Just flap your arms around and run around in circles then." Buzz tried his best not to blush from such an embarrassing order and obeyed as robotically as he could. Bart's men were in stitches with laughter and Porkchop was speechless.

"And now for my grand finale!" Jane called for silence with a dirty look that made Bart and his band smother the laughter in danger of escaping out their mouths. No one made a peep after that. They remained silent partly out of fear, but mostly because they were all quite eager to see how Buzz Lightyear would pull off the next impossible order.

Holding their tongues turned out to be more than a fair price for admission to see the hapless space ranger accomplish his next feat. It was an amazing accomplishment that, begrudgingly, none of the more daring bandits ever could do! With a champion's smile on her face Jane stated what he was to do,

"Buzz, you are like Casanova, a romantic and a real charmer. So charm me." There was no hope in not blushing that time. Buzz was in far more trouble than he had been before when he had no knowledge of basic barnyard biology to comply with his last order! Buzz had not one romantic bone in his body and he was supposed to charm this lovely woman? It could not be done! However, if he hesitated for a moment, he would be found out and then he could never save his friends! Buzz' hazard a look about. His captors were indeed getting suspicious. He had to do something and now! To buy time to think, Buzz slowly approached Jane. As he moved, he overemphasized every step towards Jane to distract onlookers away from his facial expressions. Warring expressions that, in their struggle for dominance, were undoubtedly betraying the fact that with every step closer to Jane he took, his mind was screaming at him to think of something romantic to either say or do!

Buzz would come up short if he relied solely on Star Command Academy training to follow this flirtatious order. Seduction was not exactly part of the Academy's curriculum… He could not fall back on that training. But Buzz was an experienced, well travelled man, as far as mileage went anyway…. He had been all across the galaxies and had encountered innumerable species of aliens with elaborate cultures. Some of them were fast dancers, fast talkers, romantics and phenomenal poets able to find the inspiration to spout beautiful love sonnets at even the sight of the tiniest flower on the ground. Surely what he learned from one of them could lend him the knowledge and inspiration that he needed to pull off the façade of being a passionate lover. Then again, even if he had the knowledge, he lacked the style to use it. He was a fighter, not a lover. Buzz could not hope to fake a level of romance of any caliber... Still… Buzz was off to a good start. Even in such a hostile situation as the one he currently found himself, it was not hard to feel the urge to wax poetic with a "villainess" as beautiful as Bazooka Jane standing in front of him.

With no practice in the ways of the heart, Buzz knew that he had to keep it simple and sweet or he would fail. But what could he think to say that was simple and sweet about a lovely woman he met in a desert where hardly a thing grew? Buzz then realized that his best thing to do was to forget poetry and to simply state the obvious. Speaking Spanish, the meaning behind the words would be lost to Jane, but the emotion would be there. Buzz rushed up to Jane. The move almost got him shot by one of Bart's men, but Buzz ignored the danger. For the moment, for this, there would be no one else in the world but him and Bazooka Jane, the Lost Princess of the Prairie. Buzz fell to his knees in front of Jane and clasped her hand in both of his. He then gazed up into Jane's confused eyes with a look of desperation born of having something invaluable that must be said,

"¡Mi florecilla del desierto! ¡Yo nunca habia visto la verdadera belleza hasta esta noche!" (My desert flower! I have never known true beauty until this night!) Then completely on impulse and surprising everyone, including himself, Buzz kissed Jane's hand. It just seemed like the only right, appropriate thing to do after such a declaration. Bazooka Jane let out an uncharacteristically girlish sigh and everyone but Porkchop started laughing again. Jane normally would have given her fellow cronies something to laugh about for their brazenness. After all, she had a professional image to maintain as the roughest, toughest bandit in the West. She simply could not have rumors going around that she was going soft over pretty sounding words from the mouths of men, even brain damaged spacemen. However she was so pleased with recent developments that she was feeling forgiving. She let them laugh to their hearts' content. A few moments passed and Jane slowly and tenderly withdrew her hand from space ranger's grasp,

"Thank you, Spanish Buzz. That'll be all for now." Jane smiled. Porkchop then stepped up towards Bazooka Jane. Buzz instinctively, stepped between Jane and Porkchop blocking the swine from directly approaching her. The move really made Buzz look like a victim of Jane's mind control, but staying in character had not been the motivator behind the action. It was a careless thing to do that could have jeopardized Buzz's last chance to save the day, but it could not be helped. As irrational as the action had been, in that instance, Buzz just did not want the poisonous Doctor Porkchop anywhere near the mystifying woman he somehow still admired. Once his rational mind caught up with him, it was too late to back down. Doing so would only look worse since he was supposed to be some blank slate fixated on obeying Jane. Buzz picked his path and now he had to go down it.

Porkchop studied Buzz's stance and blank, yet stern, expression as the space ranger continued to block his way. Porkchop did not know if he should feel more threatened or angered by Jane's further insubordination, by proxy, or her own. However, he did know, that if he did not regain a sense that he was still running the show and soon, he would be feeling nothing but threatened and angry from now on. Porkchop then coolly and with an air of calm control said to Bazooka Jane and then to Buzz,

"All right, Jane. You've had your fun with the space ranger. That'll be all for now. Buzz, come with me to the holding cells in the lab. I want to fix your speech problem first thing in the morning. We cannot have you speaking nonsense when we finally present you to the Emperor." Buzz did not move. Jane had said that he would only obey her and he needed to stay in character as well as a"mindless servant" could. Unfortunately, Buzz's defiance was the last straw for Doctor Porkchop.

"That tears it, Jane! I don't even want to bother trying to find a way to flawlessly mind wipe your flea-picking species anymore! Once we destroy this planet, you'll all be gone and it won't matter if there once was a race that was not very susceptible to our mind control technology! And it's not like we can't experiment on your brains posthumously." fumed Porkchop. After a moment or two of calming down, Porkchop cleared his throat and once again had an air of calm about him. Jane and her sharp tongue would not get the best of him.

"Jane, use that ray-gun on yourself again." he ordered coolly. Jane immediately switched some dials around on her gun and then turned the weapon on herself. Buzz had to fight off a cringe. Whether the gun resting against her temple was a deadly ray-gun or not… She was still shooting herself in the head and it did not sit right with him.

"Gladly," said Jane flatly, "There are things and people I've gotten better acquainted with tonight that I won't mind forgetting. But I'd have done it without all that, if only to shut you up!" Jane pulled the trigger. BLAST! Jane collapsed in a heap like Buzz. After all they had been through together and what little progress Buzz had made with her to help Jane come to terms with her true past, with a single shot, Bazooka Jane eradicated those memories like a pestilence. One shot was all it took to destroy any remnants of irrational and hidden hopes that Buzz may have harbored about Jane. Hopes that somehow, beneath the evil influence of her master, some part of Jane's true essences had come to care for him the way he did for her. It was a final, painful reminder that nothing this victimized woman did or said was of her own will and the only feelings he could harbor for her besides the desire to protect her, was to pity her.

Buzz moved to help the poor pawn right herself, but it turned out not to be necessary. After a few moments, Jane picked herself up from the dusty ground. When she was back on her feet, her laid back stance was replaced by that of a soldier. She then bowed deeply towards Porkchop,

"Doctor, please forgive my rudeness this evening. I exist only to follow your orders. I don't know what came over me." she said very politely in a very repentant tone. Porkchop ignored her and instead looked to Buzz,

"Okay, Buzz. Jane may control you, but I control Jane. So now I am commanding Jane to order you to only obey me from now on. Do you understand what that means?" Buzz saluted his new master with great fervor. Porkchop would have patted himself on the back if he could but only reach. He had finally outsmarted Bazooka Jane, once and for all!

"Hee hee… Buzz and Jane, go to the laboratory holding cells. Buzz, I want Jane locked up and you guard her until we fix you up in the morning."

"¡Sí, Señor!" saluted Buzz again. Porkchop took that as a yes.

"Will there be anything else, Doctor?" asked Jane thoughtfully, too eager to please her master after causing him so much shameful trouble.

"Drop that gun back off at the lab on your way there and that will be all, dust mite." Porkchop replied smugly to Jane. Jane picked up her gun, bowed deeply to Porkchop again and then headed off towards the lab with Buzz behind her. Porkchop signaled for the two burly aliens from before to escort them to said containment area in the lab. Such measures were unnecessary, at Jane's worse, she always essentially did what she was ordered, excluding the times when her orders included keeping her mouth shut… Nevertheless, Porkchop wanted to be doubly sure that Jane did not make any more side trips before following her orders again.

Despite Jane's transgressions though, the way the night has played out must have put Porkchop in a particularly good mood. This much was evident by the unusual kind words the swine bemusedly yelled just before Jane and Buzz were out of earshot,

"Be a good girl for Buzz tonight, Jane! And maybe in the morning I'll let you have a barrel of fun with my lab monkeys before I make you into one!"


	25. No Getting Out of It This Time

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**Okay, it's been a while. Your patience has not been in vain. As always, special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. Thanks Beta!**

**Chapter 25: No Getting Out of It This Time**

Buzz and Bazooka Jane did not resist at all on their way to the Base's lab and Jane's holding cell, which was more like a kennel cage when you considered its dimensions. Immediately and without being told, both jailer and prisoner played out their rolls perfectly. Buzz locked up Jane in her "cell" and Jane freely went into the tiny space. Well, she went into it as freely as any mind-controlled slave could be expected to do so. Jane then sat down in her cell since standing within it comfortably was out of the question. Buzz, in turn, activated the cell's energy bars by flipping a switch inside a box mounted to the wall opposite from Jane's cage. His prisoner secure, Buzz stood guard in front of the glowing bars with an air of the utmost seriousness. Buzz looked like he had things more than covered, nevertheless, his self-important, muscular, alien escort still barked orders at him. They could not understand a syllable of what Buzz was saying in response while stuck in Spanish mode. Thankfully, in spite of the language barrier, Buzz's efficient, no-nonsense behavior convinced them that they could leave the rest of the boring night's job to the brainwashed space ranger. Buzz was relieved when the brutes left so quickly, but did not plan to move a muscle until he was sure that they were long gone.

Bazooka Jane looked quite relaxed, considering her meager accommodations. Perhaps taking up lodgings in this confined space was a common occurrence for her and she had since become accustomed to it. Jane kicked back her legs up against one of the walls of her kennel and pulled her hat down over her face. Buzz's back was turned, but he did not miss out of the corner of his eye the eerie similarity this action bared to those of a certain sheriff at his desk early that day. Buzz wondered, but did not dare to hope now, that this was, yet again, another trace remnant of Woody's sister's memories bleeding through. Jane species' biology was apparently unique in that their minds were less susceptible to a complete and permanent mind wipe, but he had to remember that Jane's mind had just been freshly wiped. There was no way any remaining bits of her memories that obstinately refused to be completely erased could have resurfaced so soon, if at all. "Kicking back" in this way was probably common of this planet. Just one more custom that he had failed to notice since crash-landing on the planet earlier today or perhaps yesterday, he had lost track of time. At any rate, Jane, just as much as Buzz for the moment, seemed resigned to the fact that she was not going anywhere any time soon.

Jane's appearance of contentment to stay put was indeed just that, an appearance. Not even a moment after she was certain that her former associates had cleared out of the lab for the night and that she and her jailer were alone, Jane sat up. She looked maybe like she was going to try to stretch within her cage, but instead stretched her arm out through the glowing bars and placed her hand, on Buzz's shoulder.

"Okay, Buzz. You can let me out now. We've got a job to do." she said in a relaxed, but professional tone. Buzz could have laughed out loud, though he found nothing about his current situation amusing in the least. That tiny, black, hat-wearing swine just had to make doubly sure that Buzz was not faking a mind wipe! Porkchop just had to be certain this recently ostracized and currently companionless space ranger did not have any bit of his lonely heart left to shatter! Heaven help him, Bazooka Jane, **self-inflicted** **mind wiped** **Bazooka Jane**, was acting like she somehow retained the memories of their acquaintance! He knew that could only mean that some sort of default behavioral program had been implanted into her mind after the erasing of her memories! Porkchop was again using Jane to try to trick him.

Porkchop was indeed every inch as paranoid as Bazooka Jane had claimed. How could the pig not be to have devised such a cruel, yet begrudgingly clever, failsafe? A crafty ploy that would work on anyone who did not know enough to believe a mindless slave was capable of being a spy. Buzz was someone who knew better though. He understood that the format of this program was easy enough for any near mindless drone to follow… First, the spy instills false hope in the victim suspected of being improperly mind wiped. The spy does this by creating the illusion that they were just as unaffected by the mind wiping process as the victim. Next, the spy gets the victim to let their guard down and reveal that their freewill is still intact. And finally, the spy reports them to their superiors. During the spy's dialogue with the victim, the trap did not even have to be perfect. Any inconstancies in the spy's congenial, reminiscent ramblings or behavior could easily be, and often was, overlooked by the victim. After all, a desperate person's mind can ignore a great deal of glaring oddities if they believe it will somehow contribute to their own self-preservation.

For someone in Porkchop's seemingly dire, stranded situation, having ready-made, amiable spies to test the potency of his brainwashing technology was an invaluable commodity. However, in Buzz's case, it served no purpose other than inflicting bewildering pain on his already insulted and injured psyche. Now Buzz found himself stuck in a room being forced to watch a woman, whom he respected, unwittingly make an utter fool of herself as she tried to fool him. She was pretty convincing, to her programmer's credit, but her efforts were nonetheless in vain. Jane had blasted away any memories that might have been helpful in modifying her deceptive behavior to suit Buzz's unique case. So there was no way she could adequately tackle a dialogue between her and Buzz. She could not do it without understanding the strangely indefinable nature of their relationship and no amount of ill-founded hope was going to allow Buzz's mind to forgive the inconstancies in Jane's recollections.

It hurt Buzz deep in his core, the thought that Jane's memories of him were gone. Just gone, obliterated by order of Porkchop like it was nothing of any great consequence. Porkchop was just paranoid and his paranoia simply dictated that Jane's rebellious mind needed to be re-wiped periodically, nothing personal or more than that. To Buzz however, it was "more than that", there were consequences and it was personal. Indeed, if Porkchop had known of the far greater consequences of being overly vigilant in this instance, he might have let the matter slide and just let Jane keep her memories. Unfortunately for Porkchop, he did not know, and so, inadvertently, he had given Buzz a major edge in this battle for the planet. Porkchop gave Buzz a permanent reminder not to let his guard down for even a moment, and all in the form of the constant sting of a broken heart. With this aching memento, Buzz was a more formidable adversary to Porkchop now than he ever was before.

While all these miserable revelations were festering within Buzz's mind, Jane was still talking to him with her hand on his shoulder. When Buzz did not repel her touch, she took this as encouragement and in turn, gingerly pulled on his shoulder to get him to turn around and look at her. Buzz did not budge, even when her ministrations brought his mind back to the present. He would not be fooled into breaking character by Jane. He was supposed to be a mindless sentry and he would keep up that appearance until he found a way to save everyone, including Jane! Unfortunately, though she was not trying particularly to do it, Jane's voice to Buzz, was like a siren call. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to listen to Porkchop's beautiful puppet. However, Jane would not be ignored,

"You're not fooling anyone, soldier boy. Come on already. We're friends, remember?" she said amiably. That was the finally straw and Buzz reacted. For his sanity, this had to end now! In retrospect, Buzz hoped that his outburst was born solely from his desire to play a convincing role of a terse, unfeeling guard. He could not bare the disturbing idea that he was just taking his anger, frustration and feelings of hurt and loss undeservingly out on his Jane. No, it was all a lie and whatever her designation was before, she certainly was not his anything. She was Woody's little sister, Jessie, Jane was erased and never really existed to begin with! He spun around to face Jane as he thought about these demoralizing truths with a face that fit the bill perfectly of an angry, resentful guard. Seemingly always the contrast to Buzz's emotional state, Jane's face was calm and placid. She was unconcerned and did nothing more in reaction to Buzz's sudden movement other than counting backwards from three as he turned to meet her gaze,

"3, 2,…" When she had reached "1", Buzz said forcefully,

"Spare me your lies, temptress! And I am-" It was not Spanish that came out of Buzz's mouth and this realization effectively stopped him midsentence. Jane was more than willing to finish his sentence for him though,

"-Immune to my bewitching good looks?" she interjected quizzically before breathing a frustrated sigh of relief.

"It's about time you answered me." Jane chided, "I was starting to worry your Universal Translator was making you only understand Spanish as well. Glad to see my figuring was right about how long it'd take that Translator to recalibrate itself once I tinkered a bit with its frequency. But then again if you got stuck that way, it's not like I don't speak the lingo, Juguete Espacial..." she finished with a sly smile. That was all it took to make Buzz drop the emotionless act.

"You understood everything I said before?" Buzz gawked.

"Your 'desert flower', am I?" Apparently she did. Buzz blushed madly and tried to reign in his embarrassment as best he could. He was failing miserably. He had never been at such a tactical disadvantage on such an emotional level before in his whole life. Unwittingly his guarded heart had lost the high ground and he had no idea how he would regain that lost territory! Speaking of lost things,

"How do you even remember any of that? You eradicated all your memories of me'- Of everything that happened tonight." pressed Buzz, recovering at the last moment when he realized he was making things too personal again. Jane sighed exasperatedly,

"Didn't I just infer that I could modify the settings on that ray gun to suit my needs? Land of Goshen, and you space folk say folk like me are the ones leading a slow pace existence. Keep up with me, space toy." Buzz was indeed having trouble keeping up,

"But… How…? Then why did you lead me on-?" Buzz could barely manage to ask this question to begin with and now that he started he could not seem to finish it. He was not sure if he even wanted to finish when his confusion caused him to pause. Originally, he had meant to ask Jane why she had led him to believe that everything that had just transpired between them and Porkchop was real… But the various ways his broken sentence could be interpreted on its own seemed a perfectly appropriate way to cover all his conscious and subconscious questions simultaneously bombarding his brain. Buzz did not get a chance to make a definite decision on this matter though. As much as Jane was enjoying the confused expression on the travelled space soldier's standing in front of her, she took pity on Buzz, interrupted his jumbled thought processes and interpreted his question in a way that was less likely to make him blush.

"To put it plainly, Buzz. It's because I had my orders and you're a terrible actor." said Jane flatly. Then again, maybe pity had nothing to do with it. Maybe her own amusement had everything to do with how and when she interrupted. That statement just had to be yet another taunt. Buzz had no idea how these two ideas could have come together as an explanation otherwise. It was frustrating, but he tried not to get mad at Jane. She was, after all, the victim here. With a long drawn out breath that towards the end, nearly shuttered with the weariness of his heart, Buzz said evenly and in almost a beseeching tone,

"Seriously, Jane. I don't have time for any more riddles and jokes."

"Seriously, I'm not joking," replied Jane, "You have, by far, the worse poker face I've ever seen, and I had my orders from Porkchop. If I somehow survived my encounter with you tonight, I **had** to bring you in. I'll admit at the time, I didn't know what he was really saying was 'if you somehow ain't blown to bits tonight'… But I did know that getting you captured in the slave's quarters was something I couldn't get out of. Porkchop would catch us sooner or later and he still thinks his mind control doohickey makes it impossible for outlaws like me to disobey direct orders. To some degree it's true, but he doesn't need to know that. Reckon it'd cause quite a stir if he knew I still have freewill enough to find loopholes in our mind control programming." Jane then finished off her wordy explanation with a proud smile. Buzz's head was beginning to feel like it would never stop spinning,

"Wait. So if you're saying what I think you're saying… Leading me to the slave quarters, planting that modified mind control gun to use on me, Porkchop sending us to this holding area in his lab… This was all orchestrated by you outside Porkchop's knowledge.

Are you some kind of **double** agent?"

"I'm a **free** agent. Like I was saying before, space toy… I'm just looking out for what's best for me."

"Which is precisely the reason why I can't let you out of there. It's not your fault, but you are, in the end programmed by Porkchop. And the part of you that's not influenced by him, is focused on surviving no matter the cost-"

"Darn tootin'! Paid way above normal wages by generous ol' Porkchop, but no amount of generosity or orders will ever make me blindly walk, or get blasted, right off a cliff! Trust me, I won't go turncoat on you after what Porkchop did tonight. I want to get even with him as much as you do. Buzz, let me out." entreated Jane. Buzz looked at her pleading eyes and her outstretched hand for a long moment. He wanted to believe her so badly, but he just could not, for so many reasons.

"I am not fighting for revenge tonight, Jane. I am fighting for justice and for the safety of others, including you. At the core of it, revenge is about nothing but fulfilling your own selfish desires. Believe me, quite recently, I've become all too familiar with this truth. Sure you may help some people in the pursuit of revenge along the way… But in the end, it just isolates and destroys everything, including you. The free part of your mind, Jane, is misguided and that's why you'll be safer in there. I'm sorry, Jane." With a heavy heart and his mind made up, Buzz turned to leave. Jane was not licked yet though. She did something so unexpected that Buzz could not help but give her his full and undivided attention again… She agreed with him!

"You're right, partner. You've got no reason to trust me. I only act to my own advantage." she said solemnly. Buzz felt a weight of guilt lifted from his shoulders upon hearing this and was about to express just how grateful he was that she was seeing things from his perspective… But then Jane quite urgently provided another solution for his dilemma with her,

"But if I'm only in it for me, then just give me something I'd be practically shooting myself in the foot to pass up by betraying you! Give me something to fight for other than revenge. Something better!" she finished gleefully. Buzz did not know where she was going with this and thought it best to remain ignorant.

"Sorry, Jane. But I just can't risk it. I can't risk your life." He got as far as the metal door leading into the lab beyond the holding cells when Jane spoke again,

"You'll never be able get to Porkchop without sounding the alarm. Not now that you're inside the base. I know this place like the back of my hand. I know where all the booby-traps are. You thought the dampen field outside was bad? It's impossible to use your scanners in here. You need me, partner." argued Jane. Buzz quickly tried to scan the lab outside of the holding cells. She was right. All data was inconclusive and any attempts at adjusting his sensors rendered similar results. He probably could manage. He was Buzz Lightyear and had snuck through facilities more heavily guarded than this, but look where that got him as of late. Alienated, trapped without backup and saving the day was left up to chance much more than he would like. Could he take such another huge risk? Not with Woody and a whole planet of helpless people on the line. Buzz reluctantly asked,

"What could I possibly give you to reassure that you won't double-cross me, if I let you out?"

"Promise me that when all this is over, you'll join my posse." she requested eagerly.

"I'm sorry, Jane. But I already told you, I can't do that." sighed Buzz in defeat, he would have liked to have had her help if he could only trust her. Buzz was about to leave out the door leading into the lab, when he was suddenly thrown against it by another great tremor. It was huge! Nothing like what he had experienced earlier in Woody's office. His domed face pressed against the glass window on the metal lab door, as the area shook, Buzz was not so distracted to notice that the shaking seemed to be nonexistent on the other side. What was going on here? Just as quickly as it came, the quake was gone and Buzz had to catch his breath. Jane, seemed completely unfazed by the whole event,

"Gravity stabilizing doohickeys," explained Jane indifferently, "The whole base is loaded with 'em. Expensive though, so they don't bother using them in the brigs. Surprised I haven't had my brains scrambled yet since I spend so much time in here."

"There's no fault line around here, no volcanoes, nothing to cause a quake like that. What is going on at this compound?" Buzz almost demanded.

"You want to find out? Well then you're joining my posse. Because I'm telling you right now… These quakes ain't getting smaller and if Porkchop's the cause of 'em, you can't stop him without me. Join my posse and I promise you, I'll give it my all. Revenge can take a walk." Jane said seriously and sincerely. Buzz knew he had no more time to argue. Whatever the situation was, it was far worse than he had imagined. He said with resolve,

"Fine, you help me save this world, and I'll join your posse." For a brief moment, Jane looked like she could have sung for joy, but since Bazooka Jane did not sing or even yodel, she suppressed the urge. Jane just gave a quick, satisfied, lopsided grin and then got down to business.

"Then let's save the world, partner!" beamed Jane. To Buzz's surprise, Jane swiftly removed a floor panel she had been sitting on inside her cage and flipped a switch or something beyond his view. Then the small wall on the back of her cell retracted to reveal a hidden tunnel.

"You could have escaped at any moment?" he gasped, feeling utterly duped! He saw something like this coming and yet he could not stop it!

"Well, not from the way I came in. The bars can only be deactivated on your side." explained Jane, as if somehow that made the trick less offensive.

"Besides," she continued, "It's not like I could show my secret weapon and lab before when we were enemies. Partners get those privileges though. Now are you coming, space toy?" Jane started crawling into the tunnel and out of Buzz's sight. Dumbstruck, Buzz deactivated the bars with the turn of a switch on the wall opposite of Jane's cage and quickly followed after the bewildering redhead into the tunnel. The all words of her statement finally hitting him,

"'Secret weapon'? What secret weapon?" he called back in confusion.

While Buzz and Jane's miserable time spent in the holding cells of the laboratory was coming to an end, Bo Peep and Woody had already spent nearly an entire night of wallowing in their own despair and it was still ongoing. After Woody had went down, Bo Peep had managed to scramble to Woody's side and had refused to let him go. A stun gun from an alien had made short work of her uncooperative behavior. When she was jostled awake by the extreme shaking beneath her, she found herself in a strange looking, dimly lit room with no windows. Normally, being in these earthquakes terrified Bo Peep. She could not help but feel that she might shatter from all the shaking like the fragile porcelain doll everyone made her out to be because of her impossibly pasty skin. However, all the fearful quakes in the world had no hold on her when she saw Woody! There, on the adjacent side of the room, propped up against the wall was her cowboy and at the moment he was the one bearing an uncanny likeness to that of a disparaged, broken doll. His clothing was torn, his lip split, and his bad arm even looked like it was being held up by but a thread! She rushed to him to assess the damage. Was he conscious?

Yes, Woody had been semi-conscious for quite some time now. But when he awoke to find that his worse nightmare was in fact real, neither his mind nor his weakened and pained body seemed capable or inclined to move. Jessie… Buzz… They were both gone.

"Woody, are you all right?" asked Bo Peep. Woody had not answered at first, but the worried tone of his beloved's voice called him back from the gloomy shadows of his mind. Out of all his tired, dulled senses, Woody's sense of love and compassion for her sufferings endured. Woody would have done better to say something comforting to her. Pitifully, he could not think of anything to utter than what was forefront in his mind,

"They're both gone, Bo." Woody finally stated. It broke Bo Peep's heart to hear it, to be reminded of the loss and to see Woody so grieved. Tears welled up in her eyes, but Bo Peep tried to ignore it and forced away thoughts of fallen loved ones. She did not know what sorry state she would be in if she gave in to her sadness now. Now was not the time to imagine a future with missing family members. Heck, she had to be sure she had a future before she could do that! So instead she just focused on her present situation and what she had within her power to improving on it. Bo Peep examined Woody's limp arm and was pleased with what she found.

"I should be able to correct this." she said to herself. She smiled, but it vanished when she looked to Woody. She could fix this problem, but with nothing to deaden his pain, it would be a hellish experience for Woody and he already looked like he was in hell.

"Woody, honey," she said soothingly, "I'm going to try to relocate your shoulder. I'm not going to lie to you. This is probably going to hurt, a lot." Thinking of everything, she untied hers and his bandana from around their necks, folded them up on top of each other and then brought them to his mouth.

"If it hurts too much, I want you to bite down on this, Woody. Don't bite your tongue." Woody vaguely nodded, not seeming to hear her completely and Bo Peep took that as consent to begin. Bo Peep was right. It did hurt a lot! After far too many moment of physical discomfort than Woody would have wanted added on top of the pain he was already feeling in his heart, the gruesome procedure was over and his shoulder was popped back into its joint. Woody pulled the bandanas out of his mouth with his good hand and then rested the same hand on his injured shoulder,

"Thanks, Bo." said Woody in a strained, groaning voice. Woody was fully alert now and he rubbed his achy shoulder in a circular motion as he tested how well he could move his arm. It was sore, but he found that it still pretty much moved the way he wanted it to. Woody dropped his arm the ground and his chin to his collarbone in exhausted relief. Bo had never ceased to amaze him. They were backed into the tightest corner that they had ever been in before, but thanks to Bo Peep, they now stood a better chance of getting out of it.

As Woody's tired head remained drooped, he felt a sensation against his chin that he was not accustomed to since he was seldom without a bandana around his neck, cold metal. To be more specific, it was a thin, gold chain that he was feeling against his chin. Using the hand on his good arm again, Woody grasped the chain and drew it out from the confines of his collared shirt. There was a circular trinket hanging from the end of the metal links and Woody held it up to show Bo Peep.

"No reason hiding this anymore." he said with a shallow, slightly lopsided smile as the gold ring spun ever so slowly and caught the dim light. Bo Peep smiled back with somewhat moist eyes and Woody prayed they were not sorrowful tears. Woody got that much for his prayers. They were tears born from a range of emotions, but mostly from happiness. She pulled the ribbon with her own ring on it out from under her collar, over her head and held it up too. She had wanted for so long to sing from the hilltops to whom her heart irrevocably belonged. As pointless as it seemed now, she was so happy that she no longer had to hide an important symbol of that anymore.

"Our engagement?" asked Bo Peep, knowing what he meant, but needing to hear him say it. Somehow, if Woody could say it like it was a definite fact, their future together, it just had to happen.

"Yeah, our engagement." he smiled back. His words like a soothing balm and Bo Peep let out as happy a sigh as she was capable of in their present situation. Since it was out of reach for his good arm, Woody reached out with his newly fixed arm for Bo Peep's ribbon strung ring.

"Woody, maybe you should rest that arm for a bit longer before you-" Bo Peep tried to protest, seeing that he was still tender in that arm. However, she paused when she saw what he was really doing. Woody took the ring, untied it from the ribbon, though a bit slower and less dexterously than normal, and put the dainty thing on her left ring finger.

"I don't want you to ever have to take that off again if you don't want to, Miss Peep..." he said with strength behind the words that promised he would fight to preserve that choice for her.

"That goes the same for you, Mister Pride. They'll have to pry them from our cold, dead fingers-" Bo Peep grinned back in a tone that backed up his words equally, but faltered at the end when she realized the crude imagery she had just used. She looked at Woody and hoped she had not hurt him with her unintentionally ill tasted comment. It was bad enough that death and the pain of loss were already at the forefront of his mind without her adding to it. Woody's face was unreadable at the moment, but looked like he was coming to some sort of startling realization, before it was masked behind a wall of mirth,

"Well, I'd be more than willing to oblige to the lady about wearing my ring. Right away too, if she'd be so kind to help me with this chain its on." laughed Woody as he made a show of how hard a time he was having lifting his right arm up skillfully enough to get at the clasps behind his neck. Bo Peep chuckled back, so relieved she had not rubbed salt in Woody's new and old psychological wounds. She leaned in to get the chain off. She got the chain off easily enough, but when she drew herself back, she suddenly found herself met with resistance! Bo Peep looked behind her and saw that Woody had loosely wrapped his arms around her lower back. She brought her head back around to Woody for an explanation, but when she did she was surprised again when Woody captured her lips in what she was pretty sure was the deepest kiss she had ever shared with Woody without her initiating! When Woody finally released her, she set herself to finish the task that got her into this mess. Mimicking Woody's previous gesture, she slipped the gold band on his finger all the while smiling at how easily Woody had laid a trap for her and how easily she had fallen for it. She should have known that his arm was not as bad off as he was making it out to be. After all, she was the one who fixed said arm. Jokingly she said,

"Stealing kisses now? You really are a terrible, terrible gentleman." Instead of teasing back though, Woody just hugged her again and as tightly as he could manage.

"I'm the **worse**." he answered into her shoulder shakily. His voice was muffled as he spoke, but the tone of fear and guilt was still as plain as day,

"I thought they were going to shoot you back there in that godforsaken pit. They were going to shoot you and there wouldn't have been a thing I could've done about it." Bo Peep shushed him and held him, not knowing what to say and she had no time to think of something profound. No time to go into how, even if Woody's nightmare scenario had been realized, how she had no regrets about helping and being with him. She also doubted that no amount of time or talking would ever make him feel any less responsible for any misfortunes she or anyone else in town met at the hands of Porkchop. So what was she going to say? She finally decided to avoid talking about misfortunes and nightmarish what-ifs and to instead point out their good fortune to which Woody was currently blind. They had to focus on that and moreover, the job they still had at hand. She cupped Woody's face with both her hands and gave him one of her ordinary, loving smiles that always seemed to have an extraordinary way of capturing Woody's attention.

"I'm still here, Woody. I'm here, with you. For now, we're both safe. Your arm is fixed and we're both chomping at the bit to be married. I don't know about you, but I say that's a recipe for a world of hurt for Porkchop." Woody had to agree with a smile in spite of himself,

"Yeah, I reckon it is." he replied. With help from Bo Peep that he did not need, but did not refuse either, he got up and dusted off his ruined shirt. Woody then reached to adjust his hat in the way that he always did to emphasize his determination on a matter. When he realized that it was not there and remembered that it had been taken by a space varmint who was already not held in very high regard. Woody frowned. Oh, this night had gone beyond personal, near vendetta! He turned to Bo Peep,

"Okay! So what are we waiting for? We're getting married! To have time to do something like that, something really needs to be done about Porkchop and him so rudely filling up our social calendar. But no fear, somewhere in between us finding a way out of this room and finding my hat, I'm sure we'll have no trouble foiling Porkchop's sinister plan." Woody may have started in mock seriousness, but he finished dead serious. Bo Peep smiled at Woody's statement. That sounded more like her beloved sheriff. He was confident in spite of everything that they could do something as daunting as defeating a powerful enemy. Somehow, good would always triumph over evil. She tried to hold on to that feeling of hope and did manage the whole time as he and her felt around their door and windowless room for some means of escape. However, her hope could not help but falter a little when suddenly a small entryway slid open in front of her and an armed guard was pointing a weapon in her face! Bo Peep recovered from her fright and grabbed at the weapon! Sadly, she was not quick enough to get anything for her valiant effort other than a hard shove from a second guard who was following the first!

Bo Peep staggered back from the force the second guard's push and before she fell off balance completely, Woody caught her. More guards piled into the small room and barked orders in a language that Woody did not understand. However, Bo Peep understood and held onto Woody's hand tightly, refusing to let go of him as one of the guards held up some metallic objects that were not guns. From the shape of it, Woody could only assume they were the space folk equivalent of handcuffs. Ultimately, no amount of gun-waving, or in this case, gun-jabbing, could make Bo Peep relinquish her grip on Woody. Finally the frustrated guards settled on simply shackling them both together with one handcuff. Bo Peep let out a sigh of relief when this was done. Woody shuttered and wondered what they could have possibly said that would make Bo Peep so happy that they at least would be bound together. What was in store for them next? Woody was about to ask, but then they were both pushed and shoved out of the room and into the hall beyond.


	26. The Secret Lab

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

Happy 4th of July, here's an update!

**Chapter 26: The Secret Lab **

The tunnel to Jane's "secret lab" was guided only by the miniscule glow of an occasional oil lamp that Jane lit as they passed. Buzz could barely see and his spacesuit, detecting his problem, compensated by activating the suit's fluorescent setting. Buzz was thankful for this more constant light source, but the benefits of being fully suited was somewhat overshadowed by its inconvenient bulk. His spacesuit had very broad shoulders and as the passageway became more and more narrow and windy, he became more and more concerned that he would be wedged within the tighter corners and twists. In hopes to avoid this claustrophobic nightmare scenario, naturally, he took great care to examine the width of the upper half of the tunnel before making each step. In fact, he was so absorbed in this precautionary task that he did not even notice the sudden absence of ground beneath his feet before he went half rolling, half skidding down a hard, metal slide!

After a horrifying twenty plus seconds of vertigo, Buzz came to a sudden stop when he hit a dusty pile of sacks packed with some sort of soft, grainy substance. He was covered in powder that had puffed free from the excessive weight of his spacesuit hitting what he now surmised were some sort of the meal sacks. Buzz shook his head to expel some of the powder from his face, forgetting completely that he was once again in his spacesuit and such efforts were pointless. He heard Jane giggling and looked up at her as best he could through the thin off-white film. Jane could not help but be amused by his plights as always. However, after only another moment of laughing, she stopped and sincerely said,

"Sorry about that, partner. Should've warned you about the chute." Buzz was upset, but not with her for forgetting to mention it. He was once again angry with himself and his every growing list of newfound inadequacies since he arrived on this planet. He was a space ranger, for goodness' sake! He was not supposed to require such basic warnings. "Watch out for that missile.", "Enemy at 3 O'clock!" and "Don't eat the local delicacy.", those were all fine to warn him about. But, "Hey, watch that last step. It's a real lulu.", that was unacceptable! He should have thought of the obvious like scanning the tunnel for obstructions or at least to pay attention to his surroundings! But no, he had allowed himself to be swallowed up by the strange and disorienting twist that this rescue operation had taken and basic training just went right out the window! In Buzz's defense, he did pretty well for himself considering how unbelievable joy, excitement, fear and doubt were all warring within him all at once. He was elated both tactically and emotionally that he had not lost an invaluable ally in Bazooka Jane. Not being force to face impossible odds alone during the first time that he ever understood and desired the aid of a team, it was almost too good to be true. As wonderful and apprehensive as he felt however, he could not allow any more slip-ups. Buzz understood that things were deadly serious now. It seemed hard to believe, especially with the distracting way Jane was playfully doodling stars in the powder covering his helmet before wiping it away completely. Nevertheless, it was indeed again, the Quiet before the Storm.

"Oh, come on space toy. I said I was sorry. Besides, I've got something that'll cheer you right up." said Jane, mistaking the pensive expression on his face as irritation towards her and his increasingly undignified predicament. Buzz was about to reassure Jessie that he held no such grudge against her, when he was thrown by Jane's last sentence and the knowing and confident smile Jane was giving him. Buzz wondered briefly what Jane could possibly have down here that made her so sure that he would be put in a good mood? He did not have to wonder long as Jane casted a look over her shoulder and Buzz was compelled to follow her line of sight. There, in the shadows of this large, bunker like room, stood something large, metal and either glowing or reflecting off its shiny surface what little light the room had to offer. The objects' color scheme was just as perfectly out of place with the rustic décor as was Buzz Lightyear. Though they contrasted with their environment, their colors were uniform, and rightly so, since together, they made a set: Buzz Lightyear and his… repaired spaceship?

Buzz stumbled off the sacks and onto his feet in utter amazement. He had no memory of the condition of his spaceship after the crash since he was all but sedated for the whole event. Woody had described the ship as "not going anywhere any time soon" since it was embedded in rock. Naturally, Buzz thought it must have been reduced to scrap metal. Considering that unfavorable assessment though, the ship looked remarkably intact. It was almost too good to be true given his string of luck as of late.

To prove what he was seeing was real, he started to perform some scans on the ship and analyze the readouts as they flashed over his suit's wrist communicator. At a first glance, Buzz could happily see that the whole ship was still intact. A more careful analysis was delayed when Buzz was startled from his revelry by a loud metal clank followed by what distinctly sounded like an electrical circuit being complete! He was a soldier from the Age of Crystallic Fusion and the primitive sound of an electrical spark was not usually associated with harmless things. Such abrupt noises usually brought to mind the thought of torturous weapons! He spun around, suspecting another ambush facilitated by the shear darkness of the room! That is, until he realized that the room had lit up! Thanks to the improvement in visibility, Buzz could plainly see that there were no villains waiting to jump him. It was as always, just Jane and him. And judging by the heavy glove that Jane was wearing, the rather large lever she was clutching and the smoking generator-like device it was attached to, Jane had been the source of the noise. Moreover, she had also, quite literally, shone a light on the subject. Buzz looked to the said light source above and saw that there were glow panels grafted to the cavernous ceiling. Jane had somehow managed to get space alien technology, powered by crystallic fusion, to instead run on the planet's only available fuel, fossil! Just like he had been earlier upon discovery of Jane's ability to adapt mind control technology to suit her own purposes, Buzz was thoroughly impressed. The most sophisticated sources of lighting on this planet he had witnessed so far were oil and gas lamps. Yet, Jane had hardwired glow panels! She was just amazing! Well, he thought that she was just amazing until his wrist communicator beeped, indicating that it had completed its readout on his spaceship and proved contrariwise to Buzz. Jane was a genius! Buzz brought his sights back to his ship and was blown away when his eyes confirmed what his readout was saying was true. The whole ship was intact, but not because it had not been damaged in the crash. It had appeared intact because no parts were missing! Whatever damaged or broken parts that could no longer be used for their original purpose had been modified to serve some other needed function on the ship! The ship was not in pristine condition and that was not surprising since planets like this obviously had no body shops for spaceships. However, as cobbled back together as it was with both modified alien and improvised terrestrial parts, it was airworthy! Buzz looked to Jane and wanted to ask how she had managed to accomplish this and in virtually no time,

"How…?" was all he could muster to get out of his mouth. Jane smiled at his flabbergasted face,

"I want to survive, remember? Which brings us back to the reason I brought you here... We have to save your friends and stop Porkchop because tonight, a secret that cost Woody's deputy her own survival is gonna be revealed." she finished grimly.

"What did you see?" Buzz asked urgently and immediately regretted, fearing he would only raise her ire for inadvertently implying that Jane was once Jessie. However, something had changed in Jane then.

"Jessie Pride never found her way to Porkchop's base. She was stupidly brave to follow one of his lackeys down into a cave, but nonetheless, she walked right into a trap. Eventually she was brought back here to Porkchop since he wanted to gloat before he ended her." Buzz could see where she was going with this,

"Jane, you intent start your own band of thieves once Porkchop leaves. And yet, secretly, and for obviously quite a while now, have been acquiring the means and skills to leave this planet. What's really going on here?"

"**I've** never heard anything to confirm it, but I won't put anything pass Porkchop anymore. Jessie learned something key before she was no more… And that was, Porkchop was by no means stranded on this mud-ball due to an 'incompatible atmosphere' with the engines of his narcissistic ship. He came here for a very specific purpose and if we don't stop him, there won't be any planet left for him to claim to be stranded on."

"And the earthquakes? The powerful tremors happening around here in a part of the planet where there is no notable seismic activity to explain it?" Buzz pressed on.

"Porkchop didn't bother to explain any further. I reckon he thought Jessie and her 'primitive brain' were too stupid to understand his ingenious plot beyond that." Jane said bitterly. With a smile and without hesitation in his voice, Buzz gently said in his best local twang he could,

"Well, I **reckon** that'll be his downfall. If Jessie's half a clever as you, Porkchop doesn't stand a chance. I mean, even I barely stood a chance." said Buzz. He was only trying to make her feel better by telling her the honest truth and was not ashamed to admit that she had even given him a run for his money with her cleverness. He reddened tremendously though, when he realized how his last compliment could have been horribly misinterpreted by Jane. He did not want her to get the wrong idea about his feelings for her when he knew that he morally could not act upon them. He was already trudging the unknown depths of Jane's emotions enough as it was by comparing her to Jessie in any capacity. She did it to him all in good fun, but how would she take it if she thought Buzz was maliciously toying with her feelings? To Buzz's surprise, Jane just smiled warmly back at his, Jessie referencing, yet good-intentioned words and replied,

"Thanks, partner." That was all it took. At that moment, Buzz no longer doubted that Jane was, and would always be, his partner in all of this. True, she was still making sure to distinguish herself from Jessie. She clung still to the identity given to her by his enemy... But she was no longer broaching the subject or seemed enraged by the mentioning of Jessie Pride. Like the professional she claimed to be, Jane was using every bit of knowledge from wherever and whoever she could. She was exhausting every last asset she had at her disposal and even the comfort zone of her individuality to help him end Porkchop's evil plot. She would not let Buzz go into this fight halfcocked no matter what stupid, misplaced word came out of his clumsy mouth. There was no deception in believing that she would stay by his side until the very end. And regardless to what end "the very end" extended for the two of them, this realization meant the world to Buzz.

There was a lovely moment of companionable silence between bandit and space ranger, both just enjoying the other's company. As he continued to bask in her amiable presence, Buzz understood full well that Bazooka Jane was as evanescent as a daydream. Any inquiry now into this brainwashed woman's false-true feelings towards him would only lead down an agonizing path of dashed hopes, which in turn would lead to nothing, once Jessie's mind was truly free again. Despite this knowledge, as selfish as it was, Buzz wanted, he needed to know what was going on between them. This could very well be his last chance and if Buzz was ever going to work up the nerve to ask this extraordinary woman, now would have been the time. Given her state of mind though, Buzz knew that he had no right to ask her and so the end result of this moral dilemma was that he just could not do it. If he were to indulge his curious, heart's desire, he would not be showing this admirable woman the respect she deserved.

The companionable silence soon turned into an awkward lull in the conversation. When Jane could ruefully see that nothing significant would come of her waiting for Buzz to say something more, she took it upon herself to move the conversation along. She did this in the only way she knew how, doing something unexpected. It worked. All of Buzz's jumbled thoughts about complicated relationships instantly took a backseat, or rather the front seat of his space ship! Jane had just hopped into the cockpit of his ship! Adeptly she started flipping switches and pushing buttons!

"What are you doing?" naturally came flying from his lips.

"Getting ready for you to give me the signal to go and take out all the laser cannon turrets positioned around the base. It'll be a real turkey shoot in all the confusion you're gonna create and especially since none of the canons are positioned to shoot at a target from inside the base." explained Jane. Buzz could feel traces of that head spinning sensation that Jane so often induced in him coming on again. He would cut her to the quick and prevent it from getting too strong a hold on him.

"Wait, I'm lost here. What confusion am I going to be creating and why would you be the one to fly my ship to take out deadly laser canons?" asked Buzz.

"Well you can already fly with your suit and it seems like a waste of resources when we could have the both of us in the air."

"I wasn't talking about the tactic reasons, Jane. I-"

"You were gonna ask the gallant space ranger question. Why should you let some poor alien from a planet of inferior technology carry out something so dangerous when it's your dutiful responsibility as a space ranger? Well, I'll tell you."

"I never said I thought anything about you or your planet was inferior, Jane." Buzz interjected indignantly.

"And I respect you for that. You really have treated me like a partner, even before we were partners. But you're still a space ranger and as such, the self-sacrificing sort. We can't have that now, can we? So that's why I reprogrammed your ship so that only I can fly it."

"You what? Star Command spaceships has millions of safeguards to keep anyone from hacking into its programming and you did it in a couple of hours?" Buzz could not believe it and Jane jumped on that,

"You saying my inferior alien brain couldn't figure it out, partner?" she practically snarled. Buzz immediately backpedaled seeing how much he offended her,

"No, I—I just, even I couldn't have- " he floundered. In his stuttering state, Jane threw him something. The natural athlete in him caught it without thinking and tongue-tied man that he was before that, was thankful for the distraction.

"That's the signal and controller for my secret weapon." Jane said flatly.

"You mean my repaired ship wasn't it?" Buzz replaced one type of stuttering for another.

"Nope, your ship was just an added bonus." replied Jane. She then pointed to a massive object that was covered with a large tarp. The tarp was not one bit of cloth, but rather a patchwork of fabrics sewn together because alone, not one of them was large enough to cover the "secret weapon". Jane continued,

"I've been working on **that** underground project from pretty much the very beginning. I built it down here in my secret lab from a base of fossilized bones Porkchop's **eager** volunteers dug up in the mines." She finished with a touch of humor in her voice. The irony of the whole covert operation was not lost on her. However there was also a bit of sarcasm in her speech too when she made reference to the willingness of the people down in Porkchop's mines. Mines? Buzz recalled Woody mentioning something about miners being driven from their livelihood by Porkchop. Was Porkchop mining for something here? Was that the source of the earthquakes? Haphazardly placed explosives by an impatient, prospecting Porkchop? What could they possibly be mining for in such a hurry? Jane pulled his thoughts away from such inquiries again as she began to explain what part Buzz was to have in this laser cannon exploding plan of hers if he was not going to be the one to fly his own spaceship.

"That remote device in your hand is also programmed so that only certain people can use it. It'll only work for someone from this planet who knows the password. It's a perfect security system. No aliens can use it and no one from here can either unless they know the password. So I want you to give **it** and the password to Sheriff Woody."


	27. The Bigger Picture

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

By MayWaku15

Thanks again for waiting and for all who are still expressing interest in this story. You folks make the effort worth it!

**Chapter 27: The Bigger Picture**

Buzz was running as fast as he could through a series of tunnels once he cleared the many false doors and walls leading into Bazooka Jane's laboratory. Jane's precise details regarding a successful navigation from out of the labyrinth of passageways and her surprising lack of details regarding their plan of attack were warring to be front burner in Buzz's mind. It seemed that the latter, or at least the details attached to it was winning out…

"Get up to surface level, find Woody, create the diversion I need both to take out those gun turrets and to stop Porkchop with the help of my secret weapon." said Jane to Buzz as she distractedly fiddled and adjusted knobs, switches and buttons within his spaceship's cockpit.

"That's the whole plan?" questioned Buzz, gaping at Jane. That was all the more instructions he was to be given and be expected to flawlessly execute his part of a covert operation? From behind enemy lines and with the fate of a planet hanging in the balance, no less?! And that covered up "secret weapon"! How was she even going to get something that big out of here? There were no teleporting devices in the lab that he could see. There was certainly no retractable roof and a second examination of the ceiling still confirmed that it was as much made of rock and soil up there as it was before.

Jane did have a way to get her secret weapon out of her lab and she knew he was curious about the details from the way his eyes darted from the weapon and back to the ceiling. She knew from her friendly acquaintance with him that he was not going to like it. She would not let him voice that concern though. Wanting to avoid any further delay from him overreacting and arguing with her about safety, she addressed, or rather downplayed, his general concern about the lack of detail in the plan,

"Well, you can't expect me to think of everything 'on the fly', as you spacemen put it, partner. I hacked into the Base's laboratory computer mainframe and forwarded you a clean bill of mind wiped health to Porkchop. You should have no problem moving freely through the base and improvising from there. I set up the **pin**heads for you. All you have to do now is knock 'em down." said Jane very casually. For good measure, she was about to engage in her favorite pastime of teasing Buzz for being so uptight… But then she saw the genuinely worried, no the **fearful** look in his eyes… for her? She knew now that any concern Buzz showed for her was not due to his lack of confidence in her abilities, but rather because he just could not help but worry for her safety. They were partners, friends… Maybe even more than that… At any rate, Jane's eyes in turn grew sympathetic and soft when she saw how worried he was,

"Oh don't be like that, space toy. I'm not worried. So why should you be?"

"How can you not be worried when so much is riding on this?" asked Buzz. Up until this point, he had all but failed to save any of his friends. It was demoralizing and particularly so because he knew that their strategy then had been much more thought out than the plan that Jane and he had currently. Why should this haphazard plan render any different results? Truly his sense of inadequacy had hit its apex.

Jane had not known Buzz for very long. However, from what she had seen herself and read in Porkchop's profile on Buzz, she knew full well what others thought of him. Perhaps, he should be made aware, no, reminded of it too. She looked Buzz seriously in the eye from her perch up in the cockpit,

"I am not worried because I have a tactical genius in my corner. An impossible force to be reckoned with, according to Zurg's intelligence database, which I know is true since Zurg's forces are not the sort to give out compliments like that so freely. I am not worried because I knew I finally had an ace up my sleeve the moment I saw them all scattered about the floor back at Sheriff Woody's office. In short, I am not worried because I have you, Buzz Lightyear." Jane stated as a matter of fact.

Buzz's chest still puffed with pride at the memory of Bazooka Jane's praises. Yes, Jane had him and she believed in him. It was amazing how just one person believing in him could make him feel like his daring self again. Jane had restored his lost confidence and in doing so, she all but wield the power to change the outcome of this battle. If just one cowgirl had the power to do that, then surely a lone space ranger could find a way to mastermind his way out of this impossible situation!

Buzz was practically screaming internally at his mind to think of some brilliant strategy before he had exited the tunnels. He could not and he would not let Jane down, and if they were still alive, he had to rescue the only other two terrestrials on the planet who believed in him, Woody and Bo Peep. Even if he had just one shot at getting this impossible mission right, he could do it. He was Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger!

Buzz knew it would probably be useless within the Base's dampening field, but Buzz whipped open his wrist communicator to scan for anything hostile. He felt particularly compelled to do this as he began to make out a hint of the light of dawn peaking into the tunnel from around the next bend. He had to be sure that the coast was clear. He did not want to finally see "rays" of hope, only to have them refracted by a massive, gloomy, cloud of evil intent. The flashing lights and sensors on Buzz's arm were distracting, but something catching the light on the walls managed to divert his attention. Buzz paused and stared at this silvery anomaly peppered all over the walls. It was not much of a luster, but it was much more than he was accustomed to see on a wall carved from rock.

Buzz scraped a small sample of the odd rocks protruding out of the tunnel wall. He played with it a bit with his fingers and scanned it. Moments later, the results flashed across his wrist communicator's screen. This area had been all but hollowed of most of its…

"Graphite?" Buzz read the results aloud in confusion. Adjusting his sensors as best as he could, given all the interference from the dampening field, Buzz confirmed that the only thing was really abundant in the area was not gold, silver or other desirable metals that any arm of Zurg would predictably want. There was really only just graphite. In fact, most of the graphite that would have been in the area, given the rock formation, had been removed.

A scan had proven that Porkchop was obviously not using the area for underground access to other parts of the Base. Excluding Jane's secret tunnels, the passages were all disconnected from the main compound, empty and not even being used for storage. So, this area at one point had been Porkchop's graphite mine? It was the only conclusion, odd and questionable as it was. To back up Buzz's reluctant theory, he recalled hearing from Woody that miner business was slow. This must have been because they were being driven from their livelihood in these parts due to Porkchop's own mining activities. Porkchop was mining this Base and with all the graphite in this area gone, Porkchop had perhaps abandoned the area for a more plentiful section on or around the premises.

That concluded, Buzz now faced with the most perplexing part of this mystery. What in the universe would a greedy swine like the one running this Base want with a graphite mine? This was the Zurg Empire we are talking about! It was not like Zurg was planning on turning over a new leaf and starting up a pencil factory for needy school children! Something just did not add up.

In an attempt to fathom what missing detail was preventing him from seeing the bigger picture, Buzz decided to recap on everything Zurg related he had encountered in the recent past. Zurg ruining his street-cred was an irrelevant detail... Flying into a proverbial death-ray and getting sucked through a wormhole, was not. After all, a wormhole was a space anomaly that could potentially spit you out anywhere in the universe… Yet he by coincidence was spit out only to run right into Zurg's goons on a near defenseless planet. Now that Buzz really stopped and thought about it… That could not be a coincidence. That was very much relevant and most likely unintentionally intentional. Buzz was finally getting somewhere with this, but was still missing something!

'Think!' Buzz shouted internally at himself. According to Jane's reasoning, Porkchop was faking being stranded on this alien planet. A planet that just so happened to be in alignment of the path a "death ray" linked wormhole. So perfectly aligned was this planet in fact that a crippled space ship could shoot right for it after exiting said wormhole. All right, if Porkchop is not stranded, then what is he currently doing while on this conveniently located planet? Well, the pig was certainly not hiding the fact that he is collecting a slave workforce. However, Porkchop was hiding the fact that he was making them toil in very large and commandeered graphite mines. Was that not a ploy to prevent the outlaws that they were first recruiting from being deterred from taking dangerous work like mining? Especially since said mining would be taking place in an area that made the job all the more dangerous with all these recently occurring earthquakes?

Speaking of earthquakes, what was causing them? There should not be any earthquakes on that scale around here. Even mine collapses could not cause tremors on the scale that Buzz had experienced. What did any of this have common with massive graphite mining on a primitive planet, aligning wormholes and "death rays"? The pressure of all this was killing him. Then Buzz felt sick to his stomach. Like ton of space debris, the answer to this convoluted puzzle suddenly came crashing down on him. He dashed out of the entrance of the mine and hoped he was not already too late!


	28. Misery in the Rising Sun

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

Still reading, huh? Thanks for hanging in there! I have been getting such nice comments from folks over the last few months inquiring about the story and I really appreciate it. As I said before, this story will get finished… And hopefully now that possibly one of the most trying periods of my life is behind me, the last few chapters will come out much more quickly. Enjoy!

**Chapter 28: Misery in the Rising Sun**

It was the start of a new morning and Woody could now see all that Porkchop's hideout had to show. From the height of the observation deck of the pig's "grounded" space ship, a whole of the labor force, now too exhausted to be useful to anyone after toiling underground all night, was being marched out to the surface. A fresh batch of outlaws were being marched out of the shanty town on the base to replace them. However, this new batch of workers was converging with a surplus of people who were definitely not cut from the same cloth as those common villains. In fact, these people were being led in from outside the base by armed men with a pair of tuberous aliens at the head! It was One-Eyed Bart's gang and he had captured the townspeople! It broke Woody's heart to see it. Bo Peep had not misheard Porkchop's men when they said that they eventually planned on taking people right off the streets to labor for their boss. The townspeople looked like ants about to be crushed from where Woody stood atop the swine shaped vessel. The simile seemed fitting as Woody watched the poor, hapless souls all lined up helplessly in large chain gangs of glum and exhausted faces as they went underground through a large and dangerous looking hole carved into the rock.

The townspeople and outlaws filed towards the tunnel entrance. Some workers carried the tools of their forced trade: pickaxes, shovels, etc. Other slaves were leading in or out livestock, which provided a means to do heavier lifting. Unknown to Woody, Porkchop had implemented animals into his labor force after he begrudgingly admitted that load moving was more productive when assigned to four-legged beasts of burden rather than bipedal terrestrials. Also, Porkchop reasoned that, if any of the tunnels collapsed, he would much rather risk losing a pack of smelly animals over expensive lifting equipment any day of the week. As Woody watched the horses, donkeys and oxen being led underground to, quite possibly, never be led out again, he wondered despairingly if poor Bullseye and maybe even Buttercup were among them. Bo Peep handcuffed hand squeezed Woody's as he became more visibly upset by the scene playing out beyond the glass. She squeezed even tighter when Porkchop's voice and the sound of more armed men came in from behind them.

"Sorry to keep you waiting for me. I suppose you are wondering just what is going on down there and in general, aren't you?" inquired Porkchop in a tone that made it sound like he was simply bored and trying to make idle conversation. Without turning around, Woody gritted his teeth, steeling himself for his reply to Porkchop. With an equal tone of indifference, not wanting to give Porkchop the satisfaction of hearing the sorrow in his voice, Woody replied,

"The thought had crossed my mind, yes." In a very condescending tone, Porkchop elaborated,

"We're crystal mining, of course. Well, in a way we are. This planet lacks natural deposits of the fuel that the superior beings of the stars need to power our ships. However, I, in all my genius have found a way around that. And thanks to me, I have taken a planet that was nothing more than in an ideal location for aiding in the destruction of the Galactic Alliance: made it the power house for our goals and the source of its own destruction as well. Very efficient." Woody did not want to stroke the pig's ego by confessing that he did not understand what in the world Porkchop was saying, so instead he asked,

"Are you going somewhere with all this?"

"Funny you should say that. I'm not going anywhere, but now that you have taken in the view of your failure to protect your own people, you are definitely going somewhere. And once you get there, I think you will finally understand where exactly 'I'm going' with all this." Woody was still trying to wrap his head around Porkchop's confusing statement when, without preamble, Porkchop's men led Woody and Bo Peep to a slightly elevated platform in the middle of the room.

With a press of a combination of buttons on their shared handcuffs, the pair found their wrists freed. The relief they would have felt from no longer having cold metal tightly pressing down on their skin was instantly eclipsed by their sudden fear of being separated by Porkchop's men for real this time! The two were indeed separated, but rather than one being led to some other room and some other horrible fate, the couple was just positioned at gunpoint on two adjacent, glowing circles on the platform. Once Woody and Bo Peep were standing in Porkchop's desired locations on the platform, the pig sat down on a rather comfortable and imposing-looking leather armchair. He relished the looks of fear from the unknown on the two terrestrials before pushing a few buttons on the console near his seat. Woody and Bo Peep with their primitive grasp of technology would literally have no idea what was going to happen to them. They were at Porkchop's complete mercy. With a laugh from Porkchop and a brilliant flash of light brought about from the aforementioned button pressing, the terrified cowboy and shepherdess seemingly blipped out of existence!

Once Buzz was topside again, he covertly dashed along the outer edges of the compound's rock wall. Well, as covertly as he could while running in an open, barely covered expanse of flat land. He tried to stay in the shadows casted by the walls of the carved rock as best he could, but there was really no helping it. Buzz was practically on full display for every kind of firearm imaginable in Porkchop's stronghold and most likely would be spotted in moments. Successfully carrying out his portion of Bazooka Jane's plan by getting her device to Woody and creating a diversion was beginning to look more and more unlikely.

Surprisingly though, no one really took notice of Buzz. On the opposite of the massive courtyard, all of the visible lackeys of Porkchop were preoccupied with herding massive crowds of people into tunnels, which Buzz now knew were graphite mines. Over the din of misery, he could hear One-Eyed Bart barking orders to both captive and comrade alike. Buzz was stunned. There were so many people and there was no way that this was the portion of the townspeople apart from the population already occupying the town of Woody's Round-Up! It could not possibly support or sustain these kinds of numbers AND the numbers of those yet to be abducted by Porkchop. Buzz knew that this could only mean that what he was seeing was the previously abducted people AND the ENTIRE population of the town. With Woody's resistance subdued, Porkchop must have gone ahead and "recruited" everyone else in town to help mine for graphite.

Buzz's heart went out to the terrestrial prisoners, but there was nothing he could do to help them at the moment, not without attracting unwanted attention towards him. Buzz was so preoccupied by his moral dilemma of being forced to turn a blind eye, if only temporarily, to the sufferings of Woody's people that he did not notice someone coming right up from behind him. He did however notice when this person started tracing the "S R" insignia on his space-suited upper arm with their busy fingers. Buzz nearly jumped a dozen feet up in the air at the odd and unexpected touch. Half expecting it to be Jane up to her teasing pranks again, Buzz whirled around but resisted the urge to whip out his laser. An emotion that felt strangely akin to disappointment hit him before it was promptly replaced by alarm. It was One-Eyed Bart's wife, One-Eyed Betty! The she-spud squealed with glee,  
>"Oooh~! It's so nice to have such a strong space ranger around the Base!" Buzz simply gaped at her. One-Eyed Betty should be sounding the alarm, not praising him! As Buzz continued to stare, Betty took the liberty to say teasingly,<p>

"But don't get any ideas, you space rogue. I'm a one spud lady." Buzz barely registered what she was saying. He was so nervous and having hardly any sarcasm-o-meter to speak of, could only nod stupidly in agreement. When a few more moments passed by without Betty calling anyone for help and noticing that Betty was actually looking at him expectantly, Buzz's startled brain finally caught up with the situation and remembered why Betty was not attempting to apprehend or shoot him. Thanks to the clean bill of health that Bazooka Jane had digitally circulated for him around the Base, Buzz now had free reign of said Base! Everyone and he, the newly-mind-wiped Buzz Lightyear, knew now that Buzz had the right to go where he pleased unless Porkchop told him otherwise. Buzz was, after all, Zurg's darling boy and until he could be offered up to the Emperor by Porkchop, every mediocre outlaw on Base probably wanted to have a friendly rapport with the "ex-space ranger". Unfortunately, Betty's idea of "friendly" and Buzz's idea of "friendly" were galaxies apart or at least further apart else than Betty's proximity to him right now.

Buzz needed to take control of the situation again. Knowing that it would be detrimental to Jane's plan to continue to slink about as he had been, Buzz first mechanically backed up a comfortable distance from Betty. This was more for his own sake than for the sake of keeping up the appearance of being a mind-wiped slave. It is had to give a decent performance when you nervous and Betty's behavior really made his skin crawl. Buzz was pleased to see that this creepy feelings diminished with the more personal space he put between him and her. Buzz then stood in the proudest space ranger stance that he could manage and saluted like the "mind controlled" soldier that he was supposed to be.

"Buzz Lightyear, reporting for duty, ma'am. How can I be of assistance?" Still being nervous and every bit as terrible an actor as Bazooka Jane had said he was, Buzz probably was overdoing it with the compliant soldier act. Thankfully, Betty saved Buzz from any further theatrical missteps.

"I was sent to find you by Doctor Porkchop." explained Betty.

"You were?" Buzz faltered a bit. Had his cover been blown already? What was he going to do?! He had yet to locate Woody and there was no back up plan!

"Yeah, hunting down mind wiped prisoners with faulty or broken tracking devices… Seems it's all I ever do around here!" Betty replied pleased to have a possibly sympathetic ear, but still annoyed to have the problem to complain about in the first place. She pulled out a device from behind her back and pointed it at Buzz's face. Buzz gave a jerking motion of dismay, thinking that she was about to shoot him. Betty did not miss the distressed expression on Buzz's face,

"You're right to look a little worried, dearie, I am a bit of a deadeye." she laughed as she gestured towards her eye patch, the source of her namesake. Her laughing lagged on as she was quite amused by her own joke. Buzz did not laugh, partly because he was always slow on the uptake with jokes... Buzz's lack of laughter was mostly due to the fact that it is justifiably difficult to feel jovial with a weapon pointed at you. Taking pity on fearful Buzz and his larger-than-normal saucer eyes, Betty ceased her giggling and smiled at the space ranger impishly,

"It's not a gun, silly. It's a simple tracking device and scanner. Don't worry. I wouldn't dream of shooting such a handsome face as yours. Well, unless I had to…" Betty trailed off. Buzz did not know if he should feel relieved or terrified by what she had just said. At any rate, as creepy and scary as her reason for not shooting him was… For the moment, Buzz was just happy to not to be target practice. But Buzz wondered how long he would remain off of Betty's hit list once she scanned him and realized that he had never undergone any tagging or tracking device implanting procedure. What would he do then?

With Betty's teasing said and done, she got back to business. Betty waived her device over Buzz's face and instantly all thoughts of contingency plans fled Buzz's mind as dread overwhelmed him. Oddly enough though, she only scoffed slightly at the reading she received and banged on the scanning device in frustration. Betty neither sounded the alarm to the villains supervising the mines nor did she whip out an actual weapon.

"No, this thing is working… Ugh! I don't believe it! You'd think those lab boys would do a better job installing a homing beacon on such a high profile prisoner like you, Buzz! Or at the very least double check that it's working before turning you loose inside the Base. The signal emitting from that thing inside you must be really weak if I can't even detect it from this range!" complained Betty as she actually shoved the screen in Buzz's face to show him his pitiful lack of signal!

"Good thing we ran into each other then. It's a bad idea to keep Doctor Porkchop waiting. Shall we get going?" stuttered Buzz, hoping that Betty would not investigate deeper into the matter of his non-existing tracking beacon. Or worse, somehow detect Bazooka Jane's device that he still had yet to deliver to Sheriff Woody. Buzz was thankful that he seemed to be successful in leading the conversation away from the specific subject of him.

"Yes, we should start heading back over to Porkchop, dearie. You know what they say about patience… 'Seldom in a woman, but never in a ham'!" Betty burst out laughing again, beyond amused by her own adaptation of an off-colored joke in which Buzz had no knowledge. Then she, in a way that was beyond disturbing, stopped and said in all seriousness as she menaced her scanner at imaginary victims like a gun,

"But really, I'm still going to have to have my husband and my boys pound it into those lab geeks' heads, if you catch my drift, not to be so careless with prisoners. It's for their own good, you know. Besides, a lovely femme fatale such as myself has better things to do with her time than cleaning up some other fools' messes." Eager-to-please Buzz vigorously nodded his solid agreement, not trusting Betty's word that the device was solely for scanning after such an alarming display. But regardless if it was a weapon or not, Betty still had the device out and Buzz did not want to give her a reason to want to "scan" him again in any capacity. She could say that he ought to dye his spacesuit mauve and trade in his solid purple cap for a paisley printed one and he would happily agree with Betty. In the time it took him to ponder how ridiculous he would look with a paisley cap, Buzz was again taken slightly off-guard when he suddenly heard,

"Oh, my little sweet potatah~!" called a voice from behind Buzz in a sweet tone that seemed perfectly out of place considering they were standing in a pit of misery. Buzz's mind only needed half a moment more than usual to determine the owner of the jovial voice. Unbelievable as it was, it was undeniably the voice of One-Eyed Bart. This day just kept getting better and better for Buzz! Any rueful thoughts Buzz may have been having about how steadfastly worse his predicament was getting were immediately jarred from the forefront of his mind upon witnessing Bart's next bit of odd behavior. Right in front of Buzz, Bart began to plant copious amounts of kisses all over Betty's hand, arm and face! Buzz tried not to let it show too much on his face how shocked he was by the bizarre duality of Bart's personality. Seeing a heartless slave driver like One-Eyed Bart romance his wife in such a lovey-dovey and shameless manner was a bit like seeing Zurg carefully knitting pastel-colored gun cozies for his soldiers… It was an unsettling sight at best. Buzz was trying to suppress a shutter when the two potato people's sweet nothings exchange ceased and their conversation turned back towards him. Bart gestured towards Buzz,

"You found, Lightyear, my dear!" Bart praised Betty, "And in record time too! How long ago did Doctor Porkchop send you out to look for ol' spaceboy-with-the-faulty-tracking- chip here? Not even a half hour ago? And you didn't even need me to fetch our attack dog to sniff him out for you neither. You're the best!"

"Oh, you." Betty said as she playfully batted Bart away when his mustachioed kisses began to tickle too much. Bart seemed to remember where he was then and barked orders back to both his men still leading people into the mines and to, appropriately, the aforementioned attack dog,

"Slink! Drop what yer doing and get over here! I need you to help me escort the Misses and Zurg's golden boy over here to Porkchop!" The dog instantly stopped what he was doing, which was corralling frightened, tired, animals in and out of the mine like some sort of disturbing sheepdog. "Disturbing" was the key way to describe the canine. The dog was much larger than any native dog Buzz had seen in passing on this planet, and with nothing between its front and back but a coil of what looked like wire, he was definitely an off-world species. Buzz just was not exactly certain which off-world he was from. An attack animal was a bad thing to have as an escort. However, on top of that, an attack animal that was of a species unfamiliar to Buzz… Now that could be a real problem later if he was forced to defend himself from the dog. For now, he would just observe and hope that the dog would inadvertently reveal all his tricks before it got to that point.

Since "Slink" had completely abandoned his work, his other four-legged charges were now without direction and began to wander or attempt to run away in his absence. Bart saw this, but paid it little attention. The animals were from the night shift and were too exhausted to work or get far. Slink would have them all gathered up later considering the dog's intimidating size, almost as large as a horse, and how quickly he was capable of setting up impassible parameters.

The only thing that struck Bart as odd about the escaping animals was that one of the pitiful animals was not trying to escape at all! He was heading towards Bart, Betty and Buzz and as fast as his exhausted hooves and hanging tongue could afford him. It was Bullseye and boy, was he ever happy to see that Buzz was alive! Buzz resisted, with no great ease, the urge both to smile and to call the horse by name. Buzz was happy to see him too, but knew he had to stay in "mind-wiped" character. However, Buzz was at a complete loss as to how to continue to act "in character" when Bullseye began to lick at his helmet-domed face with a vigor that would put a humongous dog like Slink to shame!

Slink was indeed shamed by Bullseye, but in another way completely from being literally outclassed in tongue waggling… So, even though the dog had been ordered to forget about his herding job for the moment, Slink could not abide on his watch such embarrassing and wild behavior from one of his charges. The dog began to bark and charge at Bullseye! Consequently, Slink quickly did a fine job rescuing and lining up Buzz with an appropriate response regarding an overzealous fan.

Separating Bullseye from Buzz, Slink, like some sort of bizarre, metal boa constrictor, began to tightly coil his midsection around the horse! This put Bullseye in, if the pun can be forgiven, quite a bind considering that he was already suffering from labored breathing after a long night of exhausting toil! Seeing how the horse was beginning to go weak in the knees from oxygen deprivation, Buzz threw caution to the wind and tested the limits of his newfound "respect" as a near relation of Zurg,

"Stop!" Buzz ordered while emulating a combination of the most autocratic and authoritative tones he had ever heard while serving as a protector of the many planets of the Galactic Alliance. Buzz nearly faltered in surprised at how alien and, better yet, convincing his own voice sounded in his ears! Betty, Bart and Slink certainly seemed convinced by it too. They were all still as statues, obviously waiting for Buzz to speak again. Not wanting to give Bart a chance to recover from the more submissive attitude he had temporarily adopted, Buzz quickly recovered from his own state of shock,

"This animal knows who he ought to revere by instinct. His behavior in which he displays this may need modification, but I would prefer to have one loyal beast in need of taming than a dozen trained beasts that don't have sense enough to know their superior when they see him. Acquire him some reins and we shall bring him with us. Do not harm him." Buzz finished as he turned away with a stately waive of his arm.

Slink was the first to obey Buzz and separated himself from Bullseye. When any creature finds himself suddenly liberated from the clutches of his attacker, the usual expected reaction is for the creature to desire quickly put as much distance between himself said attacker… However, Bullseye simply stared at Buzz in the same manner as all the rest who surrounded him. He was more than a bit confused and flustered by Buzz's odd and aloof behavior. True, Bullseye was happy to have full lung capacity restored to him by the graces of Buzz Lightyear… But for the life of him though, Bullseye could not understand why he and Buzz's common enemies were even listening to the space ranger! Bullseye knew better than anyone that you should not "look a gift horse in the mouth", but heartless enemies simply did not fearfully defer to nice people like Buzz after causing so much trouble!

With Bullseye distracted, One-Eyed Bart reluctantly, but hurriedly followed Slink's lead in obeying Buzz. Within moments, makeshift rope reins were on Bullseye. Bart's task completed, the spud still had another problem that he had no idea how to address. Bart had just been ordered to bring Bullseye along with them to see Porkchop! Bart knew that, in any capacity, it was dangerous to allow newly brainwashed prisoners to reestablish pre-brainwashed relationships. Displeasing Porkchop however, could be far more dangerous.

Logically, One-Eyed Bart was obliged obey Porkchop's wishes above all. However, Bart considered it equally insensible to flat out disobey Buzz's orders. Once Zurg got his megalomaniacal hands on Buzz, he would probably tweak his son's new programming until he thought like a carbon copy him. Therefore, Buzz would inherit a mind like a steel trap when it comes to remembering dissidence and disobedience. The last thing that Bart needed was the Empire's **heir apparent** to have a grudge against him for undermining direct orders! Then again, if Porkchop was displeased with Bart following Buzz's orders at all, then he probably would not live long enough to have to worry about any vengeful sons of imperial despots. Bart felt dizzy at how all this thinking was just leading him around in a circle with no good solution for him in sight. In an attempt to at least physically ground himself, Bart held on to the noose around Bullseye's neck. Sadly, no matter how much his tight grip rivaled the passionate strength in which he clung to his wife earlier, Bart still felt no relief. So Bart concluded that he would just humor Buzz's wishes and ignore the rules of dealing with the newly mind wiped. All the while, Bart simply hoped that since his wife had found Lightyear so quickly and he had successfully apprehended Sheriff Woody's escaping horse… That in itself would be enough to keep Porkchop happy and escape the pig's ire for deviating from basic protocol.

Now armed with a plan, One-Eyed Bart felt better. Strangely enough, he now felt confident enough again to feel insecure and concerned that he was appearing weak in front of his own men. Bart turned around and yelled more orders to every lackey and slave within earshot.

"You boys, keep things moving along while I'm gone! I'll be escortin' my lovely wife and Zurg's prize back ta Porkchop!" Bart then turned his attention to Buzz and civilly waived his arm for the Zurg's darling boy to follow,

"The horse'll come with us. So if it's all right with you, let's get going. Porkchop is not a patient boss." said Bart.

Flabbergasted by his supreme luck, Buzz tried his best not to blow his cover and smile too stupidly. Now Buzz did not have to go mad wondering what he was going to do to get away from One-Eyed Bart and find Woody. He did not even have to worry about watching out for the spud anymore! He could take the outlaw with him and watch his every move as Bart led him to exactly where he wanted to be! Knowing Porkchop's type, Woody would be wherever that pig was lurking. Such cowards needed the faces of hapless victims around to rub their success into and Woody would fit that requirement nicely. Gloating to a "mind wiped Buzz Lightyear" who was now, technically Porkchop's ally and soon-to-be superior was not as fulfilling a person to brag to as an enemy in complete control of their reasoning faculties.

Buzz saluted to Bart and marched with him across the open courtyard of the compound. Their path seemed to go straight towards what looked, in the early morning light, to be a large spaceship landing platform and a spaceship atop it to make the designation appropriate. It went against the grain to be marching while so exposed to every kind of weapon imaginable on a Space Age base, but Buzz had to act like he had every right to be there.

Speaking of entitlements that came with titles, Buzz's intuitiveness and judgment proved again that despite his questionable origins, he was still every inch a space ranger. Seeing their Porkchop-ridden final destination drawing nearer and nearer and in proper lighting, Buzz knew he was right to believe that he would be led straight to Woody. "Surveying" the activities going on around the shabby mines behind him, they were hazardous and terrible…. However, when he saw the happenings amidst the ominous spaceship that was shaped in the only form suited to Porkchop's egotism, his own, Buzz was convinced that the celestial vessel was a far more disturbing and deadly place! Yes, it was the most dangerous place to be out of the entire compound and if Porkchop was anything like any other of Zurg's typical, villainous followers, the one thing those fiends all had in common was… They would keep any friend of Buzz Lightyear smack-dab in the middle of that treacherous spot. Buzz would find Woody there!


	29. The Reluctant Double Agent

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

Whoot! Another chapter! Thanks for continuing to read them! Enjoy!

**Chapter 29: The Reluctant Double Agent**

Woody and Bo Peep blipped back into existence in the same manner in which they had vanished. Vertigo and dizziness shot through the pair like quicksilver as they suddenly found themselves outside! They were at ground level and standing on the edge of the massive launch pad of Porkchop's gigantic, hog-shaped spaceship. Woody never felt the loss of his cowboy hat more painfully as he attempted to see the bright, teetering world around him. The light was aggravating his wobbly vision so much and he had nothing to shield his brow from the sun but his hands.

A couple more seconds longer than would have been desired passed and the couple's surroundings began to come back into focus again. As if to punish their optic nerves for resuming their proper function, Woody and Bo Peep's eyes were then immediately assaulted by a lovely view of the ship's aft. It was a perfect metal likeness of Porkchop's piggy posterior. It was a bit ironic since there seemed to be no end of Porkchop's torture in sight.

To add insult to injury, Porkchop, along with some armed guards, soon materialized. They appeared from seemingly out of nowhere just outside the circumference of the launch pad and boy were they ever laughing and smiling. As far as Woody's bewildered eyes could tell, Porkchop had arrived in just the same terrifying manner as he and Bo Peep… So Woody wondered why the hog seemed so completely unaffected by it. Wondering that was all the more energy that Woody could devote to that mystery. Apart from Bo Peep, keeping down the remainders of what Woody was pretty sure was yesterday's breakfast was one of the few things prevalent in Woody's mind at the moment.

Attempting to regain mastery over one's stomach was difficult enough of a task without including the visage of Porkchop's colossal metallic derrière… Nevertheless, as fruitless as it seemed, neither of the star-crossed lovers wanted to give away just how much they were affected by their sudden, unexpected and very first teleportation. Like before, Woody and Bo Peep sought the other's hand. However, this time, the action was pitifully more for the desire of physical, rather than just emotional support. When Woody and his lady's hands were about to touch, they were suddenly shocked, or rather, painfully repelled from each other by a sparking, unseen force. Woody held back a holler of frustration more than he did pain as he realized that could not get to Bo Peep!

"You see," explained Porkchop as he freely stepped into launch pad area, "Unlike me, there is no way for teleported prisoners to leave that force field. To you primitives, think of it as a kind of invisible wall surrounding the platform that you cannot escape from once you magically appear inside it…" Paying Porkchop no heed, Woody lunged for the swine, but was again shocked upon reaching the launch pad's edge. Porkchop hummed happily to himself,

"And as you and Miss Peep have finally noticed, thanks to a safety measure of this particular force field, I can make it so that 'prisoners' don't have to worry about being the recipients of any unwanted physical contact from other prisoners."

"I'll take it that's any 'physical contact' unwanted by you." scoffed Bo Peep feeling thoroughly and beyond abused at this latest insult.

"Glad to have confirmation that the sheriff at least had intelligence enough to find a clever girlfriend to almost compensate for his own lack of brainpower." revered Porkchop, a backhanded compliment to Bo Peep if ever there was one. The pig then finally answered Bo Peep's inquiry about touching with a bit more seriousness,

"Anyway, right you are, young lady. I don't want you two touching." smiled Porkchop.

"Yep," agreed Woody to Bo Peep in a very even tone, "He can't let us have any comfort before he finally does us in, along with the whole world." Without letting Porkchop get a quirk word in, Woody provided Bo Peep with an explanation for such an unthinkable comment,

"Porkchop said he was going to use the planet and then make it the 'source of its own destruction'. Destruction for folks like Porkchop is not something as trivial as just devastating the landscape and the population of the town. I can't begin to imagine how, but that pig ship of his will obliterate this world and you and I, Bo Peep… We have the seats of honor for this event." finished Woody very anticlimactically and completely spoiling all but the fine details of the reveal of Porkchop's master plan!

Porkchop was momentarily flabbergasted that this lawman of an inferior species was able to piece together his dastardly plot! Porkchop had only hinted at what his true intentions were and despite Woody's inability, in Porkchop's opinion, to conceptualize the extent of the power of Zurg's forces, the mud-ball dweller had figured it out! Porkchop was furious to have his absolute victory stolen from him by Woody's deduction and the dismissive attitude that immediately followed afterwards! Porkchop was going to destroy everything that this sheriff ever knew and loved! How could this man be all but telling Porkchop to "just get this tiresome thing over with already"?! Porkchop would not stand for it! He was about to really lose it when he suddenly remembered that he still a couple more surprises in store for Woody. The pig calmed himself and smiled congenially. The sheriff may have figured out the bulk of his evil plan, but the real devil was in the details.

"I am not completely without sympathy, Sheriff. I imagine it must be quite unpleasant not to know what has become of all of your friends besides the townspeople. Would you like to know what happened to Buzz and Jessie?" asked Porkchop in all politeness. Woody was not interested in hearing the gory details of Buzz and Jessie's demise. All Woody knew and all he needed to know was now both cowgirl and spaceman were at rest and beyond the reach of Porkchop's evil and corruption. Woody did not answer. Porkchop was ecstatic by this lack of response. By refusing to play along with him, Woody was playing right into Porkchop's hands, err, hooves.

"Well, if you're not interested in hearing it from me, perhaps you would like to hear it from the man, himself… Buzz Lightyear?" called Porkchop off toward the area below the slightly elevated platform he and his guests were standing upon.

Buzz and the others had arrived at Porkchop's space ship. Buzz was surprised that One-Eyed Bart had even taken notice, considering how very preoccupied the spud had suddenly become with a communication device in his hands. At any rate, Bart had to have been paying some attention… Just as Buzz was about to ascend the launch pad to "survey" the spacecraft in a very stately manner, Buzz was swiftly held back by Bart's hand.

"Porkchop has instructed us to stay here until he gives the signal." said the potato man evenly. Bart then pulled Buzz and the rest of their party from where they had been standing to wait behind a massive, metal strut attached to the launch pad. This new location came with benefits as well as setbacks. The move allowed them not to have to wait in the sun for their next order, but at the same time, it effectively obstructed Buzz's view of the majority of the top of the launch pad and spaceship. He would have to be satisfied with waiting for Porkchop's further instructions before he could learn any more of what was going on with that spaceship.

Buzz's wait was not long before he heard rather than he actually saw Woody and Bo Peep materialized onto the platform. Quickly following the couple was the laughing Porkchop himself and armed guards. Buzz felt that this could not be a coincidence with the timing of his arrival. Porkchop knew Buzz would be coming and his arrival had to be precisely timed. No doubt, it was all part of some sort of plot to make Buzz's "former" allies' incarceration that much more uncomfortable by denying them a chance to see he was, considering the circumstances, unharmed. This worked out nicely since Porkchop would not dare risk exposing a newly mind wiped soldier like Buzz Lightyear to reminders of his former existence if he could avoid it.

Unfortunately, Buzz being not the most creative of minds when it came to imagining acts of cruelty… Buzz could not fathom what Porkchop really had in store for him. This predicament therefore guaranteed two things for Buzz… The first guarantee was the level of the act of cruelty Buzz was unknowingly about to participate in would literally be beyond his imagination. As a consequence, the second and unavoidable guarantee was that Buzz would be quite ill-prepared for said act of cruelty.

"Buzz?" called Porkchop from above. Buzz paused in confusion. Porkchop actually wanted him to come up and see Woody and Bo Peep? Why would Porkchop risk that? Flustered, but not wanting to appear capable of picking and choosing which of Porkchop's direct orders to follow, Buzz Lightyear signaled to Bullseye and to his semi-present and future underlings to not follow. He did it to keep up his persona of feeling safe among his new allies and in control of at least Porkchop's underlings. However, it was really just to give him a head start to escape without Bart right behind him and to keep Bullseye out of immediate harm's way. If Buzz tried hard enough he could trick himself into believing his own fearless persona, but in no way could he delude himself into thinking that his apprehensions were not warranted. Whatever he was stepping into, it would be anything but harmless. With that, Buzz bounded up towards Porkchop with a most regal air.

Like anyone suddenly finding themselves reunited with a friend thought lost, Woody and Bo Peep instantly lost interest in trivial matters like their impending doom and were overjoyed!

"Buzz, you're alive!" Woody exclaimed, thankful that at least one of his nearest and dearest friends had somehow escaped death! Where there was life, there was hope, and where there was hope there was a chance of victory! If Buzz could survive one of Porkchop's impossible traps, Woody and Bo Peep still stood a chance at defeating Porkchop! Buzz would help them see to that!

Like the good soldier Buzz was playing earlier last night, he saluted Porkchop and then stood emotionless at attention by his boorish commander. Buzz stared severely and straight ahead either beyond or through Woody and Bo Peep. Buzz did not reply to Woody's joyful outburst or even acknowledge his existence.

"Of course Buzz Lightyear is alive," stated Porkchop with honeyed condescension, "He's a most resourceful man. He is a soldier of the Zurg Empire, a near relative of the Emperor himself and an excellent spy." The effects of the hog's words were instantly devastating for both Woody and Bo Peep. Buzz almost faulted from his acting performance in sheer horror when he viewed the aghast expressions of his "old allies'" and realized what Porkchop was doing! Porkchop was trying to make Woody think that, from the very beginning, Buzz was never his ally! However, to Woody's credit, clever mind and loyal nature,

"HOG WASH!" the cowboy instantly denied. Bo Peep was not buying it either.

"Woody's right! You just did the same thing to Buzz's mind that you did to poor Jessie! Buzz's not himself." she shouted defiantly. It seemed that Porkchop had an answer to everything though,

"No, he is himself and in his right mind. That is why Bazooka Jane just stood there with a micro-detonator strapped to her and let herself get blown up while Buzz ran for safety and left her to die. I mean, how else do you suppose he's standing here after being near such a big blast? Buzz knew the explosion was coming and didn't stick around to watch." said Porkchop plainly. Woody shook his head violently, to dispel the image of Jessie's horrible death and any thoughts that would permit him to believe that Buzz could knowingly abandon Jessie to such a fate! Dragging them all out to the desert just blow up Woody's sister… Such a plan was just too much effort and pointless! Woody could have been eventually killed hundreds of easier ways without even half as much fanfare. As if reading Woody's mind, the swine affirmed Woody's most recent thoughts with cold logic.

"Oh, come one, Sheriff. It makes perfect sense. I ordered Buzz to lure you out here and to annihilate any fighting spirit you may have still managed to hold on to. So Buzz single handedly built himself up in your eyes like some kind of savior from beyond the heavens and then tragically 'died' for his pains. How demoralizing, huh? The loss of him and doubled with that of your sister certainly reduced you all to the pitiful state and situation that you find yourself in now. Buzz is an outright genius! He did all that I asked and even did me the unexpected service of ridding me of your horrible and useless sister's presence." beamed Porkchop as he patted Buzz on the back. Buzz fought back the bile bubbling up in his throat as the likelihood of this story reached even Woody's carefully guarded reason and soon became Woody's reality. Woody was in silent despair for a moment before converting his feelings of loss and betrayal into something that seemed more useful to him at the moment, blind rage!

"If your goal was to kill my fighting spirit, then you failed completely, Zurg scum!" roared Woody! Woody then, not caring about any force field, charged at Porkchop and Buzz! Woody was of course subdued by the nasty shock he received from touching the outer rim of his barrier, but not before again managing to get much nearer to Porkchop than what was comfortable for the pig. Porkchop could have sworn the tips of the cowboy's fingers had somehow endured the shock and passed through the shield! Porkchop tried to comfort himself by telling himself of the ridiculousness of such an idea. No living thing had a pain threshold that high! Not even a mudball savage!

With Porkchop visibly distracted by Woody's failed attack, Buzz saw an opening to get closer to Woody. Granted, a dangerous opening, but beggars cannot be choosers. Buzz immediately did his best to appear indignant by Woody's brash attempt to do him and Porkchop bodily harm and said coolly to Porkchop,

"Lower the force field…" Porkchop had to fight off the compulsion to immediately comply. The tone of the space ranger's slow, burning rage just now had been so Zurg-like that Porkchop, in his distracted state, had naturally defaulted into his Zurg-groveling mode. It was so strange. In that brief moment, Porkchop had truly felt like it would be like undermining his Emperor just to hesitate in obeying. Porkchop then remembered that, for this moment at least, he was in charge, not Buzz Lightyear! Porkchop felt like doing something insulting to punish the space ranger for trying to order him about, but then thought better of it. Knowing how Buzz's brain was programmed now, Porkchop would most likely not object to whatever reason Buzz had for eliminating the barrier. Why get upset about it? Most likely Porkchop would even find it delightfully entertaining. Rationally, Porkchop decided that he would humor Buzz. However, Porkchop was still vain enough to try to word it in such a way as to display that he was still calling the shots.

"Not that I am against whatever you may have in mind… But why lower the force field?" asked Porkchop curiously. Buzz did not even look at Porkchop when he replied.

"I need to have a word with this one..." Buzz said as he stared down at Woody like a bug he was itching to crush under his boot.

"Is that all? Far be it from me to stop you if it's only just 'a word'." said Porkchop, pleased that he had predicted Buzz's intentions so easily. Porkchop signaled to one of his men again to bring him something. It was a device that Woody recognized from earlier in his incarceration. It was the metal and glass "tablet of paper", as Woody had thought it to resemble, with the large red button. Porkchop, being ill-equipped to hold up the tablet due to circumstances of anatomy, had his lackey hold up the device while he tapped a couple of digital keys on the screen. The force field instantly dropped around Woody, and though the cowboy could not see this to be true, he was now free to move about.

Buzz, again found himself in a situation where he knew he would fall flat on his face if he attempted to deliver a believable performance with pure deception. There was no way that anyone would believe him to have been mind wiped by that gun Bazooka Jane shot him with if he attempted to be villainous towards Woody. It just was not in him. Remembering that he had at least managed to fool Jane's idiot associates with his truth-telling method, Buzz quickly decided to try to use it again. After all, when it came to fooling fools, or in most any case, honesty was the best policy. So with all the confidence and calculative nature of seasoned warrior, he slowly advanced on Woody. Buzz then spoke rather grimly and honestly on the subject of Woody's most recent attempt at assault. Buzz told Woody exactly what he intended to do and what consequences Porkchop would agree now awaited him,

"I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet… But we're not on my planet, are we?" ended Buzz quite ironically with a crack of his knuckles for show. Woody shook his head at Buzz with contempt,

"If you hadn't shown up in your stupid, little spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me…" rued Woody in a tone that all but cursed Buzz's existence as the cowboy held his ground. Woody would allow Buzz to take nothing further from him if he could help it, not even the minuscule territory between them!

"Okay! Come on! You wanna piece of me!" shouted Woody as he moved to get in the first punch! Buzz was then certain that if he did not defend himself, there would be a few more things that would be guaranteed to happen... Buzz was going to make Porkchop suspicious. Buzz was going to lose his opportunity to play his delivery boy part in Jane's master plan and, most importantly of all, Buzz was going to get clobbered into a fine space paste! Reluctantly, Buzz put up his fists to fight as he had done with any attacking opponent so many times before. Unfortunately for Woody, this mechanical function of Buzz's was timed in such a way that Woody ran his face right into a head spinning left cross!

Woody recovered from his blow to the head with the speed of lightning and before Buzz knew what hit him, he was tackled to the ground. Woody seemed to be gifted in the art of retracting Space Age headpieces as he had somehow managed to open up Buzz's helmet again! This was the worse thing that could have happen to Buzz at the moment since he was now on his back and the recipient of rapid blows to the head! It was a cheap shot and sly, but for the sake of the preservation of his reasoning faculties, Buzz pressed the button on the side of his suit and effectively brought his helmet back down on Woody's hand! This achieved Buzz's desired effect and Woody was temporarily incapacitated by the pain of having his digits snapped down upon like an overgrown mousetrap!

With Woody's hand all but pinned like a butterfly, Buzz spun him around onto his stomach and yanked the cowboy's arms back! Bo Peep, more than a bit traumatized from both witnessing and correcting the damage dealt to Woody by such an attack move, yelled and yelped in frustration at being unable to help Woody! Evidently her portion of the force field had not been lowered and she found that out the hard way as she tried with all her might to close the distance between herself and the sudden struggle. The horrible, distressing sound Bo Peep made was enough to cause the two fighting men to pause and enough to try the remainder of Porkchop's patience.

"All right, Buzz. I'm getting tired of seeing these noisy flee pickers' antics and Zurg won't be please if I bring his prize back covered with bruises. Get back over here." ordered Porkchop. Thankfully Bo Peep's cries of pain and protest had provided an additional distraction on top of the scuffle and Buzz no longer required any further time to accomplish his mission. In the confusion, Buzz had managed to shove Bazooka Jane's device into Woody's hand and got up. The force field around Woody went back up. Buzz passed through the force field as ordered and no one was the wiser of his little transaction with Woody, not even Woody! So now Buzz only had to distract Porkchop long enough for Woody to use his clever mind and realize what had just happened.


	30. I feel the earth move under my feet

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**By MayWaku15**

**Yeah, I'm just as surprised as you. This fic's not dead yet. Thank you Beta for encouraging me and thank you muse for playing nice with the limited time I've had lately. Enjoy and thanks for still reading!**

**Chapter 30: I feel the earth move under my feet**

Before Woody even knew what happened, Porkchop had ordered Buzz Lightyear off and away from him. Woody then attempted to sit up into a more dignified position when he felt something in the palm of his still throbbing hand. At least, Woody thought he felt something in that hand. The blood circulation was just starting to return to his pinched mandible and it was tingling most painfully. To be certain of the matter, Woody reluctantly hazarded a glance downward and hoped that whatever Evil Buzz had shoved into his grasp was either be benign or imaginary. Woody found a small device of metal and glass. What was it? More, importantly, why had Buzz Lightyear felt the need to give it to him so, if you would excuse the pun, underhandedly?

"What was that thing you just handed the prisoner, Lightyear?" asked Porkchop very casually to the space ranger. Apparently Buzz not been underhanded enough to get pass Porkchop's notice. In defense of Buzz seemingly lacking aptitude in covertness, Porkchop had not gotten to where he was in the chain of command of Zurg's forces by being trusting and unobservant. When Buzz did not immediately answer, Porkchop again asked, but this time with a bit of displeasure in his tone,

"Buzz, what did you just hand over to Sheriff Woody?" Unlike the Buzz Lightyear that Woody had known, this Buzz did not at all seem worried or upset that the man whom he was deferring to sounded angry with him. Instead of sweating bullets, Buzz seemed as cool as a cucumber in the eyes of Woody. This proved further evidence to the sheriff that the Buzz Lightyear that he knew had been completely fictitious. This assumption could not have been any further from the truth. Buzz appeared unconcerned on the surface. However, in reality, his brain was kicking into overdrive trying desperately to come up with some feasible excuse for his sly actions. "Honesty is the best policy" again resounded in his mind when it came to being convincingly deceitful and Buzz concluded that he had no choice but to listen.

"It's a gift I'm passing along." explained Buzz, "One that's guaranteed to make the sheriff's final moments with us all the more interesting. I was concerned that if you knew of the present, you would discourage me from giving it. Clearly, you want to prolong the cowboy's suffering, but I am an impatient man. And now with the sheriff safely within a force field, if you will pardon the pun, I am most eager to see the **explosive** expression when the sheriff figures out the function of that present sent with love from his lovely, late **sister**." Buzz tinged a bit red at his own unexpected compliment of "late" Miss Pride. Brainwashed or not, it was so out of character for both his normal and his new, authoritative persona to use words like "lovely" or "beautiful" to describe someone. Such comments just seemed to keep popping up whenever it involved that redheaded cowgirl. He hoped that the strange slip-of-the-tongue was only noticed by him and not significant enough for anyone to question if he was truly brainwashed or faking it.

Other than that, Buzz had delivered his explanation for why he was being so sneaky quite masterfully. You could just tell by the stunned looks on everyone's faces that he had everyone fooled. Admitting betrayal, unnecessary fighting and murderous tricks… For all intents and purposes, Buzz Lightyear in their eyes was now a sadistic villain! Porkchop was the first to regain his wits and said in the haughtiest tone that he could,

"Though, I am not at all comfortable with the notion that you are yet capable of deceiving me, Lightyear... That does sound like great fun. So I shall propose a compromise." Porkchop then called back down towards the same direction Buzz had been summoned from earlier.

"Bart! Betty!" Betty and Bart obediently came with their dog trailing behind. Buzz noted that they did not bring Bullseye with them. Aware that Bullseye was in earshot and knowing that the horse would not have gone down or have gotten dragged away without making a noisy fuss, Buzz hoped silence from Bullseye was not a bad sign. Hopefully the since Buzz climbed up on the platform, Bart had just made use of the rope he had used to rein in Bullseye from earlier. Most likely Bullseye was now tied to one of the platform struts below Buzz and could be called upon for assistance, if needed, with a quick laser cut to his tethers.

With all his nearest underlings properly assembled, Porkchop explained, in a cheesy fashion, Buzz's "explosive" plan,

"It seems our gracious Buzz Lightyear would like to put on a fireworks and pyrotechnics show for us. A show that will surely blow away our expectations and all from with the convenient confines of the force field that the sheriff and Miss Peep are presently surrounded by. I believe the shield will hold, but we prefer to be safe than sorry around here..."

"Don't worry. Even if that 'present' the sheriff's holding were enough to break through that force field…" started Betty excitedly.

"It can't touch us! I brought my attack dog-" cheered One-Eyed Bart as Slink promptly ran around Buzz and the others, creating a circle with his with his coiled midsection of his body. The dog then chomped down on his tail as both the front and back of Slink met. An electric like spark was suddenly created by the action and before a blink of an eye, Buzz and his other "allies" were encased in a dome like shell of protective energy!

One-Eyed Bart was famous for bragging to excess and in this moment, he did not disappoint. Bart then gloated to all who would listen as to the obvious reason why they were now untouchable. Though many on the planet could brag about having an attack dog of an imposing size, very few could boaster the fact that their attack dog came…

"With a built in force field!" finished Bart with flourish!

"Passing on a gift from his departed sister"?! Woody momentarily froze when he heard Buzz's comment regarding his deceased sister. What in the world could that heartless spaceman possibly mean by saying "a present" from Jessie? More likely Buzz meant that the "present" Woody has been handed, or one just like it, contributed to his departed sister's passing.

As if on cue and to confirm Woody's worst fears, Buzz had begun to speak of explosives and then shortly thereafter the device in Woody's hand began to silently, rapidly and menacingly light up! In a near panic, Woody thought he should throw the explosive a far away from him as possible and run! Then Woody remembered that he was still confined within the boundaries of a small "force field". Even if Woody threw the explosive, how far could it possibly land? Probably no more than a few feet in front of him before it hit the invisible barrier and blew him up anyway. Even without the barrier blocking his escape, if this explosive device was anything like the one that had been used to murder Jessie last night, there was no way he would survive. Not if he could not put at least a couple miles between himself and it! Woody was going to die and horribly so. That much was obligatory. The only thing he could do now was try to mitigate his losses.

If Woody was lucky enough to know that the end was near, he knew that his kneejerk reaction would be to spend his last precious seconds with his beloved Bo Peep. It would be the nearest thing to heaven for him in this mortal and often cruel world... But that was not his compulsion this time. As Woody watched the device blink faster and faster, he reasoned that the powerful barrier, which separated him from the love of his life, would keep any projectile from entering into Bo Peep's section of their invisible prison. However, just in case it did not, he wanted to take one more precaution to ensure she was as much protected from the blast as possible. Without looking at Bo Peep, fearful that it would weaken his resolve, Woody said with the deepest sincerity,

"Miss Bo Peep, I want you to know that I was the happiest of men in the world knowing that its finest lady would have accepted my ring and affections... And even though there were far more deserving." Woody then held the device to his chest, moved as far away from Bo Peep as possible and crouched down over bomb. Bo Peep simply stared in silent disbelief when she realized what Woody was intending to do. He was going to use his own body to shield her from the explosion! Unlike the last time she saw Woody in peril, Bo Peep did not attempt to breach the painful barrier between them. Instead she followed Woody lead and moved as far away from him as possible. What motivated her movement was not self-preservation, nor was it the desire to ensure that Woody's final protective act was not done in vain. Rather, she distanced herself from him because she knew that the evil happening before her eyes was unpreventable and it was the last thing in the world that her heart could bare to see. She would not witness that before she would most likely die too.

Woody may not have been able to watch Bo Peep in his final, gruesome moments any more than she could do the same, but Woody had stared down what he thought was his own death before and he intended to do it again. In defiance of Porkchop, from his hunched position, Woody stared down at the flashing, death sentence doohickey in his hands. The flashing on the glass face of the device reached the apex in the rapidity of its blinking and Woody presumed that this ominous action heralded the moment before he met his maker. To Woody's surprised though, the blinking simply became flashing bold letters, letters in his own native language, not alien scribbles! The native letters then became words and they read,

"A final present from your sister: Everything's gonna be fine… Just flip the red switch on the side and read the command out loud." Woody felt like groaning. This prolonging his inevitable death mixed with making a mockery of his sister's own death was getting so old! Woody was about to toss aside his pride and just shut his eyes to any further taunts when one, final statement blinked forth,

"Oh, and in case you don't believe me…" If Woody still questioned the authenticity of the device's claim that it was gifted to him by his sister, all doubts were banished as he read the final sentence of the flashing message. It was too profound and personal to disbelieve,

"I put the snake in your boot."

"I KNEW IT WAS JESSIE!" yelled Woody forgetting himself and his predicament. He was momentarily overwhelmed with the regressive satisfaction of having his longest held suspicion finally confirmed! Jessie had been the one who stuck that reptile in his secondhand, hand-me-down boots back when they were living at the Orphanage! Woody wanted to mentally chastise himself for losing his focus. However, Woody had no time to do so when he heard One-Eyed Bart's boisterous comment about being safe from the flying debris that would follow from Woody's impromptu obliteration. All this thanks to the fact that Bart had brought along his attack dog,

"—with a built in force field!" Bart shouted out with such confidence. However, as Woody stood up from his crouched position, Bart's bravado looked like nothing more than false hope and delusion. Sheriff Woody Pride was the only one who truly stood with what was the very definition of self-assurance. Woody hesitated no longer to flip the switch on his device as told and countered Bart's impressive pet comment with words literally spelt out for the cowboy. With only a slight hint of confusion from the oddness of the sentence, Woody shouted in reply to Bart,

"Oh, yeah? Well, 'I brought my DINOSAUR, who eats force field dogs!'" He did not remain ignorant for long as to why the device compelled him to speak of dinosaurs. Almost instantaneously, Woody made the connection as the ground began to rumble and was followed by the sight of something unlike anything Woody had ever seen before or since! Boom! Bursting up and crawling out from underneath the rock floor in the middle of the compound's courtyard, as if torn from the very illustrated pages of science articles in newspapers, was a dinosaur! A gigantic, green, machine-like monster lizard and it was tearing around the compound and causing havoc and confusion for all of Porkchop's men!

The dinosaur screamed and roared and people either quaked in its wake or ran for fear! As if Woody could not receive any more surprises, flying immediately out from the deep hole left by the dinosaur came Buzz's repaired spaceship with Bazooka Jane, his sister, Jessie Pride, piloting the thing! Amidst all the confusion the spaceship nearly went unnoticed by Porkchop's men until it was all but too late. Before the first of Porkchop's men on the ground even thought to open fire on the hated Star Command vessel, the ship had already taken out several of Porkchop's gun turrets. The turrets were all facing the wrong way, anticipating an assault from anywhere but from within the base. All the other turrets that happened to be pointing the right direction were too busy aiming for the dinosaur! Consequently, the guns could not defend themselves in time to avoid Bazooka Jane firing at them!

'Just like Bazooka Jane planned it!' thought Buzz as he viewed the commotion from within the relative safety of Slink's force field. Well, it was just like the parts of the plan… The parts he had been privy to by Jane... Inside her secret laboratory, Buzz recalled Jane saying that she had built up her "secret weapon" with a base based upon fossilized remains from the planet. With the details he had been given, obviously he never could have predicted or anticipated this! A prehistoric colossus of a robot built on a technologically primordial planet compared to where Buzz was from!

That was all the further Buzz could go in describing the robot as being akin to a "primordial planet". Apart from the wrongly introduced alien technology, the robot dinosaur exceeded any technology Buzz had seen on this planet. The robot was bulky and its movable parts were admittedly stiff, but boy, could that dinosaur move! The only thing that exceeded Buzz's amazement more was the idea that such creatures even ever existed on Jane's planet for her to literally use as a skeleton for her robot! If he survived this mess, Buzz would love the opportunity to study more of the planets ancient nature in detail. With an indisputably ingenious individual like Bazooka Jane as a guide, he would certainly make the most of his time studying the perished and surviving fauna of the planet.

That was the thing though… Buzz had to first survive all this before he could even begin thinking about the future. The place was being turned topsy-turvy by a one-spaceship-driving-cowgirl and… dinosaur robot army. That was all the more signal that he needed to know it was time to drop this mind-controlled-slave act and turn Porkchop's little base completely on its head! There was just one problem in executing Buzz's part of Bazooka Jane's plan… He was still stuck with all his enemies within the force field of an oversized dog and he had not had a chance to observe any of the creature's weaknesses! Wait! "Oversized dog"? In a way Bullseye was an oversized dog. If his own observation of Bullseye's mannerisms were anything to go on, then an excellent way to render this stretchy dog helpless would be… Buzz moved quickly and began to scratch Slink behind his big ear! Startled, Slink first stiffened his posture, but then like a true dog that truly had not been on the receiving end of kindliness and affection in a dog's age, he gave himself up to the wonderful sensation of being petted.

As Buzz had hoped, Slink relaxed and released his tail from his mouth. The humongous dog then rolled over onto his back in hopes that Buzz might scratch that one spot under his chin that Slink could never reach himself. The moment that the dog's two ends were no longer linked, the force field surrounding Buzz, Porkchop, Bart, Betty and various lackeys dissipated! Now was Buzz's chance! He gave the affection starved canine one good, last scratch right under his chin to immobilize him and Buzz was off!

Buzz snatched the tablet, which held Bo Peep and Woody in their in invisible prison, from the lackey who had been holding it up for Porkchop! Buzz pressed then the appropriate buttons on the screen,

"This ought to even the odds!" grinned Buzz. Though considering that Woody and Bo Peep were unarmed and they still had hundreds of enemies to fight, the statement was charitable at best. A louder-than-usual, booming crash caused Buzz to turn his head back towards the ruckus that Jane and her robot were still causing. One of the biggest turrets was now a pile of twisted, useless metal on the courtyard's rocky floor.

'Then again,' mused Buzz to himself, 'Maybe the odds aren't so bad in our favor.' After all, how many people could say they had a resourceful, cowgirl genius and an amazing, rampaging, giant robot, which said cowgirl genius had constructed herself with nothing but spare parts in a cave, on their side?


	31. Still a Cowboy!

**Chapter 31: Still a Cowboy!**

Woody and Bo Peep suspected they were free when they felt an odd change in air pressure after Buzz had hit Porkchop's button. They knew they were free when brave Bo Peep decided to hazard a try at running to Woody's side and was successful! The couple threw their arms around each other, but dared not hold their embrace for as long. Certainly not for as long as two reunited lovers who thought they would never see each other again in this life would have liked. Fearful that their invisible, intangible prison would regain its terrible power over them, Woody and Bo Peep quickly ran for beyond its old borders.

The moment the threat of being imprisoned again had passed, Bo Peep had words with Woody. She was not happy about him all but throwing himself on the sword to save her from being blasted into the afterlife along with him. The man was very lucky that Bo Peep was the type of person to give a tongue lashing when angered and not an actual lashing! He may not have survived otherwise. Bo Peep gave him the meanest look Woody had ever seen her direct at him, waved her finger in admonishment and sternly stated,

"Try one more stupid thing like that again, and just see what happens to you, Mr. Pride! I said anyone who gets in the way of our wedding day would be in for a world of hurt! And that promise extends to you too. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am." answered Woody with a start.

"Good!" she barked back. Then, without preamble, she grabbed the sheriff by the collar of his windowpane check shirt and kissed him square on the mouth. She quickly pulled back and said resolutely to the adorably dazed sheriff,

"Now let's run Porkchop out of town!" Her words sobering him and Woody added with equal determination,

"And chase him clear off of the planet!"

His whole rebellious team almost assembled, Buzz Lightyear had not forgotten that he still had one more friend to save, Bullseye. Trusting Woody and Bo Peep to look after themselves for the moment and that the now very-much-exposed-Porkchop would retreat like the cowardly pig he was, Buzz ran to the edge of the platform to see what became of Bullseye. In all the loud confusion, Buzz had assumed that Bullseye would still be safely where he had left him. After all, he had not heard Bullseye's whinnying neighs of protests from being led off against his will. So it was to Buzz's puzzlement that the horse was not there. Where had he gone?

Bullseye had called out for help, but his neighs had gone unheard. The metallic dinosaur's booming sounds of destrut most of any other sounds. Realizing he had made a bad assumption, Buzz's eyes and ears quickly searched for any sign of his missing, four-legged ally. In a dusty sea of newly revolting townsfolk and free-minded terrestrial outlaws, finding just one, specific life form among them seemed like a daunting task. Noisy and inhibiting his ability to spot Bullseye as they were, Buzz tried to feel thankful for those who had chosen to stay and help. The rural townsfolk may be little to no help in a fight against such an advanced enemy, but they were allowing him the distraction he needed to find Bullseye. If the townsfolk were still in their slavers' iron bonds, all his enemies' attention would have otherwise been focused on him.

Speaking of iron bonds, about a hundred yards off, Buzz finally spotted Bullseye and he was wearing such shackles! Well, they were just as good as iron bonds. The poor horse had some sort of space-tech manacle around his neck! Bucking and stomping on any dinosaur-fleeing enemy who had happened to come near him, Bullseye had pretty much held his own in the rebellion against Porkchop. Unfortunately, the last villain Bullseye's hooves had encountered was an alien who was a bit more prepared than an average, terrestrial, dinosaur-fleeing flunky of Porkchop. The alien was armed with space aged weapons and a slightly more jaded view when met with the sight of amazing robotic technology. It was nothing that he had not seen before and certainly not the best bipedal robot he had ever seen either. He did not feel the need to run like the devil was after him the way that his primitive cohorts felt the urge. The alien used this calmer demure regarding the whole rebellious situation to fully address and neutralize the nuisance that was the rearing, stomping horse. He had accomplished this by misusing the high-tech bangle he had at his disposal to lasso and choke the life out of Bullseye!

Buzz saw red at the sight of the alien attempting to tortuously murder Bullseye. Seething, Buzz jumped off the platform to the horse's aid! This alien had the audacity to try to kill one of Buzz's friends?! Not only that, but to do so right under Buzz's nose?! Also while disrespecting this planet's code of honor, which Buzz himself had recently adopted, the "Code of the West"?! Buzz thought it a fair judgment that the "Code of the West" would find harming another man's horse just a damnable as illicitly riding another man's horse. However, Buzz did not need that to give himself permission to take this alien down hard!

If the pile of crimes against this alien's disrespect for the "Code of the West" could get any worse, as Buzz drew nearer to the alien, the space ranger realized that the monster was wearing Woody's cowboy hat! There was no way that Woody would have parted with such a dear and essential article of clothing as a hat in this sort of climate, therefore, it must have been stolen! That made the alien not only a would-be killer, but also a murderous thief! It was good thing Buzz and not Woody to have seen this offensive scene. Buzz would not have been certain if Woody would not have pummeled the alien slime within an inch of his life or worse! The alien hat-thief had accosted, offended and threatened everyone and everything Woody held dear and hurting Bullseye would have been the final straw for Woody.

Buzz was by Bullseye's side in couple of powerful leaps and with the added strength of Buzz's spacesuit suited arm, the space ranger gave the alien brute a devastating blow to the jaw! The alien near spun like a top and saw stars in a way that had nothing to do with space before he was rendered completely unconscious! Even Bullseye could not help but cringe with sympathy pain at the amazing punch he had just witnessed. Buzz's chest would have puffed out in pride when the alien scum appropriately landed facedown in the dirt, but had not had time for that. He was already using his wrist communicator's computer to overload and deactivate Bullseye's tight bangle. With all the care of a battlefield nurse, Buzz was kindly rubbing wherever he could reach around Bullseye's neck to encourage the return of blood circulation.

"You okay, Bullseye?" asked Buzz gently. Bullseye desponded in the only way that a doggish horse could and licked Buzz's face in thanks. Thankfully, Buzz's helmet was still properly shut and it allowed him to appreciate the loving gesture without his actual face being covered with horse slobber. Buzz wiped the smeared front of his helmet clean and replied,

"I'm glad to see you are unharmed." His four-legged friend was indeed fine, and now that his headgear was clear of slobber, Buzz recovered Woody's hat from the ground. Buzz dusted off the hat with a smile and then gestured with his free hand back towards the platform, Woody, Bo Peep, the stomping dinosaur and of course, the genius behind all this pandemonium, Bazooka Jane.

"Now, how about we regroup with the rest of the team and end this?" suggested Buzz. Bullseye was so eager to comply, he ignored any lingering pain he was suffering and sprung into action. With lightning fast movement, Bullseye lowered his head and neck under and pass Buzz's knees. The horse then used his head and neck to hoist and slide a rather surprised Buzz backwards onto his back. A much more skilled rider now, Buzz spun around and righted himself on the horse's back and they rode back the couple hundred yards from where Buzz came.

As Buzz had predicted, Porkchop, being the coward that he was, had dematerialized the moment he felt that the enemy had gotten a bit of a drop on him. So what if the pig was armed to the teeth and his newly freed prisoners were anything but? Porkchop never risked fighting an enemy directly. Especially not if there was a chance to retreat back to safer and higher ground and get the drop on his enemy in kind. Woody and Bo Peep felt cheated when Porkchop dematerialized and literally slipped through Woody's fingers, but they had little time to dwell on it. Porkchop's lackeys who were left behind were closing in on them! Well, the one who had been left behind, somehow the teleporting sequence had missed One-Eyed Betty!

"Men. They're always leaving me behind." shrugged Betty with an irritated laugh, "Oh well, it's not like I need help taking out a stick figure and a not-so-pretty-in-pink pub princess. Really, honey. Black and purple are so not your colors either." finished Betty, gesturing with her laser gun at Bo Peep's improvised and now disheveled Texas Ranger Nesbit costume.

"Nonsense, I've heard it on good authority that I would look good in even a **potato sack**, forget about colors." said Bo Peep with a wink towards Woody. Woody blushed, but knew Bo Peep well enough that she would not just start flirting with him and discussing fashion in the middle of a situation as dire as this. She was signaling to him to do something. But what?! As Bo Peep kept pacing slowly about while sarcastically discussing color coordination with One-Eyed Betty, Woody quickly, but casually looked around for what he was meant to do. Woody only hoped Betty liked to play with her toys a long time before she broke them. It seemed as if he would need every second he could get! Minutes were ticking by and he could not see what his part was meant to be in Bo Peep's plan.

Near his wit's end, Woody finally thought he figured it out! It was a bit too far away from him to be the logical answer, but Woody was grasping at straws now. Off on the other side of the platform were metallic containers bundled together with cargo netting. Maybe he was meant to capture the spud-woman using the netting? Again, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible, Woody began to slowly inch towards the containers. However, it was difficult to act casual without his usual personal effects, mainly his hat, to keep his hands busy. If Woody had had his hat to adjust, he could have felt more at ease and capable of ambling carelessly and unnoticed up and down a platform.

Even if circumstances had been in Woody's favor, Betty was not so easily tricked. After all, she was a seasoned trickster. In fact, Betty had started this whole pointless conversation with Bo Peep because she was hoping for Woody or Bo Peep to try to outsmart her. It made the job so much more fun when her victims thought they might stand a fighting chance. Hopelessness in a victim was fine and dandy for Porkchop's style, but not for One-Eyed Betty.

Betty saw the plucky sheriff trying to move towards something out of the corner of her good eye and turned her weapon on him to shoot Woody and the remnants of his hopes down! It was a clear shot and the chances of missing, even with her lack of depth perception, were about as slim as Woody. However, Betty never got the chance to fire even one shot! For the half of a moment that Betty turned her gun and attention away, Bo Peep moved into position. Apparently that was what she wanted all along from Woody, a distraction. Powered by adrenaline, Bo Peep dived down and dislodged a slender pipe from a pipeline wedged between the grating of the platform floor! Cold air hissed from the disrupted pipeline causing Betty to turn back around towards Bo Peep! She realized now too late that Woody had been the diversion and not the other way around! With one swift movement of the pipe, Bo Peep struck Betty's shooting hand! Blunt force and pain immediately caused the potato-woman to drop her laser gun and the gun skidded across the metal floor! One-Eyed Betty effectively disarmed, Bo Peep sucker punched Betty in the face and the femme potato went down with a loud thud.

"In a potato sack, or just when I make 'em fall like a sack of potatoes, I look good." beamed Bo Peep at Woody as she rubbed her sore punching fist with satisfaction. When staring into Bo Peep's unbelievable eyes, Woody could not argue. Once again regaining his senses after losing them to Bo Peep, he smiled and said,

"Miss Peep, you never cease to amaze me and please never let up." Woody then retrieved One-Eyed Betty's discarded laser gun. With a feeling of relief, Woody set the gun on stun and used it on the motionless Betty. Thanks to the stun setting, the villainess would be the least of their troubles for about a good hour. One-Eyed Betty was lucky for that. This nifty bit of knowledge about how to change laser gun settings had only come into Woody but a couple of weeks ago and only thanks to the "pub princess" whom Betty detested so much. Bo Peep had acquired the information from an inebriated alien patron at the saloon and had accomplished this at a great cost. She had to endure listening to the multi-legged alien talk on and on about his impressive toenail clippings collection for two hours and forty-six agonizing and retch-inducing minutes! When it was all over, she knew how to operate several alien laser guns. However, for a few days, she could not finish a full meal without feeling extremely nauseous. Needless to say, during those few days before she regained mastery over her stomach, she often considered the benefits of turning a stun gun with its numbing properties on herself!

With One-Eyed Betty now rendered senseless instead of lifeless, Woody went straight to work searching Betty for anything she might have had on her that would be more useful in an alien gunfight than just his bare fists. He had no such luck though and so, ever the hopeless gentleman, Woody motioned to hand over the gun to Bo Peep. Bo Peep twirled her pipe in reply like a baton and brought it down on the head of an alien who was scaling her side of the platform in an attempt to escape Bazooka Jane's robot dinosaur. This gesture made it more than clear that Bo Peep thought she could make more use of the pipe as a weapon than him.

Bo Peep then ran right pass Woody and used the long pipe as a makeshift pole vault of sorts! 'Of sorts', because she appeared to be planting the pole off and below the raised platform and not on the same level she was getting a running start on. Woody could not imagine the purpose of this. It certainly would not make the long drop down any safer. Bo Peep's pipe connected with something, or rather someone, much closer than the ground though. This was indicated by the immediate and loud grunt of pain Woody heard when Bo Peep went over the platform's edge. In spite of the blinding sun, Bo Peep must have spotted some more villains coming towards them and dealt with or rather used them accordingly.

"You coming down to join me, Sheriff?" Bo Peep called back up to him. Woody smiled to himself and dashed over to the edge of the platform. For the rest of that bright morning, he resolved to wonder no further about any of Bo Peep's motives and just follow her lead.

Woody squinted as he peered over the edge of the elevated piggy platform. He did not have a pole to get himself down from the platform in the speedy manner that Bo Peep had, and so he began to spy for the next quickest way. Maybe he could jump on the next outlaw to pass by and break his fall that way. Unfortunately, Bo Peep had landed on and/or had already incapacitated any remaining push-over outlaws in the immediate vicinity. This left no villains at all who were soft or tall enough to break Woody's fall. Woody was about find purchase on the platform's siding, climb down the hard way and tease Bo Peep all the while about her talking the term "getting the drop on 'em" a little too literally… However, then a stray blast from an alien's rather large blaster just barely whizzed by Woody's head! The laser beam continued on pass Woody and connected with one of the large metallic containers that Woody had spotted earlier on the platform! A habit hard to break, Woody grabbed for his non-existent hat on his head and dropped to the metallic floor in anticipation of an explosion. Thankfully, there must not have been anything volatile or flammable in those containers. Woody drew this conclusion based on the fact that the explosion never came and that he and his phantom-hat grabbing-hand were all still in one piece. Woody grumbled again at the loss of his favorite hat, when as if on cue, Buzz came riding in waving up at Woody with the aforementioned, beloved headgear in hand. A grinning Buzz skillfully tossed the hat like a playing card up to the cowboy after declaring,

"What's a cowboy without his hat?"

"Buzz!" Woody called back as he caught his hat in midair. His hat restored, Woody sprung up from the platform floor with a renewed fervor for giving all the space varmints infesting his planet a good thrashing. Buzz dismounted from Bullseye and Woody in turn jumped down onto horse's back. Woody adjusted his hat now that it was safely back where it belonged and said to the space ranger,

"And in answer to your question, 'what's a cowboy without his hat?' Still a cowboy!" Buzz proudly nodded agreement.


	32. Potato chips

**A Space Cowboy in the Desert**

**By 15**

The fan story is not dead, folks! It has been on life-support though… Circumstances and my muse have been at odds with each other for a while. Anyway, to anyone who is still reading this story after all these years, your patience has been rewarded. This is not the final chapter either…

**Chapter 32: Potato chips**

Porkchop and One-Eyed Bart rematerialized back in the observation deck/bridge of his narcissistic spaceship. Porkchop had planned for this retreat if necessary, but he had no real plan to handle what he found in that room when he returned. A signal was going off on his control console and it was very ill-timed.

"Perfect. Another problem I don't need! I only hope we have enough fuel to meet Zurg's expectations on such short notice!" Porkchop grumbled and he pounded in calculations and pushed buttons. Porkchop turned to One-Eyed Bart and squealed some orders. "Bart, get back down there! Organize our defenses and get production back on schedule. If we're not fully functional high time we get Zurg's second signal, we'll have bigger problems on our hands than a giant monster stomping all over us!" Bart could have cared less at the moment, he had other priorities.

"Forget Zurg! My wife is still down there, Porkchop! Beam her up here right now! It's too dangerous if you're planning on lighting this cannon!" exclaimed Bart. This was a bad development. Porkchop needed all the time he could get and the one person who stood a chance to stalling Buzz and the sheriff was emotionally compromised. Porkchop did not despair for long though. He was quick and a master of using people's own emotions against them. He also happened to be watching his surveillance footage at an opportune time to hatch an evil idea.

"Be reasonable, Bart. I have a revolt going on down there. I haven't enough time to recalibrate the teleport to lock in on something other than life signs." The swine uttered very nonchalantly. It only took half a moment for Bart to put two and two together and pick up on what Porkchop was implying. Being an outlaw though, naturally, Bart rebelled against such an unthinkable idea.

"What do you mean 'recalibrate' for something other than 'life signs'? Last I checked, I asked you to teleport my wife!" Bart said indignantly.

"I'm sorry, Bart. I thought you would have assumed too." Porkchop said very innocently.

"Assumed what?" Bart's patience was wearing thin while the panic in his voice was growing thicker. Porkchop brought up an accelerated replay of One-Eyed Betty's platform level encounter with Woody and Bo Peep. Muting the audio and narrating in all the appropriate places, Porkchop showed Bart the scene: Bo Peep knocking down One-Eyed Betty and Sheriff Woody using her own laser gun on her. Bo Peep and Woody continued to move about, coming in and out of view of the platform's camera after the fact... Despite the sped up footage, Betty remained unnaturally still. Porkchop, shut off the monitor.

"I'm terribly sorry, Bart. But… Well, I assumed that, after a primitive life-form points a laser gun and fires at someone, the victim would be dead. I mean, it's not like the sheriff knows how to put that gun he fired at your wife on stun." Porkchop finished in a very sympathetic tone. Porkchop knew that he had the desired effect almost immediately as One-Eyed Bart's stunned expression only lasted a few moments before it turned into a slow burn and then a chilling rage. Bart then spoke very evenly.

"If you'll excuse me, Porkchop… I think some fresh air and calling on the lovely Miss Peep would do me a world of good right now." The outlaw then left the room. Porkchop smiled to himself. He was definitely going to have that distraction he needed now and probably quite a show too.

Woody and Bo Peep quickly relayed to Buzz everything that had happened to them since their separation back in the canyon. This recounting included Woody and her capture, and their brief imprisonment before meeting up with Buzz again. Woody then concluded with Porkchop's evil, bizarre plan involving mining for non-existent gems.

"Care to tell me how Porkchop plans to use that eyesore pig to destroy the entire planet with imaginary stone?" asked Woody, half hoping these mysterious rocks were all in Porkchop's head. He did not doubt that Porkchop, with all his amazing space-technology, could do such an impossible thing as destroy a planet. It is just that Woody could not quite imagine how. His planet had T.N.T, but all the explosives in his world certainly could not have enough power to blow up an entire planet. Buzz however, could imagine how such an atrocity could be accomplished quite well.

"Well, I have a pretty good theory, Woody. You see-"

["I bet that theory has something to do with the load of diamonds I see spilling out of that there canister on the pig platform not a dozen yards away from you?"] Bazooka Jane's staticky voice piped in over Buzz's voice via his own wrist communicator! Buzz startled at this!

"Jane, how are you even talking on this channel? This is a triple bio-encrypted channel. No living thing, not even someone who capable of hi-jacked my spaceship can access it if their DNA is not in the Star Command Space Ranger Database!" Buzz colored at her reply.

["You just jump at every chance you get to tell me how amazing I am, don't you, Space Toy?"] Jane inquired very disinterestedly, yet flirtatiously sweet. Woody and Bo Peep did not understand half of the things that Buzz had just said, but something in the outlaw and space ranger's conversation managed to hit home. It was the first time they had ever heard the tough persona that was Bazooka Jane use such a genuinely pleasant tone, devoid of snarky sarcasm when addressing anyone. This odd, pet-name-laced development, coupled with Buzz's obvious and suddenly budding shyness left Woody and Bo Peep not knowing what to make of it. Was this a one-sided exercise in flirtation on Jane's part? Or had Buzz also been an active participant somewhere during their brief acquaintance to have encouraged it? Stiffening, Woody looked like he wanted to ask a bunch of off topic questions from their current situation regarding Buzz's relationship with his sister. However, Bo Peep nipped that one in the bud. She needed Woody the sheriff right now, not Woody the unnecessarily over-protective, big brother of Jessie. Bo Peep pointed at the small, but impressive in that it was diamonds, trickle of gems spilling down from the side of the platform's ruptured canisters. A quick boost from Buzz's suit helped him up onto the platform to investigate the source of the spill more closely.

"I'm afraid this proves my theory true…" Buzz muttered to himself as he examined the writing on the outside of the nearest canister.

"Yes, why are there so many diamonds being stored here?" Bo Peep called up to Buzz, though her tone suggested she more hoping to have her own theory contradicted rather than confirmed the same as his.

"It's labeled 'Fuel'!" Buzz oathed. "Raw diamonds labeled as fuel! Porkchop is using a crude method of crystallic fusion to power his heinous part in the battle that brought me here."

"Like using whale oil in a kerosene lamp?" Hazarded Woody, catching on quickly.  
>"I'm not sure what a whale or kerosene is, but probably, yes. Using raw diamond… It's old, messy, wasteful, time consuming and extremely dangerous, but you get the same results. Inefficient to a fault, but the appeal of it is no one at Star Command would ever suspect. Through in a strategically placed planet, resources and a steady supply of free labor and Zurg force will be knocking at your door.<p>

"There it is again, space folk saying this planet is 'well-placed' and to the benefit of its own destruction. What do you mean by that?" asked Woody, starting to get frustrated about this one last piece of the puzzle that he seemed to be missing. Even Porkchop, in all his audacity, had not spelt out that part of his nefarious plan to Bo Peep and him.

"Zurg has a laser cannon, galaxies away with unimaginable power. It doesn't matter what level of technology your planet has, to wield a cannon of that sort of firepower, there's going to be recoil and you are going to need a charge. Gravity stabilizers and power cells can only go so far. You'd need a mount to steady the blast and additional fuel supply to operate it. That's where this planet comes in. It's a crude battery and a cannon mount all in one spot. And all conveniently inline with a wormhole that can be utilized to transport fuel and steady the receiving end on the other side.

"Like a rifle barrel stretching across the universe…" remarked Bo Peep in dismay.

"Yep." commented Jane over Buzz's communicator as she somehow brilliantly engaged in the art of conversation while picking off enemies. "Basically that metal pig's frontend is the rifle barrel and the platform and pig's backend, if you'll pardon my choice of words, the butt."

"And that makes the whole planet, one big, giant shoulder!" Woody cried in horror as he looked back up at the platform!

"Explains away all the recent earthquakes in this part of the world." said Bazooka Jane, as if it were obvious and then concluded. "Those were just warm ups for the final, less space-toy-interfering act, which is precisely the reason why I got to take that metal pig's snout out." Buzz was then filled with a feeling of forebode. When Jane spoke of her plan to "take out" that weapon, he knew it was too much to hope that she had meant "to dinner and a movie". Buzz was about to demand that Jane expound how she, presumably alone given her speech, would accomplish this. However, he was distracted when Woody zipped by his periphery and hefted himself back up onto the platform.

"Woody! Didn't you just conclude that that platform was the contact point on the shoulder of the universe's largest gun's butt?" Buzz shouted after Woody, concerned.

"Exactly. That's why Porkchop brought Bo and me there in the first place! That pig meant to crush us under the metal effigy of his rear-end! And we just left One-Eyed Betty up there! She may be an outlaw, but I'm the sheriff and no one's gonna be squashed like a bug on my watch!"

"Neither will it happen on mine!" chimed in Buzz as he scaled the platform to aid Woody. And boy, did Woody ever need it. Alone, given the spud woman's massive bulk, the job was near impossible. Together however, with quite impressive dexterity and speed, they brought Betty's unconscious body to the edge of the platform. Woody then whistled for Bullseye to come. The horse bounded over and Woody and Buzz dropped Betty on the back of the faithful steed with exceedingly more care than any rotten sack of potatoes deserved. Bullseye gave out a labored grunt from the sudden weight, but he has both hauled Woody and the unconscious carcass of Buzz Lightyear across a desert. It was nothing that the horse could not handle.

"With her helpless like this, she going to have to go where we go. I'm sorry for the added burden, Bullseye… But at least now it's only her deadweight slowing you down and not her laser gun." Woody apologized.

There was a great deal of noise going on in the area. That is to be expected in the middle of a battle full of outlaws, lasers and rampaging dinosaur robots. It is a fact. Sound gets muffled or lost in the barrage of explosions pounding on eardrums. This fact and timing did not play in Buzz and his associates favor. For at that very moment of Woody speaking of "deadweight", One-Eyed Bart dropped in. He had just made it down and out of the final hatch he was reduced to squeezing through… No thanks to Porkchop and his unwillingness to teleport him to or One-Eyed Betty from ground level. Bart was standing right behind Woody and Buzz on the platform, armed to the teeth. Far worse than that, he had just received confirmation with his own ears, from Woody's own lips that his wife was indeed "dead"!


End file.
